Part 28 - Dancing with the Moon

I started contracting during the facial treatment.  I didn’t realise what it was at the time, I just thought it was some cramping.  The sensation increased during the evening to the point that I found it difficult to sleep.

I was jubilant, I was finally contracting!  I had longed to experience this sensation, ever since it was denied to me with the planned delivery of Elijah three years earlier.  This time around, I had wanted the baby to choose it’s birthing date, and here it was, making that choice.

I loved every moment of that evening; it was one of the most intimate experiences of my life. I shall always treasure the insight it provided, of my breath, of sensation, and of the opportunity to be joyfully present.  Pain brings this gift to us, and here I was able to rejoice with it.

I spent some time on the sofa, dipping in and out of Facebook, aware of the time changing because the new day brought with it new birthdays.  I shall never forget that, because I felt so pleased with myself being one of the first people to congratulate a friend on her birthday.

When I had tired of that and the sensation demanded otherwise, I wrapped myself in a blanket and spent time outside in the darkness of the night with the waning moon and the stars above me.

I squatted on the Earth where Elijah’s tree grows with his placenta nourishing it, and where I’d bled prior to conceiving this new life growing inside me, and felt an incredible oneness with everything. It felt poignant, as if I was stepping into a portal that connected me to the mysteries of this world.

And then the moment came as I always hoped it would, when all I wanted to do was sway my hips and dance.

I danced with the moon shining her light over me as I held my baby within me. Together we danced around the garden and I couldn’t stop smiling because I was on my own and I was having the most amazing time. 

I felt overwhelming love for my baby and for Elijah and E asleep inside, and for the world, and this oneness that goes as quickly as it comes.  I felt truly aligned.

I danced with the moon until I knew it was time to go inside again.

Here I lay in the bath, cleansed by the water, focusing on breath and sensation and on and on it went.

At some point during the early hours I released my mucous plug and while I was aware that if I was in labour I was meant to telephone the ward immediately, I felt that I didn’t need to do that just yet. 

All fear had finally gone and there was this sense that perhaps I could just wing it.  Perhaps I could just stay at home like this and see what happened, see whether I could birth my breech baby all on my own. I still hadn’t given up on that hope. But I was aware that if it was meant to be, it would be, and that the baby would arrive quickly.

However, by 5.30am there was no baby and I began to realise that I had to do something about my situation. E was awake by then and I noticed that the discharge had started to change colour, it wasn’t a clear/pinkish colour anymore, so I knew it was now time to telephone the hospital.

With E awake the sensations felt stronger because I wasn’t able to be in my space with my breath in the same way as I had been on my own.  This was an insight to me, the potential need to be alone during the birthing experience. Not that I had that opportunity because having telephoned the ward they told me to come in immediately.

With Elijah now awake, the three of us stepped out of the house into the darkness of the night, and there up in the sky ahead of us was the waning moon and the sign of a cross in the sky, made from two airline streams.  It felt incredibly auspicious and I knew in my heart of hearts that now was the time, this was a sign, this was really happening.

We dropped Elijah off at E’s Mum and went to the hospital where I discovered that its rather tricky to walk when you’re contracting at the same time!

It’s also rather tricky to lie still and be scanned.  But alas that is what happened and it showed that yes, I was contracting and a decision would soon need to be made about delivery because the specialists didn’t want me going into full blown labour and running the risk of delivering a breech baby.

A swipe was taken to test for an infection and I was allocated a bed on the ward. The specialist felt that one way or another there was a high chance that the baby would be delivered that day.  If the tests showed that I had an infection, then I would need to have the baby delivered that morning.

If I didn’t have an infection there was a chance that now it was light outside the contractions would stop and I would be monitored – the longer the baby was in utero the better for his/her development.

I was still talking about breech delivery because there was still hope.  There was still a chance that the contractions would ease and I would have time.

I was aware that the specialist I had first seen when I was initially pregnant was working the ward that morning and I was adamant that I didn’t want to see him.  He had told me I would be high risk and would likely deliver by Caesarean section and here I was about to do that.

It didn’t seem to matter anymore. By then I’d finished reading the “The Universe has Your Back” and my mantra was ‘love not fear’.  And here I was in hospital very aware that yes, the Universe had my back, and what was meant to be was meant to be.

I had to surrender.

And then came the opportunity.

My lovely female specialist was now on duty and she came to see me with the specialist who we’d seen earlier that morning to tell us that I had an infection.

She took my hand and told me that she knew this wasn’t what I wanted to hear, but there really was no choice now, the baby had to be delivered that morning by Caesarean Section.

I laughed.

I laughed because one way or another I was destined to have a repeat Caesarean Section. The Goddess of the Moon was dancing and now I finally chose to dance with her.

I surrendered.

There was no choice.  There was nothing to fight any longer.  The Universe had my back. Love not fear.

And there it was.  I finally accepted my reality.  There would be no home birth. There would be no spiritual experience in the shower as I attempted to birth my baby all on my own.  There would be none of that.

But what there was, was far more profound in many ways.  Because I was being asked to step beyond the fear and my idea of how things should be, to experience the spiritual in it. This was the lesson that I had needed to learn and this brought with it the spiritual experience and opportunity for growth that I had always dreamt of, just it was presenting itself in a way I had not expected…but that’s the way of the Universe. Our dreams always come true but not as we expect them to, that too is a lesson in surrender and acceptance.

