Be the change you'd like to see in the world

The moon has been up to her tricks again. With the rare second full moon in Libra last week, a major rebalancing has been taking place, which has been building for months now. 

Change has been in the air and after Friday’s full moon, a couple of my friends remarked on how they were finally feeling more like themselves again. I can relate to this. 

It’s like the balance has been reset, the pendulum has stopped its swinging and has found its new balance, having had its foundation shaken by the the shifting energy of the eclipses, ushering in change. 

 The idea of ‘being the change you’d like to see in the world’, that Gandhi is quoted as saying (although there is some question as to whether he actually said this) is something that I have been working with for 9 months or so now and this certainly been supported by the moon energy. 

It became clear to me back then, that the way I was living my life was not sustainable, nor bringing me the peace of mind and joy that I sought. This is not to say that there was anything massively wrong with my life per se, I am grateful because I have a very blessed life. But nonetheless I was aware that there were imbalances and that these imbalances were affecting my health and wellbeing and having a knock on effect on the family.

In short, I was stressed. It seems ironic to think that a yoga teacher can be stressed, but I wasn’t just a yoga teacher at that time. I was also working as a part-time company secretary for a wealth management company in the Guernsey offshore finance industry, on a self-employed basis. I had also just started my Ayurvedic and Sanskrit studies and I was in the process of publishing my book, Namaste.

Furthermore, I had a sense that my own stresses were just a reflections of the stresses in the bigger world out there – after all, we are a microcosm of the macrocosm, so what is happening outside of us will be happening within each of us in some way. The world had become a stressful place in which to live! 

But how to ease the stress? How to make the changes?

Well it has to start with us doesn’t it. We can’t just look to others to make the changes to society, or to make the changes within us, we have to take responsibility for making those changes ourselves.

This is the tricky bit. After all, for me, it had taken 43 years to cultivate my life to that point, with all those ingrained habits and conditioning. Sure, I’ve spent a good few years trying to unravel some of this, but in the process I have no doubt I’ve laid down new pathways, new behaviour patterns and thought processes that were no longer serving me either - us yoga teachers are human too, more fool anyone who puts us up on a pedestal!

It was probably visiting the Isle of Lewis in the Outer Hebrides that was the tipping point for me. I was a little bit stressed before going, making sure that I was on top of the finance job and the studying, and all the other balls that I was juggling at the time. There were far too many when I think back, but sometimes we don’t recognise when we’ve taken on too much until it’s too late. 

We arrived at our cottage out on the Uig peninsular far away from civilisation (or so it felt), to find that Wi-Fi was intermittent and offered poor connection. Initially irritating, this turned out to be a blessing because it gave me the chance to truly switch off and retreat from the rest of the world. I couldn’t answer work emails, check Facebook or do any of the online studying as I had intended - I felt liberated, as if I could breathe more fully again. 

 It was then that I recognised how much my phone and the internet were the cause of much of my underlying stress – I could never switch off. 

But it was more than that. I started to question the need for all the working, this being an ingrained behaviour pattern all of its own. What was my motivation? Why did I always have to be achieving? And to what gain?

These were awkward questions to answer. I had to stop lying to myself and making excuses for maintaining the status quo. I needed to be honest if I ever stood a chance of making the changes I knew needed to be made.

The pace of life on Lewis was much slower than in Guernsey, and we could go a whole day with only seeing a handful of people, which I relished. I am a loner at heart and thrive on anonymity, peace and solitude, and with Elijah now at school, the school run is a stressor in itself! The landscape in the Outer Hebrides is raw and wild and my soul was nourished by the visit. 

Returning home, I couldn’t let go of the idea of returning, and there followed days of checking and pricing flights and accommodation. However, the Isle of Lewis is not the easiest place to access and the air travel costs a small fortune. Could we really justify a return trip, and would it live up to our first experience?

It then crossed my mind, that it wasn’t necessarily the Isle of Lewis that I most craved, although it is a truly beautiful place, but it was the lifestyle that we had enjoyed while we were there and the quality family time without me being distracted by my phone. Which made me reflect on how I was living and what was wrong with this to cause me to want to be somewhere else in the first place. 

It’s so easy to just accept that this is how we are and this is our life, forgetting that we have a choice in how we live, and that how we live, or might want to live, changes over time. It is easy to get stuck. Why had my life become the way it has become, filled with rushing and doing and achieving? Was it about parental expectation (no), or the expectation I had put on myself (maybe), or was it because this has just become the way (partly)?

