Wait until you know

I didn’t really think too much of it, this wave of energy I suddenly have for getting things sorted, clearing out, catching up and re-organising, until someone mentioned that this new moon is in the sign of virgo, which is all about being, well, organised!

But there’s more going on with this moon then just organising or maybe it’s all related, as we head towards the new school term and all that this brings. This seasonal shift is one of huge change, a big letting go into the flow of the darkness and trusting that this takes us where we need to next be.

On a practical level, the new term does involve some effort, at least for those of us kitting out and preparing children. But it’s more than that, there’s an emotional upheaval too. On the one hand many will be desperate for the new term to begin so they can have some quieter times without the frenzy of children, and for others, there will be a sadness about seeing less of their children, let alone the panic about the new timetable and all that this brings in terms of juggling and organising school drops offs/pick ups, lunches, activities, home work and everything else that needs to be remembered and achieved.

Dichotomy is the word that keeps coming up for me, mainly as I am going to be putting one son into the school system while another stays at home with me. So on the one hand everything changes again because we’re back into the rather testing school routine of having to be somewhere at a particular time and having to toe a certain line, and on the other, I can continue anon meeting with other home school friends and their children for our alternative and unconventional way of being and learning.

I know that others are feeling the same. Maybe not about education, but generally about being pulled in two opposing directions, the material and the need for money and security and cash to pay the bills, and the heart, which speaks in an entirely different language to mainstream and conventional living. For many, therefore, it is a confusing time and things are up in the air - which is interesting, as autumn ushers in more Vata, the elements of air and ether, drying us out and causing more airiness and airheadedness too, you have been warned!

In many respects I can’t help thinking that life is even more confusing now then it was during the pandemic itself. The pandemic shook things up and forced us to live differently and whether we liked it or not, accepted it or not, it did change things on a very fundamental level and only now are some people feeling the effects of that. Many have tried to carry on life as it was, but after the initial joy of freedom of travel, they’re left knowing that there’s more to life than work and holidays and that there was something they tasted during the pandemic that has made them question things and the way they see life whether they wanted to or not.

I guess what I mean by that is that people woke up. They might have already been awake, but they woke up more and the wake up is around systems and institutions and the various and many ways we have been taught to see the world and view our leaders and politicians and live according to their decision making. Many are questioning the state of the world and their place in it. Many are realising that as far as we know it, we only have one life in this lifetime and maybe there’s a way to live it that is different to how we might once have considered it.

That there is this voice within us, that catches our attention from time to time. A voice that has been getting slowly louder over the last few years. A voice that speaks of another way, perhaps a more gentle, sustainable and community based way that speaks of love and change, or one that speaks of simplicity and peace. A voice that questions things which were never questioned previously. A voice that is wondering what kind of life we’re creating for the next generation. A voice that questions whether it truly is sustainable for the human specie to live at such a pace with all the noise and expectation, to say nothing of all the information buzzing around our energy field day and night, day and night.

In my work, the same energetic pattern keeps presenting itself over and over again. A crown chakra craving more attention, wanting to open to deeper spirit and faith, and a root desperate for change, to re-root in a different way, to tread a different path. And in between all this a solar plexus that is struggling to digest all of what has happened and move beyond the fear of what might happen if the third eye and heart are to be believed with all their knowing and longing and dreaming, and a sacral chakra that whispers of the divine feminine and passion and pleasure and creating a life that is truly worth living, of being able to say, “I love my life and I am genuinely and eternally grateful for it, thank you”.

And this is a life that is not dependant on external validation, that is not about how much money is being earned or the title that accompanies that earning potential. Because let’s face it, at some point that drops away and what then? I was talking to a client about this earlier, about the 2 years it took me to unravel my life and identity post-finance career and accept the changes that this brought with it, to find a truer version of me beyond the external feedback of worth I had been receiving based on a job title and place within an organisational hierarchy, without the regular pay check that gave me a false sense of security and without the ‘conventional’ identity that fed my need at that time to care more about what others thought of me than I cared about myself and being true.

