Following my heart by Geraldine Green - one of our Reiki students.

2 and a half years ago I contacted Emma to see if I could receive a Reiki 2 attunement. It was 23 years since I had done my Reiki 1 and was wondering if it was possible to get the next attunement after so long. My husband of 20 years was dying of cancer and I wanted to do something to help him. I am certain that channeling healing energy into him right until he departed was deeply soothing to him and eased the death process significantly.

My husband was not a well man. He had severe heart problems for 10 years and battled cancer for 2 years. I fell into the role of carer, running around, looking after our young daughter, the home and working. My husband had no energy to help and would return from work and fall straight to sleep on the sofa. Over the 10 year period our relationship suffered, we lost all intimacy and were more like friends by the time he died.

Now, reflecting on this deeply traumatising time, I realise I lost myself in those years. I channelled all my energy into caring for others and working in the finance industry to make money to support the lifestyle that is deemed a success by our society. I put my own needs and happiness on hold hoping that one day things would change. Finally it was my husband’s death that changed everything.

Since he died, I have gained a new sense of perspective. I feel like I have woken up. So many of us are obsessed with money and getting bigger houses, better cars and accumulating more ‘stuff’. I’ve realised this doesn’t make me happy. Life is very short. Time and energy are our most precious resources. To me it’s a waste spending my life making rich people richer, contributing my energy to a corporation whose purpose is not my own.

I am a deeply creative person. Since birth I have loved painting, drawing, sewing and making stuff. I did Fine Art and Textiles and Fashion A levels and then went on to do an Art Foundation Course in Bournemouth for a year.

So I’ve recently quit my job in order to focus my energy on what I love - creating beautiful artwork - whether that be painting, sculpture, embroidery or mixed media pieces. I’ve done a teaching course at the College of FE that qualifies me to teach evening classes. I’m selling my house as I don’t need the space and don’t want to be spending so much time and energy maintaining the garden. I intend to buy somewhere smaller and bank the equity. I’ve set about halving my possessions as I find that the less ‘stuff’ I have the less my energy is diverted and the more calm and peaceful I feel. I have also found love again. The relationship is deep, intimate and nourishes my soul.

I’ve come full circle back to myself, back to who I was before I married, but now I’m a wiser, stronger version. Will I make enough money to live on? Well, I believe that the universe will bring me what I need and I know that I have gathered enough skills during my life to ensure my survival. Is it easy? Sometimes it’s not. I’m working on embracing uncertainty and I need to get better at setting boundaries. Some of my family disapprove as I am not behaving according to their expectations.

I do know that I’m happier than I’ve been for a long time. It’s great to feel like I’m back on track after all these years. My intuition tells me this is the right path for me and that I’m doing exactly what I’m meant to do to live my best life.

To follow my art journey on Instagram go to @yellowtreeart. I’m also available for commissions (paintings, murals or needle-felted landscapes) - you can contact me on WhatsApp 07911 728438.