The sun, the bee and the moon!
Today I have mainly been trying to stay aligned to soul.
This meant taking the whole family with me for a brief cliff walk to watch the sunrise, which was just amazing. This was soon followed by a high tide swim, albeit only E and I swam, the boys played titanic on the beach, but the combination set us all up high vibration for the day ahead.
Then, aside from the online learning, washing, cleaning, cooking and shopping, I mainly spent the rest of the day re-potting my medicinal herbs (I’m so excited, as all but two of the 15 herbs I planted have come through and I have so many marigolds, marshmallow, hyssop and woad that I don’t know what on earth I’ll do with them all!) and practising the brahmari breath!
The brahmari breath, the bumble bee breath, is just wonderful for calming the mind, soothing the nervous system and keeping the energy high – you can literally feel the vibration within your body. The bee knows best, without the bee life would be a bit tricky, so best we bring as much of the bee as we can into life – the queen bee at that, we should all be practising the brahmari regularly! All you need to do is take a breath in through your nose and then hum as you exhale, for as long as you can. Repeat, repeat, repeat!
I was also reflecting on how easy it is to fall asleep again while awake, and yet how necessary this is for the process of moving from a state of contraction to expansion. To expand, we have to first contract, then we expand and then we contract, as the moon moves through this cycle so do we, from one stage of being to another, and in tune with her too – her energy encourages it if we are tapped in. It’s beautiful really.
Mind you it’s been a beautiful day all around and I am grateful to the ancient wisdom, which always knows best - to father sun for his high energy, to the bee for its vibration and to the moon, for her energy of contraction and expansion and letting go and beginning anew, and to spring-time Mother Earth for her potency. I’m excited about this next moon cycle and just help I can stay in tune!
Surrendering to Yoga
Yesterday I was in overwhelm. Overwhelm at the thought of not being able to teach yoga or share Reiki. Overwhelm at the thought of not being able to touch anyone. Overwhelm at the idea of not being able to earn any money to help support my family. Overwhelm at the idea of home schooling/unschooling my children and at the sheer volume of people sharing home schooling content (thank you but enough already!). Overwhelm at the fast pace in which events are unfolding, and not being able to keep on top of it or process it properly. And overwhelm at the effect on children/loved ones and the wider community.
I wanted to understand and I had questions that couldn’t be answered, about the approach being taken by government and exit strategies and the manner in which decisions impact on everyone. I wanted certainty, of outcome, of knowing. I found myself reflecting, for example, on the irony, of how, in an effort to protect the vulnerable from suffering, many more end up suffering and feeling vulnerable – but this I know is karma in action, every action has a consequence, even well intended action.
I was torn on my perspective and feeling both compassion and anger all at the same time. It was like being in a washing machine of shifting emotions. Needless to say I went to bed last night with both a heavy heart, grieving all that had been, and feeling exhausted from trying to stay positive when there is so much fear pervading the world. I also felt helpless to do anything positive to help and a little purposeless as a result. There was a real sense of endings, with no clear idea of the new beginnings and my role in this.
Today I feel very differently. The Spring Equinox has ushered in a wave of clarity and positive energy, and there has been a surrendering to, and acceptance of our current situation. I am very aware that we are all facing the collective shadows, of fear of dying and fear of not having enough money to survive. It’s our survival that is being tested on every level. Yet what have we to lose?
For many it feels that we are losing everything we have ever known, our jobs, our businesses, our homes, the life that we had created thus far. Yet there is the concept of Samsara, first expressed in the Upanishads 3,500 years ago, the idea of the cycle of reincarnation, a continuous spin of birth and death as the soul completes its time in one form before taking on another.
Whether or not you actually believe in reincarnation, there is a lesson that can be learned from the concept of samsara itself – everything is continuously changing. During the course of our lives we will birth/create and let go of many identities, stages of life, relationships, ideas, beliefs and goals. We are continuously coming into new forms and ways of being again and again. Understanding and appreciating samsara as a natural and necessary process can be comforting at times like this, when we go through periods of (intense) transition.
In theory these are the periods of illumination that encourage us to grow. The more we settle into these moments of great change and uncertainty, the more comfortable we can become in the big-shift feelings that accompany them – albeit the feelings of anxiety, fear, sadness that accompany the letting go into the unknown and uncertainty can be utterly overwhelming.
I am reminded too of Isvara Pranidhara, the last of the five niyamas, or inner practices of Patanjali’s Yoga Sutra, meaning ‘surrender to a higher power’. This is not a process of defeat or of mindlessly submitting to another’s will, but the act of giving ourselves over to a higher purpose. It is about accepting what cannot change and acknowledging that we are not entirely masters of our own fate. In surrendering to something greater (of which we are a part – the collective consciousness), and letting go we open ourselves up to the potential of greater peace, love and freedom of mind.
I realise that yesterday I was very much stuck in my own ego and false sense of loss, whereas today (and long may it continue) the shifting energy has helped me to recognise that this is absolutely not about me! We are all affected and we all have a role to play. This is dharma, another of the concepts discussed in the Upanishads. Depending on our innate disposition or nature, each of us has been assigned (or has chosen) a role to play in this lifetime. It is our duty and responsibility to play our role to the best of our potential, getting on with it, uncomplaining, without hankering after someone else’s.
Life will never be quite the same again. Just like the body gives us signs before dis-ease manifests as illness, so too the universe has been prodding us, trying to get our attention. There have been financial crises encouraging us to live within our means, changing weather patterns showing us that all is not well up there in the atmosphere, and our own collective loss of mental wellbeing, indicating that as a specie we are not well either. We need to pull together to find a new way forward, living our dharma!
