Seasonal shifting

Driving on my own, on an early Sunday morning to a course I was leading, I was struck by the joy that is the changing season.

I love summer and I never want it to end, but when it does, the pitta in me is grateful for the change. This is especially now, with children, where I am lucky enough to spend a considerable part of the summer on the beach. This is wonderful, but a challenge for my pitta, which has most definitely been out of balance this summer, especially with the earlier-summer-exam-stress.

 Pitta comprises the elements of fire and water and pitta people can be aggravated by too much sun exposure and by the summer season (the pitta season). Pitta people are often athletic and driven people, competitive, hard working and ambitious. They have a tendency to like to control things and have high expectation for themselves and others. 

They like nice things and a lovely (and often luxurious) lifestyle. They like to consume hot and spicy foods, tomatoes, caffeine, alcohol and stimulants like chocolate – thinks that feed their fire! They have a tendency towards frustration and anger, and can be impulsive, jealous, envious and get really annoyed by people.

When there is too much pitta, pitta people are prone to loose stools and excess stomach acid leading to ulcers and acid reflux. They are susceptible to red skin conditions and hormonal imbalance too. This is when the rage may appear too!

If you can relate to any of this, then perhaps your pitta has been out of balance too and you will rejoice at the shift that the seasonal shift will bring to you. Already my pitta feels soothed by the cooler mornings and evenings, and I relish the calmer energy, and the changing light that is brighter and sharper than summer, and brings with it a much welcomed settling – like a breath of fresh air, which finds me almost sighing with relief (as much as I love summer!).

Autumn is the vata season. Vata comprises the elements of air and ether, and so it’s the turn of those with a tendency towards vata to be potentially aggravated by the seasonal shift. It’s worth noting here that you don’t have to have a predominantly vata constitution to be affected. We will all have an element of vata, and some of us will have a tendency for this to be aggravated (like pitta and kapha) from time to time depending on how we are living our lives. Certainly I find that my pitta imbalance brings with it a vata imbalance.

Vata people like change and movement, and like to flit around, snacking on the go, rather than taking regular meals. They like to eat bird food (think nuts and seeds) that help them to fly even more up in the air, trying to get lighter and lighter Sometimes they are living so much in the air and up in the ether that they chop and change their minds and don’t always get things done, or manifest on the ground, in this world.

When out of balance, vata people have a tendency towards nervousness, anxiety, fear, indecisiveness and worry. They can suffer with tics, tremors and twitches. They can also suffer with light and disturbed sleep, and can be prone to constipation and excess wind (too much air!). They can also feel cold and scattered and airy and their skin might flake (reflecting their flakiness).

So look out those of you who have a vata constitution or a tendency for vata imbalance, as this seasonal shift could affect you. There are simple things you can do to ease the imbalance, such as eating nourishing and warming foods, avoiding the bird food, taking warm baths and oil massage, establishing a regular and daily routine with regular times for eating, sleeping and working etc., calming and grounding yoga, yoga nidra and body scans and some light exercise like walking and swimming.

Those of you with kapha tendencies might find yourself challenged by the winter months ahead, but you should be OK during autumn, as long as you keep warm. Kapha people are cooler and slower and their digestion tends to be sluggish with excess mucus. When kapha is in excess, they can be prone to weight gain and excess sleep. They can also be prone to attachment and greediness. So you might watch out for these tendencies if you know that you have kapha in you (a combination of earth and water). 

I haven’t yet found out if I’ve passed my Ayurvedic exams (I don’t get the results until November) so I am not yet able to practice professionally as a lifestyle and diet consultant but I’m always happy to try to help on a case study basis if you feel drawn to Ayurveda. 

Ayureda uses a combination of diet, lifestyle and medicine to effect positive change, balancing the dosha (fault) and restoring harmony and balance. It sounds easy but can sometimes be a touch challenging – our diet patterns are well ingrained and we are often asked to focus on new tastes. The lifestyle changes can also be confronting because our lifestyle patterns are also well laid. The medicine can sometimes taste bitter and we have to remember to take it at the prescribed times, which can be tricky.

But all of this, all of the changes that are asked of us and our reaction to this can be both revealing and potentially healing. There is a reason that we are out of balance in the first place and that dis-ease may have appeared (mental as much as physical). So we need to start to do things differently, to unravel the imbalance.

Sometimes however we don’t need to do very much.  Sometimes the imbalance can be re-balanced just by the seasonal shift. So to all the pitta people, enjoy the cooler and clearer skies and the routine that this new season brings as the schools return and everyone catches up on the summer months of activity. 

Here, I’m back to teaching yoga and there’s a whole heap of retreats ahead which is exciting, as I do love retreating a little from the chaos of the rest of the world and especially as the light dims and we are encouraged to retreat inwardly in any case. There is a joy in seasonal shifts, another opportunity (as if we need more hey!) to let go and flow into the unknown. 

So enjoy the flow, and hope to see some of you soon, on your yoga mat or at Reiki.

Full moon mutterings

The full moon brings out the angst in me. It shines a light into the shadows and helps me to find the words for the things that have been bothering me.

I don’t know about you but I’ve grown weary of perpetuating the story about the ecological crisis which is occurring right now and being told that I must be feeling overwhelmed and burdened and unsure what I can do to solve the problem.

