Back into the heart

Today I feel as if I have come back to life and popped into the heart again.

I have emailed three deputies (two of whom responded almost immediately, thank you ladies) and the general States of Guernsey address because enough is enough. We have two active cases of Covid on the Island, and I cannot help thinking that we need to move forward now - the line between protecting the vulnerable and creating greater vulnerability (mentally and economically especially) has been passed…action is required.

Also, quite frankly, I want to be able to teach yoga again and touch people and give them Reiki. This last two days I have bumped into a lady with cancer and been contacted by a friend going through a hard time, been told about a student who needs some healing, and a handful of other students who are suffering, and I cannot do a thing about it. Yes, sure, they can attend Zoom classes, and I can send them distance Reiki, but it is not the same. The weather is beautiful and we should be out there praising yoga in nature. That will be far better for all of us, then this social distancing and bubble malarkey.

On a positive note, I have a new date for the Glastonbury retreat in 2021, which I will share with those due to attend before sharing publicly, but if you are feeling the call then keep an eye out. I start the series of lectures on the Goddess with a High Priestess in Glastonbury tomorrow and I cannot wait. She is calling!

On another positive note, the medicinal herbs are growing well (aside from the liquorice, which is being tricky!), some of our trees less well, but on the whole doing OK, and I have been having a fab time with the boys playing in teh garden. So every cloud does indeed bring a silver lining. But I am ready to get teaching properly again…pretty please dear angels, if you could help with that, I’d be most grateful!

Love to you all.

Noise

We’ve a full moon approaching on Thursday, a Scorpio one too, and the third super moon of this year, so we can expect it to be a little potent, with a sting in her tail!

I’m no expert on these things, and I appreciate that we will all have our truth on this but I feel that we are being asked to look at the noise in our lives and how this prevents us from hearing our own wisdom, and how we might trust in this more than we already do.

Taking a break from social media has been extremely liberating, albeit I am only four days into it. But I have recognised how much noise there is on Facebook especially, and how distracting this can be, allowing us to lose minutes, if not hours of our lives.

But it’s more than that, because for me, I feel as if I have gained more of the magical, more of the mystery, more of that which is kept secret. It is that which cannot be fully known, because to know and to define will limit, and this is limitless. This is the stuff of ancient wisdom which is whispered and spoken, which is heard only when we take the time to listen.

 Life has been so busy for many years. I recognise now in the slower pace of my life, how much my old life was busy for the sake of busy and how much time, and energy, and magic, was lost in the noise of it. There was a fear of what might happen if there was no busyness, as if this would suggest a purposeless life, and this I feared the most. 

Yet now, with less busyness and less noise, of course there is space for the new to come in, the magic that was sat there waiting, but could not move forward because the busyness left no room for it. Magic cannot enter if there is no space for it. It’s a natural lore.

So the death has come to us all. This too is in the field. I have talked about it before. We are all going through our own death and grieving for this, for ways of old, even if they were no longer serving us (as most of them weren’t), we still have to go through a process of letting go, and that’s not easy, or pleasant. 

But there is delight in the uncomfortable of the unknown. Yoga encourages us to sit in the unknown. We’ve been practising for a good old while now. This is time to put the practice into practice and I’m grateful to the practice for holding me as it does, because the letting go process has been a part of this from day one. We already know that nothing in life is certain.

Yet there is so much noise out there trying to bring some certainty to it. Those trying to understand Covid-19 scientifically, those talking about vaccinations as if this alone will ensure a safe future, those in the spiritual fields talking about awakenings and light overcoming the darkness and the separation of fear and everyone trying to make sense of that which is absolutely unknown. No one knows.

Yet we do know, on some deep level we do know. We have wisdom, and we have a truth, and both are magical and unique to each of us, and yet a part of the whole. We are sacred, each of us, and this sacredness connects us deep into the pulse of the universe which is sacred too, and knows only love.