I feel that it is more important than ever to keep sharing yoga and Reiki with you and I am proposing this schedule next week:
Sunday 22 March 2020, 9.30-10.30am - Free Yoni Yoga for the ladies. This is a deeply nourishing and feminine approach to practice, with a guided Yoga Nidra, perfect for Mother’s Day. Facebook Live.
Monday 23 March 2020, 10-10.15/20am – Free Children’s Yoga. Let’s give it a whirl, Elijah might help me! Facebook Live. Depending on how the children find it, I’ll offer more.
Monday 23 March 2020, 6.15-7.30pm – Free Hatha Yoga class with Yoga Nidra. Zoom. You will need to sign up as a participant for Zoom, which is free. I will post further instructions, this will be a learning curve for me too!
Tuesday 24 March 2020, 8.30-9pm – Free group new moon meditation/Reiki share. We’ll try and do this on Zoom. We’ll breath together and prepare to sit and meditate on new moon energy, while sending distance Reiki for those Reiki attuned, and to each other within the group.
Wednesday 25 March 2020, 7.30-8.15 am – Free Hatha Yoga class. Facebook live.
Thursday 26 March 2020, 6-7pm – Hatha Yoga class, Zoom, £10 to join the session, email me to join and I will provide the link and payment details. You will need to sign up as a participant for Zoom, which is free.
Friday 27 March 2020, 9.30-10.45am – Hatha Yoga class with Yoga Nidra, Zoom, £10 to join the session, email me to join and I will provide the link and payment details. You will need to sign up as a participant for Zoom, which is free.
This is all subject to change, if there’s one thing we are learning, it is flexibility and going with the flow.
Love Emma x
P.S. Please do check the blog and Facebook for updates!
Yoga and change
Nothing brings me greater joy than witnessing yoga students embracing yoga and wanting to further their practice. There’s something about the practice, be it the breath or the postures or the relaxation, that affects them and they feel better for it; there has been a positive change and it motivates them to turn up again and again.
You can’t help but be changed by yoga. Yoga by its very nature encourages change. The way that we see things today does not have to be the way we saw them yesterday, and so it is with yoga too. The way we feel today, after a yoga practice, may feel very different to how we felt yesterday when we didn’t practice, and sometimes the way we feel after each practice changes too.
Some days we may feel positively elated, joyful, ecstatic, and other days we may feel tired and emotional. Yoga can bring stuff up for us. We might start to notice aches, pains and tensions in the body and mind that we hadn’t noticed previously. We might notice behaviour patterns and the manner in which we hold on to thoughts, notions and concepts, some well outdated and no longer serving us.
Sometimes the changes that yoga brings can be challenging. The painful emotions are confronting and the awareness of how much our life is out of a balance can be too much for some, so they stop coming to class. As much as they might like their lives to change, the change itself is too scary and they’d rather maintain the status quo however uncomfortable that is.
Others have no choice but to keep coming, there’s no going back for them now, the changes, however uncomfortable, are less uncomfortable than maintaining the status quo, of remaining the same. The body and mind have made it perfectly clear to them that there is a way out, that there is a chance of a new beginning, of a better way of living, of feeling something that’s more positive than the way they have been feeling, of hope for a future that they had almost given up on. There is a chance…
The joy of yoga, is that if we take the leap, if we overcome the obstacle of fear that prevents the change, if we listen to the body, to that ache and pain, and we keep practicing, well then then yoga will hold us while the changes are being made. Perhaps we need to let go of a destructive relationship or a draining friendship, perhaps we need to change jobs or professions to align yourself more fully with our talents, perhaps we need to leave a situation in which we have a vested interest. Yoga will help us through all of this and more.
Yoga is not to be saved for when we feel in a good place in our lives, or comfortable in our own skin (“I’ll come back when I’ve lost weight”, “you’ll see me when I’m not so tired”), yoga is for when we are in the nitty gritty thick of it, when we are on our knees, when we can barely get through a day, when we can’t stop crying, when the anxiety has become acute and overwhelming, when we can barely look at ourselves in the mirror, when we are lost and alone and fearful. This is when we need yoga the most.
Yoga does not need to look a certain way. Yoga doesn't care at all what you look like, what you’re wearing, whether you’ve brushed your hair, or are wearing make-up, whether you are fat or thin. Yoga couldn’t care about any of this. It just cares if you showed up today. If some part of you managed to make it onto your mat, even if you spent the session (as I’ve done many, many times) in tears, breathing from one pose to the next through your mouth because your nose is too snotty and you have to keep stopping to let the tears drop onto your mat, and wait until you can connect again with your body and breath and move into another posture, a momentary respite before the emotional wave crashes in again.
There’s this wonderful saying about people coming into your life for ‘a reason, a season or a lifetime’. I see this in yoga. People come in for their reason, for their season, or for their lifetime. I’ve lost count of the number of people I’ve seen supported by yoga as they make a life change and then I don’t see them again. But this doesn’t matter, because they have allowed yoga to change them, the practice has given them the strength to make those changes.
Others drift in and out, being touched, but not allowing the practice to touch them enough, and others, once they have a taste of change, are in it for the long run, it makes them feel better and it helps support them in their daily lives through thick and thin. Yoga is there for a reason, for a season and for a lifetime, you’ve just got to get practicing and see what it brings.
As Desikachar writes in his book, The Heart of Yoga, “The body and mind are used to certain patterns of perception and these tend to change gradually through yoga practice. It is said in the Yoga Sūtra that people alternately experience waves of clarity and cloudiness when first beginning a yoga practice. That is, we go through periods of clarity followed by times in which our mind and perception are quite lacking in clarity. Over time there will be less cloudiness and more clarity. Recognising this shift is a way to measure our progress”.
