Crystals - the best Christmas present ever!
Crystals
Crystals are powerful healing tools; they can help with physical, emotional, spiritual and mental health; and they can help you and your family sleep better, amplify your healing power, and assist you in feeling calm, balanced and peaceful.
Crystals are a gift from Mother Earth to amplify the power of love and light and have been used for healing since before Egyptian times.
Although they may seem like inert objects crystals are very much alive, they are both filled with energy and are conduits of energy – that is one of the reasons crystals are used in watches, radios and modern medical devices.
We live in a world of constant vibration, intelligent vibration actually, because everything that exists is really energy information, or energy in-formation – vibration. These vibrations form matter, substance or intangible things.
The key frequency of vibration of an object, a person, a plant or an animal etc. is known as its resonant frequency. Like you and I, crystals also have their own resonant frequency. This is the reason that we are drawn to a particular crystal more than another – a bit like we are drawn to one person more than another!
Choosing crystals
I find that crystals tend to choose us as much as we choose them. They stand out to us when we see them, or we put our hand into a bowl of crystals and one feels good in our hand.
I believe that you intuitively know the crystal that is meant for you at any particular time. It comes into your life!
Sometimes crystals are with you for a whole lifetime. But other times you also get a sense when it’s time to let a crystal go and pass it on to someone else. Sometimes they just disappear out of your life. It’s a bit like that saying, “people come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime”, it’s the same with crystals!
Choosing crystals for friends is fairly much the same – you just have a sense that your friend needs the one to which you are drawn when thinking about him/her. I like to buy my friends crystals and just go with what I’m drawn to, even if it’s not something I’d usually consciously choose for that person. It always has an appropriate meaning for that person.
Cleansing/energising crystals
Crystals often attract all kinds of energy vibrations both negative and positive. Remember that your crystal may have travelled many thousands of miles and been handled by many people before you received it. Therefore, your crystal may have acquired some negative energies and it is important to cleanse it before you use it.
There are serval ways you can cleanse crystals including the following:
Putting them in the garden under the light of the full moon (this is my favourite way);
Putting them in sea salt or a natural water source (sea, stream, river);
Burying them in the earth;
Placing them in sunlight;
Holding them in your hand and setting your intention that they be cleansed by Reiki.
More about crystal properties and working with them next...xx
Changing the mind!
It has to be said that that was a very tricky moon cycle, between swimming in the pool under the light of the-almost-peaking full moon on Friday 3 November 2017 in Goa, and the full moon that I celebrated in the dark and cold here in Guernsey on Saturday 2 December 2017.
The wheels fell off for a time. We invited Shiva into our lives in Goa so I shouldn't have been surprised. India alone will bring you to your knees, but Shiva, well he's something else. I knew there was a reason I needed to invest in a little statue of Ganesha, remover of obstacles, before I left Goa. He's been a central part of my Altar this last month!
Things need to fall apart so that we can grow, at least spiritually, but it's a tough process to go through. I questioned every aspect of my life wondering what needed to change, what I no longer needed and what had to stay. Of course I knew deep down that it wasn't about changing the external, but I was trying to maintain some control...the ego likes control. It makes us feel safe.
But I wasn't feeling so safe and with my right ear deaf for a good month, I've had to be honest about what I'm not listening to. Ah yes.
The healing came as it does. The anger, the fury, the tears, the everything that we need to go through to reach our bottom where we finally surrender and let go.
That's where the magic lies. In the letting go. Because only then does grace enter in and all is revealed, as if emerging from the fog. I felt foggy that's for sure, being partially deaf does that to you, and blocked sinuses that make it difficult to think clearly, and the extreme tiredness post long haul travel with children who take time to adjust to the time difference and a partner who's sick from the flight.
It's not easy feeling so raw and vulnerable and wondering where it all went so wrong. Of course it never did go wrong, it's just about perception and realising that it's time to transition from one way of being to another. The dream has shifted - it's no longer just my dream, my life, now part of family, and with that priorities change.
Essentially the mind changes. That's where the pain comes in. Changing my mind. Becoming more aligned. There's a poetic rhyme to it. And it is poetry really, the rawness of it.
I read probably one of the most poetic books I've read in a long time, "When breath becomes air" by Paul Kalanithi, which is nothing short of genius. An amazing book and an inspired mind and heart, that man. This lead me to read Henry Marsh's "Do no Harm". There was a theme here, brain surgery, death and meaning in life.
It's been a heavy month! But I've learned more about the brain, about the mind, about faith and spirit and the ego and about the manner in which life unfolds, how it changes.
I've recognised that it was my mind that needed to change, not the external of my life, but the internal tapestry that gives rise to a change on the outside. There was no effort required either, it was just about going through the process. Being present. Sitting with the pain (of change) and listening to the body as it communicated it's needs.
The mind resides everywhere, not just in the brain. It fascinates me. My mind. Everyone's minds. Changing minds. It's all there.
We make changes on the inside, often having to do a complete turn-around in how we believed things to be, so that we see things completely differently - the pre-school I didn't think I liked, becomes the place that actually I really love, the place I didn't ant to visit on holiday becomes the very place I now long to go, then person I didn't initially like on meeting is now my close friend.
Everything I resist persists and becomes an integral part of my life. So there's something to look out for. Resistance. It's often the very thing we need.
So once the mind changes, the inner world changes, then the outer world changes too. Not hugely necessarily, it all looks the same but it feels very different, more aligned, heartfelt and joyful. It feels right somehow.