I cannot tell you the reason this is happening for you, or to humanity generally, and it is not my place to tell you because you must feel into it for yourself. This is one of the many gifts of lockdown to me, that it has provided a pause, a gap, an opportunity to notice the noise and to distance myself from it.

This has brought in another gift, in the space that has been created to allow a new path to reveal itself, one that I could never have previously imagined in the noise and the busyness. Yet the greatest gift perhaps, in addition to the re-prioritising of my family and my boys beyond all else, is the gift of the sacred and trusting in that, and thereby letting go of all the old stories that are outdated and limit us.

I have shared this poem a number of times on retreats and it has always brought tears to my eyes, but it is only now that I read it and know it to be true: 

 “Go placidly amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible without surrender, be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly, and listen to others, even the dull and ignorant; they too have their story. Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love – for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is perennial as the grass. Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you from misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labours and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world.” 
― Max Ehrmann, Desiderata: A Poem for a Way of Life

I hope this full moon illuminates that which needs to be known, and you are able to create the space and the peace that you might need to hear that which is spoken to you alone. I also hope that you might have the strength of spirit to let go of that which now needs to go. Hold that part of you that fears gently, as if you would a new born baby, breath and trust.

With love xx

Happy Beltain!

Beltain is the cross-quarter festival of fertility and fire. It celebrates the potency of the earth at this time of year, where nature abounds with life force – she is at her most potent. 

This is the time to be in touch with our own potent life force too, and its power on the physical, spiritual and mystical levels – we are as much a part of nature as the trees, flowers and plants and the more we can live harmoniously, the better for this planet.

Beltain represents the peak of the Spring and the beginning of Summer.  The Beltain energy is one of reverence for all of life, celebrating and honouring the fertility that grows from the union of opposites. It is about the sacredness and power of love and sexual untion and the deepest of connections of the heart and soul.

I love Beltain. I love the energy. I love the potential. I love the potency. I love the fertility, that there is this energy of creation and here, now, today, we can tap into it with ease, and begin to grow seeds.

I thought I’d try and watch the sunrise, but it was cloudy when I looked out the window, so I went to the Gran’Mère at St Martin’s church, and adorned her garlands of grass and shells, and gave thanks for all she represents, and prayed for assistance in creative endeavours ahead.

As I made my way home, this just a little after 6am, I noticed the sun light beginning to peak above the clouds, so I stopped and watched the sunrise from the lane near our house. There is nothing quite as potent as a sunrise to set you up for the day ahead, and there was definitely a spring in my step returning home. 

It was a funny day though, I taught a class which was just what I needed as I was able to enjoy the Goddess energy with a group of lovely ladies (you can access it on the Beinspired YouTube channel). This was followed with a session with my friend Jo de Diepold Braham, to help shift some stagnant energy that has come up with all the hip practice this week

Even though I know, because I practice distance Reiki, that energy can travel regardless of time and space, it still blows my mind that energy sessions can be held remotely. That Jo can literally tap into my energy field from another country, and feel into it, and I can feel her holding the space for it. It proves that there really is more to us than we see.

Then a class I was meant to teach remotely couldn’t be held, because the internet dropped out, quite unexpectedly. I didn’t react, I have come to recognise that for whatever reason, and often I will never know what it is, it’s just not meant to be. If there is one thing we learn from Covid-19 is to become increasingly comfortable with the not-knowing and the acceptance.

Then a funny thing happened. I’ve not been wearing any deodorant or essential oils lately, because I’ve been swimming in the sea most mornings and then haven’t bothered showering until the evening because I haven’t been seeing anyone. However I did shower this morning after sea swimming as I was teaching, and because it was Beltain I thought I’d use deodorant and a goddess oil mix.

Fast forward a few hours and I was out for a short ‘head space’ run  and I felt decidedly sick as I smelt the essential oils on my skin. It made me think how sensitive we can become to smell when we live increasingly without. There wasn’t anything wrong with the oils by the way, just they’re no longer resonating with me, goddess, or no goddess!