Perhaps it is this that changes us the most, the ability to see more clearly our truth, and to experience a greater sense of who we are, underneath the layers of illusion and false notions that we have adopted over the years. It always makes me think of the famous quote accredited to Gandhi, “Be the change you’d like to see in the world”. This is yoga. You cannot help but be changed into the change you’d most like to see in the world. Yoga changes us, and usually for the better.
We shouldn’t be scared by the change that yoga brings. Yoga just asks us to look at our lives more honestly, helping to open ourselves up to our potential for living a life beyond our wildest dreams. All it asks of us is to keep turning up and practicing, that’s all. “Practice, practice, practice and all is coming”, Sri. K. Pattabhi Jois is accredited for having said. It has become a little of a mantra for me over the years. This not to be attached to the fruits of our labours, but as a reason to keep turning up on the mat, day after day, year after year. Just keep practicing and let yoga reveal itself to you as you your-self are revealed.
My life has changed beyond recognition since I found yoga. Yoga saved my life. I’ve changed so that I don’t really recognise the old me, the before-yoga Emma. I’m not sure who that person was, but she wasn’t me, she was lost and depressed, paranoid and at times anxious, lacking in any sense of true self or self- confidence, soul fragmented. The yoga path has not always been easy, there have been many tears and healing crises along the way, but each practice has sparked something in me, helped the light to glow a little brighter, helped to make me whole, and it is this that has always motivated me and spurred me on.
I love it when I see this light lit in others too, because I know that it has a ripple effect. You being changed changes those around you, your family, your friends, your colleagues, they all start glowing a little brighter because something in you sparks something in them. It is in this way that yoga is changing the world one person at a time. Embrace the fear of change, and let yoga hold you, be the change you’d most like to see in the world – the one where fear is replaced with love. Love will continue to come back to you.
Ahimsā - non-violence and non-harming - how are we getting on?
Yoga might be extremely popular these days, but very few appreciate its philosophical merits. Viewed merely as an exercise regime, many will never have heard of Patañjali’s Yoga Sūtras, nor have any idea of the potential spiritual and personal transformation that Yoga offers.
Believed to be the most ancient text of classical Yoga, the Yoga Sūtras contain 195 sutras (threads) (sometimes argued to be 196), divided between four chapters, discussing the aims and practices of Yoga, the development of Yogic powers and finally, liberation. Like a guiding hand, the Yoga Sūtras detail the potential pitfalls on a spiritual journey and offer the means to overcome them.
It is understood that Patañjali was not one man, but a group of scholars who were tasked with scripting the path to self-realisation. Like the Buddhist Eightfold Path, the Yoga Sūtras are made up of eight limbs (astanga) or steps, which offers a method of awakening; a path to higher consciousness and liberation.
The eight limbs include:
The yamas (codes of moral conduct);
The niyamas (codes of social conduct);
Asanas (postures);
Pranayama (breathing exercises);
Pratyahara (withdrawal of senses);
Dharana (concentration);
Dhyana (meditation);
Samadhi (self-realisation).
While most Western practitioners may be familiar with the third limb of asanas (postures), very few will be familiar with the yamas and niyamas, which form the foundation for this wonderful practice (that is more than just exercising the body).
The five yamas constitute the ethical precepts, which provide us with basic guidelines for living a life of personal fulfilment that will benefit the whole of society. The yamas are therefore about our relationship with the world and about having an awareness of the inter-connected nature of it. They remind us that our every action has a consequence and they help to bring some order to an otherwise chaotic world.
The first of the five yamas is called ahimsā, which is often translated as non-violence or non-harming. In Yoga, ahimsā is believed to be the most important principle, and is mentioned first because the four other yamas are dependent upon it.
Over the years, my awareness of this yama has deepened. While some might argue that you should start first with the yamas and work your way through the other limbs, so that asana follows when you have spent time working with the yamas and niyamas, I have a sense that it doesn’t matter where you start. You will, at some point, begin to incorporate all the eight limbs into your life in some way or another as your awareness shifts.
So while I may have initially started practising asana for it’s physical, mental and spiritual benefits, my interest and awareness of the other seven limbs has increased over the years and the yamas are very important to me and form a framework from which I attempt to live my life.
This hasn’t happened with any effort either may I add, it has naturally evolved the more I have practiced and the more I have deepened my practice. I don’t believe that you can force yourself to live a certain way, it has to arise naturally for it to be authentic and real. But we can have an awareness nonetheless and sometimes the awareness is what might help to create the positive shift.
For example, some argue that ahmisā implies the need to eat a vegetarian diet. Certainly Stewart Gilchrist, with whom I train, and with whom I attended a workshop recently where we discussed the yamas, will argue that ahimsā means veganism. I have been a vegetarian on and off since I was 13 and it is true, that over the years I have become increasingly passionate about the non-harming of all life and questioned the ethics of the meat and dairy industry, choosing a predominantly plant-based diet accordingly.
However, the Yoga Sūtras do not make specific reference to the need to be a vegetarian or vegan per se, it is based on interpretation of ahimsā and how this comes to play out in your life will be dependent on the individual. Vegetarianism or veganism cannot be forced because this forcing may create harm, and this will potentially override any benefit that might be otherwise gained. It needs to evolve naturally.
