Being in our CENTRE

It turns out that I am not the only one who thinks that time has sped up since the winter solstice, some of my clients today feel exactly the same way. We are all sharing a slightly overwhelmed feeling with it because there seems to be a lot going on and not enough time to allow for it all. I can barely believe it is the 13th January today, we’re almost half way through the first month of the year!

There’s also a theme in the air at the moment - other than covid albeit it begins with ‘c’ - namely CENTRE. Where are we within ourselves and where are we within time? In theory we should be in our centre right NOW but many are currently all off centre.

Admittedly we’re going through significant change. The energy is HIGH. but it feels important that we stay in OUR centre as much as possible over the next few weeks. We’re currently stuck between ENDINGS and NEW BEGINNINGS. We know that the life we lived has come to an end, I mean that on a societal and personal level, Covid has made it pretty clear we’re not going back now. But the new is not yet clear. And I have a feeling it won’t be clear, not properly, until after the spring equinox in March, albeit Imbolc will move things on a bit.

This is ‘new’ with a capital N though, NEW WAY OF BEING, not like the old way of being, we just cannot do things the same way anymore, which is why it is new with a NEW feel to it, we won’t have lived like it previously, our whole approach to it has to be different. This isn’t a case of simply creating a new vision board with a new dream, this is about approaching our life and experience of it differently, from a new perspective, so no vision board, no ‘old’ approach to manifesting and creating. This new way literally has to be NEW and absolutely different.

Which is the reason it’s going to take a while to bubble through, and we have to sit in this period of ambiguity, because the clarity will come the more we are centred within ourselves. So the key, really, is to CENTRE, so that we can HEAR our own inner wisdom, not someone else’s, or society’s, or our old voice around how we THINK our life should be lived. This is not about pushing, pulling, expanding enormous amounts of energy trying to make things happen, trying to manipulate, mould or in any way control how our external world looks.

We can keep doing that, but we’ll find it unfulfilling in the long run as we realise that it is not going to give us the peace, joy and contentment that we ultimately seek. We should know that by now. Covid has highlighted this to us, allowed us to see through more of the illusion we had brought into around the idea of power, money and success giving us happiness. We have seen how false a notion that is. More of us have had to live with less and found greater happiness within that, of the extra time gifted to us, and of realising that all this external focus, of wanting and accruing and buying just creates more stuff and becomes an endless cycle of never quite having enough. A bit like the vaccine.

We’ve realised the gift of going slow, of just being, of time spent with the family, of being still, of noticing the changing seasons, of getting in the sea. We’ve learned to be more flexible. to plan less, be more in the moment, never knowing if things will get cancelled, if we can attend, work, earn money, get sick. We’ve been gifted the opportunity to be increasingly grateful for the present, for all we have, rather than what we don’t have.

Habits die hard. I know I’ve had a really hard time at times letting go of so much of my conditioning around this, of achieving and accruing and all these other ways that I may have lived previously in an attempt to prove my worth. I’ve had to go deeper into old patterns and face the threads of insecurity and look honestly at my relationship with myself and NOT base it on anything external, not on qualifications, wage, number of students at class, likes on Facebook, people wanting to engage with me etc. I’ve had to strip it bare and deal with the rawness of just being with not feeding my old patterns, of consciously stepping away from them and being in the discomfort of it all instead.

I’ve had to look deeply at the conditioning around education and safety, about qualifications and earning potential, as I considered Elijah’s need NOT to be in formal education. I’ve had to follow the thread that made me anxious about what it might mean if he doesn’t have a ‘formal’ education, about whether it matters if he doesn’t know about compound sentences at 7 years old, or how to do fractions. I’ve had to follow the thread to the root of my anxiety and be honest about the way in which I have spent so much of my life accruing academic qualifications as a way of seeking validation of my worth and as a form of safety - the more qualified the more opportunity for a job and the more financial security.

I’ve had to let that go too, the financial security especially, which has set me into a compete spin at times, because I have a genetic fear of loss of financial security, it is deeply embedded in my DNA and the DNA of my other family members. It is interesting to see what we’ve each done to manage this, some choosing really secure jobs and these of us playing with the edge of it, determined that the buck (no pun intended) stops with us so we don’t pass it on to our children, so they don’t do jobs they hate, just for the money, just to avoid feeling fear.

Each family has a theme that comes with them. It’s up to us if we feed it through to our children or not. If we can heal it in ourselves, we heal it up and down the family line. We have to be honest though notice what our motivation is for what we’re doing, whether it comes from the heart or from fear. I worked in finance for many years, not for the love of it, but because it was safe and stopped me having to feel into the anxiety of the financial instability that I would have otherwise felt. But eventually I couldn't do it anymore. Eventually it was time to go to the root and deal with that, rather than just do a job for the symptomatic relief it provided.