It was a joy therefore to teach the waning moon and for everything to settle. Shiva worked his magic, destroyed so that life could be re-created. I'm just grateful for the practice, for the mat beneath me, that space, for the breath and the Yoga Nidra and for the light of the candle reminding me to keep heading towards the light, the heart the truth.
Changing minds is never easy but it's essential too.
With love and gratitude.
x
The Joy of Yoga Nidra
Today I came across an article I wrote a while ago now for a Yoga magazine on the joys of Yoga Nidra. I still thoroughly enjoy Yoga Nidra and have spent this year undertaking a foundation course on it. This has meant I've practiced a lot of Yoga Nidra in all different formats and from different traditions this past year too, which has really helped me with the post-natal exhaustion.
I've also found that Yoga Nidra has helped to me to connect more deeply with my creativity, I've been writing a lot! I've also re-discovered a love of painting and have more creative ideas than I may have done previously.
Everyone should practice Yoga Nidra! This is one of the reasons I incorporate Yoga Nidra into all of my retreats and ensure that we finish the Sunday morning Yoni Yoga class with one. Bliss!!
If you'd like to know more then keep reading:
When I initially started practicing Yoga almost 10 years ago now, I simply could not relax. It was impossible. At the end of the Yoga class when the teacher announced Savasana, I would try and find any possible excuse to leave the class early so that I could avoid the last few minutes of relaxation.
It was not so much that I was adverse to the idea of relaxation per se, it was more so that I found relaxing so mentally uncomfortable. There were simply too many thoughts, too many tick lists, too many things I should be doing, rather than simply lying there on the floor trying to relax.
When I first ventured out to Byron Bay in Australia to immerse myself in Yoga a year into my practice, I shall never forget my first 2 hour Yoga session (the normal length of the classes out there at that time). While I loved every single minute of the asana practice, the problem came, however, with a 20 whole minutes of quiet relaxation at the end of the class. Proper quiet that is, with no music, no distraction, nothing. Those were the longest 20 minutes of my life, or so it seemed in that moment!
Still with me attending these 2 hour sessions once or twice a day every day for a month and unable to leave the class early (many teachers will understandably discourage you from doing so), I quickly developed my own way of dealing with the mental chatter. I imagined in my mind a train line with open trucks in which I placed each of my thoughts and then watched them pass by, one after the other, until I was able, eventually, to experience some relief from the constant background mental chatter.
Over the next year I practiced a lot of Yoga as I developed my practice both on and off the mat, qualifying as a Yoga teacher in the process. My ability to relax improved hugely, but it wasn’t until I assisted on a teacher training course at Govinda Valley, Sydney that I discovered the joy and indeed benefit of Yoga Nidra. The relaxation became something I enjoyed rather than something that I endured at the end of a Yoga class.
I can still remember the experience of that first Yoga Nidra clearly. There we were, the whole class of students, lying comfortably in the corpse pose, a bolster under knees and a blanket covering each of us to keep us warm as the teacher’s gentle voice soothed us into a state of cosy bliss as we relaxed each part of our body part by part, experiencing sensations and bringing awareness to the natural breath; it was a journey like no other I had experienced previously.
Time lost all meaning, what was actually 30 minutes felt like 5, and before I knew it we were back in the room, on our mats, in our bodies, feeling much more centred and grounded than I had felt at the beginning of the class. What was also noticeable was the fact the mental chatter had eased, I had managed to drift beyond it into that wonderful state of being between being awake and asleep, the hypnotic state, where real healing takes place. I felt brighter, lighter, rested and renewed.
Essentially Yoga Nidra is a powerful meditation technique inducing complete physical, emotional and mental relaxation. During Yoga Nidra one appears to be asleep but the consciousness is functioning at a deeper level of awareness so that you are prompted throughout the practice to say to yourself mentally, “I shall not sleep, I shall remain awake”.
Before beginning Yoga Nidra you make a Sankalpa, or a resolution for the practice. The Sankalpa is an important stage of Yoga Nidra as it plants a seed in the mind encouraging healing and transformation in a positive direction. The Sankapla is a short positive mental statement established at the beginning of the practice and said mentally to yourself in the present tense, as if it had already happened, such as “I am happy, healthy and pure light”, or “I am whole and healed”.
A Sankalpa can also be used to encourage you to let go of something in your life like smoking or overeating, focusing on the underlying feeling that leads you to smoke or to overeat such as “I love and care for myself and my body”, or “I choose to eat foods that support my health and wellbeing” or “I am relaxed and contented”. In fact simply having the opportunity to establish a Sankalpa is powerful in itself as it gives you a focus and enhances your awareness of self.
It is actually in connecting with yourself that you come to realise all the deep seated tensions that Yoga Nidra helps you to release. These are all the unconscious and unresolved issues that are playing a role in some of the unwanted habits and behaviour patterns you are noticing consciously. This is the stuff that goes through your mind time and time again, the stuff you resolve to change at the beginning of each year but that “will” alone will not change. What you need to do is get to the root of the problem and Yoga Nidra provides you with a means to do this.
With all the letting go of this “stuff”, such as trapped emotions and feelings, you become lighter and there is more energy available to be used in a more positive manner. Plus with the power of intention in the form of Sankalpa, that which we attract into our life also changes. It is in this way that Yoga Nidra offers us so much potential for transforming our lives in an even more positive direction than we can ever imagine.
Of course let us not forget the physiological benefits too, such as lowering of the heart rate and blood pressure, the release of lactate from the muscles that can cause anxiety and fatigue, a more restful night’s sleep and, ultimately, a calming and unwinding of the nervous system, which is basically the foundation of the body’s wellbeing. So you see our physical health and sense of wellbeing can improve too.