For example, when I was younger I thought nothing of killing a fly that annoyed me or squashing a spider that might be in my room, let alone killing ants. Today I wouldn’t dream of killing an insect, I mean yes, it is tempting when the flies are relentless (as they are at the moment), but what right have I to kill? I’m curious how easily we justify the killing of animal and insect life to suit ourselves.
I try and install in my children the need to help other living beings, and I admit I do struggle with the recent crabbing obsession of my eldest. It seems so cruel to in any way harm other living beings for our pleasure, whether we are learning about those species or not.
Fortunately, I have managed to steer us to rock pools and merely looking and I’m pleased about that because recently we came across a mother crab literally hugging her baby crab. I didn’t have my camera to hand and I wish I had, because it was a very strong message to me that we shouldn’t be messing with nature, that even mother crabs have babies that they protect, what right have I to move them or separate them?
I also believe it is important that my children are aware of the source of their food, whether that be a dead animal or not, so that they can be more conscious of what they are putting into their bodies and the harm that may be taking place. They are too young to truly understand this, at least from my perspective. My eldest son loves pigs and loves sausages, and he is fine with this, despite understanding the connection.
There are many ways that we harm other human beings too. Physically hurting someone is one such way, but we shouldn’t overlook the emotional and mental harm that we can cause to others by the words we use - harsh words uttered in moments of rage and anger, words used to manipulate and control, words used to put down and disempower, and words that add to insecurity and shame, for example.
We can hurt by the tone of our voice, or by the volume of it, raising our voice and shouting at both other adults and children unnecessarily. We can harm with our moods and our behaviour patterns, ignoring family members, turning our backs on children because they’ve annoyed us, or even worse, ignoring their crying and neglecting to attend to their needs (children often cry because their needs are not being met, even if that need might just be a moment of our time and sole attention).
We can hurt people on social media too, by the comments we make, and the judging that we undertake. We can also harm people by publishing stuff that might upset them. For example, I don’t appreciate seeing any images of violence, whether that be to animals, children or adults. I know it exists and I try to do what I can to help to make a positive difference, seeing a distressing image does not achieve anything positive, it just creates more anger and negativity and the world has enough of that already.
The written word can also harm, not only in the way in which text messages and emails can be misinterpreted, but also in the way that we can be captive audiences. We don’t get to choose what people write to us when they contact us and before we know it they have offloaded on us and involved us in their dramas. It can be ever so draining, and can lead us onto another of the yamas called asteya, which means non-stealing, and the manner in which people steal time and energy from us, but that’s a whole other blog posting!
Of course Gandhi’s views and practices revolved around ahimsa and non-violence. He successfully implemented the rule of non-violence in the struggle for independence in India. He wrote, “non-violence is a power which can be wielded equally by all – children, young men and women or grown up people, provided that they have a living faith in the God of Love and have therefore equal love for all mankind. When non-violence is accepted as the law of life, it must pervade the whole being and not be applied to isolated acts”.
I would love nothing more than for non-violence to be accepted as the law of life but I have a feeling that until we are non-violent and non-harming to the ourselves, then it is unlikely we will be able to non-violent or non-harming to the whole of society.
For many years, I associated self-harm with intentionally damaging or injuring the body, usually as a way of coping with, or expressing, emotional distress. I tried it once, in my twenties when I was full of self-loathing, and it just made me feel worse, not better, but I have known others who experienced some comfort in it. It’s a pretty drastic thing to do and certainly indicates that life is very much out of balance.
I have since come to recognise that there are many other ways that we self-harm, some more acceptable by society, and some so subtle that we don’t recognise them as self-harming until someone points them out to us.
Self-harming can mean eating more than you need, for example, and being greedy, taking an extra helping of cake or chocolate or curry, or whatever it might be that stresses our digestive systems and body generally. Cancer Research UK advises that in 2018, 62% of the adults in the UK were overweight or obese, and that being overweight and obese is the UK’s biggest cause of cancer after smoking. This is most definitely self-harm manifest!
However, self-harm can also mean not eating enough. Those who read this blog post regularly and have read my books will know that I used to have an eating disorder. Eating disorders are definitely a form of self-harm. I also carried a lot of repressed anger and bitterness, and the combination of the eating disorder and the negative emotions resulted in me having to have my gallbladder removed when I was 21 years old -the gallbladder holds bitterness in the body, closely related to the liver which holds anger.
Anger was a theme throughout much of my earlier life, both inherited but also in reaction to life events and the manner in which my life was unfolding, especially in my twenties. This was a form of self harm as I directed my anger towards myself, my inner critique giving me a hard time so that I loathed myself – I didn’t need anyone else harming me because I was doing a good job of that myself with my negative thinking.
For many years of my life I always adopted a negative mind-set and negative thinking. I didn’t even realise that I was doing it, or that I had a choice about it – glass half full, glass half empty. I just thought that that was me. My negativity towards myself and my life led me to contemplate suicide and one evening I did get more desperate than at any other time in my life and I know that this was – thankfully – a cry for help rather than a genuine attempt at suicide. I had hit rock bottom and this was some serious harming.
It was a necessary moment for me though, to wake up to the harm I was causing myself and to ask for help to heal. Soon after this, a wave of help rushed in, through Yoga, Reiki and the love of many Earth angels, which you can read about in my book, Namaste. All of this helped me to realise that I didn’t have to be stuck in negativity, that I had a choice, and I took it upon myself to focus on love, and self-love and positivity instead, trying to shift my mind-set in the process.
It is difficult to name one thing that made a difference, because all the various healing practices that I engaged had a cumulative positive effect on me. Although I do think that connecting with the angels and inviting the divine and indeed the Goddess into my life have all helped to make a huge difference. At their heart they brought in faith and love, and this made a huge difference in transforming my life in a positive direction. It was then, and much like Gandhi says, that I began to have greater love and respect for the whole of mankind.