Wild yogini and the moon

I started bleeding this week. It was such a relief.  I’ve had 20 months without bleeding, well not with menstrual bleeding, what with pregnancy and then the post-natal period.

The pregnancy was fine, it’s pregnancy after all and brings with it its own rhythm.  But the post-natal period is a tough one.  I was bleeding for the first six weeks after the birth and then I was so exhausted that it was a relief not to have to factor in the exhaustion that can accompany the menstrual cycle too.

However, by six months I was ready to get back into the menstrual groove again and while I could feel rumblings, I felt a little rudderless, without my menstrual navigational system kicking in.

So I welcomed the blood that appeared two days before the Pisces full moon and I was excited about the timing. That’s not bad is it, to be two days short of the full moon when you haven’t bled for almost two years? I was certainly delighted.

It was a joy to crouch down and bleed directly onto the Earth again in the light of the full moon in all her glory. I was smiling from ear to ear, it was like I’d properly come home again, and then I did a little dance in the garden.

You might ask yourself what E was doing when the menstrual moon shenanigans were taking place? Watching TV of course, he’s a good one that one, knows what’s going on but chooses to overlook the detail!

Not that there was much ignoring it the next morning when I went skinny dipping at Petit Bot. I’m a wild yogini at heart and what better way to truly get wild then to swim at high tide, without clothes, in the early morning light and bleeding too. I felt properly cleansed by the sea and the moon.

It was good too as my vampire boy at ten months has puncture wounded both my nipples with his sharp teeth and relentless night time feeding so the salt water helped with this healing too.

Now if you’re reading this and getting a little bit judgemental then take that as a sign that perhaps you’re meant to be getting into your menstrual moon and naked sea swimming grove too.  Don’t knock it until you’ve tried it.

I wish more women would get up close and personal about their menstrual cycles.  There’s nothing dirty about it.  Quite the opposite.  It’s incredibly empowering and enlightening to track your cycle and embrace your bleeding days with whatever helps to connect you deeper to the earth and your womb wisdom.

I’ve written about it before – have a look here if you would like to read more - http://www.beinspiredby.co.uk/blog/2016/9/19/moon-cycles-and-lady-cycles-welcoming-womb-wisdom

I appreciate also that sometimes the arrival of the blood is not something to be celebrated because it means another month without getting pregnant.  I hear you, I’ve been there myself. But actually if you are struggling to get pregnant, then getting up close and personal with your menstrual cycle should be paramount.  Greet it and meet it, it’ll have a message for you.

So that’s me shared, wearing something red, and chilling out on my yoga mat.  I’m hoping to record a yoga video for menstruation soon, because it really changes how I feel to move my body on my mat (not so much but a little) and I’m keen to share this with others as it really supports me during this period (quite literally!).

I also love to prop myself for a yoga nidra, and raise my legs up on the bed.  I also love to sit and watch my breath and see what arises from my womb space.  It’s insightful I can tell you.

So whether you’re a wild yogini moon lady or not, I hope you’re enjoying the waning moon energy, and get to check in to the energy of your cycle too.

Ditch the New Year's resolutions and get yourself some intentions instead

If I’ve one piece of seasonal advice for you it’s this, don’t bother making any New Year’s resolutions! They’re a waste of time and energy as they just make you feel worse about yourself than you did to begin with. Furthermore, they put negative energy out into the Universe and that’s not a good way to begin the New Year.

The trouble is most New Year’s resolutions centre around giving something up, or making some drastic change in a bid to become happier, skinnier or more at peace with yourself. Further they are often unrealistic and work with willpower alone, thereby setting you up for a big fail when your willpower wavers, as it tends to do.

They also work from the basis that you are not ok just as you are, or that you are lacking in some way and merely serve to highlight your own dissatisfaction with yourself and your life. They simply provide you with yet another stick to beat yourself up with and that’s not really going to help you begin the New Year on a positive note.

Ideally we should all be waking up (in more ways than one) on New Year’s day with the intention of being kinder to ourselves, of loving ourselves that little bit more.  It’s time that we all started to recognise and realise our own magnificence (yes you are magnificent!) and the fact that we are each – yes each one of us, you too – a gift to the world.

Our beating ourselves up and highlighting our inadequacies does nothing to promote a happier and more peaceful state of being, nor does it help to raise the collective consciousness and help make the world a happier and more peaceful place to live. The more we give ourselves a hard time, the more the world appears a darker place to live.

However, if we approach life with a more loving attitude towards ourselves, counting our blessings rather than our inadequacies, then we’ll start to notice how the world loves back at us.  It really is so simple. Loving thyself first and foremost and the rest will take care of itself!

So here’s an idea.  How about undertaking a burning bowl ceremony to let go of all that stuff that prevents you from being your lovely magnificent self. Write it all down – that’s all your negative tendencies and behaviour patterns, all those draining and judgmental people in your life, your depressing and dead end job, all activities which exhaust and disempower you and anything which no longer brings out the best in you.

Whatever it may be, write it all down on a piece of paper under the words, “I (fill in name), let go of the following from my life”. Really tap into how it would feel to let go of all this stuff from your life and commit to it too. Then burn the paper and let it all disappear into the ether, leaving you feeling lighter and brighter as a result.