The truth is, it doesn’t have to be this way. Why feel choose to feel burdened by something that is beyond our control? Why spend our days depressed about the demise of the world? 

This serves no good to anyone, especially not to us. Nor to Mother Earth. 

 Better to just get out there and do something about it. Be the change. Don’t wait for someone else to do it for us.

 I was thinking about this in the context of the “Plant Trees: Promote Peace” charity class that I was intending to hold this summer, to raise cash through yoga to buy trees that people can then plant.  This because I love yoga and I love trees, and I have a theory that if we all practiced yoga and all planted trees, then the world would be a much better place to live.

 It crossed my mind that it’s a bit silly really, that we should have to come to an event like this to feel that we might be making a difference. I mean we could all practice yoga at home every day to promote peace and we could all go out there and buy a tree and plant that, even if we gifted it to someone and planted it on their land, or at a school, or on public land (with permission of course).

 Why is it that we need someone else to organise it for us? Why do we need to do something publicly to feel like we are making a difference – is it an ego trip, an image thing?

And why do we have to feel that we are getting something back, to put something in in the first place? (go to a yoga class, get something out of it, to donate our cash in the first place).

Why don’t we just do what needs to be done regardless? [In this instance planting a tree and practicing yoga].

This is not to knock my idea. I like my idea! I like the concept of coming together to share a love of yoga and do something that creates a positive difference and gives back to Mother Earth in someway.

 But it did get me thinking about what motivates us to do the things we do. 

Which brings me on to my other angst at the moment, which is the incredibly large number of holistic courses available to us that promise to change us during the course of a day or a weekend. You know, help us release all the trauma, all the blocks that are holding us back from living the life that we desire in our heads (if not our hearts).

I believe that these are all well and good, and have a place, as long as they don’t continue to perpetuate the story that there is something wrong with us that needs to be fixed. That somehow disempower us before we have even got going. That cause us to dwell on the negative and that put course leaders on pedestals. And even worse, that promise us the quick fix.

I’m also slightly cynical about the number of holistic courses being run, where making money is the motivation, rather than the heart-felt desire to help someone. I’m reading “Selling Yoga” by Andrea Jain at the moment, which probably doesn’t help matters, and has just made me even more aware how many sell out in the name of business - and the holistic world has become big business full of clever marketing to draw you in, but not really offering anything different, when you look at the small print. 

Sadly, even Yoga Nidra has become big business these days. We move in fads. I’d like to think that the recent Sound Bath craze will continue, but as consumers we can be fickle, and when we realise that these events are wonderful but don’t make all our problems go away in one hit, we move onto something else, like Yoga Nidra or a Goddess ceremony, that might offer us the quick fix that we seek. 

There is no such thing as the quick fix in the holistic world, because it takes time, and some effort (and some practice) to get to the root cause of a problem, which more often than not stems from our childhood.

It works the other way around too. I’ve had a number of couple of people contact me over the years wanting to advance their Reiki studies. Some of these are genuine, in so much as they truly want to help others through Reiki and have pure intention, but there are others who rarely use Reiki on others, let alone themselves, and simply want to advance their studies for the title that they can put on their business cards – so it becomes nothing more than an ego trip and ‘business’.

This is all that is wrong with the holistic world today – somewhere along the lines the heart got lost a bit.

This is the key for me. The heart. How does it feel about the decisions that we are making, about the way we are living our life, about the courses we are attending, and about our motivations (money, ego or otherwise)?

There’s this wonderful quote from Rumi, which reads

“Yesterday I was clever,

So I wanted to change the world.

Today I am wise, 

So I am changing myself”.

I agree. It doesn’t get much simpler than that.

Let’s let go of the story (and stop using the story to sell products) about how out of control we must be feeling, and how awful the state of the Planet and world affairs, and how broken we are (with all that unresolved trauma, anxiety and depression we’re carrying) to focus on something positive, like our breath and the fact we are breathing, or the fact that we live on a beautiful Island here in Guernsey where there is fresh air to breath, clean sea to swim in and little threat of war or natural disaster, where we can leave our cars unlocked and they are unlikely to be stolen.

Let’s remember all the good things.

Let’s remember that yoga has been around for thousands of years and has been tried and tested and really does make a positive difference. And Reiki too, the knowledge of which was contained in a sutra (thread of knowledge) uncovered by Dr Usui all those years ago.    

Both of these practices transform us into lighter and brighter human beings and heck that has to be good for the Planet. Actually, I KNOW it’s good for the planet, because every time one of us increases in vibration then the Planet has no choice but to increase in vibration.

However, every time we are told how overwhelmed, vulnerable, blocked, anxious, depressed, lost and disempowered we are…the vibration of the planet goes down again. We sag under the weight of the world telling us this story that doesn’t have to be true, but becomes true because someone is telling us it is true. A self-fulfilling prophesy.

I say listen to Rumi. Rumi is wise. Rumi knows. Rumi does not make us feel sad or depressed, or victims of someone trying to sell us the new ‘awaken’ fad. 

No one can do the awakening for us. No course achieves this for us, however much it might promise it. Sure it might provide a missing jigsaw piece or help us to see things differently, but we have to do the healing for ourselves.

