Dartmoor and being tested!

Don’t panic! It’s in the air. Well in the cosmos really. The fact we were able to see the Northern Lights from Guernsey in May says it all really - something’s going on up there!

Plus we're now feeling the fall out from the first of 2024’s eclipse season, which took place between 24/25 March and 8 April. It’s a big one. We have the second and final eclipse season 17/18 September and 2 October, with the equinox sandwiched between them, when I shall hopefully find myself in Orkney if plans go as planned!

Because certainly life has not been following its plan this last week and I know that I am not alone in being triggered by this crazy energy, forcing us to look at our fears, especially around our children, and limited beliefs, including misguided (mother’s) guilt and taking on too much responsibility for others, and essentially looking at our patterns around control - the way we try to control and our concerns about being controlled.

I got stuck on Dartmoor for an additional two days - there are obviously far worse places to get stuck and actually the delay, because of Condor changing and then cancelling it’s Poole route back to Guernsey on numerous occasions ended up providing an opportunity for a night in Glastonbury, but that aside, with all flights to the island also fully booked for the same two days from all locations, it did send me into a bit of a spin and highlight my fear around being separated from my children, let alone the guilt of being on a jolly and others having to pick up the slack back home.

But what really got me was the way I have a tendency to personalise things, as if I had created the whole situation - and you could argue that on some level I had created it - but more so that I felt responsible for Condor and Aurigny’s poor show, as if I should have known better and never booked in the first place - I questioned my decisions made and whether they were intuitive as I had hoped, or just poor thinking. I really struggled to go with the flow, more so because there was nothing I could do about it and essentially i felt completely out of control and with that very emotional.

Now I can laugh about it, now I can see my patterns very clearly, so really it was a very wonderful gift and maybe those of you also feeling like you are being pushed through the eye of a needle, will feel the same soon, when you have popped through the other side.

Dartmoor was of course incredible, as a lover of neolithic stones I was in neolithic stone heaven! The stone rows are fascinating and I just LOVE stone circles of which there are many. We were lucky with the weather too, stunning in fact, making it super easy to walk on the moors and to take in the views. Down Tor was my favourite, mainly because I was experiencing a complete loss of faith walking out to it, ruminating about the boats and the planes and feeling intense guilt about not being able to see the children and my fear of somehow traumatising them.

This because we have a tendency to project our fears - as a child I hated being separated from my parents and didn’t like it when they went away, which they had to do from time to time for work and study, and because of this I have always felt a little uncomfortable leaving my own children, concerned that they too will feel similarly. But of course this is my stuff, not theirs; they were perfectly fine being looked after and wonderfully entertaining by Ewan and my parents, but the mind is a funny thing and the only person traumatised was me and this was entirely of my mind’s own making!

So I have seen that clearly now. Of course my children will end up traumatised from something, as we all are at some point in our life - incarnation is traumatic in itself, let alone all the various things that happen to us, school for many is a huge trauma, let alone bullying and the pressure to obtain certain grades, and the transition to the world of work, let alone all the various medical procedures that are normalised but can create trauma, to say nothing of the trauma of relationship breakdowns and the loss of those we love.

Life is therefore full of traumas large and small, but the issue arises when we leave them unresolved so that they get triggered and continue to create our suffering in this moment - the mind is a tricky thing and unless it has made peace with what has happened to us and the body has also released it, then it will continue to play out time and time again - these are known as our patterns, our groves, our well trodden pathways, our Samskaras, which do literally leave us suffering.

The universe has been doing a good job of highlighting these traumas this last week, so that we have the opportunity to see them and set our mind and indeed body free of them. So while it was desperately uncomfortable and caused a significant loss of faith initially, it was actually gifting us a wonderful opportunity to become more aware and set ourselves free, allowing a healing and a certain freedom and a deepening into faith, trust and love, if we managed not to get lost in the process - new beginnings really.

It was at Down Tor that I had to dig deep. I was so angry when I arrived, angry at the universe and angry at myself for thinking that I should have known better - anger comes up when our expectations are not met and we feel out of control - but of course I didn’t, and I wasn’t yet ready to accept the bigger picture, that there is more to what is unfolding than just our way of seeing it, that there is always a bigger plan and we have to trust in that, and that we can only take responsibility for ourselves ultimately. 

Walking back to the car, I was washed out, resigned, Down Tor had helped to take the edge off and I had at least reclaimed my faith but I was still struggling to accept my reality. I was fascinated by the Dartmoor ponies on our path and I realised that horses represent freedom and with that I started to open to the possibility that this was indeed all part of a deeper process. A little farther along the path we came across a tiny frog, very strange, and my friend reminded me that frogs are all about being cleaned out. I knew then that the universe really was conspiring.

Our next stop found us at a dolmen of sorts above Yelverton and it was here that I managed to break through the angst of the mind to see the situation more clearly, helped by another chance encounter with another frog - ah ha, definitely cleaning out then!

I realised that all we can really do is pray for the best outcome for all concerned, for all higher interests to be met and to forgive ourselves for any perceived wrong doings. So that is what I did, helping to let go of the situation and essentially hand it over to the higher power to sort - after all, as much as my mind was trying, it is really very limited and our higher self knows best.

Back at our accommodation beside the River Dart, I lay naked in the river and allowed the cool water to wash over me, reminding me that our best option is literally to go with the flow of it. There is always another plan, always the universe had the upper hand, always our tiny little ego with all its concerns is really rather irrelevant in the grand scheme of life on planet earth.

And really, when we can elevate the perspective, we can see so clearly how much energy is wasted trying to micro manage and make things so, to feel as if we have some control, so that the mind can be appeased, so the sooner we let this go, the easier for everyone! But living on trust and faith alone, with an open heart too, is tricky, and so we will be tested over and over and over again.

Dartmoor also highlighted to me my utter insignificance on one level, in the face of so much space and wildness and yet it also highlighted how much I am a part of it all. It helped me to realise that my only purpose, just like the flowers and the trees and the birds which filled my days with such joy, let alone the stones, is just to be, “I am”, that is enough. “We are”. It’s very simple really. But releasing the mind from it’s need to be something more than that is where the work is, to “just be” and accept our place in this most wonderful cosmos is not easy, but necessary.

I was grateful for the opportunity to visit Glastonbury as it has been on my mind recently, I always feel a sense of home coming and it was a very soothing balm, helping to ease the last strands of my inner angst. Of course being surrounded by all those crystals and trying out all the crystals singing bowls was a tonic too and I have a new one on its way to share with those of you coming for treatments and at class soon. So always there is a bigger picture - always there is a reason, always there is more love.

I finally got to walk the labyrinth here too, it was created in 1702 and while I had heard of its existence, I had never managed to actually find or indeed walk it. Glastonbury is like that though, it always offers something new on each visit.

Back here on Guernsey I am aware that many of you have been asked to dig deep, and I am conscious that the universe is supporting this healing. I am off to Findhorn this Wednesday, flights depending, to visit my teacher and to immerse myself in yoga, so no doubt the universe will find a way to test whether I really have learned the lessons from its recent test. We’ve a full moon on Thursday too…

So enjoy the wax and do reach out if you need to work through something, I have been really enjoying going deeper with so many of you this year, it has been an honour and a privilege.

Love Emma x