However, it is worth noting that we can harm ourselves in the quest to heal ourselves too. In the earlier days of my Yoga practice I practised excessively, triggering the return of the eating disorder, which found me losing a lot of weight in the quest to be the ‘ideal’ yogini, or at least the notion in my head of what I thought was the ideal yogini. This was a journey all in itself, and helped me to see through the illusion that is ever present even in the Yoga world. My periods stopped during this time soon, which is always a sign that something is out of balance.
We can harm ourselves by pushing ourselves too hard in our yoga practice, causing ourselves injuries. As yoga teachers we have to be mindful of not causing harm to our students in the words we use and the physical adjustments we make. As holistic therapists too, helping others to heal, we have to be mindful of not creating more harm and sharing only what is absolutely necessary and helpful, not dwelling on the negative.
I harmed myself when I used to smoke cannabis, believing that it would assist with my spiritual development. I was travelling and practicing Yoga, and I convinced myself that it was OK as it was mentioned in the Vedas and there is an association between cannabis and Shiva, plus I hoped it would enhance my creativity and expand my mind.
When I look back I see that it was just another smoke screen, another way of distancing myself from the reality of my life and the issues that I still needed to address. I was neither more creative nor more spiritual as a result of the smoking, I just ended up with a nicotine addiction and polluted lungs and liver. Furthermore, I was desperately ungrounded and unable to make anything happen in my life as I floated around in the ethers of denial.
There is no doubt in my mind that smoking is a form of self-harm. Fortunately smoking has become unfashionable and with good reason, with it being the number one cause of cancer in the UK. The fact that people are still allowed to smoke in their cars in Guernsey with children in the car too astounds me. Surely this is a form of harm too?
Drinking alcohol is also a form of self-harm despite the fact that it is considered socially acceptable. It amazes me how much alcohol underpins the British culture despite the fact that drinking alcohol is known to cause seven types of cancer, including breast and bowel cancer (per Cancer Research UK). Furthermore, studies indicate that those who drink alcohol (regardless of the amount) are more likely to end up with cancer than those who don’t.
There are many other ways we self-harm too, often as a result of our addictions. One of my yoga teachers always said that we all have addictions, some more harmful than others. Some may be addicted to love and the drama that often accompanies this, others to technology and the need to be online, yet others to sex and to porn, and yet more to pharmaceutical drugs, and those who choose illegal drugs instead.
We can harm others in the process of harming ourselves too; spending too much time on technology and ignoring our children in the process, in any way buying into the porn industry, uncontrollable and unrestrained sexual indulgences and manipulations, the love drama that destroys marriages and harms children, and promoting the illegal drug trade with its links to sex trafficking and the underworld.
Buying into Big Pharma is a big deal too. To have children we had to have IVF. This meant that I consciously ingested and injected pharmaceutical drugs into my body, some of which came with warnings of the potential cancerous side effects. Some of these drugs are aimed at, and used by, menopausal women to reduce their menopausal symptoms. I had a choice about whether I take these drugs, and had it not been for my overwhelming desire for children, there is no way I would have put that stuff into my body.
I tried to do what I could to reduce the negative effects of the drugs, certainly energetically, with holistic means. I was still concerned however about what I was doing to my body and to the embryos created through the use of these drugs in my body, and what might be the effect in utero. Fortunately, both boys arrived safely, not without some drama though, and whether this was as a result of the IVF and use of pharmaceutical drugs or not who will ever know. You can read more about this journey in my book Dancing with the Moon.
Going back to the menopausal medication, it saddens me that menopausal women feel they have little choice but to take synthetic drugs to lessen the symptoms of the menopause which, we should remember, is a transition from one way or being to another, rather like menarche for teenage girls, rather than a condition that somehow needs to be fixed (or delayed!).
That women are prepared to risk cancer, shows how desperate they must feel and it is a shame that holistic means are not promoted as another option. Certainly from an Ayurvedic perspective a change to diet and lifestyle, and the use of some natural medicine can work wonders in supporting this transition, without the unwanted side effects such as cancer. Still we must each feel that we have a right to choose, without judgment, the path we should take, medical or otherwise.
The fact that so many women still choose to take synthetic contraceptive drugs despite the researched links between the long term use of these drugs and various cancers surprises me. This link is recognised to the extent that doctors will encourage women to stop taking the pill at some stage, when they consider that they have been on it for long enough - this happened to two of my friends, who had never questioned, nor appreciated the risk they were taking by using the pill in the first place. These are subtle ways in which we might harm ourselves,
[For anyone keen to explore menopause or menstruation further, I recommend reading any of Dr Christiane Northrup’s books on women’s wisdom and women’s bodies, she also has a book devoted to natural approaches to the menopause available through Amazon. For those who have been questioning the use of the contraceptive pill then I highly recommend reading Code Redby Lisa Lister and exploring alternative methods that might allow you to connect with your cycle again and all it will reveal to you in the process.]
I haven’t even started on vaccinations and harm because that is a whole divisive and potentially harming discussion point for all involved. My best friend once told me that we might fall out if we discuss vaccinations so I learned early on that even those nearest and dearest will risk a long-term friendship over this subject. I’m not pro or anti vaccine per se, but I am pro choice, and that people should have the right and freedom to make the choice whether to vaccinate themselves or their children without being judged or in any way harmed by others.