These are also difficult questions to answer because we are so caught up in the busyness of our lives that we can’t always see what motivates us to live the way that we do. But I can guarantee that there will be other people in our lives who are our our mirrors, reflecting back to us that which we most need to look at it in ourselves. I was aware of this, and I began to notice other friends in a similar situation to me and I noticed the manner in which their work had become of a priority to them than spending time with their children, and the manner in which they tried to justified this. 

This bothered me. Not that they made that choice to constantly work – that is theirs to make. But that I too was always putting work before my children and that my life was frenetic as a result. The irony was, that I had spent so many years desperately wanting children and had gone through so much heartache (see my book Dancing with the Moon) to conceive and birth them and yet here I was, always working.

It wasn’t that it was even conscious. That’s the bit that threw me the most and sent me into a bit of a spin. Why was I working so much? What was my motivation? Why was I doing 3 different jobs? Was it for financial security (partly)? Was it for the love of it (yes to yoga and Reiki, no to finance), Was it to help others (yes for yoga and Reiki, no to finance), or was it just because that is what I’d always done (yes!)?

I realised that I hadn’t consciously chosen to be away from my children, I mean yes, they can be hard work all in themselves, but I really do enjoy my time with them, it was more so that I have always had a very strong work ethic and have always felt guilty not working. 

I started to pay more attention to how my ‘work’ was making me feel. 

I noticed that while teaching yoga and Reiki invigorated me, I felt heavy hearted cycling into the office to do the finance job each day and that I would frequently sigh with the sheer frustration of it. Why was I doing a job that was not making me feel joyous and that was taking me away from my children? There were many reasons – on some level I was emotionally attached having helped to set up the company, and there was the security it provided, it was my safety net.

But I quickly recognised that it had to go. I needed to make the change. I was lucky in many respects because this was only a part-time and very flexible job, and I was already teaching yoga and Reiki part-time too, so the transition was not perhaps as challenging as it might otherwise have been.

But nonetheless, there was a leap of faith involved in the process. While the heart may well guide us and make the path ahead clear, the mind and the ego like some assurance and certainty that all will be well. The mind likes to analyse and evaluate, running through various scenarios, considering the ‘what if’s’ and all the while the ego is trying to maintain the status quo, fearful of change and anything that might compromise its false sense of control.  

Even once the decision has been made, there is always that period of second questioning, of ‘the grass is always greener’ and the ‘well maybe it wasn’t so bad after all’ thinking. But that’s just fear and half the battle in making the change, is overcoming this.  

Needless to say leaving the finance world was liberating and it ushered in the potential for a new way of being. But I noticed that habits and tendencies die hard and still my stress levels needed reducing to restore my overall sense of wellbeing.

 Stress is a tricky one, it becomes such a part of us, that we don’t even realise that there can be any other way. I lost count of the number of times I caught myself saying, “I’m tired”, “I’m stressed”, until I suddenly thought, “oh my goodness, I go on and on about how tired and stressed I am that it has become a self-fulfilling prophesy and I have become so identified with it that it has become who I am, Emma = stressed and tired.

This acknowledgment was the push I needed to truly try to implement further change. I didn’t want to spend my life being stressed and tired and being defined by this. I didn’t want to keep repeating bad habits over and over again.  

I see and hear it frequently. The new year is a good example of this. People want to change. They’ve acknowledged that they drink too much alcohol, they eat too much of the wrong foods, they stay up too late at night, they spend too much time on Facebook and social media, their job stresses them out, they smoke too many cigarettes, they don’t exercise enough, they buy too much stuff they don’t really need, they don’t see as much of their children as they would like to see. 

They try to make changes. They come to yoga hoping that this will solve their problems. And it can, over time. But because the change is not instantaneous, because they don’t suddenly lose their craving for chocolate, alcohol, shopping,(xxx fill in the blank), then they stop coming. Give up. Head in sand. We’ll worry about the changes that need to be made another time. Maybe tomorrow. Or the next day. 

But when does tomorrow or the next day ever arrive? How much of our lives are lived on the thought of the life we might live in the future if only we can finally implement the changes?

My favourite all time quote is, “If you always do what you’ve always done, then you’ll always get, what you always got”.

I knew without doubt that changes had to be made and they had to be made now. There is only now!

