Weary soul

I don’t know about anyone else, but I am exhausted and drained by this chop and changing energy. Everything feels so up in the air. There’s a lack of grounding and consistency to life at the moment, as if we are being flung about, one day thinking this and one day thinking that.

It might just be me. I am inherently sleep deprived, my children aren’t sleeping well and there is a certain craziness that comes with continuously disturbed nights. But that aside, it feels almost like we are pushed through the eye of a needle, and at times it’s all beautifully clear, and at others it’s really messy and awfully tiring in trying to navigate the current speed of life and all the various chopping and changing.

For example we have never known as many changes to our upcoming Sark retreat as we have to this one. And I can never be certain that people will keep their appointments or bookings for our various offerings. We have become a culture of last minute changes, accustomed to doing this during Covid. Even I find myself doing it, booking people in and then realising I already have a commitment so having to change their appointment or cancel, which I never used to do, pre-Covid.

There is hope and then this is hopelessness. We are all tired on some level. Tired of the lies and the battle over power and money, albeit the one of money is about power. I am weary of being told how the 50 richest alumni are trying to control the world. I am tired of reading about impending wars. I am tired of reading of the ongoing discrimination around vaccination. I am tired of the many ways in which we are being controlled, our minds slowly conditioned towards a world where we should fear a virus, where we should deny the intelligence of our immune system.

I am weary of a world that puts science on a pedestal, to the extent that people think science will make life certain and keep them safe. There is no certainty! There is no safety! The old structures and systems may have you believe so, but they come with cost to our soul and they have to drop away. We are becoming a very stupid humanity who can’t think for ourselves, who don’t question what is happening in this world, who blindly follow like sheep all that our politicians tell us.

I am weary of all the development so that there’ll be no green spaces left on this beautiful island. I am weary of developers thinking it’s OK to cram housing into small spaces in already over-crowded areas of this island, and working the system so that that housing doesn’t even have a social element to it. I am weary of the way we are selling out on our generations to come for our greed and financial gain in this lifetime. I am weary that we keep repeating all that we’ve done previously, yet we call it something different to make it appear new - constantly reinventing the wheel.

I’m weary of new age spiritualism with all its promises of evolving and unity consciousness, only to find that people of course come up against their deeply ingrained conditioning towards patriarchy and the world having to be lived in a certain way, let alone their limiting beliefs that stop them from truly settling into a new world of possibility that demands a settling into uncertainty and the unknown, because it is a new way and therefore has not been lived before - there is nothing to hold onto for security.

I’m weary that the world is now held to ransom by sorting prices, that choices become increasingly limited and we become more easily controlled. I’m weary that so much of this is just accepted, not questioned, as if we are just innocent pawns in a bigger game. And we are in many respects, that’s the problem. But if we all made a stand, if we each individually tried to live differently, out of mainstream, then mainstream would have to change. if we all came off social media then this would not longer hold the influence that it does. If we all threw away our TVs then we wouldn’t be so easily brainwashed by news channels and general media.

There are things we can do but we keep doing what we keep doing because that’s what we do. This is how it is. This is life in the 21st century. It saddens me beyond belief that we have separated ourselves so much from nature and our inherent nature in the process. It saddens me that a rocket launched by Elon Musk is set to collide with the moon and no one seems to care, there is no accountability or responsibility. It saddens me that space is littered with human debris. It saddens me that I watched sunrise on Saturday and the sky was littered with airplane streams making it all messy. It saddens me that people drive huge vehicles on this small island and think that’s OK, that that is what our life here on Planet Earth is all about.

It saddens me that we put a whole heap of crap into our bodies and minds on a daily basis and yet take no responsibility when we get unwell - there was a letter in the GP this week that suggested those of us unvaccinated should take a good look at ourselves for taking up beds in hospitals (untrue) that could be used by those who, through no fault of their own need the space because they are genuinely unwell. THROUGH NO FAULT OF THEIR OWN - we have somehow lost our sense of responsibility for self, many truly believe that they are simply the victim of circumstance, that they got sick without any input from themselves. I know I’m treading on thin ice here, but I see things from a metaphysical and karmic perspective and our diet alone can have grave effects on our body, let alone our emotional repression, mental conditioning and our spiritual undernourishment.

Today I despair. Tomorrow I’ll hopefully be filled with hope again. I have a feeing the full moon on Wednesday will lighten the load considerably, help to shift the perspective to something more fun and less serious. I feel better just for getting that all off my chest.

There is change afoot. Many more are waking up to the reality of this world and seeing through more of the illusion. But there is still some way to go. I always come back to Gandhi and his quote about being the change you would like to see in the world. I believe the power for change is in each of us and if we can turn to that and cultivate it, make changes in our own individual lives and the way we see the world, opening our hearts to greater love and compassion (because despite my ranting, I do have compassion, that’s the problem) and living more lightly on this earth, then we will forge a new way that evades the systems that try to keep us in our limited place.

For me, it’s about healing our relationship with nature, and that has to start within ourselves, our own nature. The more we embrace this, the more we see that it is all nature, not something we have to do, but just something to be. Easier said than done. Being in nature certainly helps, and I am increasingly drawn to the power of fire to cut through the crap and remind me of my inherent inner fire that at times diminishes and at times burns too strongly! And the sea too, that sings a beautiful soothing song for a weary soul.

Have a lovely week.

Love Emma x