A grandparent's perspective on homeschooling

By way of background, we offer the following:-

To be honest, we were not over-enamoured at some stages with Emma’s choices as regards raising initially Elijah and then Eben.  Maybe that is the same with all grandparents, who in our case raised Emma and her brother in a more traditional manner as was expected in the mid 70’s.  Her leanings to a more ‘alternative’ view to life was also rather counter to our beliefs (in the widest sense) and prejudices, as two full time working parents, albeit Jill did not resume work until Ross was 4 and settling in to school. Like most of our peers at that time, we were struggling to make ends meet in a period of 14+% interest rates.

Looking back Elijah was ill prepared for school and on reflection (hindsight is a wonderful thing), as much to do with us as grandparents, as Emma.  We were recently retired when Elijah was born, and as with many parents Emma and Ewan had to work, so we were delighted to provide the childcare, along with his paternal grandmother.  We became very close to Elijah but, being in our mid-60’s at that stage, did not have Mum’s groups etc. to take Elijah to, so that he could become used to children of his own age.  Jill tried various activities with him, but it soon became apparent he was a shy, gentle, but also an increasingly anxious little boy. 

We were undoubtedly over-protective but that said and as Emma has already stated we were all very slow to realise that these traits in Elijah meant the normal route in to ‘big school’ was not going to work. The experience of picking him up from a respected playgroup - where we saw him in the window looking for us absolutely crying his little heart out - at age 3 (we believe from 9. 00 in the morning, without them calling any of us, was cruelty in the extreme and still breaks our hearts when we recall it).  We then resumed our previous routine until, at almost 4 he was tried at another playgroup, closer to home and much smaller.  The leaders were very understanding and Elijah endured it but never really settled.  Therefore starting school was always going to be a challenge, and we cannot fault any of the teachers he had who were brilliant in trying to settle him in to school.  So, in many respects as Emma said, ‘home-schooling’ picked itself for him.

So:-

When our daughter first told us that she was taking our eldest grandson out of mainstream education and home-schooling him, we met the news with disbelief and quite a long list of adjectives describing our incredulity!

Our background, and indeed our daughter’s, was Education.  Both of us had started our careers as Primary School teachers and enjoyed passing on and stimulating learning in our classes.  

We encouraged both our children to embrace school and Emma, in particular was a diligent student, driven to succeed.   Whilst she would freely admit that she was not really ready to leave home and Guernsey for University Education (and found the initial terms hard), she flourished, academically at least.  Returning to Guernsey, she then continued studies, albeit in the Finance Sector.

So, with this background, you might imagine how this revelation was shocking to us.  We were particularly anxious from the social aspect, being removed from his peer group.  However this was mis-founded as Elijah was not an overly ‘social’ child.  He did not like noise or large groups and worked far better in a one to one situation.  

However, during Covid we had supported Emma with the school home-centred study.  So, to an extent we had already supported the home studying path at least a little.

Initially, we were loathe, determined even, not to assist what we saw as a crazy decision.   We agonised, as we had been very involved with Elijah’s upbringing thus far and came to the realisation that we were essentially ‘cutting off our nose to spite our face’ by our stance and (somewhat reluctantly) agreed to look after Elijah for the day on a Wednesday and then Friday morning.

We fumbled around a bit with the best way to proceed.  In many ways this was made easier for us as Elijah needed to ‘de-school’ and thus we focused on practical experiences, such as mowing, collecting pine cones, woodwork, rock pooling and so on. 

One dilemma for us was that of becoming Elijah’s teachers, rather than his grandparents and we found it a difficult path to tread.  

We determined to do our best for him and split the ‘teaching’ so that his grandfather, Ron, took on the Mathematics and practical aspects of his learning, such as woodworking, whilst his grandmother, Jill, concentrated on project work incorporating English, Geography, History and Biology, supported by Ron when necessary.   She also cooked with him and did some craft work on occasion.

So we settled into a loose routine of sorts whereby we embraced the opportunity to give Elijah experiences as they arose.   For example we had the option to take a sea (and all things fishing) loving child on one of the local fishing trawlers to see the equipment and have a short ride to see the sonar working.

Many have said it must have been easy for us both trained primary school teachers.  Well no, Ron had not taught a class of children full time for over 30 years, and Jill for over 40 years .  In that time education has changed so dramatically and we are in awe of teachers today, the pressures on them are immense, far more that when we left teaching.