But how to make the changes? Ayurveda encourages the ‘little by little approach’ so that you don’t become overwhelmed. This is not to say that BIG changes can’t be made, but sometimes the idea of this can freak us out before we’ve even gotten going.

Ayurveda and my study of it (not forgetting Sanskrit) has helped hugely in ushering in change simply because it is transformative by its very nature. The Scaravelli-inspired approach to yoga came into my life at just the right time, creating changes in my yoga practice – this approach being all about resting into the spine and into the earth and allowing the undoing. Allowing the undoing! What a shift in perspective!  Yoga Nidra, Vedic chanting, Reiki and the ongoing shadow work that I do with Jo de Diepold continues to support the process (I call it CPD for the soul!).

So the truth is, I haven’t really had to do anything to create change. Instead, I have just had to allow the undoing. Of undoing the doing. Of noticing the aspects of my life, and life generally that are stressing me, and slowly letting them go.

For example, I deleted my personal Facebook account because I recognised that going on Facebook was making me feel stressed. I noticed that I was taking photos simply to share on Instagram and I questioned the purpose. Why did I feel the need to share my life with others? What was the motivator? Was it the ego? Was it to be someone? I couldn’t be sure, so out went Instagram. 

Initially it felt odd, but the there was a sense of relief. I had managed to retreat from the world, without having to leave it. I didn’t need to move to the Outer Hebrides to experience this, I just needed to come off social media and reduce the time that I spent on my phone! So simple!

There were other changes; the tightening of boundaries, not saying yes when I meant to say no, not care-taking as I had done previously, not having a glass of wine or two to relieve my stress, going to bed much earlier, being more discerning, shifting my perspective on work, questioning the underlying motivation for whatever it is I’m doing and being aware of whether it is stressing me, and of course prioritising my beautiful children, and E, so that we spend more quality family time out in the raw and wild landscape of Guernsey! Sadly, I can’t do much about the school run, at least not for now!

I know that there’s still some way to go to make the changes that need to be made. I am not perfect and nor do I ever want to give the impression that I am. 

I was putting the washing out at sunrise the other morning and I noticed four planes high in the sky overhead. I thought to myself that this too has to change. Then I read that Greta Thunberg, the Swedish schoolgirl climate activist, has not travelled by plane since 2015. She is being the change that she would like to see in the world and I admire her for this. Maybe planes will be next for me too, I’ve floated the idea past Ewan so let’s see!

The truth is, that since making some of the changes, my stress levels have reduced significantly. Furthermore, time has slowed down a little bit, so that it doesn’t feel as if there is so much rushing going on, life is no longer frenetic. We are the micro of the macro, as we change ourselves so the outer world changes too. 

This is what motivates me to continue to practice and teach yoga. At its core, yoga is about ceasing the fluctuations on the mind so that we may experience peace. The more we can cultivate a peaceful mind-set within ourselves, the more the outer world will be peaceful.  It has to start with us. We have to take responsibility. No one else can do it for us. Maybe it’s not the only way, but it’s a way that seems to works for me and for that I’m very grateful.   

Glastonbury and the Goddess

It almost broke me, but at the same time it re-ignited my passion for womb yoga, and eased the Goddess back into my life, when I attended Uma Dinsmore-Tuli’s yoga workshop on fertility and menstruation in London recently.

It was perhaps a little ridiculous of me to book a day trip to London. The 7am red-eye flight to Gatwick will challenge most people, but when you have a 2-year old who likes to breastfeed during the night, well it was always going to be a little crazy getting up at 5.15am.

The fact we then spent the next 3 hours on the plane sat at Guernsey airport, due to fog in Gatwick, did not help matters. I was very aware of the Reiki principles of “do not anger” and “do not worry”, but this didn’t really ease my frustration. Fortunately, Paula, a sea swimming friend and yoga student, was working on the plane and reminded me that even getting frustrated was a waste of energy. She is right!

I decided that if the pilot had not managed to sort us a slot by 10.30am, I would bail on the whole ridiculous idea of a day trip to north London. There was beautiful sunny weather in Guernsey and I quite liked the idea of a swim in the sea, followed by a lovely and long yoga practice and a Yoga Nidra, with the children already being cared for by my lovely family.  Typically, the Captain got the all clear at 10.30am and that was that, we were soon airborne.