Once you’ve done the letting go you’re ready to invite in the new. Now this is where it gets really exciting because you get to choose what to bring in.  So dream big and in alignment with your truth!  Get yourself a piece of paper and write something like this, “I xxx (fill in name), have the following intentions for 2017”. Then write down your intentions in the present tense as if they had already happened; for example, “I practice yoga on my mat at least once every week”.

Please don’t underestimate the power of intention, its powerful stuff! I’ve worked with intentions the last few years and am always amazed at the way in which they help to transform life in a more positive direction and with grounding too. It’s the same with counting your blessings, this practice can really help you to feel joyful about life.

The thing is, the more you do to transform yourself into a more joyful and positive person the more joy and positivity you’ll put out into the world. And don’t forget we’re all connected and we all have a role to play (and responsibility) in making this world a more joyful and positive place to live. As Mahatma Gandhi said, “be the change you’d like to see in the world”. It begins with YOU.

It’s for this reason that I encourage you to begin your list of intentions by making “I love and accept myself JUST AS I Am” number one and “I live my life in touch with my true and unique self” second on that list. And then add on a whole heap of other joyful and happy stuff too, things that make you feel good, whether that’s spending more time in nature or seeing more of your friends, perhaps attracting a new job that’s more aligned with your soul, helping with a charity and/or buying your own home. Whatever it is make sure it is heartfelt and not from the ego.

Once you’ve finished with your list, you might write, “with thanks” or something to show your appreciation for the gift of intention, before folding it up and popping it in an envelope.  Then put it away in a drawer, get on with living your life and be open to the new opportunities that the Universe may now provide. But don’t try to control this, just let things unfold in their own way and in their own timing. It’s exciting!

Of course I can’t write about the New Year and New Year’s intentions without suggesting that you put “yoga” on your list too. If you’re reading this then take it as a sign, it may very well be the answer to all your prayers.  Want to lose weight? Practice yoga. Want to get fitter? Practice yoga. Want to be a kinder person? Practice yoga. Want to live life more in touch with your truth? Practice Yoga.  It’s easy (yes I know I’m biased!)

But remember that talking about it isn’t the same as actually practicing. All too often people tell me they practice yoga, and then on closer examination it turns out that they haven’t actually taken their mat out of its bag for the last 6 months, if not a year.  In their heads they think they practice yoga but I’m afraid you have to actually do the practice to get gain the benefit. It’s like Pattabhi Jois said, “Practice and all is coming”. Just get on your mat!

So you see beginning the New Year with a list of heart-felt intentions is far more exciting and uplifting then setting yourself some depressing New Year’s resolutions.  Hopefully now you’ll wake up on New Year’s day feeling joyful and positive and loving yourself.  It’s in this way that we will each play our part in making the world a happier and more peaceful place to live.   

On that note, I shall leave you with an extract from the inspirational Anita Moorjani:

“Always remember not to give away your power – instead, get in touch with your own magnificence. When it comes to finding the right path, there’s a different answer for each person…when we’re true to ourselves, we become instruments of truth for the planet. Because we’re all connected, we touch the lives of everyone around us, who then affect others. Our only true obligation is to be the love we are and allow our answers to come from within in the way that’s most appropriate for us.”

The Quest for Conception: A Journey of Self-discovery

Since I wrote my last post I have been contacted by a number of ladies (in the strictest of confidence) who have all shared a little of their personal stories in their quest to become pregnant, whether that be naturally or through IVF, and others still investigating their options.

Some ladies are really lucky and conceive immediately, I have a couple of friends for whom this happened and my Mum apparently knew the exact moment I was conceived, but for others of us it is not so easy and can take years of heartache and anguish until we finally hold that bundle of joy (and life changer) in our arms.

I truly believe that the quest for conception has the potential to take us on a journey of self-discovery, at least that was certainly my experience and if you view it like this, well it becomes a little less scary and a little more intimate, spiritual and meaningful somehow. I can assure you that you are not alone and while there are times when it may feel really lonely out there, take comfort that others are going through it too.

There is a huge amount of fear that accompanies fertility: the fear of never conceiving and never having a baby of your own is the biggest one of course.  If only you had the certainty that one day it would come true, then how much more you’d be able to enjoy the journey it takes you on.  But here’s the thing, if you absolutely align yourself to the Divine and to your crystal clear intention to get pregnant, stepping into the heart and away from the fear, then you’ll be absolutely fine.  You absolutely have to believe in yourself and your ability to create the life you desire.

There were a number of things I learned during my quest for conception and I truly believe that many of them helped me to finally become pregnant, and whether you are trying to conceive naturally or through IVF, it’s possible that some of these may help you too.  They work on the basis that you are committing to an outcome and the more you can do to align every part of your being to the outcome the better.

However, I’m keen to stress that these were my experiences and the whole point of all of this, the journey to conception then, is for you to dig deep, listen in, connect with your soul and allow it to be your guide to realising your dream. In life we are so used to being told what to do that we often don’t listen to this little voice inside us which is doing all it can to guide us through. There are a lot of suggestions listed below so listen in to your soul and if what I say doesn’t resonate with you, well then its not for you simple as that, and please do not think you have to do all of them to achieve a happy outcome!