Over the years Yoga Nidra has helped me in so many ways. At times of crisis, when I have been tired and exhausted, sick and stressed, it has helped to restore, renew and heal me. At confused times in my life when I have been unclear of the way forward then it has provided me with much needed clarity. At other times it has helped me to let go of unhealthy addictions and behaviour patterns, the most profound was changing my relationship to myself and therefore enabling me to effortlessly let go of the need to smoke tobacco after so many years of battling with this nicotine addiction.
These days relaxation comes easily to me and I positively seek out and embrace any opportunity for Yoga Nidra for it is just such an amazing practice. In this stressful and fast paced world we live, where we can feel so disorientated and fragmented, it really helps to bring us back together and connect with ourselves again. Needless to say, I cannot promote the benefits of Yoga Nidra to you enough. But of course you cannot benefit from merely intellectualising these things, and reading about it will not necessarily change things. What you really need to do is make a commitment to take the time out for yourself. Lie comfortably, cover yourself with a blanket, close your eyes and allow yourself to be guided through a Yoga Nidra session. I doubt you will regret it, in fact you may find it a life changing experience.
Thinking, thinking, thinking...
I attended my second yoga class since Eben was born. What a joy! I practice yoga on my mat every day on my own and sometimes I practice along to YouTube yoga videos (Adrienne is a particular favourite) but there’s nothing quite as wonderful as attending a class. It’s a passion of mine.
I love nothing more than joining other yogis and yoginis in a dedicated yoga space to practice together. And I love a good teacher who is able to guide me to a deeper awareness of being. So I was in my yoga heaven yesterday when I joined Kevin and the Saturday morning class at the Brighton Buddhist Centre.
In the peaceful environment of the yoga space, I quickly became aware of the hectic nature of my mind. It’s easier to overlook this in one’s own practice, sometimes merely going through the motions and often increasing the pace to meet the mind rather than slowing down to try and tame the mind.
My mind was in overdrive. Within the first few minutes of movement, I noticed my mind thinking about a forthcoming Reiki attunement session and planning the food I should prepare for this and putting together a list of ingredients. I caught myself as I drifted into Waitrose and down the aisles, identifying the location of the ingredients I will need to buy.
I had a good laugh at myself. I may well have been physically present on my yoga mat in Brighton but my mind was in the future in a shop in Guernsey. As for my spirit? I knew it was there but my mind was too noisy to hear it. Before I knew it, I’d drifted from Waitrose to Infinity Foods in Brighton as I planned the food I was going to buy after the class.
I laughed again and brought my awareness back to the moment and back to the breath coming in and out, ujjayi breath, steadying, centring and calming. From the breath my awareness moved to sensation in the body to further ground me in the present. I was aware how it felt to move into Downward Facing dog and from there the relief of resting in Pose of a Child.
It was a wonderful feeling really. There was nowhere to run and nowhere to hide. The thoughts kept coming but I was more aware of not becoming engaged with them and just noticing them instead. This was easier at times than others, because sometimes the thoughts drag you in.
In yoga, we talk of cultivating equanimity, of being able to ‘stand in the middle of all this’, of being grounded, sane and ordinary. It’s about noticing how our mind works and getting familiar with it, recognising the hooks, the temptations, the things that drag you in. I was certainly noticing this during the class, it was much more apparent probably because I haven’t been to a class for a while now.
The practice offers us the opportunity to see what’s happening without getting hooked, without having a drama, noticing that everything arises, abides and dissolves. I love that we can embody this in our yoga practice. We inhale and arise into a pose, we stay abiding in that pose and then we exhale, dissolving out of the pose. And in this whole process we have the opportunity to learn how our mind works, and to get more familiar with it.
Yoga is amazing for many reasons, but especially as it offers us the opportunity to train the mind. This does involve some effort, as it can be hard work to let go of the seductive thoughts, the thinking that throws us off centre and draws us in. It’s a constant practice to keep coming back to the breath, to notice that you are thinking, and being able to resist going after the thoughts, which, like our asana practice, arise, abide and dissolve.
Only that sometimes – well actually quite a lot sometimes – we abide within the thoughts. And our thoughts give rise to behaviour patterns and beliefs that shape our life. We create our reality by our thinking. In simplistic terms this means that if we have negative thoughts then we are more likely to have a negative experience and a negative perception of life. Our thinking affects our biochemistry so negative thinking can create dis-ease.
Our yoga practice offers us the opportunity to not only move the body and breathe but also to witness our thoughts as they arise, abide and dissolve, strengthening our mind in the process. Furthermore, it can provide us with the opportunity to notice the nature of the thinking. How is it for us? Has the habitual thinking given rise to a negative behaviour pattern or to a belief which is no longer serving us? Are we fearful or anxious? Are we constantly giving ourselves a hard time?
Often these patterns are laid down in childhood and we don’t question them, just considering that that is how it is – inherited as they’ve been from society, culture and our parents. We forget that everything is impermanent, that life is not linear. Instead it’s full of movement, fluidity and potential. We just have to recognise the nature of our thinking and not get stuck in our thinking patterns!
I remind myself of this as we practice a number of asana, to notice my habitual way of thinking and it’s liberating. To be able to stand back and notice the arising thoughts, allowing them to abide and then dissolve, they’re not me!
With that I feel lighter, not least physically but also mentally. There is a pause between thoughts, a silence. I long for more of those silences. Those liminal spaces. That gap between the inhalation and the exhalation and between the exhalation and the inhalation. That space where magic happens. That’s the reason I also love Yoga Nidra, it’s full of liminal spaces.