As previously identified we focused on more practical activities, and do you know what, we are converts.  Elijah learns for himself when he wants/needs to, admittedly a lot online, but is that not the future anyway?  He reads well and, like his grandfather, he’s really not interested in fiction but anything factual he positively inhales. He reads and understands the most complex instruction manuals, directing ‘Baba’ (Ron) on how to set up the drone  received at Christmas.  Are we worried about his future academically?  No we’re not because he is now a very much more confident and relaxed young boy, keen to learn what matters to him.  Will he be ready to take exams, who knows?  We don’t but we are  pretty confident he will find his way in the world and will be a far more self-confident young man than had he had to persevere in a school environment which despite the best efforts of good teachers he found all too overwhelming.

After many trials and tribulations with our daughter over this, we are in in tune with her and have vastly different views on education provision than before. 

Clearly it is not easy to home school for several reasons, and not available to the majority, nor indeed suitable for the majority.  Emma was very fortunate that we had just retired when Elijah was born so could provide a fair amount of unpaid child-minding.  She and her partner also had no mortgage and they both had jobs where they could be flexible with their hours.  Nonetheless there have been significant challenges, not least financially. Expensive holidays are a thing of the past, and they have a ropey old car. 

We are also only, really, at the start of the journey - what does the future hold?  We have no idea, but at this moment in time we do not worry because the children are thriving where they were not before and are far more at ease and confident.  For us that is a price worth paying.

Heeding the call

I’m told that we have some rare energies going on this year and it certainly feels that way, like we’re in some slip stream at the moment, with events unfolding quickly, greater coincidence, synchronicity, stuff happening, mind blowing stuff too, to deepen the faith and belief in the magical and mysterious in this universe. 

It can feel like being on a roller coaster at times, an emotional one at that, flung into the darkness of despair and hopelessness, old stuff surfacing and needing clearing but feeling really horrible because of the lower vibration and the stuck-ness of it. But we need to keep moving through it, mustn’t get stuck in the gloom, over-identifying with it, one step at a time,  and not jumping to conclusions.

Some will have prepared better than others and will feel fluid and in the flow, and others struggling because there is still work to be done and light to shine brighter into the shadows, still denial and an inability to take responsibility, really we have to now, there is no other way, step up otherwise there will be a rude and shocking awakening instead – we are more than just our body!

In the wider world we are going through the shift too, we are the micro of the macro as you know, and this is a pivotal moment for us as a humanity, Covid and the world’s reaction to this tiny virus has prompted significant change in the way that we are living and our relationship to fear and death and how this is manipulated so easily by the supremacy of western science. There are new worlds waiting to be born but are we ready? Can we allow ourselves the unknown or are we desperate to return to a familiar normal because it is known, even if it is broken?

Many say no. Tens of thousands of people have turned out to marches across Australia in recent days, protesting against the sexual abuse and harassment of women in the country. They were spurred by a recent wave of allegations of sexual assault, centred around Australia's parliament. Some women say that they've been rallying for equality since the 1970s, the 1980s - that they're tired but know how important it is to capture this moment.

This on the back of the “Reclaim our streets” vigil in memory of Sarah Everard grabbing headlines in the UK because of the deeply concerning footage of the police force arresting women. One of those arrested, Patsy Stevenson, whose photograph featured on many newspaper front pages, told Sky News: "I've been thrown into the public eye and the only way I can make this not in vain is to not make it political, not against the police, it's just about the safety of women and we need to talk about it."

There is no doubt that women’s safety is being talked about right now. It’s a theme I explore in my new book, about loss of safety and the impact this has on us, especially where abusive relationships are concerned, let alone not feeling safe in our own environment. You’ll have to wait for the book to read more about that, but I am aware how this undermines our sense of power and worth in this world.

Even here in Guernsey, “Reclaim our streets – Guernsey” is arranging a vigil to raise greater awareness of sexual assault, sexist violence and misogyny on the island. This with the knowledge that Safer, the local domestic abuse charity, has seen a rise in the numbers of victims of domestic abuse seeking help during the pandemic. We had already begun organising a charity event to raise funds for Safer before the second lockdown, and we’re pleased it can still go ahead, because the charity needs the funds and the increased coverage now.

A light has also been shone onto the shadow of racism and race inequality this last year. We’ve known, we’ve all known, but it’s easy to overlook it, ignore it, leave it in the shadow, because what can we do about it? But the pandemic, or the energy that’s been ramping up during the pandemic has shone a light into these shadows, so that we can no longer stay silent, no longer stay in denial, no longer pretend. It’s a big shift for us as a humanity and individually too, because the light’s been shining in and it’s uncomfortable when we see more of the truth.

There’s a lot of anger and we have to be careful that we don’t become more divisive and polarised, when we have the opportunity instead to become more socialised and accepting of diversity. Extreme activism gets us nowhere, it merely feeds the narrative and disempowers us in the process. We have to find another way of being heard and making changes, that does not result in sticking us where we’ve been stuck many times before. At the end of the day WE have to be the change, letting go of our judgments and opinions and healing our wounds, dreaming a new dream. 