Whether you are harming yourself or others in choosing to vaccinate, is as valid a research point, as the decision not to vaccinate and the impact this is believed to have on the wider population. All I would suggest that in forming your opinion one way or another you undertake detailed and unbiased research, and even then, respect the choice of others. Certainly from an Ayurvedic perspective, it is fundamental to support natural immunity whether you vaccinate or not and cause as little harm as possible whichever route you take.
We self-harm when we establish poor boundaries be that in relationships or in the work place and when we give too much of ourselves and our energy away. Further, we self-harm when we spend time with people who deplete us or in any way disempower or drain us. We self-harm when we subject ourselves to violent media or to the news, or to anything that in any way has a negative impact on our emotional and mental wellbeing and creates feelings of fear and anxiety in us.
Then lastly let us not forget the manner in which we harm the planet. Those of us who drive cars, travel by aeroplane, waste water, fuel and food, and buy more than we need are harming the planet on some level. We live in a consumer society where it is all about buying and accumulating stuff. We don’t actually need very much. It’s important we recognise the difference between needing and wanting and consider what it is that we are actually buying. Are we buying into an illusion? And what about the source of what we are buying? Did it cause harm to people or to the planet? Ethical shopping has to be the way forward.
I can even take this to the buying of crystals. I love crystals and like having them in the cottage, but I have started questioning the harm that was caused, not only to the planet but to the people involved in their mining, to bring them into my life. I went through a phase of returning all the pebbles and shells that we had collected over the year to the beach, considering that these are not mine, and that they should be returned to Mother Earth. I’ve eased up on that a little bit but it’s an interesting point – how are we harming Mother Earth through our actions?
The truth is, once we bring ahimsā into our life we do start questioning things. What once worked for us might not work anymore and that can be a difficult process to go through, not only for us but for our friends and family. There is often a period of adjustment because its implications are far wider than simply giving up meat or ditching the car for the bike
It is more than not being violent or not harming, it is more than an attitude, it is a whole way of life. It extends to all living things, to you, to me, to those we don’t get along with, to animals, to Planet Earth, it is all and everything. Ultimately it comes down to love and respect, and it comes down to being conscious of the decisions we make, and taking responsibility. It’s pretty cool, though, as a framework for living one’s life - ahimsā, being non-violent and doing no harm.
Yoga, the coil and menstruation
I was asked a very valid question recently about women practicing yoga with a coil and what they should and shouldn't do. Uma is my inspiration for answering this, and I would encourage you, if you have a coil, to watch this short video…
I was asked a very valid question recently about women practicing yoga with a coil and what they should and shouldn't do. Uma is my inspiration for answering this, and I would encourage you, if you have a coil, to watch this short video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hh34PVZgl38
I've also been asked a number of times the reason I give options for women who are menstruating. My answer is because when you're menstruating, really you need to take things gently - I'm impressed you're even at class. At this time of the month often what our body needs is deep rest, darkness, stillness and the opportunity to truly tap into our womb wisdom. This is a time to get down on the Earth and get into yourself.
If you do come to class, I encourage you to be particularly gentle with yourself and this is the reason for the options. Of course there are always options, if you're ovulating, maybe you want to practice a different way, if you're menopausal then maybe you want to practice by a window and take some time off to cool down, if you're lactating then maybe you need to rest more frequently than others and avoid lying on your front with your breasts pressing to the ground.
I'm a woman, I bleed, I breastfeed, I ovulate, I'm still technically post-natal (for two years after birth), I've been pregnant a few times, I've had two Caesarean sections and IVF. I bring this experience with me into class and share as much as I can. We're all different though, so I encourage you to check in to your own bodies and your own body wisdom and adjust the practice as you choose.
For many years I ignored my body wisdom and I resented my monthly bleed as it made practicing yoga more challenging as I would be tired and there was the small problem of bleeding to consider. I just kept practicing as I practised the rest of my monthly cycle - in a masculine and yang way as I didn't know that there was another way.
I ended up with menstrual problems. My periods stopped essentially. I then found out I had cysts on my ovaries. This is a whole other story but I set out to heal myself and part of that healing was learning about womb wisdom and the need to honour my body and respect it's monthly cycle and to tap into the wisdom that it provides.
I've been deeply inspired by Uma Dinsmore-Tuli and am full of huge and massive respect for her speaking her truth and walking her talk and being a shining light to us wild yoginis.
So I know from experience, how important it is to respect whatever stage of life we're going through, and especially our menstrual cycle. In Ayurveda (of which I am a huge fan), there are five energies (or pranas) and one of these is called Apana. Apana is a downward moving energy, which is involved in excretion, urination, ejaculation and menstruation.
So I encourage menstruating women to avoid the inversions, such as headstand and shoulder stand, which reverses the natural downward flow of apana upon which menstruation relies. I also encourage them to avoid deep twists, certainly in the first couple of days of menstruation, maybe after then it feels good to do a deep twist.
I would also avoid poses like bow and or anything that presses on the lower belly. I don't even like to practice steamed forward bends where my lower tummy makes contact with my legs, I much prefer legs apart if I'm folding forward during this time. basically i feel it's important to keep the practice gentle and give the womb lots of space and nurturing energy. Reiki hands on the lower belly is essential if you're Reiki attuned!
I've got a free video coming out soon on yoga for menstruation so keep an eye out if this interests you.
I'd also encourage any menstruating woman to read "Code Red" by Lisa Lister. It's an inspiring book, which teaches you all about the menstrual cycle in a really accessible way. She's funny! It's inspired many women with whom I've shared it, and it certainly helped me to re-align my menstrual cycle with the moon post baby and drop a little more deeply into womb wisdom and the cyclical nature of being a woman.