There followed a rush as I traipsed my way up to Angel, via the slow train to London Bridge, making it to the Life Centre, just before lunch. Typical! I felt a bit sorry for myself initially, there’s nothing worse than walking into a workshop extremely late, hot and dishevelled, but the chocolate on offer helped to lift my spirits and Planet Organic is located next door and they sell really yummy food.

The afternoon passed in a blur, with a 15-minute Yoga Nidra, a couple of hip circles and chatter about well, menstruation and fertility! I am sure I must have learned something new, but I have to be honest in saying that what I learned the most, was the fact I already know a lot about menstruation and fertility, having ‘worked’ and embodied elements of both in my own life over the years.

Eating disorders and excessive yoga practising play havoc with the menstrual cycle as I have discovered, cysts on ovaries also has an impact.  So I have been aware of the menstrual cycle for a while now, although I admit that it is wasn’t until a few years ago that I properly started to honour my cycle and notice how it is continuously guiding me. 

Of course I have first-hand experience of fertility issues too, and have written a book about this called Dancing with the Moon. I appreciate that my approach to fertility may not work for every woman, but I do sincerely believe that yoga can make a huge difference, and I wholeheartedly agree with Uma that the one thing that will help women with both fertility and menstrual issues is to practice Yoga Nidra daily. 

It was a long way to travel to recognise what I already know, but it was uplifting and inspiring to spend time with Uma all the same. She is extremely passionate about yoga for women in the form of womb yoga and of the healing and supportive benefits of Yoga Nidra (on which she leads trainings and is currently writing a book). Uma is also inspiring in that she stands truly in her power and is not afraid to speak her truth. 

I agree with much of what she says and know from my own experience that the practices work.  I totally agree with her especially when she says that most women are full of rage when they realise that the menstrual cycle is something to be embraced – this was a first for many of the women in the room, at least from what I could gather from their questioning, and I respected the manner in which Uma held the space for them to explore and begin the process of shifting their perspective on menstruation to something that is positive and to be honoured.

She also tried to raise awareness on the manner in which women don’t always question what they allow into their vaginas, something that played heavily on me during IVF and all the transvaginal ultrasound. She also echoed my own concerns about cervical smears and the benefit, if any, to be derived from these – this is becoming an increasingly talked about topic and I would urge you to do the research, and really check into your body wisdom. 

This really, is what Uma is trying to achieve – empowering women to check into their body wisdom and listen.i had a sense that Uma is juggling a number of balls at the moment, and yet the practices, especially the Yoga Nidra sustain her. She wouldn’t be able to do all she does otherwise. It’s her balance.

The day trip tipped my already tipped balance though! After a few months of juggling a number of balls, my passion for womb yoga and the Goddess may have been reinstilled, but there was a price to pay as exhaustion loomed! Fortunately, we had a family trip to Glastonbury booked for a few days later, and this couldn’t have arrived at a better timing. 

 2019 has been full-on so far.  It was perhaps ambitious of me to learn Ayurveda and Sanskrit this year, what with a young family but I had hoped that by giving up the finance job at Christmas, I may have had more time on my hands. No! My time now is spent dashing backwards and forwards from Elijah’s school. The downside of our unconscious and unintended ‘attachment’ approach to parenting, has resulted in attached children, to the extent that Elijah suffers with separation anxiety and has to come home for lunch each day.

Still, there have been positives to come from this.  I have started teaching yoga to the reception year children at his school, and I get to read to Elijah and some of his class in the library each week. I’m also getting fitter now that we’ve bought the bike trailer, to ease the amount of time spent in the car!

 All of this, however, with the yoga and the Reiki attunements of late as I attempt to do my bit to share my passion for both (and maybe help to make this world a better place to live), has made for a busy start to the year, and one in which I forgot somehow of the Goddess and all that she does to support us lovely ladies especially. So while Uma reminded me, it was our trip to Glastonbury that cemented the Goddess back in my life again – and what a relief!

In Glastonbury, well Baltonsborough to be exact, about 3 miles from the town itself, we were gifted with the opportunity to stay in a beautiful 100-year old house set on a couple of acres and owned by the lovely and welcoming in-laws of Olga, the lady who prepares all the yummy food on my Glastonbury retreats. 

The family were away on holiday so we had the place to ourselves, in exchange for Ewan pruning some of their trees.  There were views of the Tor in the distance, and the most beautiful and abundant birds visiting the bird table each day (we think a woodpecker visited, but neither of us are bird experts!). This place was a tonic for the soul and the boys just loved all the space to play and the outdoor toys and the trampoline.  

