An enquiry into tiredness...Happy full moon!
It’s full moon day and I already bashed the car first thing this morning, a moment of total lack of spatial awareness as I tried to access Silbie nature reserve. This is an absolutely stunning little spot on Guernsey btw and Planet Earth generally, and well worth a venture, but alas, I advise paying much more attention to all the granite around there!
I take it as a wake up call actually, to get more sleep, especially as it’s happened on full moon day, and first thing. I have been thinking a lot about sleep recently as it is something that I have never felt too strongly about, I’ve never been one for early nights and lay ins. I love the stillness of the later night and it was only having children and the endless wake-ups that then ensued (not helped by 6.5 years of breastfeeding, which seems like utter names now!) which encouraged me to get to bed earlier than I might have otherwise done.
Before then, I’d frequently stay up to midnight and beyond, enjoying the silence and the stillness, and the clarity of the air without the general hum drum of evening life with all the TVs and online activity, and the traffic, not that we can hear too much of that here, but nonetheless, there’s an energetic shift, and the energy begins to clear about 10pm. It’s funny the cut off, it’s something I’ve noticed on my late night ramblings, that there’s little point in going out before 10, or 11pm really, if you hope to access other realms, which are otherwise disturbed by our human activity, and traffic especially.
I also have the issue though, that I like the stillness and quietness of the early morning too, before the chaos of the energetic shift of alarm clocks and the sighing and the heaviness of the general populace getting up and ready for work, let alone off to school, there’s an energy shift that happens then too, I’m sure we’ve all felt it this week with the schools returning. It’s a bit like we can tell the difference between a Monday morning and a Friday morning, the energy is completely different, the way you’re treated on the roads changes, people actually smile first thing on a Friday, less so on a Monday, this is the nature of the slave world we live in.
Anyway, from a sleep perspective, it’s a quandary, not helped because my children are not sleepers either, never have been and I have let go of the notion that they ever will be. People talk about their teenagers being in bed half the day, but I just can’t see that happening with mine, because it never happened with me. I mean yes, sure, I loved lying in bed, reading books, writing letters (this in the day before email!) and, on occasion, watching something on the marvellous red TV I was lucky enough to have in my bedroom at that time - I wouldn’t dream of such things now!
But now it’s different. No TV for a start, but also limited opportunity for lying about of a morning with two boys raring to go and my priorities are different, I like to get on my mat and in the sea and there is always something outdoors to be doing. In the evening too, there’s not much sitting around, as the boys are not sleepers, they certainly don’t make bed time easy, and when they finally sleep, well, I like to make the most of the opportunity for quietness and space to connect inwards, before a read in the bath and bed.
However, this week has been a little crazy, full moon energy and autumnal shifting, and the resulting busyness, plus this feeling of just wanting things in some semblance of order, focus then, after a summer of scattered energy and dissipation. Thus, I’ve found myself going to bed much later than usual, simply because of all the administration that has needed to be done, let alone the back to school stuff and on and on. Thus, sleep has not been a priority and I’m sleep-deprived-tired and my little bash was indicative of the momentary loss of consciousness that clearly results from this!
I believe that tiredness might be another theme coming through with the moon, as it’s been on my mind and clients have talked to me about it too. I did decide that sleep would be my next enquiry, to see what happens if I actually prioritise this and get to bed earlier than usual. I was always in awe of my friend, Marie, for her 9.30pm bed times, and I had a client see me this week who hates being tired to the extent that she goes to bed 9pm most nights. This blew my mind, not least that she could go to bed that early, but that she loathes being tired to the extent that she prioritises sleep above all us.
It made me realise how little I have prioritised it. It’s something that needs to be done, a little bit like eating, but I don’t get excited about either. I am always surprised how passionate people can be about food and what they’re eating, and so too, it seems about early nights. In many respects I am in awe of my client for knowing herself to the extent that she knows that tiredness doesn’t work for her and actually does something about it. I know that tiredness isn’t great for me either, it causes me to bash my car for example, but that still doesn’t stop me burning the candle at both ends from time to time.
Mind you, there are different forms of tiredness, just as there are different levels of sleep deprivation-tiredness. I’m fortunate, and accredit yoga, Reiki and Ayurveda to this, but I rarely feel energetically and physically tired. Sure there are times when I am emotionally drained, or mentally weary, but I can still keep on going, I’m one of those people who doesn’t have an obvious off button, just ask my family, it drives them all mad at times. When I do start to feel energetically and/or physically tired then I know that I have pushed it and need to prioritise early nights and resting and yoga nidra.
The sleep-deprived tiredness though, that I can maintain on a level. But even then there are times, like this last week, when I am aware that I am pushing my edge on it and need to reign it back in. Which is perfectly timed really for the full moon, because we will be on the wane tomorrow and I am intended to begin my enquiry into sleep…prioritising it, seeing how that might change things, getting to bed a little bit earlier, easier now the evenings are increasingly darkening, flowing I guess with the changes in season, because now it is all about letting go and beginning the process of deeper rest as nature too prepares for the big winter sleep…
I have a feeling that the more we sleep, the more we prioritise sleep because we begin to notice the differences. It’s like anything though isn’t it, the more we care about ourselves, the more we want to care about ourselves, and the more we shift the way we’re living to re-prioritise. What we begin to notice - usually - with these changes, is how much more alive we feel. And perhaps this is the theme that also comes up on this full moon - how alive do we feel/ If not very, well we have another moon cycle, wane and wax, to see if we can find a way to culture a greater feeling of aliveness.
I suppose what i mean by that reframe is that it is all too easy to complain of our tiredness and just get used to it without digging deeper and ascertaining the nature of our tiredness - is it because we’ve been burning the candle at both ends, not getting enough sleep, or is it an indication that something is draining us and weighing heavily on us, making us feel tired? Sometimes we don’t realise the extent to which the way we’re living, the thoughts we’re thinking, the mental conditioning we keep buying into and the emotional baggage we cart around with us are draining us and tying up our energy, so that not only can we not move positively forward in our lives, but we don’t feel that we have the energy to do anything about it either.
Of course there is always something we can do about it. I’m biased but certainly the modalities of yoga, Reiki and Ayurveda work a treat in their own ways, of not only helping to restore energy levels but helping us to understand what is depleting us in the first place, simply because these modalities continuously lead us back to ourselves, “knowing thyself” is key, if we are to make positive changes in our life for our own wellbeing.
I’m pretty sure that I need more sleep, but it’s full moon tonight and I like getting out in the moonlight so I shall begin my new enquiry tomorrow and let you know how that goes. As for the plastic-free enquiry, so far so good. My shopping habits have had to change, and the shops I visit have changed too. What we’re eating has shifted a little bit too, more seasonal perhaps, mainly as I am making the most of the hedge veg over here - one of my students was selling an array or produce last week, pears, strawberries, grapes, courgettes, limes, garlic, celery, we stocked up and have been relishing all this fresh goodness much more than we would have done previously. Still, it is early days…
Happy full moon!
Love Emma x