After the class I headed to a crystal shop and chose a Goddess card before having my tarot cards read by a beautiful lady called Nina. Both of them told me what I’d already realised. It’s time to retreat to silence and calm the mind. It’s true what they say, that we teach that which we most need to learn, but that makes sense doesn’t it, otherwise how would we know.
The effects of the class continued into the day. I kept catching myself when the hooks presented themselves. The victim/martyr archetype kept showing up and I had to reel myself back from getting hooked. It is what it is. We create our own reality. Equanimity. It’s a life long practice, of arising, abiding and dissolving, taking it all very lightly and questioning the thinking!
Part 28 - Dancing with the Moon
I started contracting during the facial treatment. I didn’t realise what it was at the time, I just thought it was some cramping. The sensation increased during the evening to the point that I found it difficult to sleep.
I was jubilant, I was finally contracting! I had longed to experience this sensation, ever since it was denied to me with the planned delivery of Elijah three years earlier. This time around, I had wanted the baby to choose it’s birthing date, and here it was, making that choice.
I loved every moment of that evening; it was one of the most intimate experiences of my life. I shall always treasure the insight it provided, of my breath, of sensation, and of the opportunity to be joyfully present. Pain brings this gift to us, and here I was able to rejoice with it.
I spent some time on the sofa, dipping in and out of Facebook, aware of the time changing because the new day brought with it new birthdays. I shall never forget that, because I felt so pleased with myself being one of the first people to congratulate a friend on her birthday.
When I had tired of that and the sensation demanded otherwise, I wrapped myself in a blanket and spent time outside in the darkness of the night with the waning moon and the stars above me.
I squatted on the Earth where Elijah’s tree grows with his placenta nourishing it, and where I’d bled prior to conceiving this new life growing inside me, and felt an incredible oneness with everything. It felt poignant, as if I was stepping into a portal that connected me to the mysteries of this world.
And then the moment came as I always hoped it would, when all I wanted to do was sway my hips and dance.
I danced with the moon shining her light over me as I held my baby within me. Together we danced around the garden and I couldn’t stop smiling because I was on my own and I was having the most amazing time.
I felt overwhelming love for my baby and for Elijah and E asleep inside, and for the world, and this oneness that goes as quickly as it comes. I felt truly aligned.
I danced with the moon until I knew it was time to go inside again.
Here I lay in the bath, cleansed by the water, focusing on breath and sensation and on and on it went.
At some point during the early hours I released my mucous plug and while I was aware that if I was in labour I was meant to telephone the ward immediately, I felt that I didn’t need to do that just yet.
All fear had finally gone and there was this sense that perhaps I could just wing it. Perhaps I could just stay at home like this and see what happened, see whether I could birth my breech baby all on my own. I still hadn’t given up on that hope. But I was aware that if it was meant to be, it would be, and that the baby would arrive quickly.
However, by 5.30am there was no baby and I began to realise that I had to do something about my situation. E was awake by then and I noticed that the discharge had started to change colour, it wasn’t a clear/pinkish colour anymore, so I knew it was now time to telephone the hospital.
With E awake the sensations felt stronger because I wasn’t able to be in my space with my breath in the same way as I had been on my own. This was an insight to me, the potential need to be alone during the birthing experience. Not that I had that opportunity because having telephoned the ward they told me to come in immediately.
With Elijah now awake, the three of us stepped out of the house into the darkness of the night, and there up in the sky ahead of us was the waning moon and the sign of a cross in the sky, made from two airline streams. It felt incredibly auspicious and I knew in my heart of hearts that now was the time, this was a sign, this was really happening.
We dropped Elijah off at E’s Mum and went to the hospital where I discovered that its rather tricky to walk when you’re contracting at the same time!
It’s also rather tricky to lie still and be scanned. But alas that is what happened and it showed that yes, I was contracting and a decision would soon need to be made about delivery because the specialists didn’t want me going into full blown labour and running the risk of delivering a breech baby.
A swipe was taken to test for an infection and I was allocated a bed on the ward. The specialist felt that one way or another there was a high chance that the baby would be delivered that day. If the tests showed that I had an infection, then I would need to have the baby delivered that morning.
If I didn’t have an infection there was a chance that now it was light outside the contractions would stop and I would be monitored – the longer the baby was in utero the better for his/her development.
I was still talking about breech delivery because there was still hope. There was still a chance that the contractions would ease and I would have time.
I was aware that the specialist I had first seen when I was initially pregnant was working the ward that morning and I was adamant that I didn’t want to see him. He had told me I would be high risk and would likely deliver by Caesarean section and here I was about to do that.
It didn’t seem to matter anymore. By then I’d finished reading the “The Universe has Your Back” and my mantra was ‘love not fear’. And here I was in hospital very aware that yes, the Universe had my back, and what was meant to be was meant to be.
I had to surrender.
And then came the opportunity.
My lovely female specialist was now on duty and she came to see me with the specialist who we’d seen earlier that morning to tell us that I had an infection.
She took my hand and told me that she knew this wasn’t what I wanted to hear, but there really was no choice now, the baby had to be delivered that morning by Caesarean Section.
I laughed.
I laughed because one way or another I was destined to have a repeat Caesarean Section. The Goddess of the Moon was dancing and now I finally chose to dance with her.
I surrendered.
There was no choice. There was nothing to fight any longer. The Universe had my back. Love not fear.
And there it was. I finally accepted my reality. There would be no home birth. There would be no spiritual experience in the shower as I attempted to birth my baby all on my own. There would be none of that.