That’s the reason I’m pretty happy with good old yoga and Reiki. You can practice both at home for free (there are a ton of free yoga videos out there these days and online stuff showing you the reiki self-healing positions) and they work! Get that. These practices actually work, they connect us to the heart and helps us to release all the stuff we don’t need to carry in our lives anymore (if we are ready to do the letting go). But, and here’s the thing, you just need to practice. That’s all these practices ask of you. Nothing else. 

Change yourself, change the world. 

Go practice some yoga and Reiki. 

Go buy your best friend a tree. In fact, go buy everyone you know a tree.

And create a new and positive story. 

Don’t give your power away. And don’t put others on pedestals, particularly in the yoga and holistic world, they don’t know your way any better than you do it. 

Follow your way; your heart.

Happy full moon!

P.S. The “Plant Trees: Promote Peace” has been postponed until 2020, because something else has come up…but please go practice yoga and plant a tree regardless!

P.P.S I realise I’m slightly hypocritical in many respects because I too offer courses that are aimed at helping people heal. I offer them from my heart. I genuinely want you to heal and feel better (if you need healing and feeling better!) but I appreciate this won’t necessarily happen overnight. I hope I don’t promise this.

Ahimsā - non-violence and non-harming - how are we getting on?

Yoga might be extremely popular these days, but very few appreciate its philosophical merits. Viewed merely as an exercise regime, many will never have heard of Patañjali’s Yoga Sūtras, nor have any idea of the potential spiritual and personal transformation that Yoga offers.

Believed to be the most ancient text of classical Yoga, the Yoga Sūtras contain 195 sutras (threads) (sometimes argued to be 196), divided between four chapters, discussing the aims and practices of Yoga, the development of Yogic powers and finally, liberation. Like a guiding hand, the Yoga Sūtras detail the potential pitfalls on a spiritual journey and offer the means to overcome them.

 It is understood that Patañjali was not one man, but a group of scholars who were tasked with scripting the path to self-realisation. Like the Buddhist Eightfold Path, the Yoga Sūtras are made up of eight limbs (astanga) or steps, which offers a method of awakening; a path to higher consciousness and liberation. 

The eight limbs include:

• The yamas (codes of moral conduct);

• The niyamas (codes of social conduct);

• Asanas (postures);

• Pranayama (breathing exercises);

• Pratyahara (withdrawal of senses);

• Dharana (concentration);

• Dhyana (meditation);

• Samadhi (self-realisation).

 While most Western practitioners may be familiar with the third limb of asanas (postures), very few will be familiar with the yamas and niyamas, which form the foundation for this wonderful practice (that is more than just exercising the body). 

The five yamas constitute the ethical precepts, which provide us with basic guidelines for living a life of personal fulfilment that will benefit the whole of society. The yamas are therefore about our relationship with the world and about having an awareness of the inter-connected nature of it. They remind us that our every action has a consequence and they help to bring some order to an otherwise chaotic world.

The first of the five yamas is called ahimsā, which is often translated as non-violence or non-harming. In Yoga, ahimsā is believed to be the most important principle, and is mentioned first because the four other yamas are dependent upon it.

Over the years, my awareness of this yama has deepened. While some might argue that you should start first with the yamas and work your way through the other limbs, so that asana follows when you have spent time working with the yamas and niyamas, I have a sense that it doesn’t matter where you start.  You will, at some point, begin to incorporate all the eight limbs into your life in some way or another as your awareness shifts.

So while I may have initially started practising asana for it’s physical, mental and spiritual benefits, my interest and awareness of the other seven limbs has increased over the years and the yamas are very important to me and form a framework from which I attempt to live my life.

This hasn’t happened with any effort either may I add, it has naturally evolved the more I have practiced and the more I have deepened my practice. I don’t believe that you can force yourself to live a certain way, it has to arise naturally for it to be authentic and real. But we can have an awareness nonetheless and sometimes the awareness is what might help to create the positive shift. 

 For example, some argue that ahmisā implies the need to eat a vegetarian diet. Certainly Stewart Gilchrist, with whom I train, and with whom I attended a workshop recently where we discussed the yamas, will argue that ahimsā means veganism. I have been a vegetarian on and off since I was 13 and it is true, that over the years I have become increasingly passionate about the non-harming of all life and questioned the ethics of the meat and dairy industry, choosing a predominantly plant-based diet accordingly.

However, the Yoga Sūtras do not make specific reference to the need to be a vegetarian or vegan per se, it is based on interpretation of ahimsā and how this comes to play out in your life will be dependent on the individual. Vegetarianism or veganism cannot be forced because this forcing may create harm, and this will potentially override any benefit that might be otherwise gained. It needs to evolve naturally.  

For example, when I was younger I thought nothing of killing a fly that annoyed me or squashing a spider that might be in my room, let alone killing ants. Today I wouldn’t dream of killing an insect, I mean yes, it is tempting when the flies are relentless (as they are at the moment), but what right have I to kill? I’m curious how easily we justify the killing of animal and insect life to suit ourselves. 

I try and install in my children the need to help other living beings, and I admit I do struggle with the recent crabbing obsession of my eldest. It seems so cruel to in any way harm other living beings for our pleasure, whether we are learning about those species or not. 