Traditionally the fire is central to Beltain evening and so we thought we’d celebrate that way too. E and I jumped the fire, which is meant to purify and cleanse (and bring fertility, but we’ll see that more as invoking the creative!) and pledge ourselves to each other! I also used it as an opportunity for more letting go with a burning bowl ceremony of my own.

We visited the water that flows at the lane down the road just as the sun set too – not quite the same as the ancients, who were said to sit all night by sacred wells and healing springs as the water was meant to be most potent at this time. The half-moon shone above us and I don’t know that it was potent, but the experience was calming albeit with the children!

We tied ribbons to the tree in our front garden yesterday. Traditionally ribbons and threads of clothing were tied to hawthorn trees, especially those growing by sacred wells, but this was the best we could do. We cycled down to La Varde dolmen yesterday too, to give thanks to the goddess and fertility energy of this ancient site; it has a special energy. 

There were other things we could have done that we haven’t, like walk the labyrinth and dance a maypole, but these were beyond the realm of my efforts today, and anyhow, we need to save something for next year! I’m certainly feeling energised this evening as I write this, happy beltain and love to you all. 

Switching off and switching in - Facebook and mobile phones

I have been thinking for a long while now, about coming off social media and not using my mobile phone.

I did attempt to leave Facebook last year, but people kept telling me how foolish I was for doing so, because that’s not what you do if you are running a small business. I kept arguing that I’m not running a small business, so what does it matter - I’m lucky as I am able to do what I love and share this with others, and earn a living from it too. To me this isn’t a small business, it’s living my dharma and being of service. 

I have grown increasingly weary over the years of receiving invites to join ‘small business’ groups, ‘conscious collective’ groups, ‘star seed’ groups, ‘entrepreneurial’ groups and the such like on Facebook. I’m not a fan of groups or of labelling, because this just creates greater separation and it also runs the risk of us putting ourselves on pedestals as if we are somehow better than others. It also limits us and I absolutely do not want to be limited or put in a box.

Yet still, despite knowing all this, I stayed on Facebook, partly because I questioned whether I might have gotten it wrong, and so I suppose there was some fear of somehow losing out on what others were telling me I was gaining. It didn’t help that I contacted Hays House, a holistic publishing company, to submit a manuscript, only to be told that they will only accept work from writers who have a certain number of social media and email followers. 

This saddened me - that the publication of manuscripts is dependent on the author having a certain number of followers, not on the merit of the written content itself. It’s as if the author’s ability to social network has now become more important than what they are actually offering or sharing, which seems in contrast to being in service to something greater than ourselves, a channel then, creating in unison with the sacred, at least for holistic manuscripts.

So with a heavy heart I continued using Facebook to keep the option open in terms of book publishing in the future, and I tried to play it’s game; apparently the more you post, the more your posts will appear in newsfeeds, and the more people might know what you are offering and respond with a ‘like’ or a comment. But all the while this made me feel uneasy and inauthentic because I didn’t want to be posting for the sake of posting, plus I didn’t want to be spending my spare time online for the sake of it either. 

Furthermore, I didn’t feel comfortable feeding into a platform that doesn’t necessarily bring out the best in people or support their health and wellbeing. Not only does it provide the possibility for conflict if people don’t agree with you, but you can unconsciously lose hours of your life scrolling through your newsfeed if you’re not careful – it absorbs time and energy! My concerns about this have been proven to a certain extent by Covid-19 and lockdown.

In the earlier days, the fear and anxiety and judgments circulating on Facebook were immense and it took some effort not to get caught up in it. And I did to a certain extent, offering a plethora of free yoga classes through Facebook, as if I alone could somehow ease the negativity and support those who were clearly suffering. However, I was then spending hours on Facebook, and certainly not feeling better for it. 