But what there was, was far more profound in many ways. Because I was being asked to step beyond the fear and my idea of how things should be, to experience the spiritual in it. This was the lesson that I had needed to learn and this brought with it the spiritual experience and opportunity for growth that I had always dreamt of, just it was presenting itself in a way I had not expected…but that’s the way of the Universe. Our dreams always come true but not as we expect them to, that too is a lesson in surrender and acceptance.
Wild yogini and the moon
I started bleeding this week. It was such a relief. I’ve had 20 months without bleeding, well not with menstrual bleeding, what with pregnancy and then the post-natal period.
The pregnancy was fine, it’s pregnancy after all and brings with it its own rhythm. But the post-natal period is a tough one. I was bleeding for the first six weeks after the birth and then I was so exhausted that it was a relief not to have to factor in the exhaustion that can accompany the menstrual cycle too.
However, by six months I was ready to get back into the menstrual groove again and while I could feel rumblings, I felt a little rudderless, without my menstrual navigational system kicking in.
So I welcomed the blood that appeared two days before the Pisces full moon and I was excited about the timing. That’s not bad is it, to be two days short of the full moon when you haven’t bled for almost two years? I was certainly delighted.
It was a joy to crouch down and bleed directly onto the Earth again in the light of the full moon in all her glory. I was smiling from ear to ear, it was like I’d properly come home again, and then I did a little dance in the garden.
You might ask yourself what E was doing when the menstrual moon shenanigans were taking place? Watching TV of course, he’s a good one that one, knows what’s going on but chooses to overlook the detail!
Not that there was much ignoring it the next morning when I went skinny dipping at Petit Bot. I’m a wild yogini at heart and what better way to truly get wild then to swim at high tide, without clothes, in the early morning light and bleeding too. I felt properly cleansed by the sea and the moon.
It was good too as my vampire boy at ten months has puncture wounded both my nipples with his sharp teeth and relentless night time feeding so the salt water helped with this healing too.
Now if you’re reading this and getting a little bit judgemental then take that as a sign that perhaps you’re meant to be getting into your menstrual moon and naked sea swimming grove too. Don’t knock it until you’ve tried it.
I wish more women would get up close and personal about their menstrual cycles. There’s nothing dirty about it. Quite the opposite. It’s incredibly empowering and enlightening to track your cycle and embrace your bleeding days with whatever helps to connect you deeper to the earth and your womb wisdom.
I’ve written about it before – have a look here if you would like to read more - http://www.beinspiredby.co.uk/blog/2016/9/19/moon-cycles-and-lady-cycles-welcoming-womb-wisdom
I appreciate also that sometimes the arrival of the blood is not something to be celebrated because it means another month without getting pregnant. I hear you, I’ve been there myself. But actually if you are struggling to get pregnant, then getting up close and personal with your menstrual cycle should be paramount. Greet it and meet it, it’ll have a message for you.
So that’s me shared, wearing something red, and chilling out on my yoga mat. I’m hoping to record a yoga video for menstruation soon, because it really changes how I feel to move my body on my mat (not so much but a little) and I’m keen to share this with others as it really supports me during this period (quite literally!).
I also love to prop myself for a yoga nidra, and raise my legs up on the bed. I also love to sit and watch my breath and see what arises from my womb space. It’s insightful I can tell you.
So whether you’re a wild yogini moon lady or not, I hope you’re enjoying the waning moon energy, and get to check in to the energy of your cycle too.
Ditch the New Year's resolutions and get yourself some intentions instead
If I’ve one piece of seasonal advice for you it’s this, don’t bother making any New Year’s resolutions! They’re a waste of time and energy as they just make you feel worse about yourself than you did to begin with. Furthermore, they put negative energy out into the Universe and that’s not a good way to begin the New Year.
The trouble is most New Year’s resolutions centre around giving something up, or making some drastic change in a bid to become happier, skinnier or more at peace with yourself. Further they are often unrealistic and work with willpower alone, thereby setting you up for a big fail when your willpower wavers, as it tends to do.
They also work from the basis that you are not ok just as you are, or that you are lacking in some way and merely serve to highlight your own dissatisfaction with yourself and your life. They simply provide you with yet another stick to beat yourself up with and that’s not really going to help you begin the New Year on a positive note.
Ideally we should all be waking up (in more ways than one) on New Year’s day with the intention of being kinder to ourselves, of loving ourselves that little bit more. It’s time that we all started to recognise and realise our own magnificence (yes you are magnificent!) and the fact that we are each – yes each one of us, you too – a gift to the world.
Our beating ourselves up and highlighting our inadequacies does nothing to promote a happier and more peaceful state of being, nor does it help to raise the collective consciousness and help make the world a happier and more peaceful place to live. The more we give ourselves a hard time, the more the world appears a darker place to live.
However, if we approach life with a more loving attitude towards ourselves, counting our blessings rather than our inadequacies, then we’ll start to notice how the world loves back at us. It really is so simple. Loving thyself first and foremost and the rest will take care of itself!
So here’s an idea. How about undertaking a burning bowl ceremony to let go of all that stuff that prevents you from being your lovely magnificent self. Write it all down – that’s all your negative tendencies and behaviour patterns, all those draining and judgmental people in your life, your depressing and dead end job, all activities which exhaust and disempower you and anything which no longer brings out the best in you.
Whatever it may be, write it all down on a piece of paper under the words, “I (fill in name), let go of the following from my life”. Really tap into how it would feel to let go of all this stuff from your life and commit to it too. Then burn the paper and let it all disappear into the ether, leaving you feeling lighter and brighter as a result.