This was all enhanced for me, as Ewan being the wonderful partner he is, and appreciating my need for some ‘filling up’ as the cup was half full, looked after the boys on his own for an hour or so each day so I could enjoy all that Glastonbury had to offer. Usually I am teaching and holding space for others when we visit, so it was a treat to be able to truly receive instead (I always receive when in Glastonbury as it is the town that continuously gives, but you know what I mean!).

I fulfilled a dream of finally attending a full moon event at the Goddess Temple in town, and here I was treated to a crystal bowl sound bath with a lovely lady who was visiting town from Chicago.  I just love the sound of crystal singing bowls and I was transported right back to my first sound bath, over ten years ago now, in Byron, where we floated to the sound of these bowls.  I still have the CD somewhere; there’s nothing quite so rejuvenating for the soul.

The next day, I managed to make an evening class (an absolute treat when you have small children) held at the Goddess House and involving an hour of yoga and the harp. Amazing! If there’s anyone on Guernsey who plays the harp and would like to accompany me at a yoga class, then please let me know! It was an exquisite experience and divinely orchestrated as the pregnant lady who taught the class, Rebekah, had also been in London last week training with Uma (how we love a coincidence after Reiki attunements!) so the class was womb-yoga influenced and familiar to me in its approach. 

 Despite all these wonderful sessions, I was still feeling a little out of sorts the next day (a healing crisis from the last Reiki attunement I now realise), and so I booked a last minute appointment for an aromatherapy massage at the Goddess House. Unbeknown to me at the time of booking, the lady, Anna, is also a Reiki Master (you got to love a coincidence) as well as being a Priestess of Avalon. Anna invited the Lady of Avalon into the session, and I have to say this was a noticeable turning point for me.

How had I forgotten the Goddess?

I blame reading too many yogic texts, which I truly respect, but have a feeling are very masculine in energy and approach. Where are the yogic texts for women raising children?!

The energy of the Goddess permeates Glastonbury. She is everywhere. The town is filled with Priestesses and Witches and women trying to find their way. It’s a healing place I have no doubt, because the Lady of Avalon holds you well. The land itself is infused with her energy, you can’t help but drop into that space within yourself.

On our last day, I finally got to visit Shekinah Yoga Retreat Centre (used to be an ashram) where I joined Rebekah for a womb-yoga fuelled class, set to beautiful music and in the lovely yoga space that has been infused with the energy of years of practice and kirtan. I felt truly nourished. I also felt as if I had finally made a yoga connection in the town itself and am keen to return again – there’s kirtan at Shekinah each Friday evening, which I’m keen to one day attend. 

We then took our second pilgrimage up to the top of the Tor, Elijah rebelling against the flow, and finding his own steep way to the top. Back down again at the bottom of the Tor, Ewan and I cooled down with a nude dip in the White Spring.  Being in this dark cavern with candles providing limited light always has a positive effect on both of us. The water feels so clean, as if we are literally washing away negativity and emerging renewed and refreshed again – like coming out of the womb perhaps! Even Elijah has grown to appreciate this space and enjoys collecting the water from the spring, which is far nicer in taste that the iron red water from Chalice Wells across the road.

I left Glastonbury a little heavy hearted the next day simply because I love the energy of this place, the supposed heart chakra of the world, where I have made some really lovely connections. Still, I left knowing that we will be returning again in May for the Glastonbury yoga & wellbeing retreat, and that the energy of the Goddess returns back to Guernsey with me, in my heart (and in my womb), and having rewoven herself – fortunately – back into my life - I am grateful to the moon and the stars for orchestrating this, and for reminding me not to forget again!

If you’re feeling in need of some nourishment then I really encourage you to check out the free Yoga Nidras on my website, but also on www.yoganidranetwork.org, Uma has some wonderful ones on there. Also perhaps try out the practices detailed in Uma’s amazing book Yoni Shakti, which is available on Amazon. You might also book a trip to Glastonbury, you can stay at Shekinah Yoga Retreat Centre, which is just below the Tor, or perhaps join me on one of my Glastonbury Yoga & Wellbeing Retreats at Lower Coxbridge House – I’m biased but this is an incredible spot and the Goddess invites herself along to help hold the space; you can’t help but leave feeling touched by her energy! 

