Belonging

There is a theme at the moment, around belonging. Where do we belong?

I feel it’s very simple. We come into this world on our own and we will leave on our own. Our sense of belonging begins and ends with our relationship with ourselves and with the Earth that we live on.

Yes, it can be helpful to feel a connection to our community - certainly I take pleasure from spending time with people in the Beinspired community, and I love the community down at Fort Grey, but I can survive without both; I don’t need either to define me or make me feel whole.

I believe it might be a conditioning of ours to believe that we need to feel part of something to experience a sense of belonging - the whole, “who is my tribe?” question, which often circulates among new age circles especially. Maybe also, we need to re-define our idea of friend, and how to be in relationship (in harmony) with others.

Certainly when we step out on the journey to know thyself we can find ourselves feeling quite alone. We don’t fit into the world we left behind, we might struggle to relate to friends, family members and colleagues, for example, and we haven’t yet reached a point of acceptance of our place in the world - so we long for something concrete to hold onto, some recognition of familiarity, so we don’t feel quite so alone.

But the truth is, when we do step out on this journey, it is one of aloneness. It is a solo journey. No one else can do it for us. Sure it can help to have friends and family we love who might buoy our faith and give us the courage to keep walking our path. But more often than not, they won’t understand us. Following a path of heart makes little sense to anyone else - at times it doesn’t even make sense to us because it has not been lived previously and the heart is not linear.

So yes, it can then be helpful to have people who understand, who know what it is like to tread this path, to live differently from the heart, to increasingly let go of the rational and intellectual take on things, to prioritise love, well-being and freedom over power and money in the patriarchal and capital sense, to step outside of mainstream and the comfort zone of conditioned living.

But even then, we have to do it alone.

We have to leave behind the comfort of the known and the certain, of all that we have believed and bought into - of all we thought we were to step into something much more authentic and real and yet unscripted and therefore unknown. There is a lag then between the person we were and the person we are becoming and it is this which causes us to cling for something which may give us a greater sense of belonging, because the aloneness can be scary, the unknown brings with it fear.

But to belong, means to know ourselves.

We cannot find it outside of ourselves. That was the old way - seeking validation of worth from others, people pleasing, sacrificing our sense of self to fit in. We can’t keep doing this. The path of heart, of greater authenticity, demands that we celebrate ourselves and all our differences, and settle more fully into an increasingly comfortable and wholesome relationship with our self, which is where we will find our true sense of belonging - not outside ourselves, but deep inside instead.

We will question it of course. We will wonder whether we have made the right decision to opt out of the mainstream, and we might consider a return. But we know that this won’t bring us the joy that we seek, that we will once again have to dumb down to fit in. For a time we are caught between a rock and a hard place, neither here nor there but somewhere in-between. This is a wonderful space to be if we can settle into it, a cauldron of potential, an opportunity to strengthen our faith, to cultivate greater trust and to lean more fully into our own true self, to find a greater sense of belonging deep within ourself.

You see, this journey teaches us trust, not only in ourselves but in the universe. It also offers us the potential to really know our own truth and to own and indeed celebrate our differences. We realise that only we can truly meet our own needs and we learn to forgive and let go of blaming others for not having met them previously.

We tighten our boundaries and take our energy seriously, protecting ourselves in the process. In short we take responsibility, not only for our health and wellbeing, but for treading lightly on this earth, while meeting our various obligations and earning an honest livelihood in the process.

There is this wonderful quote from Mary Angelou:

"You only are free when you realize you belong no place - you belong every place - no place at all. The price is high. The reward is great."

This quote does seem counter intuitive - how can you belong when you belong no place? Author Brené Brown (who wrote Braving the Wildness, about belonging) was asked this question in an interview with Lewis Howes and she said:

"I feel I belong everywhere I go, no matter where it is or who I'm with as long as I never betray myself. And the minute I become who you want me to be in order to fit in and make sure people like me is the moment I no longer belong anywhere."

It is not easy as I know from my own experience. It’s much easier - and yet much more painful - to be less of who we are to try to fit in, betraying ourselves in the process. It takes courage to be true and stand in our own power, even when this goes against the grain of friends, family and society. But actually following our path also gifts us courage and gives us our power back again; this is the paradox and the path to greater freedom in our lives.

It is my wish and my life mission to help others create a life on their own terms, without feeling the pressure to betray themselves and give up their authenticity and indeed joy, just to be accepted by others. We need to shift the perspective and learn to celebrate our differences, rather than giving ourselves a hard time for them. Anything which takes us towards greater freedom should be encouraged, not feared.

We need to keep breaking free from the binds of patriarchy, capitalism and consumerism and finding new ways to be, that help us to recognise that true belonging is found within each of us - it is never too late to become the person that we truly are, that truly belongs to each of us individually.

For those keen to step up into greater authenticity might benefit from my spiritual life coaching. This really helps people to love and accept their true self, gives them the courage to live their dreams - it doesn’t serve any of us to stay dumbed down and unhappy.

I am also intending to run a course on self-love this autumn as it seems such a travesty of our times for so many to waste this one precious life on planet Earth being their own worst enemy and constantly giving themselves a hard time - we need to shift the collective into something much more positive and heart felt. Keep an eye on the website for more information. You can also email me for more info at emma@beinspiredby.co.uk.

Have a wonderful week.

Love Emma