Once you’ve done the letting go you’re ready to invite in the new. Now this is where it gets really exciting because you get to choose what to bring in. So dream big and in alignment with your truth! Get yourself a piece of paper and write something like this, “I xxx (fill in name), have the following intentions for 2017”. Then write down your intentions in the present tense as if they had already happened; for example, “I practice yoga on my mat at least once every week”.
Please don’t underestimate the power of intention, its powerful stuff! I’ve worked with intentions the last few years and am always amazed at the way in which they help to transform life in a more positive direction and with grounding too. It’s the same with counting your blessings, this practice can really help you to feel joyful about life.
The thing is, the more you do to transform yourself into a more joyful and positive person the more joy and positivity you’ll put out into the world. And don’t forget we’re all connected and we all have a role to play (and responsibility) in making this world a more joyful and positive place to live. As Mahatma Gandhi said, “be the change you’d like to see in the world”. It begins with YOU.
It’s for this reason that I encourage you to begin your list of intentions by making “I love and accept myself JUST AS I Am” number one and “I live my life in touch with my true and unique self” second on that list. And then add on a whole heap of other joyful and happy stuff too, things that make you feel good, whether that’s spending more time in nature or seeing more of your friends, perhaps attracting a new job that’s more aligned with your soul, helping with a charity and/or buying your own home. Whatever it is make sure it is heartfelt and not from the ego.
Once you’ve finished with your list, you might write, “with thanks” or something to show your appreciation for the gift of intention, before folding it up and popping it in an envelope. Then put it away in a drawer, get on with living your life and be open to the new opportunities that the Universe may now provide. But don’t try to control this, just let things unfold in their own way and in their own timing. It’s exciting!
Of course I can’t write about the New Year and New Year’s intentions without suggesting that you put “yoga” on your list too. If you’re reading this then take it as a sign, it may very well be the answer to all your prayers. Want to lose weight? Practice yoga. Want to get fitter? Practice yoga. Want to be a kinder person? Practice yoga. Want to live life more in touch with your truth? Practice Yoga. It’s easy (yes I know I’m biased!)
But remember that talking about it isn’t the same as actually practicing. All too often people tell me they practice yoga, and then on closer examination it turns out that they haven’t actually taken their mat out of its bag for the last 6 months, if not a year. In their heads they think they practice yoga but I’m afraid you have to actually do the practice to get gain the benefit. It’s like Pattabhi Jois said, “Practice and all is coming”. Just get on your mat!
So you see beginning the New Year with a list of heart-felt intentions is far more exciting and uplifting then setting yourself some depressing New Year’s resolutions. Hopefully now you’ll wake up on New Year’s day feeling joyful and positive and loving yourself. It’s in this way that we will each play our part in making the world a happier and more peaceful place to live.
On that note, I shall leave you with an extract from the inspirational Anita Moorjani:
“Always remember not to give away your power – instead, get in touch with your own magnificence. When it comes to finding the right path, there’s a different answer for each person…when we’re true to ourselves, we become instruments of truth for the planet. Because we’re all connected, we touch the lives of everyone around us, who then affect others. Our only true obligation is to be the love we are and allow our answers to come from within in the way that’s most appropriate for us.”
The Quest for Conception: A Journey of Self-discovery
Since I wrote my last post I have been contacted by a number of ladies (in the strictest of confidence) who have all shared a little of their personal stories in their quest to become pregnant, whether that be naturally or through IVF, and others still investigating their options.
Some ladies are really lucky and conceive immediately, I have a couple of friends for whom this happened and my Mum apparently knew the exact moment I was conceived, but for others of us it is not so easy and can take years of heartache and anguish until we finally hold that bundle of joy (and life changer) in our arms.
I truly believe that the quest for conception has the potential to take us on a journey of self-discovery, at least that was certainly my experience and if you view it like this, well it becomes a little less scary and a little more intimate, spiritual and meaningful somehow. I can assure you that you are not alone and while there are times when it may feel really lonely out there, take comfort that others are going through it too.
There is a huge amount of fear that accompanies fertility: the fear of never conceiving and never having a baby of your own is the biggest one of course. If only you had the certainty that one day it would come true, then how much more you’d be able to enjoy the journey it takes you on. But here’s the thing, if you absolutely align yourself to the Divine and to your crystal clear intention to get pregnant, stepping into the heart and away from the fear, then you’ll be absolutely fine. You absolutely have to believe in yourself and your ability to create the life you desire.
There were a number of things I learned during my quest for conception and I truly believe that many of them helped me to finally become pregnant, and whether you are trying to conceive naturally or through IVF, it’s possible that some of these may help you too. They work on the basis that you are committing to an outcome and the more you can do to align every part of your being to the outcome the better.
However, I’m keen to stress that these were my experiences and the whole point of all of this, the journey to conception then, is for you to dig deep, listen in, connect with your soul and allow it to be your guide to realising your dream. In life we are so used to being told what to do that we often don’t listen to this little voice inside us which is doing all it can to guide us through. There are a lot of suggestions listed below so listen in to your soul and if what I say doesn’t resonate with you, well then its not for you simple as that, and please do not think you have to do all of them to achieve a happy outcome!
So here we go:
Pray. Now I’m not religious, not in the slightest, but I prayed every single day during my quest to become pregnant and I pray every single day now too. Prayer changed my life, it strengthened my spirituality and it absolutely strengthened my connection to the Divine. Try it. Drop to the floor and pray, direct your focus to that which you want to bring into your life and ask for guidance, give thanks and listen, absolutely listen to what comes back – there’ll be a message somewhere for you. I truly believe our prayers are always answered but NOT always in the way we imagine. You have to surrender a little to the process you are guided through. Notice your resistance to prayer because that can be telling too (more on this further down).