With love and gratitude!
xx
The Joy of Yoga Nidra
Today I came across an article I wrote a while ago now for a Yoga magazine on the joys of Yoga Nidra. I still thoroughly enjoy Yoga Nidra and have spent this year undertaking a foundation course on it. This has meant I've practiced a lot of Yoga Nidra in all different formats and from different traditions this past year too, which has really helped me with the post-natal exhaustion.
I've also found that Yoga Nidra has helped to me to connect more deeply with my creativity, I've been writing a lot! I've also re-discovered a love of painting and have more creative ideas than I may have done previously.
Everyone should practice Yoga Nidra! This is one of the reasons I incorporate Yoga Nidra into all of my retreats and ensure that we finish the Sunday morning Yoni Yoga class with one. Bliss!!
If you'd like to know more then keep reading:
When I initially started practicing Yoga almost 10 years ago now, I simply could not relax. It was impossible. At the end of the Yoga class when the teacher announced Savasana, I would try and find any possible excuse to leave the class early so that I could avoid the last few minutes of relaxation.
It was not so much that I was adverse to the idea of relaxation per se, it was more so that I found relaxing so mentally uncomfortable. There were simply too many thoughts, too many tick lists, too many things I should be doing, rather than simply lying there on the floor trying to relax.
When I first ventured out to Byron Bay in Australia to immerse myself in Yoga a year into my practice, I shall never forget my first 2 hour Yoga session (the normal length of the classes out there at that time). While I loved every single minute of the asana practice, the problem came, however, with a 20 whole minutes of quiet relaxation at the end of the class. Proper quiet that is, with no music, no distraction, nothing. Those were the longest 20 minutes of my life, or so it seemed in that moment!
Still with me attending these 2 hour sessions once or twice a day every day for a month and unable to leave the class early (many teachers will understandably discourage you from doing so), I quickly developed my own way of dealing with the mental chatter. I imagined in my mind a train line with open trucks in which I placed each of my thoughts and then watched them pass by, one after the other, until I was able, eventually, to experience some relief from the constant background mental chatter.
Over the next year I practiced a lot of Yoga as I developed my practice both on and off the mat, qualifying as a Yoga teacher in the process. My ability to relax improved hugely, but it wasn’t until I assisted on a teacher training course at Govinda Valley, Sydney that I discovered the joy and indeed benefit of Yoga Nidra. The relaxation became something I enjoyed rather than something that I endured at the end of a Yoga class.
I can still remember the experience of that first Yoga Nidra clearly. There we were, the whole class of students, lying comfortably in the corpse pose, a bolster under knees and a blanket covering each of us to keep us warm as the teacher’s gentle voice soothed us into a state of cosy bliss as we relaxed each part of our body part by part, experiencing sensations and bringing awareness to the natural breath; it was a journey like no other I had experienced previously.
Time lost all meaning, what was actually 30 minutes felt like 5, and before I knew it we were back in the room, on our mats, in our bodies, feeling much more centred and grounded than I had felt at the beginning of the class. What was also noticeable was the fact the mental chatter had eased, I had managed to drift beyond it into that wonderful state of being between being awake and asleep, the hypnotic state, where real healing takes place. I felt brighter, lighter, rested and renewed.
Essentially Yoga Nidra is a powerful meditation technique inducing complete physical, emotional and mental relaxation. During Yoga Nidra one appears to be asleep but the consciousness is functioning at a deeper level of awareness so that you are prompted throughout the practice to say to yourself mentally, “I shall not sleep, I shall remain awake”.
Before beginning Yoga Nidra you make a Sankalpa, or a resolution for the practice. The Sankalpa is an important stage of Yoga Nidra as it plants a seed in the mind encouraging healing and transformation in a positive direction. The Sankapla is a short positive mental statement established at the beginning of the practice and said mentally to yourself in the present tense, as if it had already happened, such as “I am happy, healthy and pure light”, or “I am whole and healed”.
A Sankalpa can also be used to encourage you to let go of something in your life like smoking or overeating, focusing on the underlying feeling that leads you to smoke or to overeat such as “I love and care for myself and my body”, or “I choose to eat foods that support my health and wellbeing” or “I am relaxed and contented”. In fact simply having the opportunity to establish a Sankalpa is powerful in itself as it gives you a focus and enhances your awareness of self.
It is actually in connecting with yourself that you come to realise all the deep seated tensions that Yoga Nidra helps you to release. These are all the unconscious and unresolved issues that are playing a role in some of the unwanted habits and behaviour patterns you are noticing consciously. This is the stuff that goes through your mind time and time again, the stuff you resolve to change at the beginning of each year but that “will” alone will not change. What you need to do is get to the root of the problem and Yoga Nidra provides you with a means to do this.
With all the letting go of this “stuff”, such as trapped emotions and feelings, you become lighter and there is more energy available to be used in a more positive manner. Plus with the power of intention in the form of Sankalpa, that which we attract into our life also changes. It is in this way that Yoga Nidra offers us so much potential for transforming our lives in an even more positive direction than we can ever imagine.
Of course let us not forget the physiological benefits too, such as lowering of the heart rate and blood pressure, the release of lactate from the muscles that can cause anxiety and fatigue, a more restful night’s sleep and, ultimately, a calming and unwinding of the nervous system, which is basically the foundation of the body’s wellbeing. So you see our physical health and sense of wellbeing can improve too.