Fortunately, I have managed to steer us to rock pools and merely looking and I’m pleased about that because recently we came across a mother crab literally hugging her baby crab. I didn’t have my camera to hand and I wish I had, because it was a very strong message to me that we shouldn’t be messing with nature, that even mother crabs have babies that they protect, what right have I to move them or separate them?  

 I also believe it is important that my children are aware of the source of their food, whether that be a dead animal or not, so that they can be more conscious of what they are putting into their bodies and the harm that may be taking place. They are too young to truly understand this, at least from my perspective. My eldest son loves pigs and loves sausages, and he is fine with this, despite understanding the connection.

There are many ways that we harm other human beings too. Physically hurting someone is one such way, but we shouldn’t overlook the emotional and mental harm that we can cause to others by the words we use -  harsh words uttered in moments of rage and anger, words used to manipulate and control, words used to put down and disempower, and words that add to insecurity and shame, for example. 

We can hurt by the tone of our voice, or by the volume of it, raising our voice and shouting at both other adults and children unnecessarily. We can harm with our moods and our behaviour patterns, ignoring family members, turning our backs on children because they’ve annoyed us, or even worse, ignoring their crying and neglecting to attend to their needs (children often cry because their needs are not being met, even if that need might just be a moment of our time and sole attention). 

We can hurt people on social media too, by the comments we make, and the judging that we undertake. We can also harm people by publishing stuff that might upset them. For example, I don’t appreciate seeing any images of violence, whether that be to animals, children or adults. I know it exists and I try to do what I can to help to make a positive difference, seeing a distressing image does not achieve anything positive, it just creates more anger and negativity and the world has enough of that already. 

The written word can also harm, not only in the way in which text messages and emails can be misinterpreted, but also in the way that we can be captive audiences. We don’t get to choose what people write to us when they contact us and before we know it they have offloaded on us and involved us in their dramas. It can be ever so draining, and can lead us onto another of the yamas called asteya, which means non-stealing, and the manner in which people steal time and energy from us, but that’s a whole other blog posting!

Of course Gandhi’s views and practices revolved around ahimsa and non-violence. He successfully implemented the rule of non-violence in the struggle for independence in India. He wrote, “non-violence is a power which can be wielded equally by all – children, young men and women or grown up people, provided that they have a living faith in the God of Love and have therefore equal love for all mankind. When non-violence is accepted as the law of life, it must pervade the whole being and not be applied to isolated acts”.

 I would love nothing more than for non-violence to be accepted as the law of life but I have a feeling that until we are non-violent and non-harming to the ourselves, then it is unlikely we will be able to non-violent or non-harming to the whole of society. 

For many years, I associated self-harm with intentionally damaging or injuring the body, usually as a way of coping with, or expressing, emotional distress. I tried it once, in my twenties when I was full of self-loathing, and it just made me feel worse, not better, but I have known others who experienced some comfort in it. It’s a pretty drastic thing to do and certainly indicates that life is very much out of balance.

I have since come to recognise that there are many other ways that we self-harm, some more acceptable by society, and some so subtle that we don’t recognise them as self-harming until someone points them out to us.

Self-harming can mean eating more than you need, for example, and being greedy, taking an extra helping of cake or chocolate or curry, or whatever it might be that stresses our digestive systems and body generally. Cancer Research UK advises that in 2018, 62% of the adults in the UK were overweight or obese, and that being overweight and obese is the UK’s biggest cause of cancer after smoking. This is most definitely self-harm manifest!

 However, self-harm can also mean not eating enough. Those who read this blog post regularly and have read my books will know that I used to have an eating disorder. Eating disorders are definitely a form of self-harm. I also carried a lot of repressed anger and bitterness, and the combination of the eating disorder and the negative emotions resulted in me having to have my gallbladder removed when I was 21 years old -the gallbladder holds bitterness in the body, closely related to the liver which holds anger.

Anger was a theme throughout much of my earlier life, both inherited but also in reaction to life events and the manner in which my life was unfolding, especially in my twenties. This was a form of self harm as I directed my anger towards myself, my inner critique giving me a hard time so that I loathed myself – I didn’t need anyone else harming me because I was doing a good job of that myself with my negative thinking. 

For many years of my life I always adopted a negative mind-set and negative thinking. I didn’t even realise that I was doing it, or that I had a choice about it – glass half full, glass half empty. I just thought that that was me. My negativity towards myself and my life led me to contemplate suicide and one evening I did get more desperate than at any other time in my life and I know that this was – thankfully – a cry for help rather than a genuine attempt at suicide. I had hit rock bottom and this was some serious harming.  

 It was a necessary moment for me though, to wake up to the harm I was causing myself and to ask for help to heal. Soon after this, a wave of help rushed in, through Yoga, Reiki and the love of many Earth angels, which you can read about in my book, Namaste. All of this helped me to realise that I didn’t have to be stuck in negativity, that I had a choice, and I took it upon myself to focus on love, and self-love and positivity instead, trying to shift my mind-set in the process. 

It is difficult to name one thing that made a difference, because all the various healing practices that I engaged had a cumulative positive effect on me. Although I do think that connecting with the angels and inviting the divine and indeed the Goddess into my life have all helped to make a huge difference. At their heart they brought in faith and love, and this made a huge difference in transforming my life in a positive direction. It was then, and much like Gandhi says, that I began to have greater love and respect for the whole of mankind.