So here we go:

Pray. Now I’m not religious, not in the slightest, but I prayed every single day during my quest to become pregnant and I pray every single day now too. Prayer changed my life, it strengthened my spirituality and it absolutely strengthened my connection to the Divine.  Try it.  Drop to the floor and pray, direct your focus to that which you want to bring into your life and ask for guidance, give thanks and listen, absolutely listen to what comes back – there’ll be a message somewhere for you. I truly believe our prayers are always answered but NOT always in the way we imagine. You have to surrender a little to the process you are guided through.  Notice your resistance to prayer because that can be telling too (more on this further down).

Stay positive.  The best piece of advice anyone ever gave me (and she had been through IVF herself) was to not give in to self-pity. If you have to go down the IVF route then this is absolutely essential.  Self-pity will not help. You are not the only one going through this and you will not be the last.  Do whatever you can to stay absolutely positive about the process and about a positive result.  Keep the faith high.

Zita West. Invest in a copy of Zita West’s book entitled, “Fertility and Conception”. It’s brilliant and probably some of what I learned from there I’m repeating here. Some of it, of course, didn’t resonate with me, and that’s that I mean about only doing what feels right for you. She also has an IVF clinic, which is more holistic than most, have a look on the internet if you are interested in this.

“The Stork Club” – If you need reminding that you are not alone, then read Imogen Edward-Jones’ “The Stork Club”, it’s a funny and yet interesting read.

Yoga. Perhaps it won’t come as any surprise to know that I dug super deep into my practice.  There were times when I needed to be gentle and quiet and restorative yoga was ideal and other times when I needed to move actively and keep the energy high. I already have a daily practice, but I would often take to my mat a little more than usual when we were going through IVF especially. Lots of hip work can be beneficial, to really work with the sacral chakra, but so too some grounding work, and also heart opening, and at other times forward folding and inwardly reflective.  A balance really! And if the tears come then let them flow, your mat is an ideal place to process and let the healing work come through.

Meditation. Fertility issues really helped me to commit to a daily meditation practice. Just 10-20 minutes a day made such a difference, especially when I was going through IVF, not only did it make my mind stronger but it helped me to maintain a positive outlook and stay focused on the end result.  I absolutely encourage this, you’ll notice a wavering mind and this should give you the opportunity to do something about it – much trickier to find the time when you already have a child/children however so just do what you can!

Ayurveda.  Ayurveda is the science of life.  I have been seeing an Ayurvedic doctor, Dr Deepika, for nine years now and coincidentally she is a fertility expert and has helped hundreds if not thousands of ladies conceive.  Ayurveda is holistic and works on all levels of your being, physical, mental, emotional and spiritual. I went over to the UK and did a three day pancha karma at her clinic, which was just wonderful.  Based at Purley Oaks near Gatwick, Dr Deepika also offers skype appointments. You can find out more about here at http://www.theayurvedicclinic.com

Yoga Nidra – working with a Sankalpa; in practical terms, a Sankalpa is a declarative statement, resolution or intention in which you vow to commit to fulfil a specific goal, in this instance to become pregnant with a healthy baby – “I am pregnant with a healthy baby”. Sankalpa or resolution holds a special and highly esteemed place in the ancient teachings. The concept of Sankalpa appears even as early as the Rig Veda, the most ancient of all the Vedic texts. The ancient concept of sankalpa is based on the principle that your mind has measureless capacity to effect the quality and content of your life. As the Buddha said, “The mind is everything. What you think you become”. So start practicing Yoga Nidra regularly, a couple of times a week if you can, not only to consciously rest but to implant, like a seed, your Sankalpa deep within. Needless to say I produced my own recording for this and you can obtain a copy of this from my website, but there are plenty of others out there, just check Amazon or You tube.

Fertility bracelet – I love fertility bracelets. They incorporate crystals that are known to promote fertility and pregnancy such as moonstone, rose quartz and fresh water pearls. Other crystals are often incorporated to alleviate stress and encourage a calm state of being.  I have one which was made by Athene Sholl (www.athenesholl.com) but my cousin Yo also makes them (you can find her on facebook as Yolande Ifold). Just wearing these crystals will help, not least in invoking the energy of fertility but making your intention even clearer to the Universe and encouraging the law of attraction to bestow you with a babe in arms!

Sculpture of whatever it is you are trying to create – for me the first time around it was a sculpture of a man, woman and baby all hugging together.  The second time around there was a child in it too.  I sit it on my altar so that I look at it every day and every day as I look at it I remember what it is I am intending to bring into, and create in, my life.

Vision board – ok so the jury’s out on vision boards but for me they have always been very powerful in again making my intentions clear and reminding me of this visually. So in this case an image of a pregnant lady and a baby works a treat, or a photo of you holding a baby.  And notice any resistance you feel seeing/imagining yourself pregnant or holding a baby (more on this below).

A healthy diet – this goes without saying right, lots of fresh fruits and vegetables (seasonal and organic where you can), wholegrains and protein. Lots of fresh water too. Limit the caffeine and alcohol, everything in moderation – I like a cup or two of black tea in the morning and the odd glass or two of wine in the evening and certainly didn’t stop either during IVF.

Reiki – I received a lot of Reiki in preparation for, and during, all my IVF cycles and beyond. Reiki really helps to release energetic blocks and can enhance fertility. It is also deeply healing, relaxing and calming. I can’t recommend it enough.  I’m not practicing at the moment but can recommend practitioners on Guernsey.  Even better if you can give yourself Reiki though and this is ideal for pregnancy and channelling Reiki to the baby in utero.