Fortunately my yoga teacher, Louise, pulled me up on this, not only reminding me not to ‘prostitute’ myself, but to consider any underlying motivations. I genuinely wanted to help people, but I did question whether I somehow needed to be seen to be helping people too. It was this latter point that fascinated me, that reinforced how conniving our ego can be, that even with clear intention, we can still sometimes lose ourselves along the way, and Facebook provides a fantastic platform for this too.

So I have considered that perhaps part of the reason I have stayed on Facebook might be ego. The need to be known, liked, followed. And perhaps this is the reason that I find Facebook increasingly uncomfortable, because I know that it is a trap. It might make us feel that it is essential, that it allows people to find out what it is we are offering the world – for example yoga and Reiki – but I know that people will find us regardless.

Those who contact me for yoga through Facebook rarely make it to a class and those who contact for Reiki, book and then pull out nearer the time. I have noticed common behaviour patterns with it. Furthermore, I haven’t met a single one of my yoga teacher’s on Facebook. Instead I have met them through word of mouth or because we happened to be in the same place at the same time; the divine. 

And yet admittedly, living on Guernsey, in a small community, Facebook can be helpful at raising awareness of events and it can help you to stay in touch with those you don’t see regularly, and share interesting articles etc, so it is not always about being liked or known. This I have considered too and lately this is my motivation for using Facebook, I love to share my blogs, for example and any poignant quotes or new moon readings. But beyond that, I can’t be sure that there is any benefit, I could be wrong however!

There’s more awareness gained recently - lockdown has been a gift for many reasons, but especially because it has enabled me to experience a new way of living, a much slower, nature based and child orientated one, that my soul has craved for some time, and that the moon has been trying to orientate me towards. I have known on a deep level, but I just couldn’t figure it out in my small mind how I might make the changes that needed to be made. The universe has made the changes for me, for all of us collectively. 

It’s not been easy necessarily, there has been a death of sorts; I experienced a significant letting go at the end of the last moon cycle, as the old way of being, that I was holding onto so tightly in my solar plexus, finally let go. I knew it was coming because at the beginning of lockdown I had a very vivid dream of dying, one of my students being the gatekeeper, it was surreal and yet necessary, and all the yoga I have studied with Louise this last month has supported this process with its emphasis on letting go and ‘preparing for a good death’, as she says!

I have a feeling that the world generally is going through a period of death. Some are literally dying and passing onto the other world, two of my friends have lost their mums, for example. And some have been dying while in this world, as parts drop away that are no longer needed, and new lives begin, with different priorities, different intentions, different ambitions and different energies.

I am enjoying all that the ‘new’ has ushered in, the planting of vegetables and the medicinal seeds from Fi, the time spent on Saints Beach, where I was rewarded this morning with my first marble, opportunities for sun rise and sun set, of running in the lanes and noticing the hedgerows, the cliffs in all their beauty and my boys, my beautiful boys, watching them moment to moment, growing and maturing, learning and deepening their interest in the world around them, off the screens and out in nature.

I have also enjoyed Diana Beresford-Kroeger entering my life. Diana is an Irish botanist, medical biochemist and author, who is also the keeper of ancient Celtic wisdom, so she straddles many worlds and weaves them together beautifully. I have learned a lot from Diana these last few weeks in watching her documentary, reading one of her books and her many interviews, and my life has been enriched for it. I am inspired by her ability to speak her truth and live from that place too, with a deep knowing of self. 

She has inspired in me a need to plant and to be in nature, to bathe in the trees, and to speak more of my truth out in the world. She has also given me permission to honour the deep calling, the one that tells me that I don’t want to spend too much of my time on Facebook, and the other one that has questioned whether I want to continue using a mobile telephone, and thus unintentionally supporting the installation of the dreaded 5G.

 The last few weeks I thought I had run out of mobile data so I was no longer able to use my mobile phone outside of the house. As it happens I had just accidentally and unknowingly turned it off – or it was the work of the divine – and yet what a wonderful lesson I learned. It was refreshing not to be distracted by my phone when out with the children, or to feel that I was beholden to anyone messaging or calling. 