However, it is worth noting that we can harm ourselves in the quest to heal ourselves too. In the earlier days of my Yoga practice I practised excessively, triggering the return of the eating disorder, which found me losing a lot of weight in the quest to be the ‘ideal’ yogini, or at least the notion in my head of what I thought was the ideal yogini. This was a journey all in itself, and helped me to see through the illusion that is ever present even in the Yoga world. My periods stopped during this time soon, which is always a sign that something is out of balance. 

We can harm ourselves by pushing ourselves too hard in our yoga practice, causing ourselves injuries. As yoga teachers we have to be mindful of not causing harm to our students in the words we use and the physical adjustments we make. As holistic therapists too, helping others to heal, we have to be mindful of not creating more harm and sharing only what is absolutely necessary and helpful, not dwelling on the negative. 

I harmed myself when I used to smoke cannabis, believing that it would assist with my spiritual development. I was travelling and practicing Yoga, and I convinced myself that it was OK as it was mentioned in the Vedas and there is an association between cannabis and Shiva, plus I hoped it would enhance my creativity and expand my mind. 

 When I look back I see that it was just another smoke screen, another way of distancing myself from the reality of my life and the issues that I still needed to address. I was neither more creative nor more spiritual as a result of the smoking, I just ended up with a nicotine addiction and polluted lungs and liver. Furthermore, I was desperately ungrounded and unable to make anything happen in my life as I floated around in the ethers of denial. 

There is no doubt in my mind that smoking is a form of self-harm. Fortunately smoking has become unfashionable and with good reason, with it being the number one cause of cancer in the UK. The fact that people are still allowed to smoke in their cars in Guernsey with children in the car too astounds me. Surely this is a form of harm too?

Drinking alcohol is also a form of self-harm despite the fact that it is considered socially acceptable. It amazes me how much alcohol underpins the British culture despite the fact that drinking alcohol is known to cause seven types of cancer, including breast and bowel cancer (per Cancer Research UK). Furthermore, studies indicate that those who drink alcohol (regardless of the amount) are more likely to end up with cancer than those who don’t. 

There are many other ways we self-harm too, often as a result of our addictions. One of my yoga teachers always said that we all have addictions, some more harmful than others. Some may be addicted to love and the drama that often accompanies this, others to technology and the need to be online, yet others to sex and to porn, and yet more to pharmaceutical drugs, and those who choose illegal drugs instead. 

We can harm others in the process of harming ourselves too; spending too much time on technology and ignoring our children in the process, in any way buying into the porn industry, uncontrollable and unrestrained sexual indulgences and manipulations, the love drama that destroys marriages and harms children, and promoting the illegal drug trade with its links to sex trafficking and the underworld. 

Buying into Big Pharma is a big deal too. To have children we had to have IVF. This meant that I consciously ingested and injected pharmaceutical drugs into my body, some of which came with warnings of the potential cancerous side effects. Some of these drugs are aimed at, and used by, menopausal women to reduce their menopausal symptoms. I had a choice about whether I take these drugs, and had it not been for my overwhelming desire for children, there is no way I would have put that stuff into my body. 

I tried to do what I could to reduce the negative effects of the drugs, certainly energetically, with holistic means. I was still concerned however about what I was doing to my body and to the embryos created through the use of these drugs in my body, and what might be the effect in utero. Fortunately, both boys arrived safely, not without some drama though, and whether this was as a result of the IVF and use of pharmaceutical drugs or not who will ever know. You can read more about this journey in my book Dancing with the Moon. 

Going back to the menopausal medication, it saddens me that menopausal women feel they have little choice but to take synthetic drugs to lessen the symptoms of the menopause which, we should remember, is a transition from one way or being to another, rather like menarche for teenage girls, rather than a condition that somehow needs to be fixed (or delayed!). 

That women are prepared to risk cancer, shows how desperate they must feel and it is a shame that holistic means are not promoted as another option. Certainly from an Ayurvedic perspective a change to diet and lifestyle, and the use of some natural medicine can work wonders in supporting this transition, without the unwanted side effects such as cancer. Still we must each feel that we have a right to choose, without judgment, the path we should take, medical or otherwise. 

The fact that so many women still choose to take synthetic contraceptive drugs despite the researched links between the long term use of these drugs and various cancers surprises me. This link is recognised to the extent that doctors will encourage women to stop taking the pill at some stage, when they consider that they have been on it for long enough - this happened to two of my friends, who had never questioned, nor appreciated the risk they were taking by using the pill in the first place. These are subtle ways in which we might harm ourselves, 

[For anyone keen to explore menopause or menstruation further, I recommend reading any of Dr Christiane Northrup’s books on women’s wisdom and women’s bodies, she also has a book devoted to natural approaches to the menopause available through Amazon. For those who have been questioning the use of the contraceptive pill then I highly recommend reading Code Redby Lisa Lister and exploring alternative methods that might allow you to connect with your cycle again and all it will reveal to you in the process.]