Over the years Yoga Nidra has helped me in so many ways. At times of crisis, when I have been tired and exhausted, sick and stressed, it has helped to restore, renew and heal me. At confused times in my life when I have been unclear of the way forward then it has provided me with much needed clarity. At other times it has helped me to let go of unhealthy addictions and behaviour patterns, the most profound was changing my relationship to myself and therefore enabling me to effortlessly let go of the need to smoke tobacco after so many years of battling with this nicotine addiction.
These days relaxation comes easily to me and I positively seek out and embrace any opportunity for Yoga Nidra for it is just such an amazing practice. In this stressful and fast paced world we live, where we can feel so disorientated and fragmented, it really helps to bring us back together and connect with ourselves again. Needless to say, I cannot promote the benefits of Yoga Nidra to you enough. But of course you cannot benefit from merely intellectualising these things, and reading about it will not necessarily change things. What you really need to do is make a commitment to take the time out for yourself. Lie comfortably, cover yourself with a blanket, close your eyes and allow yourself to be guided through a Yoga Nidra session. I doubt you will regret it, in fact you may find it a life changing experience.
The light of yoga
I'm very excited about the seven day yoga challenge that we're launching tomorrow. I love sharing yoga and hope that this may encourage some of you to dust off your mat and have a go.
I've been thinking recently how yoga can be a little bit like that saying, "people come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime". So it's the same with yoga. For me it's certainly a lifelong practice, whilst I recognise that people flit in and out, sometimes because something is going on in their lives and they need the support and other times, because yoga gets too confronting.
I realised yesterday that I've now been practicing yoga, on a virtually daily basis for 14 years now. My body's changed a lot during that time, not least in terms of my flexibility, but the hugest change has been in my outlook on life and my relationship with my self (which has had a knock on effect on every relationship in my life).
I was suffering with depression and PMS when I discovered yoga. It was for those reasons that I sought it out. Yoga made me feel better. I mean not consistently better, at least not overnight, but gradually the depression eased as I made changes in my life, that the yoga has helped me to realise needed to be made, and gave me the strength to make the changes.
I came home to myself, to my heart and soul. Yoga saved my life. It taught me how to dream and to believe in my dreams, it encouraged me to see the positive in all things. It helped me to learn to love myself again, to let go of the insecurities and the shame, to acknowledge my gifts and use them. It helped me to heal.
It also helped to deepen my connection to Mother Earth and to take responsibility for my impact on her. This recognition in itself has been hugely life changing, because it's all too easy to overlook this and not take any responsibility. It's made me more conscious then, which has been hugely rewarding, if at times confronting!
Yoga's amazing and I shall be eternally grateful to all the yogis and yoginis who came before me and led the way. Thank you. I hope that the seven day challenge may help in a way too, passing on a little of the light passed on to me.
Happy practicing!
x
Wild yogini and the moon
I started bleeding this week. It was such a relief. I’ve had 20 months without bleeding, well not with menstrual bleeding, what with pregnancy and then the post-natal period.
The pregnancy was fine, it’s pregnancy after all and brings with it its own rhythm. But the post-natal period is a tough one. I was bleeding for the first six weeks after the birth and then I was so exhausted that it was a relief not to have to factor in the exhaustion that can accompany the menstrual cycle too.
However, by six months I was ready to get back into the menstrual groove again and while I could feel rumblings, I felt a little rudderless, without my menstrual navigational system kicking in.
So I welcomed the blood that appeared two days before the Pisces full moon and I was excited about the timing. That’s not bad is it, to be two days short of the full moon when you haven’t bled for almost two years? I was certainly delighted.
It was a joy to crouch down and bleed directly onto the Earth again in the light of the full moon in all her glory. I was smiling from ear to ear, it was like I’d properly come home again, and then I did a little dance in the garden.
You might ask yourself what E was doing when the menstrual moon shenanigans were taking place? Watching TV of course, he’s a good one that one, knows what’s going on but chooses to overlook the detail!
Not that there was much ignoring it the next morning when I went skinny dipping at Petit Bot. I’m a wild yogini at heart and what better way to truly get wild then to swim at high tide, without clothes, in the early morning light and bleeding too. I felt properly cleansed by the sea and the moon.
It was good too as my vampire boy at ten months has puncture wounded both my nipples with his sharp teeth and relentless night time feeding so the salt water helped with this healing too.
Now if you’re reading this and getting a little bit judgemental then take that as a sign that perhaps you’re meant to be getting into your menstrual moon and naked sea swimming grove too. Don’t knock it until you’ve tried it.
I wish more women would get up close and personal about their menstrual cycles. There’s nothing dirty about it. Quite the opposite. It’s incredibly empowering and enlightening to track your cycle and embrace your bleeding days with whatever helps to connect you deeper to the earth and your womb wisdom.
I’ve written about it before – have a look here if you would like to read more - http://www.beinspiredby.co.uk/blog/2016/9/19/moon-cycles-and-lady-cycles-welcoming-womb-wisdom
I appreciate also that sometimes the arrival of the blood is not something to be celebrated because it means another month without getting pregnant. I hear you, I’ve been there myself. But actually if you are struggling to get pregnant, then getting up close and personal with your menstrual cycle should be paramount. Greet it and meet it, it’ll have a message for you.
So that’s me shared, wearing something red, and chilling out on my yoga mat. I’m hoping to record a yoga video for menstruation soon, because it really changes how I feel to move my body on my mat (not so much but a little) and I’m keen to share this with others as it really supports me during this period (quite literally!).
I also love to prop myself for a yoga nidra, and raise my legs up on the bed. I also love to sit and watch my breath and see what arises from my womb space. It’s insightful I can tell you.
So whether you’re a wild yogini moon lady or not, I hope you’re enjoying the waning moon energy, and get to check in to the energy of your cycle too.