Acupuncture – I did a lot of acupuncture in preparation for egg retrieval, whether this helped me to produce the number of quality eggs that were produced on that first cycle I will never know, but it kept my energy high during that first cycle.

Holistic therapies generally – As a holistic therapist, I love holistic therapies and I am fortunate that I’m able to swap yoga for therapies with some of my friends.  Thus throughout both positive IVF cycles (both egg retrieval and embryo transfer) I’ve done a number of different ones in varying degrees depending on what I felt I needed.  I’ve received Bowen and osteopathy to realign me physically, lymphatic draining to clear my lymph, reflexology to support the uterus and to relax, Ki massage to clear energetic and emotional blockages and holistic massage to chill out. I’m happy to recommend practitioners here in Guernsey.

Angels.  I love the angels and talk to them daily.  I’d encourage you to invite them into your life.  Ask the angels to help you and they will by pointing you in the direction of people, therapies, books or whatever it may be that will help support you on your journey.  I’m a massive fan of the Doreen Virtue Angel cards (you can buy these from Amazon) and I find that this is a wonderful way to communicate with them and get much more in touch with your intuition and what your soul’s messages. They’ll leave you feathers so you know they are with you and you’ll start noticing more robins too (these are angels in form).  You may see an owl too.

Intimacy.  Keep it intimate, between you and your partner.  You can easily give your energy away discussing it with others.  It’s your journey no one else’s and it certainly shouldn’t be a drama or source of gossip for others. The fact you have to become so conscious about conception can lose the intimacy, sex becomes all about getting pregnant, and IVF of course doesn’t even have the sexual element, so do what you can to retain some intimacy to the whole process. I think its more special that way.

She Oak – often an inability to conceive can be due to emotional issues, emotions that you haven’t yet processed and are holding on to in one form or another, perhaps something is eating away at you, or you haven’t made peace with childhood trauma. To help with this take She Oak tincture, which encourages the individual to be emotionally open and receptive to conceive. It also helps with the female balancing of hormones. You can order this from Amazon.

Have fun – don’t forget to have some fun.  Life can become very structured and dull, what with ovulation dates and then waiting for the dreaded period or the joyful lack of period.  And for those doing IVF, well it is one big treadmill of dates and times for injections and pills and blood tests and scans, so that it is all too easy for life to become very glum.  Make sure you allow some time to have fun, even if that’s just going for swim in the sea or getting out walking in nature, laughing at a comedy, or going for a meal with friends. Keep the energy high!!!

Rest – yes, I’ve never been very good at this but it is really helpful if you can rest.  The Yoga Nidra and treatments can help with this, but you’ll be trying to grow a healthy egg naturally or eggs with IVF and you need your energy to do this.  So try and rest when you can, early nights and relaxing soaks in the bath!

Drop the energy vampires – we’ve all got them, people in our life who suck the energy right out of us what with their constant dramas or their constant demands on us.  We don’t need them, and they probably don’t really need us, only that we’ve gotten into this dynamic which we feel we can’t get out of.  But you can.  And while sometimes it takes some adjustment, it is essential that all your energy goes to you, not those who take it all away from you.  You know the people I mean and you’re probably feeling a little uncomfortable at the thought of how you are going to extricate yourself from the relationship, but you can.  Let them go and perhaps you’ll be doing them a favour in the long run. Nature abhors a vacuum after all.

Activities which exhaust your energy – identify areas of your life where you are losing energy.  For me Facebook has always been the major one, it draws you in and before you know it you’ve lost hours of your life.  Not only that but it is filled with insecurity and opinions and judgments that don’t always serve the higher purpose, but of course that’s just my take on things, you’ll have other activities that drain you.

Bach Rescue Remedy – if things start getting a little stressful and you’re feeling a little emotional and out of balance then take some Bach Rescue Remedy, which is a wonderfully natural way to help you calm down, it works with flower essences and is marvellous.

The moon – I love the moon, especially as she is the Goddess of Fertility.  So go and embrace her energy.  When the moon is full, go outside and bathe in her rays and pray to her and ask her to bestow you with a child and remove the obstacles in your way.  Remember to give thanks, especially when you achieve your outcome!

Resistance – this is HUGE. The most telling and powerful steps you can take to reduce your internal resistance to achieving your desire is to identify what we call in the Vedic tradition “vikalpas”. These are your unconscious sankalpas (intentions or resolutions, see above), but ones that move you in any one of countless directions away from the destiny your soul is here to lead you to. It is very important that you realise your unconscious mind is significantly more powerful than your conscious mind. You need to do what you can to recognise and become aware of your unconscious patterns and how they are sabotaging your conscious desires and to increase the intensity of your conscious desires. If you find that your actions are contrary to, or less than supportive of your goal and intention to conceive and give birth to a healthy baby, then there will be a vikalpa, an internal resistance at work here.

Perhaps you don’t think you’re worthy of having a baby, perhaps – unconsciously – you’re not sure you can cope with a baby, perhaps you’re worried about the effects of pregnancy on your body, perhaps you’re holding on to resentment from the past, from your own childhood etc, perhaps you’re worried you won’t make a good mother, perhaps you have a habit of sabotaging the good things in your life. So perhaps you need to identify your resistance and if necessary forgive and move on.