Diana has definitely brought with her a call for action; to actually take action, not just talk about it, or think about it. I don’t want to be part of this life lived on the internet, disconnected from nature and distracted from my children and denying my own inner truth and wisdom. I am grateful to the online yoga classes during lockdown, but I shan’t miss it once we are able to connect in person again, for it is not the same, and you cannot put a price on the benefit of real touch. 

The world needs more real touch. Touching the earth, touching trees, touching plants, touching those we love, touching lives in ways that we cannot even imagine when our heads are down staring at screens, blinkered to all that is happening around us, numbing out, distracted and unnecessarily busying ourselves, trying to be someone, living and yet not truly living. It’s that kind of living that makes us sick; that makes this planet sick. 

Lance Schuler, who taught me how to teach yoga, reminded me recently that for those who wish to be taken seriously while protesting against 5G, they must abandon their phones, just as you would not take an animal justice advocate seriously while wearing fur. Valid point. His words written about 5G are shared below*. He also asked us at this time to re-examine everything we have learned and to reject anything that assaults our souls. 

I have been examining what I have learned and I have become increasingly aware of that which assaults my soul. I am aware that the way that the world has been going is not necessarily the way that my soul wants me to go and it is not a world that I want my children growing up in. That sometimes we have to align with a different way, and that while this may take courage, it becomes the only option available to us, because life lived out of alignment, will negatively impact on our health and wellbeing and further deplete mother earth in the process.

It is for this reason that I’m going to give it a try. I’m going to put my money where my mouth is, so to speak, and see what life is like lived off social media and my mobile telephone. Just for a month. So from Beltain, on Friday 1 May, I shall switch off and switch in, and see where I’m at, and what I’ve learned by the beginning of June, and whether I’ll be switching the mobile phone and Facebook on again. Here begins the experiment! 

I’ll continue blogging and teaching and sending newsletters by the way. 

Love Emma x

*As there is increasing awareness that the 5G roll-out is a possible player of our current situation we invite all of you who can, especially in the West, who have mobile phones to consider the opportunity this situation lends to us and ‘lay them down to rest’.
We feel that one of the most immediate threats that comes to life, and loss of our freedoms comes from the use of this device.
5G is an escalating virus taking the radio assault to a new level on our planet; using much higher frequencies, much greater band-width and much greater power levels. This will eventually be escalated from short range to ‘planet wide’ and from an indirect to direct assault on the ionosphere when literally tens of thousands of 5G satellites go into operation over the next few years.
With evidence of these non–native micro waves greatest effects on the worldwide starvation and death of species and the more dangerous effects of the most innocent bystanders our GRANDCHILDREN, where these waves have a much more harmful and devastating effect.
With more than 5 billion people now holding open sources of microwave radiation in their hands, Mother Earth is burning, yet no fire fighters are coming…
For most people considering this proposal may seem like an impossibility, but that is because they do not remember that only 25 years ago almost no one had a mobile phone. 
Were we more human then? Are mobile phones dehumanising our physical and spiritual connections to our existence? 
For those who wish to be taken seriously while protesting against 5G, they must abandon their phones, just as one would not take the animal justice advocates seriously while wearing fur coats.
If we all discontinue their use we can return to a more EVEN playing field for those who choose not to use them, and with that new opportunities and freedoms will return so that we can all function and operate more equally, non-discriminately, and less destructively. (Lance Schuler).

The message in the scarves

Yesterday my basket of scarves caught my eye. I love scarves and have bought a number over the years, and have been gifted some too. I gave some away this year, because I realised that I was no longer using them, especially now I’m not working in an office, but still I have kept a stash, which I have not touched for about a year. Instead I’ve just used the same plain blue one all winter!

I thought to myself how my basket of unused scarves is reflective of what is wrong in this world – us having more than we need! This basket of scarves is just sitting there, gathering dust, being of no real value to anyone, because as lovely as they are, I don’t really need them, not practically. But what to do with them? Well herein the other thing; attachment, and not being able to let them go because of sentimentality and the idea that I may use them in the future.