I haven’t even started on vaccinations and harm because that is a whole divisive and potentially harming discussion point for all involved. My best friend once told me that we might fall out if we discuss vaccinations so I learned early on that even those nearest and dearest will risk a long-term friendship over this subject. I’m not pro or anti vaccine per se, but I am pro choice, and that people should have the right and freedom to make the choice whether to vaccinate themselves or their children without being judged or in any way harmed by others.

Whether you are harming yourself or others in choosing to vaccinate, is as valid a research point, as the decision not to vaccinate and the impact this is believed to have on the wider population. All I would suggest that in forming your opinion one way or another you undertake detailed and unbiased research, and even then, respect the choice of others. Certainly from an Ayurvedic perspective, it is fundamental to support natural immunity whether you vaccinate or not and cause as little harm as possible whichever route you take. 

We self-harm when we establish poor boundaries be that in relationships or in the work place and when we give too much of ourselves and our energy away. Further, we self-harm when we spend time with people who deplete us or in any way disempower or drain us. We self-harm when we subject ourselves to violent media or to the news, or to anything that in any way has a negative impact on our emotional and mental wellbeing and creates feelings of fear and anxiety in us. 

Then lastly let us not forget the manner in which we harm the planet. Those of us who drive cars, travel by aeroplane, waste water, fuel and food, and buy more than we need are harming the planet on some level. We live in a consumer society where it is all about buying and accumulating stuff. We don’t actually need very much. It’s important we recognise the difference between needing and wanting and consider what it is that we are actually buying. Are we buying into an illusion? And what about the source of what we are buying? Did it cause harm to people or to the planet? Ethical shopping has to be the way forward.  

I can even take this to the buying of crystals. I love crystals and like having them in the cottage, but I have started questioning the harm that was caused, not only to the planet but to the people involved in their mining, to bring them into my life. I went through a phase of returning all the pebbles and shells that we had collected over the year to the beach, considering that these are not mine, and that they should be returned to Mother Earth. I’ve eased up on that a little bit but it’s an interesting point – how are we harming Mother Earth through our actions?

The truth is, once we bring ahimsā into our life we do start questioning things. What once worked for us might not work anymore and that can be a difficult process to go through, not only for us but for our friends and family. There is often a period of adjustment because its implications are far wider than simply giving up meat or ditching the car for the bike

It is more than not being violent or not harming, it is more than an attitude, it is a whole way of life. It extends to all living things, to you, to me, to those we don’t get along with, to animals, to Planet Earth, it is all and everything. Ultimately it comes down to love and respect, and it comes down to being conscious of the decisions we make, and taking responsibility. It’s pretty cool, though, as a framework for living one’s life - ahimsā, being non-violent and doing no harm. 

Wake up!

There are words I long

to say, to anyone

who might listen.

To awaken the

sleeping, heads buried

in a layer of

ignorance.

There are people

dying and children crying

and mothers

being

separated from

their young.

Do we pretend

it’s OK. Head down.

Get on. Someone

else’s problem.

Someone else’s

life.

I’m pretty sick of it, if I’m honest,

of greed, and the desire for fame,

as if this demonstrates

the success of a human being.

Show me your soul

that’s all I want to see of you.

Naked. Honest.

Truthful.

Ditch the show, please,

for the sake of humanity.

This isn’t a game (get off

the screen, get outside. Breathe), this

is for real. They’re dying

while you’re lying with

your head in denial.

A poem by Emma Després

Leo New Moon and Lammas ranting!

It’s the new moon in Leo today, and Lammas, the Pagan festival celebrating the first fruits of the Harvest (traditionally this is the time for break-making and corn-dollies).  

I’m hopeful that the turning of the wheel will bring smoother days ahead, and the new moon cycle will support this!

The last eclipse cycle was potent, and I am still going through the releasing of the old to make way for the new. Not only is my physical body doing a lot of releasing – I’ve had a relentless cough for the last week, as I cough out the rubbish that stops me from fully speaking my truth - but mentally there’s been the letting go of outdated concepts too. 

I was lucky to attend a workshop with the inspiring Stewart Gilchrist over the weekend as we considered how we can apply the yoga yamasa and niyamas from Patanjali’s Yoga Sutras (philosophical framework) from 2,000 years ago to life today. 

This was truly enlightening, not only in how we might make these ancient scriptures and teaching more relevant to our modern day living (or excuse for living) but in listening to Stewart speak his truth, which was also fairly much my truth, but I don’t have his courage to always talk so openly, for fear…for fear of being ridiculed, or challenged, or made to feel that I need to get a grip on reality (because this reality is serving us so well isn’t it?!).

This last moon cycle has fairly much been about the heart and throat chakras for me, and as I am part of the collective, and collectively we go through things, even if we sometimes think it is just us going through it all on our little own, then it’s highly likely that your throat and heart chakras have been making themselves known to you too. 

New people have been entering my life and others have been dropping away. What once was aligned is no longer and so there has been (and continues to be) some shifting to accommodate this change. You just know sometimes, don’t you, that things have to change, but making the change is often the tricky bit, as it demands courage. The Leo new moon will give us that courage, so those changes can be made with more conviction this month. 

Where does this leave us? I’d like to try and stay positive and say that once the debris has settled from the eclipses then we’ll be in a much better place as a civilisation and humanity, but with recent political events, I’m not sure we’re through the other side just yet. 