Stay grounded – hug a tree, go walk barefoot in the garden, sit on the beach, take a bath with natural sea salts, dry-brush, do whatever you can to stay rooted to this earth.  You need to have your feet firmly on the ground to bring that spirit in.  Don’t let yourself float around in the ethers, caught in your head.

Avoid online fertility/IVF forums – There is a ton of stuff out there on the internet about fertility and IVF and those forums are just plain awful, based on a whole heap of fear.  My advice is to stay away from these at all costs, do not buy into negativity!

So my conclusion really is to continue being kind to yourself and absolutely do not give yourself (or anyone else) a hard time about all this.  It is what it is.  No point fighting it or fighting yourself over it. You’ll get your dream, the Divine may just have another plan of the route, the journey then, that you need to take there is all – remain patient, trust in the process and keep believing in yourself, its a journey of self-discovery, embrace it!!

Crown Charka - Sahasrana

VIOLET WHITE: the purest symbol of light and life.

Sahasrana, like Ajna, is beyond the considerations of the body.  It opens when all the other Chakras are in balance.

This Chakra represents knowing your true path and living your life accordingly.  It is far removed from the root Chakra’s will to survive.  Some people describe the opening of the crown Chakra as a surrender to the Divine will, or being as one with the Universe.  The ego withers and is replaced by a universal consciousness.

The crown Chakra sees life entirely from a spiritual perspective.  When it is closed or there is a block, there is a refusal to engage in or even believe in the spiritual. This complete denial can often lead to arrogance and materialism.

Because the crown Chakra gives life meaning, your life generally takes a completely new direction when it is open.  And that direction comes from a new sense of purpose: the purpose of life and of your soul.  By honouring your true self, you love and honour the rest of creation.  This Chakra sees through the delusions of the ego and views them and the rest of life with a certain detachment.  It creates an inner calm that often draws others to you.

The crown Chakra is on top of the head – in newborn babies this spot is called the fontanel, or the soft spot.  By opening yourself up to the spirit of creation, you learn your true purpose, you receive guidance on your spiritual path and you are able to recognise soul mates.  Often you see the world through new eyes, viewing it with a sense of wonder that you last knew when you were a child.

You begin to understand that life is glorious just the way it is, that everybody is where they are at right now because – consciously or unconsciously – they chose to be there, in that very place, in that very position.  Everything is perfect – it can’t be any other way. With peaceful serenity others will be drawn to you in the midst of their own struggles and from this vantage point you may well be able to see the bigger picture for them and be able to support and guide them without getting emotionally involved.

You are deeply connected to the Divine and you know that this is what physical life is all about, the cut and thrust, there are no accidents, if people wanted to lead different lives then they would be leading them, everyone is free to choose, only most people don’t know it.  And whether we recognize it or not, we all yearn for oneness with the Divine and, through the crown Chakra, we may sometimes make that ultimate connection.

To energise this Chakra, eat all the colours of the spectrum type foods, preferably raw and 70% water content.  Plus you could wear white and bring white flowers into your life, or hold crystal quartz.

In terms of yoga, if you can sit in lotus then do so, but if not sit however is comfortable for you. Close your eyes and meditate on your breath.  Notice the breath going in and the breath going out and every time you notice that you have started thinking, say to yourself, "thinking" and gently bring your awareness back to your breath. And again when you notice that you have started thinking, say to yourself "thinking" and gently draw your awareness back to your breath.

There are many other things you can do to deepen your connection to the Divine -  visit spiritual places like Cathedrals and churches and sit silently and feel the energy, or touch the stones and feel their energy.  You can do the same with standing stones or other forms of Pagan worship.  Take yourself to somewhere peaceful in nature and sit silently and feel the energy be that a Mountain, a river, a beach or in the middle of rural fields.

One of the best ways to connect with the Divine and open your crown Chakra is through prayer. My life changed considerably, in a much more positive, supported and soulful way when I began to pray in earnest. I'm not religious as such but I recognise the Divine in all life. We are all Divine Beings and recognising this not only provides much comfort but allows one to know the oneness and connection of all life. Its simple!

In terms of

The Third Eye - Ajna

INDIGO – a healing colour and the colour of spirituality

 Ajna is located in the midbrain near the pituitary gland.  It is sometimes called the third eye as it is said to be the source of inner vision.  Science now tells us that where the yogis located Ajna happens to be the point where the right and left optic nerves cross in the brain so it literally is a third eye of sorts.  Ajna is the meeting point at the space between the eyebrows and the temples.

If your head is tilted too far upward then Ajna will become too open and you will be spaced out and prone to accidents (although very insightful spiritually).  If the head is too far forward (because of stress and tension) Ajna will stay closed.

 Essentially this Chakra is associated with the brain, and when this Chakra is in balance, you can exhibit extraordinary clarity of thought, combining logical reasoning with intuition, knowingness and inspiration.  The third eye Chakra strives for completeness in terms of the self – inner harmony between body, mind and spirit – and in terms of the Divine, the creator or the whole of creation itself.

As with any spiritual development opening the third eye Chakra requires a level of intense honesty with both yourself and others.  Unflinching honesty can make your life – and other’s lives – quite uncomfortable at times.  When the third eye Chakra is open and balanced, it accepts no excuses.  So, however difficult a choice may be if the third eye Chakra knows it is the right one, you are compelled to follow that path.  Absolving yourself from responsibility by blaming your past on other people or things, simply will not work. 