I’ll write more on both menstruation and fertility another time. But if you are experiencing issues with either, then do practice Yoga Nidra as often as you can (there’s one on the website for menstruation and fertility) and start charting your cycle. Make a note of how you feel at each stage and check what is going on with the moon cycle. Also try out the free yoga videos on the website for yoga for menstruation and yoga for fertility and see what happens if you practice these regularly for a whole month. Really get to know your body!

Thank you to Olga and the Parkers and to Ewan and the boys. Thank you also to Anna, Rebekah and the Lady of Avalon. and to the Goddess of the Moon for shining her light on the shadows.

Love Emma x

Letting Go into the Darkness of Winter

I haven’t written a blog post for ages as life has been a bit full, catching up on office work and Ayurvedic study from when we were in the Outer Hebrides (and trying to land back to life here in Guernsey) and then finally publishing my book, Namaste! (You can buy it from Amazon here or Waterstones here).

It’s funny as the book publishing was a bit of an anti-climax having started it 11 years ago and giving up on it a number of times over the years, but always having it in the back of my mind that I really wanted to publish it, because it has been a dream and I like dreams to come true! I’d lived the thought of publishing my book many times in my mind, in my sankalpa repeated during yoga nidra, on healing mandalas, in my journal and in my prayers, so it was almost a relief to let it go, come what may. 

The planetary dancing the last few months has made it feel very full-on for people and I almost sighed of relief when I felt a shift a little while ago. While I don’t know much about it from an astronomical perspective, I can feel it; there’s been a slowing down. It’s more than that though, at least for me. It’s a gentle release into the darkness, into the unknown. A shifting from one way of being to another, and yet not really knowing what that is, but also not needing to know, because there’s a need to trust the process (as the caterpillar trusts in the process to become a butterfly perhaps). 

It’s happening in nature right now anyhow and I have noticed that the more I attempt to acknowledge the turning of the wheel and the changing seasons, let alone the moon cycle, then one can more easily see how our lives are a reflection of that (the micro and the macro). We’re moving further into the darkness as the winter solstice approaches in less than a month, and the trees continue to shed their leaves as all of nature lets go. 

Thus all around us is a closing in, a hibernation, and as a reflection I feel this within me too - a need to be even gentler in my yoga practice, with candlelight and eyes mainly closed, dropping forever inwards, deepening the breath and lying silently on my mat, resting. I’ve also been enjoying nurturing yoga nidra, thanks to Uma Dinsmore-Tuli and the free yoga nidras on the Yoga Nidra Network (thank you Uma!). There are also some yoga nidra audios on our website that we’ve recorded too - you can find them here.

It’s certainly a time of endings and letting things settle before the new beginnings, as Imbolc will approach on 1 February, bringing with it that spark that gives life to the first buds of spring. It can be uncomfortable, the not knowing how the new may enter in, but trust it we must, because forcing it will do us no favours in the long run (trust me, I’ve tried that many times previously).

Of course new year will bring with it the pressure to will it in, to force the new, what with new year’s resolutions (sigh) as many try to force themselves to be someone that they’re not and never will be. And so they’ll berate themselves for a while for not losing weight or stopping drinking or truly making the change that they’ve decided they must make. But actually all they need to do is stop the trying, and just step more fully into who they are to begin with, even if that means still drinking the wine and eating the milk chocolate.  

Perhaps it’s in the authenticity that we find the balance so the bad habits drop away naturally, without the need to force and be unkind to ourselves in the process. Much better if you ask me to begin the new year being even kinder and more loving to ourselves than we may have done previously. Maybe that’s where the true shift really needs to begin – in the positive, rather than the negative. I’ll be teaching a yoga class on new year’s day (click here for details) for this very reason. I’m reminded time and time again that there’s nothing wrong with us really, only in how we perceive ourselves in the first place.

Less is more I’m also reminded, so all I really wanted to say was that I hope you’re all well and navigating this autumnal fall with a smile on your face. It won’t be long until Christmas, and that will distract us enough to get us to the new year and then who knows what that will bring but I’m pretty excited about it, and the retreating between now and then. So enjoy the ambiguity and the letting go and the darkness and the insights this provides. And enjoy my book too, if you can find the time! 

Holding space - the magic that is Ed Sheeran!

I attended Ed Sheeran's concert in Wembley on Thursday evening with my Dad. I wasn't sure it was for me as he's so "main stream" but it was AMAZING! It was also deeply inspiring as I watched and indeed felt him hold space for 85 thousand people.

