The new paradigm of being

I’ve been grappling to explain what it is that we do with Elijah now he is no longer at school. It’s all been part of this processing that I, like you, have been going through, the pushed through the mill, or the eye of the needle. It has been desperately uncomfortable, a real dark night of the soul.

I battled through it yesterday and felt the fury and anger that comes with the break down of some ego construct that I had been battling, as the ego does not want to be annihilated, but it has to happen, on the path to greater self-awareness and consciousness. Once I had surrendered, seen through more of the illusion within myself, the way I had kidded myself, the relief was incredible.

Today things are a little clearer. I realised that even using the term ‘unschooling’ isn’t right. It plays into the old paradigm and if there is one thing this moon energy is bringing, is the realisation that the new world has to be different. You will know if you read this blog regularly that we took Elijah out of school as he was extremely anxious and deeply unhappy. He was a star shaped being that we were trying to fit into a square box and he was using his light and his sparkle.

He would spend hours given the chance lost in Minecraft as a way of entering a different reality, one which brought gave him relief from the torturous one he was living at the time. Since then we’ve essentially let him be and spent as much time as we can outdoors. He has thrived. I have seen his star-like quality come back to life, he sparkles and glows with renewed confidence and self assurance. He climbs trees, he jumps rocks, he puts leaves downs streams and he imaginatively plays with other children who are not schooled.

He hasn’t needed to see a counsellor or a psychiatrist, he hasn’t needed medication or a special diet. We’ve just left him be himself as a child. he has seen a lady for private one-to-one dyslexia and dyscalculia lessons once a week and there is no doubt this has also helped his confidence. But that’s actually the most formal education he has, aside from the maths that my parents do with him. I don’t do anything formal. He learns about life as he lives it.

And this is my thing. He learns through life experience. So I am not even unschooling him. I’m just letting him be and providing opportunities to experience life differently. We meet a mum and her three children every Monday for outdoor play, this week we spent 3.5 hours walking from Portlet carpark to the fairy ring and back, with various stops for snacks and imaginative play, not least at the fort and the swings, but also at the fairy ring where Steph’s beautiful dog, Sunny, entertained us all!

Tuesdays and we meet up at WildGuernsey for fun around the fire with my beautiful friend Tara and two other amazing mums and their children. I have loved seeing Elijah learn to light a fire with a striker and whittle wood, as well as play with other children who are as sensitive as he is, and shy too. I have thoroughly enjoyed the connections made and the opportunity for all of to just be and switch off from the stresses of the world.

Wednesdays he’s with my folks at their small holding, last week it building a wall and making cement, another week it might be helping out in the greenhouse, or going off to see the boats. There is some maths in there usually, but even that he become less stressful than if he was at school, he gets flusters under pressure, but he knows how to count money and pay for things and he’s brilliant at understanding weight and speed, such is his obsession with vehicles and boats and all things that move.

Thursdays he’s with Ewan and sometimes Grandma too, swimming, park, boats, they don’t stop. Friday he’s with my parents while I teach and then we meet a friend and one her boys for more outdoor activity, rock pooling this week. In between all this, there is play with older school friends, we even managed a fire on the beach last Saturday.

So I concluded that I don’t really do any schooling, not really. I’m a huge fan of knowing and understanding through life experience for the joy this brings. Knowledge for the sake of knowledge seems rather pointless in the grand scheme of things. I learn best when I am interested in what I’m learning and then it is totally self motivated and a relatively joyful experience!

The wonderful thing throughout all this and as Elijah pointed out to me this morning, is that he no longer plays Minecraft. He’s done with it, finds it boring now he’s experiencing all these amazing imaginative play opportunities instead. Now in the morning the boys play together, this morning they were creating a truck on Elijah’s bed filled with all their cuddly toys, yesterday it was guns and protecting each other from the baddies. I feel to hold a ritualised bonfire of all the Minecraft clothing he’s collected over the last few years, were that not such a waste of material and money!.

Here too in my own life, on this fragile morning as the dust is settling, I know that it now has to move away from attachment to outcome and structure to one of greater experience, of just being - this the new paradigm, never lived previously, at least not for me. It has to be less defined and less certain, less known and less based on everything that has happened before - totally new therefore. This demands trust and faith, but it also demands a deeper connection to heart and soul and the Leo courage, bravery and fire to make the leap when the time is right - to let go of how we want it to be and allow it to be what it needs to be instead.

But for now, the energies out there are still buffeting us and I don’t expect there to be any calming until the winds ease on Monday and the light comes back in again. So enjoy the ride, for it is a ride, and pay attention to all that needs to be forgiven and drop away and all that is taking seed, and be gentle with those seed as they are truly in their fragile infancy.

Happy full moon!