Because the third eye Chakra can make our lives so uncomfortable, most people find it easier to close it down.  By doing so you don’t need to worry about the path you are taking in life or about the effects of your words and actions on others – an opposite state to mindfulness, in which you examine the motivation behind every thought, deed, word and action.

However when you close down the third eye a series of muddles and poor choices can arise; you can lose your sense of purpose and become so self-absorbed that your relationships become dysfunctional.

The spark of inspiration that is ignited by opening the third eye Chakra exists in all of us.  When the third eye Chakra’s energy is very strong, inspiration takes many positive forms: from flashes of intuition to sudden insights about how to solve a problem, from a sense of the Divine in all things to moments of pure clairvoyance.

Ajna is not thought of as being balanced or imbalanced the way the other Chakras are.  Rather, Ajna is either open or closed.  When the mind is still and the lower Chakras are in balance, then Ajna Chakra opens to communicate with the higher intelligence of the crown Chakra and brings you to that place of inspiration, clarity of thought and healing.  When the lower Chakras are out of balance, it remains closed and you lose your ability to connect to the Divine.

So in a sense there does need to be balance, a mix between the internal and the external.  The start of actually beginning to see what has always been there, though you never noticed it before – reading the energy, seeing the aura, sensing the person, place, thing etc.  The best way to do this is to be quiet and simply observe, see the colours, movements, shadows, mannerisms, spaces, time, grass grow, hear the noise, the silences, whispers on the wind, emotion on the breath, your inner voice...

But remember that you are a spiritual being already, fully enlightened and already Divine so don’t spend all your time in meditation trying to become what you already are...get out and enjoy life physically, it is after all why you are here.

This Chakra resonates to the colour royal blue and purple, eating raw foods from all the colours of the spectrum are good, preferably with high water content, at least 70%, and raw. Invest in some Amethyst, although even better, invest in seven crystals that accord with the seven Chakras of the body and lie down and place the relevant chakra on each centre to balance each of them at the same time. I'm happy to suggest seven crystals which would work, just pop me an email to emma@beinspiredby.co.uk.

It is worth mentioning that on a hormonal level, the Ajna Chakra is associated with the pituitary gland, which is often called the master gland, as it secretes hormones that control the activity of other endocrine glands and regulate various biological processes.  Ajna is therefore also thought of as the command centre of the glands that relate to each of the Chakras. So if hormonal imbalance is your thing, try and work on all your Chakras to help to balance them.

In terms of yoga, I'd be inclined to practice a standing forward bend such as Uttanasana (standing forward fold) and encourage blood down towards your brain.  You could also try balasana (pose of a child) for a restorative option, making sure to rest your third eye centre on your fists, block, blankets or a bolster, so this can soften onto something.  And then bring your awareness to rest on the space between the eyebrows. Salamba Sirsasana (headstand) can help too, although please make sure you practice this with a qualified teacher if this is not already part of your regular practice.

Alternate nostril breathing is ideal for working with this Chakra.  Establish a comfortable seat with the spine extended and the chest clear.  Rest the left hand onto the left leg, while folding the index finger and middle finger of the right hand into the palm of the right hand and extending the other fingers.  Place the thumb on the right nostril, just below the bony cartilage bit and the ring finger onto the left nostril.

Breathe in through both nostrils and then close the right nostril and breathe out the tidal breath through the left nostril. Inhale through the left nostril, closing the left nostril and exhaling the right nostril, inhale through the right nostril, close the right nostril and exhale left.  Continue for 5-10 minutes if you can then sit with the right hand now on the right leg and inner gaze turned towards the third eye centre.

You can also chant "Om".  This is marvellous.  We should all be chanting "Om" every day!!

The Throat Chakra - Visuddha

BLUE – third primary colour and first of spiritual colours

The throat Chakra is in the hollow of the throat.  The throat is between the head and the heart – between heaven and earth - it is the meeting point between the two higher spiritual Chakras and the four lower physical Chakras, it is where we can speak our thoughts, blend the inner and the outer, the above with the below - Heaven with Earth.

A healthy throat Chakra enhances self-expression and openness to the ideas of others. When it is in balance it purifies all of the Chakras and brings harmony into your being.  It is an enormously powerful Chakra and it is important to keep it in balance so that all of the other Chakras are optimised.

The throat Chakra is connected to the idea of vocation or calling.  When this Chakra is brought into balance, many people suddenly discover a fresh outlook on what they want to do in life.  They may change their priorities or they may feel a literal vocation calling them to an entirely new profession or way of life.

When it is balanced, you discover your authentic voice and can be yourself in all situations.  Your communication is clear and untainted, and you communicate to others with compassion and kindness.  You have the space to see yourself clearly and can let the divine wisdom of the Universe guide each moment of your life.

A healthy throat Chakra ensures self-expression in every sense; being able to put forward your ideas, while listening to the perspectives of others in an open and positive way.  When you come to terms with your own unique inner self and its intuitions and instincts, you know this Chakra is working, as it should.  If you are dogmatic, refuse to listen to other’s advice or you get bogged down in minor details rather than addressing the heart of an issue, you need to work on this Chakra.

Giving your word is another way in which the throat Chakra expresses itself.  Those with strong throat Chakras are reliable and mean what they say.  They are able to make commitments to other people, follow a spiritual path, aspire to high ideals, and can sometimes make huge changes in their lives if they instinctively know they should.