The question remains, will we ever be? We’ve got to hope so haven’t we, but still we’re buying into the illusion. Yoga is a case in point. While I enjoy visiting city studios because of the energy they imbue, I am also tickled and slightly irritated by the commercialisation of yoga and the fact it doesn’t reflect the underlying philosophy.

I pad £3.80 for a small cup of chai! That’s stealing in my opinion! Let alone being charged £17 for a drop-in class (admittedly there are deals that can be had) when you know the teacher is being paid a pittance per hourly rate. It’s not only that, it’s the branding that drives me mad, that yoga has to look a certain way now, Lululemon and Spiritual Gangster are the epitome of this! 

Admittedly, back in the day, long before yoga, I was a surfer and branding meant something to me then. It was really important that I accrue as many t-shirts as I could with the Billabong or Rip Curl logo. It made me feel like I was a proper surfer. Or something like that. As surfing grew in popularity, my interest in it waned. Or at least my interest in the commercialism of it waned.

 It got to a point where I loved surfing for surfing, not for the clothing that came with it. I suppose what I recognised was that I was only ever trying to buy into an illusion. If I wore those branded Rip Curl clothes then I may look the part and be good at surfing, and maybe attract myself a lovely surfer boyfriend in the process. It was a story I played out in my head.

As it happened I was OK at surfing in the end, coming second in the University Nationals my first year at Uni, and I did have a surfing boyfriend for a while, but by then I’d grown weary of the branding and the commercialism of surfing, because I had recognised that none of it was real. What was real was being out in the water, and catching waves, and the feeling that came from this. 

Maybe because of my surfing experience, or maybe because I discovered yoga before it became trendy, and had learned from my surfing experience, I have never bought into the commercialism of yoga. I have a mat. What more do I need? I certainly don’t need clothes that have been designed for yoga and cost an absolute fortune. 

Just like I don’t need a named eye pillow promoting someone’s business (the give-away is in the ‘business’. “Yoga is a spiritual practice”, I want to cry out to anyone who will listen! What right does anyone have to try to ‘own’ it in any way). For some reason the branded eye pillow especially tickles me, it’s like you just can’t escape it, even in Savasana! 

So where was I going with this? See throat chakra has been affected somewhat recently, I’ve started ranting again!

I suppose my point is, that if we buy into the illusion of it all as yoga practitioners (who, in theory are meant to be addressing the five kleshas, the five obstacles, the first of which is ignorance) then there really is no hope. I mean obviously there is always hope, but really, we need to be discerning. This is so important.

Of course this is relevant to all of life, not just the commercialisation of yoga. Discerning what is true for us, not what some marketer has fed us (…often an illusion to sell us a product and make someone money).

So I think this brings me back to my point, if I even had a point, as I feel like I may have just need to rant and get that all off my chest, the bit about the commercialisation of yoga and selling out…ah yes, buying into the illusion.

Let’s stop buying into it! Let’s stop buying what we don’t need for a start. Maybe we need to start saying no more frequently too, Just say no! No more wars. No more trees being cut down for developers gain. No more children being separated from their parents at the US/Mexican border. No more refugees dying as they try to escape to Europe. No more politicians messing with our children’s education. No more wasting food. No more turning our backs on the homeless and people needing help. No more turning a blind eye. No more putting our heads in the sand. No more cruelty to others, animals, humans, plants. No more buying into the commercialisation of yoga (no branded eye-pillows, please!).

Let’s see where the new moon energy lands. If there’s one thing for sure, this new moon is definitely bringing out the roar of the Leo lion!

Happy New Moon and Happy Lammas.

xx

Jill's Basil Pesto recipe

It’s that time of the year when, if you grow basil, it is prolific. Pesto time!
This year I grew two types of basil, one of which was labeled for pesto on the seed packet.

On the left is the type of basil you would buy in a pack sold by Guernsey herbs. On the right is the ‘pesto’ one. The obvious differences are shape of leaf and leaf size. The ‘pesto’ one is a little coarser too.

So, I tend to make largish batches for the freezer. To get a nice green pesto you need to blanch the leaves (and refresh in icy water), then get as much water out as possible - a little like spinach. This is a bit of a faff, let alone time consuming. So, if you are not bothered that your frozen pesto looks grey, just use raw leaves.

The recipe I use is:-

1 large clove of garlic (more if like). I don’t like garlic to take over the taste so am abstemious in my use of it.
4 cups of fresh basil leaves (blanched if fussy like me!)
1 cup grated Parmesan (or Manchego for anyone with cow intolerances)
2/3 cup pinenuts (which is a small packet) or walnuts etc.
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon ground black pepper
1/2 to 1 cup of olive oil (I don’t use extra virgin as I find the taste overtakes in pesto)

I tend to get everything ready like pulling the leaves off the stems and washing. Grating the cheese, peeling the garlic etc.

Once ready it all goes in the food processor. I start with half a cup of oil and add more if necessary. The consistency should be soft but not runny. A little like cake mixture falling off the spoon. Once it is the right consistency, taste and adjust seasoning if necessary.

I freeze in trays I got from Lakeland but any ice cube type trays work too. I prefer to freeze like this and I can get out as many or as few as I need.