The trouble is we all care too much at times, about what other people think about us and our compliance with what is expected of us; we’ve been trained from a young age, makes it tricky to make changes, at least make them without feeling guilty about it, vulnerable, self-conscious, or self-critical. We hold ourselves up to our conditioning, we hear the voice in our head, the voice of our mum, or our dad, maybe both, of our teachers, of our care takers, of those who have influenced the way we think and see the world. We are limited and controlled by these voices that are not our own.

It takes work to hear beyond these voices and access our own intuition…and believe…and trust…in it. Then it takes courage to act on it, a lot of courage and standing in our power, staying true, not losing our centre, and being strong enough to stay there too, not to waver and go back and suffer on and on and on, wondering how it might have been different if only we could just let go of those voices in our mind that control us day in and day out, the mind has a lot to answer for, our mind, our collective minds, creating a world that keeps us limited and controlled. We have to wake up and stay awake. We have to be bold enough to do it differently, to do it OUR way.

Sometimes though we just don’t know. We know changes are required, we know that a new way needs to be forged, but we don’t know enough yet to make a decision that might truly change things. We play around with ideas, some more radical than others, but its all a confusion in our mind. We just can’t make a decision, nothing is clear yet. My advice then, is to just keep on keeping on. Until you know, you don’t know and best to wait until it’s clear. It does become clear, it just takes time sometimes to filter through the craziness of our minds.

I share in my new book, From Darkness Comes Light, which should be published in the next few weeks, about making a pivotal decision in my life, when I was approaching 30 and changes needed to be made because I wanted to write and get out of the finance industry, and of playing around with ideas of returning to university to study magazine journalism, and how when it came down to it, and I sat on my friend, Vicki’s, sofa watching her paint her living room walls, she heard me say how all I wanted to do was travel, practice yoga and write about it, and hey presto there it was, just I didn’t hear it, as I didn’t think it was an option, for various reasons, which you can read about in the book itself, but alas that is what I ended up doing.

And here I am, 18 years later, reminded of this, because it hasn’t really changed, not really, just i hasn’t been possible the last eight years with a younger family, but that urge is still there and it is coming back again now the boys are a little older, and still the obstacles in my mind appear, but I have learned now to trust that if the heart has a sense of what is needed, and I can surrender to that and trust in it, then the universe will create the necessary opportunity. We live in a universe that knows only love, we ask, it gives, we just need to be aware what it is we are asking for…and whether it is truly in the interests of all levels of our being.

Reiki helps enormously to find our way through the confusion and I am eternally grateful to Reiki for this very reason, I don’t like to think where my life would be now without Reiki in it, still smoking and drinking my ay into oblivion each night with the pain of living a life out of alignment, or dead for that very reason. It was my closeness to death that initiated all of this, all that has come since that fateful night back then, all of which you can read about in my new book soon;-)

This isn’t a plug for my book, or for Reiki, albeit I am super keen that every person on this planet has the opportunity to be attuned to Reiki because it really positively changes things and we are going to make that easier in September by reducing the cost of our online Reiki Level One learning (please note those of you on Guernsey can come and see me in person for the actual attunement, or you can do by distance too, especially if you are off island, distance is no limitation in Reiki!), this is to reassure those of you feeling this moon energy and going through some changes that it will become clearer in time.

Often the confusion is part of the process as it asks us to dig deeper, do things we might not do, get a Reiki treatment, look at our diet, try some yoga, take an art class, swim in the sea, anything with might just shift our awareness even just a little bit, because sometimes that shift in awareness, and a clearing out of the old, is all that is needed. And this is a time for letting go, and of establishing new routines and timetables, look at nature, it’s letting go into a new season, leaves falling, colours changing, such beauty in its ability to surrender all that’s been.

So embrace it all, get quiet and still and let it all go and wait and wait some more until you know, and when you know, go for it, make the decision and commit to it.

Happy new moon - enjoy today’s dark moon!

Love Emma x