The theme of communication is of paramount importance to the throat Chakra.  A closed or poorly functioning throat Chakra can often be heard in a monotonous, droning voice. 

An unbalanced throat Chakra often means you feel defensive about your ideas, and threatened when others have different views.  You may be unwilling to voice your ideas at all, preferring to align yourself to ready made ideologies.  Alternatively you may never stop talking, but without saying anything important.

Further, an unbalanced throat Chakra can leave you anxious and confused, not knowing which direction to take and fearful of taking a new path.  Sometimes you can even cling to a person, an idea or a way of life even though you know it is damaging.  An unhealthy throat Chakra can also manifest itself in illnesses, such as neck and throat ailments, headaches, teeth and gum conditions, ear infections and mouth ulcers.

As this Chakra resonates to the colour blue looking at a clear blue sky will help to energise it, or perhaps wearing a turquoise scarf or necklace around your neck or carrying a blue crystal with you such as sodalite or blue lapiz. You can also journal, just write down how you feel and what is bothering you and see what arises. 

In your yoga practice get chanting. Invest in some Deva Premal and sing along to the mantra. Or try some Bija mantra and focus on the Bija mantra for the throat, "ham", repeat for a few minutes at a time. Or practice some Brahmari breath, the bumble bee breath, and see how that affects the energy you feel around your throat chakra.

In terms of asana, you can work with Setu Bandhasana (bridge pose), Tabletop pose, Ardho Mukha Svanasana (downward facing dog) and Salamba Sarvangasana (shoulderstand). Pay attention to how you move and place your neck when you come into these poses and remember to create space. Notice how these poses change sensations around the neck and how they make you feel.

Lastly remember that when someone talks, listens to the words and also the silences.  What was not said is important too.  Feel the emotion of what was said, trust your gut feeling - that small voice inside of you - less is definitely more when it comes to talking and expressing yourself; this is true communication.  Say what you mean and mean what you say and speak only when you have something to say.  Don’t forget that words have power – they are thoughts made manifest.

The Heart Chakra - Anahata

GREEN – the colour green is about harmony and nature.

This Chakra is the spiritual centre of the ‘column’ of 7 Chakras, below it the root, sacral and solar plexus Chakras represent the personal and the physical.  Above it, the throat, brow and crown Chakras represent the spiritual and universal.  The heart Chakra provides the vital link for the whole.

Essentially your heart Chakra is associated with love and compassion, not just love for yourself and others, but a love for the Divine (in whatever guise) and all of creation. The hands, in particular, are closely associated with the heart Chakra, and a kind touch is an outward sign of love, compassion and forgiveness that typify this Chakra when it is in an open and balanced state. 

The heart Chakra is also a seat of creativity.  A blocked heart Chakra results in creative blocks, while an open one leaves you open to inspiration. However the heart Chakra can be too open.  You can pour out so much heart energy in your desire to help others that you can have none left for yourself.

When your heart Chakra is out of balance, you may lack confidence and be unable to let go of your fears.  When your heart Chakra is balanced, you feel energised and have the strength to fulfil your hopes and dreams, and to give and receive unconditional love. 

The key, as ever, is balance.  The heart, in common with all the Chakras, needs to have its own flexibility, the ability to open and close as necessary.  This is particularly important in the heart, as it is the Chakra of change, giving us the confidence to fulfil our hopes, make a break with the past and embrace the future.

Opening up the heart Chakra can feel scary at times, as if you are wide open to attack – and indeed you can be – for a little while.  But soon you will feel the benefits as you will have all this loving energy that you need to share, care and relate to others, so that you are touching people with your heart, and when you do you’ll notice that people become spontaneously drawn to you – chatting at shops, strangers wanting to talk to you, animals coming over for a stroke.

And while challenges may still present themselves in your life, rather than just reacting, you may now be able to respond by standing back and handling the situation with love so the outcome will be for everyone’s highest good.  You will feel more in tune with the other person’s heart and you will know just what to do...and trust in yourself.

The heart Charka does not occupy the same position as the physical heart, it is more central, in your chest cavity.  Hormonally, the heart Chakra is associated with the thymus gland, which is part of the lymphatic system, which in turn is central to the immune system.  A blocked or poorly functioning heart Chakra can lead to a weakened immune system, stress-related disorders and problems involving the lungs and respiratory system.

To connect more fully with this Chakra, you could practice a heart opening yoga sequence, involving side stretches and backward bending poses.  These could include Trikonasana (Triangle pose), Utthita Parsvakonasana (extended side angle pose), Ustrasana (camel pose), Dhanurasana (bow pose) and Setu Bandasana (Bridge pose).

Make sure that you practice with a place of compassion to the self - there is often a lot of fear in back bending and opening the heart, not least due to concerns about the lower back, but also about literally opening the heart, many people have kept this closed for years and our forward bending sedentary/office/screen time lifestyle does nothing to alleviate this. So be gentle.  Slowly, slowly. It really is amazing to open the heart though!

Other ways to energise this energy centre include going for a walk in nature and seeing all the greens, the grass, the trees, the plants, the hills, really “see” nature.  Of course you can lie on the grass, grow plants and fresh herbs, wear the colour, and eating greens works too as they resonate at just the right frequency. Invest in some beautiful rose quartz or green aventurine.