Stay positive. The best piece of advice anyone ever gave me (and she had been through IVF herself) was to not give in to self-pity. If you have to go down the IVF route then this is absolutely essential. Self-pity will not help. You are not the only one going through this and you will not be the last. Do whatever you can to stay absolutely positive about the process and about a positive result. Keep the faith high.
Zita West. Invest in a copy of Zita West’s book entitled, “Fertility and Conception”. It’s brilliant and probably some of what I learned from there I’m repeating here. Some of it, of course, didn’t resonate with me, and that’s that I mean about only doing what feels right for you. She also has an IVF clinic, which is more holistic than most, have a look on the internet if you are interested in this.
“The Stork Club” – If you need reminding that you are not alone, then read Imogen Edward-Jones’ “The Stork Club”, it’s a funny and yet interesting read.
Yoga. Perhaps it won’t come as any surprise to know that I dug super deep into my practice. There were times when I needed to be gentle and quiet and restorative yoga was ideal and other times when I needed to move actively and keep the energy high. I already have a daily practice, but I would often take to my mat a little more than usual when we were going through IVF especially. Lots of hip work can be beneficial, to really work with the sacral chakra, but so too some grounding work, and also heart opening, and at other times forward folding and inwardly reflective. A balance really! And if the tears come then let them flow, your mat is an ideal place to process and let the healing work come through.
Meditation. Fertility issues really helped me to commit to a daily meditation practice. Just 10-20 minutes a day made such a difference, especially when I was going through IVF, not only did it make my mind stronger but it helped me to maintain a positive outlook and stay focused on the end result. I absolutely encourage this, you’ll notice a wavering mind and this should give you the opportunity to do something about it – much trickier to find the time when you already have a child/children however so just do what you can!
Ayurveda. Ayurveda is the science of life. I have been seeing an Ayurvedic doctor, Dr Deepika, for nine years now and coincidentally she is a fertility expert and has helped hundreds if not thousands of ladies conceive. Ayurveda is holistic and works on all levels of your being, physical, mental, emotional and spiritual. I went over to the UK and did a three day pancha karma at her clinic, which was just wonderful. Based at Purley Oaks near Gatwick, Dr Deepika also offers skype appointments. You can find out more about here at http://www.theayurvedicclinic.com
Yoga Nidra – working with a Sankalpa; in practical terms, a Sankalpa is a declarative statement, resolution or intention in which you vow to commit to fulfil a specific goal, in this instance to become pregnant with a healthy baby – “I am pregnant with a healthy baby”. Sankalpa or resolution holds a special and highly esteemed place in the ancient teachings. The concept of Sankalpa appears even as early as the Rig Veda, the most ancient of all the Vedic texts. The ancient concept of sankalpa is based on the principle that your mind has measureless capacity to effect the quality and content of your life. As the Buddha said, “The mind is everything. What you think you become”. So start practicing Yoga Nidra regularly, a couple of times a week if you can, not only to consciously rest but to implant, like a seed, your Sankalpa deep within. Needless to say I produced my own recording for this and you can obtain a copy of this from my website, but there are plenty of others out there, just check Amazon or You tube.
Fertility bracelet – I love fertility bracelets. They incorporate crystals that are known to promote fertility and pregnancy such as moonstone, rose quartz and fresh water pearls. Other crystals are often incorporated to alleviate stress and encourage a calm state of being. I have one which was made by Athene Sholl (www.athenesholl.com) but my cousin Yo also makes them (you can find her on facebook as Yolande Ifold). Just wearing these crystals will help, not least in invoking the energy of fertility but making your intention even clearer to the Universe and encouraging the law of attraction to bestow you with a babe in arms!
Sculpture of whatever it is you are trying to create – for me the first time around it was a sculpture of a man, woman and baby all hugging together. The second time around there was a child in it too. I sit it on my altar so that I look at it every day and every day as I look at it I remember what it is I am intending to bring into, and create in, my life.
Vision board – ok so the jury’s out on vision boards but for me they have always been very powerful in again making my intentions clear and reminding me of this visually. So in this case an image of a pregnant lady and a baby works a treat, or a photo of you holding a baby. And notice any resistance you feel seeing/imagining yourself pregnant or holding a baby (more on this below).
A healthy diet – this goes without saying right, lots of fresh fruits and vegetables (seasonal and organic where you can), wholegrains and protein. Lots of fresh water too. Limit the caffeine and alcohol, everything in moderation – I like a cup or two of black tea in the morning and the odd glass or two of wine in the evening and certainly didn’t stop either during IVF.
Reiki – I received a lot of Reiki in preparation for, and during, all my IVF cycles and beyond. Reiki really helps to release energetic blocks and can enhance fertility. It is also deeply healing, relaxing and calming. I can’t recommend it enough. I’m not practicing at the moment but can recommend practitioners on Guernsey. Even better if you can give yourself Reiki though and this is ideal for pregnancy and channelling Reiki to the baby in utero.
Acupuncture – I did a lot of acupuncture in preparation for egg retrieval, whether this helped me to produce the number of quality eggs that were produced on that first cycle I will never know, but it kept my energy high during that first cycle.