This got me thinking about how many people bought far more than they needed at the beginning of lockdown, that the fear of not having enough, caused many to panic buy.  I wonder what will happen to all the extra packets of pasta and cans of soup that was bought and whether they will ever get used or sit collecting dust in the cupboards and be wasted. With any luck they’ll make their way to hampers and be given to others to use instead.

I have been giving some thought to Beltain, and how I might celebrate this cross-quarter festival of fertility. Traditionally people jumped the fire to purify, cleanse and to bring fertility, while couples jumped the fire to pledge themselves to each other. This is a time when Mother Earth’s energies are at her most active and all of life is bursting with fertility and the power of its own potential. This definitely needs to be honoured and celebrated.

Amongst other things, I thought that I might make a garland for the La Gran’Mère at St Martin’s church. I wrote about her in my book Dancing with The Moon and how I was drawn to see her the day before Eben was born and the journey that she and the moon took me on. She is absolutely worth celebrating and at this poignant time too, she holds a power, as do many of the ancient sites, that enable us to shift our perceptions outside of time.

I didn’t give too much thought to the garland after I’d made the decision to make one, thinking I’ve got plenty of time (Beltain is 1 May), but then I was walking along the beach collecting litter and a shell with a hole in it revealed itself to me. Ah ha, of course, I shall add shells to the garland! I collected a few other shells but these required me making holes, not ideal, but lo and behold the next day, yet more shells with holes appeared and more the next day!

Then yesterday, someone had very kindly woven together some grasses to create a natural string and this they had discarded on the slip way at Saints just where we were changing for our swim. I couldn’t believe my luck, and was extremely grateful not least to the person who made it, but to the universe for providing that which we need, especially when what we need is for something greater than ourselves, for the ancients, to encourage connection with the ancient energy. 

 I’m receiving strong guidance to connect with these energies at this time, through the elements, which I try and work anyway, but to step it up a gear, as I’m sure others are feeling too, especially those working in the healing arts. There is something about the ancient energy that is needed now,  perhaps the respect that this energy has for Mother Earth - you only have to consider Stonehenge and the Callanish Stones to see the extent that the ancients went to honour the sun and the moon respectively, and here too on Guernsey, some of the dolmens have been aligned with sun rise and there is evidence of stone circles, although the granite industry destroyed many of these years ago now.

I suppose when I consider that we receive that which we need, we might ask, well how about those starving in this world, how come they do not receive what they most need. I don’t have all the answers, but I do have a feeling that they might well receive what they most need if it wasn’t for greed, and for some taking more than they need so that others go without, and the flow of the energy being blocked, so that some suffer and unnecessarily too.

It is greed that has led to climatic change, and the exploitation of Mother Earth’s resources so that we can all have more than we actually need. If there’s one thing I’ve learned during lockdown (and there have been many things), is the fact we can live with much less than we think we want and need. We can live very simply, and even though I already thought I was living simply, I see now that there is an even simpler way to live.

I’m becoming increasingly aware that the simpler we live, the less we want and the more abundant and full our lives become as a result. We do receive that which we need, not always in the way we might expect it, and not always when we think we need it (only today for example did I truly notice a book about the healing properties of herbs on my book shelf, the exact book I actually now need and there it was all this time, waiting, a gift from a few years ago), but it comes in all the same, we just have to recognise it.

I’m off to make my garland and to ponder what I might do with the scarves. Maybe I’ll need them in the future, or maybe it’s time to let them go to someone in greater need, let’s see, sometimes we just have to settle into the unknown until it becomes clear, at least it’s made me reflect! All I do know, is that I am grateful to Mother Earth for all she gives, for the abundance, for the joy of the sun rises and the celebrations of the new moon energy, the growth of my medicinal plants and finding the gifts that she has left on the beach. Magic. It’s everywhere. Truly.