I sat there, with Dad beside me, contemplating this, and the clouds above, and the energy in that stadium all evening. I'm not sure I was always entirely present to the music, as I felt into the whole experience and thought about what I was learning.

Ed kept going on about joining him in singing however bad your voice, and dancing however self conscious you may feel, and I watched as slowly around me, one by one people started to find their voices and their feet.

When it came to the penultimate song, I looked up to find my Dad on his feet dancing and singing. Then the last song was played and before I knew it, I was also on my feet dancing and singing at the top of my voice.  The whole stadium was dancing and singing and there was an incredible energy of loveliness pervading the space. I couldn't quite believe it!

Ed is very ordinary, totally authentic and very gifted. He naturally held space, him and his guitar, all on his own for a whole two hour set for 85 thousand people.  That's quite some feat.

Holding space is something that fascinates me.  How we can bring people together and something happens energetically, and someone often holds it so that this can happen.

We are all of us connected in a field of energy - us, the trees, the stones, the plants, the cats and the bird. Our every action has a consequence and will affect someone or something somewhere.

When we come together in space, something magical can happen, depending on the energy created.  

When women come together in circle, to talk or to practice yoga then something magical can happen.

When people come together on a yoga retreat to practice yoga, then if that space is held well, magical things can happen.

When a gifted singer takes to Wembley and is himself in front of 85 thousand people, sharing his  talent and gift with the world, then magical things happen.

The heart opens.

Ed Sheeran helped to open hearts. And as each of our hearts opened, so the energy of the art grew stronger in the auditorium and all of a sudden magical things started to happen.  The clouds looked like hearts as if they were awoken too.  People smiled and laughed and were considerate of one another and I felt an overwhelming sense of love for mankind, all will be well in the end.

In that moment it seemed so simple to me, and I thought that really, it is just a question of being real, and sharing whatever it is we have in our hearts to share with the world, because us sharing a bit of our heart will touch the hearts of others, so one by one we each awaken and the whole world becomes an increasing unified field of love, like a force field, spreading out.

Ed Sheeran, I aspire to hold space like you, and I thank you from the bottom of my heart to your heart for the manner in which it touches lives.

With gratitude.

Less is more!

We've just returned from a fabulous family trip to the magical Island of Herm and I have to say that was indeed a wonderful way to begin the year - in nature, retreating and with my favourite people too!

It was a bit of a blessed trip as dolphins swam in the wake of the boat on the way over - I've never seen dolphins in such proximity within their natural environment. Then the next day I went for a swim at Shell Beach and I just had this feeling that something was amiss and not helped by a bird circling over head, so i got out and lo and behold a few minutes later, when I'd finished changing, up popped a huge seal just where I'd been swimming.  It was a curious thing and we spent a good five minutes getting very excited over his/her proximity to us on the beach.

We were the only visitors staying on the Island, which was just perfect.  Us and nature.  It was blustery that's for sure, but it didn't put us off and we walked and walked and managed at least one sea swim a day.

Mum and Dad visited on the Saturday, which was fab, and they brought supplies to keep us going - nothing is open in Herm during January, not even the pub! 

We just loved it, collecting wood and pinecones for the fire, nestling in, doing jigsaws, playing trucks and cars with the boys, practicing yoga with views of Alderney in the distance and sitting in the peace of the cottage, with no sounds - no traffic, no people, no planes, no nothing, just the wind and the natural elements. 

I had some clarity and make a couple of decisions. I always find that Herm has that effect, it grounds energy and enlivens and energises too. I also became very aware that the mantra for this year most definitely has to be "less is more".  It kept coming to me and the signs validated this. Less is more, less is more, less is more, not easy for someone who is always doing too much! 

Still this is certainly my intention fro 2018, and I have a feeling for many others too.  The year of manifestation...seeds coming to fruition...allowing the blossoming...smelling the roses...less is more...just being OK with what is...now there's the challenge!

Anyhow lI am very excited about the March Herm retreat, 018 just gets better and better, not long to go and already the daffodils were starting to poke through...woo hoo, can't wait. Herm is the most amazingly grounded and uplifting and energising place for a retreat and just here on our doorstep, 20 minutes away, hassle free with or without children, we're very lucky living on Guernsey!

Thank you, thank you, thank you!

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