Holistic therapies generally – As a holistic therapist, I love holistic therapies and I am fortunate that I’m able to swap yoga for therapies with some of my friends. Thus throughout both positive IVF cycles (both egg retrieval and embryo transfer) I’ve done a number of different ones in varying degrees depending on what I felt I needed. I’ve received Bowen and osteopathy to realign me physically, lymphatic draining to clear my lymph, reflexology to support the uterus and to relax, Ki massage to clear energetic and emotional blockages and holistic massage to chill out. I’m happy to recommend practitioners here in Guernsey.
Angels. I love the angels and talk to them daily. I’d encourage you to invite them into your life. Ask the angels to help you and they will by pointing you in the direction of people, therapies, books or whatever it may be that will help support you on your journey. I’m a massive fan of the Doreen Virtue Angel cards (you can buy these from Amazon) and I find that this is a wonderful way to communicate with them and get much more in touch with your intuition and what your soul’s messages. They’ll leave you feathers so you know they are with you and you’ll start noticing more robins too (these are angels in form). You may see an owl too.
Intimacy. Keep it intimate, between you and your partner. You can easily give your energy away discussing it with others. It’s your journey no one else’s and it certainly shouldn’t be a drama or source of gossip for others. The fact you have to become so conscious about conception can lose the intimacy, sex becomes all about getting pregnant, and IVF of course doesn’t even have the sexual element, so do what you can to retain some intimacy to the whole process. I think its more special that way.
She Oak – often an inability to conceive can be due to emotional issues, emotions that you haven’t yet processed and are holding on to in one form or another, perhaps something is eating away at you, or you haven’t made peace with childhood trauma. To help with this take She Oak tincture, which encourages the individual to be emotionally open and receptive to conceive. It also helps with the female balancing of hormones. You can order this from Amazon.
Have fun – don’t forget to have some fun. Life can become very structured and dull, what with ovulation dates and then waiting for the dreaded period or the joyful lack of period. And for those doing IVF, well it is one big treadmill of dates and times for injections and pills and blood tests and scans, so that it is all too easy for life to become very glum. Make sure you allow some time to have fun, even if that’s just going for swim in the sea or getting out walking in nature, laughing at a comedy, or going for a meal with friends. Keep the energy high!!!
Rest – yes, I’ve never been very good at this but it is really helpful if you can rest. The Yoga Nidra and treatments can help with this, but you’ll be trying to grow a healthy egg naturally or eggs with IVF and you need your energy to do this. So try and rest when you can, early nights and relaxing soaks in the bath!
Drop the energy vampires – we’ve all got them, people in our life who suck the energy right out of us what with their constant dramas or their constant demands on us. We don’t need them, and they probably don’t really need us, only that we’ve gotten into this dynamic which we feel we can’t get out of. But you can. And while sometimes it takes some adjustment, it is essential that all your energy goes to you, not those who take it all away from you. You know the people I mean and you’re probably feeling a little uncomfortable at the thought of how you are going to extricate yourself from the relationship, but you can. Let them go and perhaps you’ll be doing them a favour in the long run. Nature abhors a vacuum after all.
Activities which exhaust your energy – identify areas of your life where you are losing energy. For me Facebook has always been the major one, it draws you in and before you know it you’ve lost hours of your life. Not only that but it is filled with insecurity and opinions and judgments that don’t always serve the higher purpose, but of course that’s just my take on things, you’ll have other activities that drain you.
Bach Rescue Remedy – if things start getting a little stressful and you’re feeling a little emotional and out of balance then take some Bach Rescue Remedy, which is a wonderfully natural way to help you calm down, it works with flower essences and is marvellous.
The moon – I love the moon, especially as she is the Goddess of Fertility. So go and embrace her energy. When the moon is full, go outside and bathe in her rays and pray to her and ask her to bestow you with a child and remove the obstacles in your way. Remember to give thanks, especially when you achieve your outcome!
Resistance – this is HUGE. The most telling and powerful steps you can take to reduce your internal resistance to achieving your desire is to identify what we call in the Vedic tradition “vikalpas”. These are your unconscious sankalpas (intentions or resolutions, see above), but ones that move you in any one of countless directions away from the destiny your soul is here to lead you to. It is very important that you realise your unconscious mind is significantly more powerful than your conscious mind. You need to do what you can to recognise and become aware of your unconscious patterns and how they are sabotaging your conscious desires and to increase the intensity of your conscious desires. If you find that your actions are contrary to, or less than supportive of your goal and intention to conceive and give birth to a healthy baby, then there will be a vikalpa, an internal resistance at work here.
Perhaps you don’t think you’re worthy of having a baby, perhaps – unconsciously – you’re not sure you can cope with a baby, perhaps you’re worried about the effects of pregnancy on your body, perhaps you’re holding on to resentment from the past, from your own childhood etc, perhaps you’re worried you won’t make a good mother, perhaps you have a habit of sabotaging the good things in your life. So perhaps you need to identify your resistance and if necessary forgive and move on.
Stay grounded – hug a tree, go walk barefoot in the garden, sit on the beach, take a bath with natural sea salts, dry-brush, do whatever you can to stay rooted to this earth. You need to have your feet firmly on the ground to bring that spirit in. Don’t let yourself float around in the ethers, caught in your head.
Avoid online fertility/IVF forums – There is a ton of stuff out there on the internet about fertility and IVF and those forums are just plain awful, based on a whole heap of fear. My advice is to stay away from these at all costs, do not buy into negativity!
So my conclusion really is to continue being kind to yourself and absolutely do not give yourself (or anyone else) a hard time about all this. It is what it is. No point fighting it or fighting yourself over it. You’ll get your dream, the Divine may just have another plan of the route, the journey then, that you need to take there is all – remain patient, trust in the process and keep believing in yourself, its a journey of self-discovery, embrace it!!