Furthermore, at times, all of us make choices, which are not based on our deepest yearnings, of our inner knowing and voice, but on the basis of what is expected of us, or to avoid feeling our insecurity or anxiety, our fear or our inherent feelings of worthlessness. We make CHOICES because of what others tell us, because of what society and our educational system has groomed us towards. Or simply because we don’t want to have to explain ourselves to anyone else, or stand up for ourselves, or stand out or draw attention to ourselves. So we make ourselves smaller, give away our power, and we try to force ourselves to live in an un-aligned way and all the while we wonder why we feel desperately depressed, anxious, disempowered, empty and unhappy.

We’re living a lie and there is only so long we can kid ourselves. Eventually our body will let us know. It’s aches and pains and tensions highlight where we are kidding ourselves, living out of alignment, feeding old patterns, not standing on our own two feet, not living from our CENTRE, not taking responsibility for our experience and our feelings. Not standing in our POWER. Often we’re living from SOME ONE ELSE’S centre instead, someone else’s dream, and we might BLAME them, without realising that we put ourselves there, that we GAVE away our centre, our POWER, for them and their experience.

There’s this wonderful extract from something Aimee Phlegar wrote on her ‘An Empath’s Guide to Empowerment’, which really resonated with me. She writes:

"Our work together will move you to a deeper level and trust in yourself and your ability to create what I call your "YOUniverse"…Some people are really challenged by this concept and become worried about being considered self-centered. My question is "who ELSE would you want to be centered on?" If you aren't centered on you, you are living someone else's life.

Take a moment to contemplate a situation in your life that is bothering you or that you would like to change. What is the experience you are having? What is the experience you want to be having? What or who do you see as keeping you from that experience? Whatever your answer is to that last question is something that you are potentially blaming. Anytime you feel at the effect of a person or a circumstance, you are blaming. Blame simply means "to hold responsible". However, it is an energetic Achilles heel when it comes to creating the success you desire and are capable of. If you are holding anything outside of you responsible for your success or happiness, you are fooling yourself. You and you alone have the power to change your experience and live your truth.”

Many have been working hard on themselves the last few years. I am really proud of all my students and clients for their bravery, for deciding that the buck stops with them and doing something about it. Today they were all there, navigating their centre. READY. Knowing that CHANGE is coming and eager for it, but letting go of the remaining threads of an old story that now needs to go, of an old way of being that no longer serves them, of an outdated vision that is no longer aligned. Their HEART will guide the next chapter, with greater alignment to love and not to fear.

I’m proud of my boys too, of Elijah for adjusting so stupendously to un-schooling, throwing himself into fire making, feeling his vulnerability but using his fire striker to create fire for the group, and loving whittling wood, making me wands with his new knife, of asking for a hammock and wanting to be with the bigger boys. And Eben, adjusting to school, making new friends, staying for lunch, not easy knowing your big brother is hanging out with mummy, daddy and grandparents, climbing trees and running rife around the reservoir. They each have their soul journey to navigate and I hope I can hold space for that when needed and allow more of myself and my centre for us all in the process.

2021 was a tough year with endless obstacles, deaths, endings, tricky relationship shifts to navigate with loved ones and friends, as we each go through a time of change and have differing opinions about Covid and health, hearts being ripped open, terminal illness and serious diagnoses, Covid, children suffering acute anxiety, a child psychologist offering helpful yet daunting diagnoses, all the many ways that life has been changed by the many balls being thrown in, curved at times.

I’ve learned that going to my CENTRE with COMPASSION helps. Of feeling beyond the fear and anxiety and helplessness. The universe supports us when we take responsibility, stop blaming others and giving our power away, living some else’s experiences and dreams and realising its OK to centre inside ourself, be self-centred, then. It’s a about focusing on the experience we would like to have, of the feeling we’d like to feel and allowing this to create our reality, not the other way around of focusing on results. A total perspective shift.

This is about focusing on contentment and peace, of being able to weather the storm, standing on our own two feet and not losing our balance when things get challenging and tough. This means turning to our spiritual practices and going deeper, not turning away and waiting until things get better. I honestly don’t know how people navigate their life without a spiritual practice, without prayer and being quiet and still inside themselves each day, of giving themselves space to process and let go.

If you’re reading this and struggling to find your centre, then take this as a sign to get on your mat and breathe. To breathe to your centre. To ask yourself each morning “where am I?” and “when am I?” and keep navigating back o your centre, feeling your feet on the ground and opening your heart to the world. We can do this, collectively we need to do this, for our children and the next generations. It is time!

Sending love for the waxing moon energy.

xxx