Many have told me that this second lockdown has been worse than the first. The first woke us up but did we heed the call or did we attempt to go back to sleep again and pretend that as soon as lockdown was over all was well, pottering on with the new normal, ignoring the little voice that has been getting more of our attention during lockdown, that things had to change? The second lockdown came in and if we hadn’t heeded the call then the light shone brighter into the shadows, ouch, and it’s become more difficult to ignore what we know, deep inside us but have been trying to silence, trying to keep hidden because it’s difficult making changes. 

Which brings me to the third theme that the pandemic has highlighted – our mental wellbeing. Collectively we’re not well, we know this, we’re living in a way that is not conducive to our mental and emotional wellbeing and the pandemic and lockdown especially, with its removal of our escape routes, has highlighted this. We’ve had to come face to face with ourselves because there has been nowhere to run, no trips, no activities to distract us, an enforced period of time with family or on our own, different to our usual routine, more work, less fun, unless we have made a conscious effort to create balance. 

We should be clearer now though, individually and collectively of what needs to change. We can’t pretend anymore, we should no longer ignore the fact that there’s still work to be done, collectively, that there is still deep inequality and patriarchal and colonial conditioning and a lack of taking responsibility for our health and wellbeing. We’re still selling out on what’s truly important, and wondering why we’re still suffering. Now is the time to ask ourselves, how are we choosing to live and love in this  world? Are we feeding more of what’s been or are we questioning how it might otherwise be?

As Bayo Akomolafe (Ph.D.) writes on the Embercombe website, “You may have noticed that the ongoing pandemic arrived with more than epidemiological effects. It’s changed everything: what we do when we meet people; how we determine what we need; how we relate to and understand ‘science’ and authorities; how we eat, play, believe, love, and come into touch.

This is because cataclysmic shifts do not just affect the physical world in and around us, they potentially alter the social fabric of our myriad relationships. They disturb the ideas we’ve cherished, and compel new directions… It is about “crisis” (in its archetypal, mythological and historical resonances) and the critical openings presented to us to rework the ways we attend to the world around us. It is about making sanctuary during an earthquake.”

Are you making a sanctuary? Are we collectively achieving this? How can it be different for you, for me, for us all of humanity? I don’t know much but I know that this pandemic has taken me deeper into my own shadows so that I can no longer ignore the changes that have needed to be made, both in relation to self and in relation with others, but without doubt the greatest shift has been in relation to Mother Earth and her sacredness. We are all being called in some way.

The question is, will we answer the call or try to go back to sleep again, to some form of normality, even if it’s broken and no longer working? What changes are you making to promote mental wellbeing, to reduce your suffering? What are you angry about? What needs resolving? What is sacred to you? What new world would you like to create?

Love Emma x

Cleaning the planet!

There’s a lot of media coverage of beach cleaning at the moment, which is a positive thing, because it raises awareness of the need to keep our beaches clean. But as with all these things, i do wonder if we get start to get lost in the glory of it, so it’s not so much about cleaning the beach, but about being seen cleaning the beaches.

We clean the beach daily, I enjoy it, it’s something I’ve popped on my CV because I find it like a meditation, and I’m always fascinated to see what i might find. I’m telling you now, not for the glory, but because it’s a simple pastime that can easily be incorporated into any trip to the beach, just take a plastic bag along with you and some rubber gloves and go have a rummage in the shore line and see what you may find!

I don’t know what it is these days, that we need to make such a big deal about these things, is it our inherent insecurity and our need to be recognised for our goodness? Or is it simply the effect of social media where everyone is trying to be recognised for something? Well whatever it is, if it gets people cleaning the beaches, that has to be a good thing, but let’s do it for the rights reasons.

What you’ll find is the beach gives back to you enough and more, beautiful moments of being at one with nature, the sea, the sand, the skies, all creating a positive impact on the soul. There might be little gifts too, we found a heart shaped sponge awaiting us yesterday, for example, and there are sometimes marbles, or sea glass.

I can’t help thinking that as with any litter picking, the more we collect litter, cleaning up our beautiful planet, the more we’ll find ourselves collecting the litter from our own lives, cleaning ourselves up in the process, appreciating more of the simplicity of life and the inter-connected nature of all life too. It becomes not just about beach cleaning then, but about cleaning the planet generally.

So the message is clear, collect litter, from the side of the road, from the beach, from wherever you happen to find any, and then go about your life.

Happy collecting!

Love Emma x

Supporting Guernsey Mind through yoga nidra and Reiki

Thank you so much beautiful people for helping to raise £308.50 for Guernsey Mind through yoga nidra and Reiki this evening.

I’m probably biased but I just love a room full of people channelling and receiving Reiki, it’s powerful stuff! I also love sharing a yoga nidra, so it was the perfect evening for me, especially as I taught yoga first too. The Reiki share was a particular highlight, where we linked palms and shared Reiki around the circle, my hands were buzzing!!!

Thank you very much to my helpers too, so much appreciated.

Sending love and Reiki.

Emma xxx

Butterflies and community

We might not have made it to Sark last weekend, but we were lucky to get there this weekend instead and what a special weekend it was too.

I love Sark and its beautiful skies and this weekend was no exception, I often just stopped and stared, mesmerised! We managed a few beautiful swims too and the butterflies were just amazing! This morning the path was just lined with butterfly after butterfly, even E was taken away by it. 

 Butterflies seem to be the theme today in a strange kind of way. I’ve been thinking a lot this weekend about community and about yoga and Reiki and teaching and about the bigger picture. It’s easy to lose sight of this in the drama of life, and get sucked up in the minutia of the ‘me’ culture that permeates society and forget that we are all in this together.

Yoga and Reiki saved my life and I was so passionate about these practices that I threw myself into them, and this led to me qualifying as a teacher, simply because I wanted to learn as much as I could and share what I had learned with as many people as possible for the greater good.

When I set up Beinspired, I hoped that this might encourage a sense of community where people could discover, embrace and share their own uniqueness without fear of prejudice and have fun as they experience the benefits of yoga and Reiki for themselves. I’m hopeful that Beinspired has achieved some of this, certainly we have had some fun over the years.

Over the years I have tried to do fundraising for the community, and his year E and I have set up our Plant A Tree Project where we hope to help grow more trees on Guernsey. Plus we financially support projects in Nepal, Sri Lanka and Greece so that we can try and positively impact on the wider global community.

 However I have been thinking that it needs to be developed further, but I couldn’t quite put my finger on it until I got a little bit of clarity walking back up Dixcart Valley on my own today. There is something quite magical about that valley as there is about Sark generally and I was grateful for the time on my own this morning to immerse myself in it. 

I’ve just got this sense that even in yoga and Reiki, in our quest to be someone, we can almost sabotage it’s potential benefits to humanity and to the planet generally because rather than pull together we can pull apart, doing our own thing.

It’s a tricky one to explain, but I have noticed that in my own life even though there are now more yoga teachers teaching yoga and Reiki practitioners channelling Reiki, which can only be a good thing for humanity and the planet, I have a certain resistance to it.

I question whether what is being taught is truly yoga, albeit appreciating that every new teacher has to start somewhere, just as I wonder whether Reiki is being diluted because people are seeing it now as a career choice rather than a calling. Yet who am I to pull someone up for their motivation in doing the work that they do? if income generation is the only motivator for teaching yoga and Reiki, does this make it any less spiritual or helpful than someone who wants to share to promote peace as a primary motivation?

It’s something I have questioned all weekend, because I can see that even in the holistic world which is meant to be all caring and sharing, we often lack a cohesive sense of community as people compete for business accolade, financial gain and a sense of being good. We can’t help it, this is our conditioning, the need to be someone and be recognised for it. It makes us feel better about ourselves and eases our inherent insecurity.

I can see how I might feed into this from time to time, losing sense of the bigger picture and the role we each have to play as part of the whole. It’s a bit like the butterfly effect, this idea that the small things can have non-linear impacts on a complex system – the concept of the butterfly flapping its wings and causing a typhoon. In reality a single act like the butterfly flapping its wings cannot cause a typhoon but a small event can serve as a catalyst…

In theory each time someone gives/receives Reiki and/or practices yoga their vibration increases, which raises the vibration of the planet. So really it doesn’t matter who is doing the teaching or the practising or the giving, the important thing is that someone is doing it. 

If we truly wish to live as a community and help humanity and the planet to heal then this is all that needs to take place; the teaching, the receiving and the practising, and it really doesn’t altogether matter who does which of these!

So it is that my moment of clarity today found me wanting to establish a list of Reiki practitioners with whom people might receive a treatment, and yoga teachers who might help students to develop their practice. Simple really. So that it isn’t about me, not really, it’s about all of us, and about community, about coming together and about the bigger picture. Let’s see!

Tonight after yoga one of my students shared a stunning photo of two butterflies that she had taken. I thought this rather appropriate given my ponderings and my interactions with butterflies this weekend. I’m also aware that the butterfly is about transformation, and I know that this process if occurring too, as it brings with it a slight contraction, which is uncomfortable but also – perhaps for the greater good. Let’s see on that too!