Bon appetito!

The Eclipse Gateway

A lot of people have been commenting to me about the strange energy at the moment. We’re in an eclipse gateway!

I don’t know that I’ve ever been as conscious as I am now of being in an eclipse gateway but it feels a little like a liminal space, neither here nor there, a sort of ‘hanging’ energy, and yet one full of potential.

We had a solar eclipse on the new moon on Tuesday 2nd July, and a lunar eclipse on the full moon due on Tuesday 16th July. This is potent time! When eclipses are two weeks apart, there is a gateway between them, like a bridge, helping to merge their energies, and shift consciousness from one way of being to another.

Eclipses bring with them the potential for change - you might have noticed this in your own life or the lives of those around you. Change is in the air, and during the gateway you start to see the transformation that might lead to the actual change bedding in, once the bridge has been crossed.

A few days ago I started to feel a shift in perspective, an awareness that we get to choose whether we see the world through’ a glass that is half empty’, or ‘a glass that is half full’. It might seem really obvious, but it just struck me how this perspective might truly influence the direction that our life flows. Which one do we choose?

I am aware that many - myself included at times - choose the negative approach, and sometimes this is so deeply conditioned that we don’t even realise we are doing it; it is not conscious. This is fascinating to explore, this inherent need to see the negative first, almost as a subtle victim of circumstances, seemingly powerless…and yet not, if the awareness shifted.

I couldn’t help thinking that in many respects the ‘glass half empty’ approach is a little like a form of self harm, as if we might deny ourselves the opportunity for happiness and continuously lower our spirits, make sure that life is hard work, like a self-fulfilling prophesy.

Furthermore, the negative becomes like a protective armour. It binds our heart. It stops us from truly saying ‘yes’ to all life has to offer. It also harms other people, especially our family and friends, because they have to deal with the hardness in us that this approach creates.

I wonder what underlies it? A suffering? We’re suffering so let’s make sure everyone knows about it, and let’s make them suffer too? An anger? A sense of being truly pissed off at the world? Let everyone know! The world has got it in for me! (like attracts like, self-fulfilling prophecy again).

I know from my own experience, that this perspective is so deeply ingrained that we don’t always recognise immediately when we have outgrown it. What would we choose to be anything but happy? I’m not suggesting that we pretend other than how we feel, or we bypass emotionally in any way, I just mean, why would we not choose to try to see the positive. What stops us doing this?

The current gateway has made this crystal clear to me, this need to take responsibility for our experience of life on planet Earth depending on our perspective, ‘glass half empty’, ‘glass half full’.

The frequency is high and there is the opportunity to receive downloads (I know this sounds really esoteric and weird and I remember when I first heard the term ‘download’ I was thinking it sounded a bit too star seedy for me, but I don’t know now how else to describe it because that is what it is), almost as if we are receiving some insight from somewhere else.

It’s like the portals (yes, I know, a bit esoteric and weird too, but this is what they are, like streaming) are open and we can receive messages from the collective higher self more clearly, or maybe it’s just from our higher self, but I have a sense that it is more expansive than that somehow, because we are feeling it collectively, not just individually, I’m not sure if that makes sense and apologies if not, sometimes it’s tricky to explain how you feel.

I felt energised after the solar eclipse and there was much more clarity; this sense that this is really the time for tying up loose ends, and yet I’ve felt that since January and this has led to me retreating a little, to see what needed to be tied up and let go, and what just needed tidying up to move forward. Much of this was a perspective shift too and a continual questioning about underlying motivation.

Interestingly they say that what is happening now is completing a cycle that begun with the eclipses in January 2019, so if you can think back then, that might help you to gain more clarity on what is happening now. I was going to say that it depends how much you have flowed with it, but that’s the thing about eclipses, they make the change happen regardless. I guess the more you can stay attuned to it, and the less of shock the change might be.

I have felt very supported in the last few weeks, more so than at other times this year, when there has been some scary moments of leaping into the dark, of doing things differently with no idea of the outcome, safe or otherwise. It’s been uncomfortable at times, but one has to keep trusting in the heart, because what else is there, otherwise.

There has been coincidence, strange happenings and the fairies have been apparent (bless Elijah for communicating with the magic fairies and reminding me frequently of the magic inherent in life!).

The last few days has drawn in situations that have helped to make the path ahead clearer, at least in terms of what I am feeling in my heart, and what direction this might take (the universe has been continually questioning motivation), and what the picture might look like, even though there are still many missing jigsaw pieces and still some leaping of faith. There’s renewed inspiration.

I’ve a feeling the energy will change in the days ahead as we approach the lunar eclipse. We might notice the blocks, and feel despondent, probably emotional.

But there’s really no stopping where it’s going. We just have to keep listening. I’m sorry if that sounds really wishy washy and new age-like, but I don’t know how else to say it. Perhaps I’m reminding myself as much as anything else.

I don’t know, let’s see. Take some time alone if you can. Keep your frequency high, use crystals and keep clearing your space with sage and herbal potions, cleansing out the old. Keep praying and communicating with the Goddess, her energy is also high, look at the moon building in the sky. Don’t buy into the illusion. Keep it different. To the heart. You know what I mean, you’ll feel it anyhow.

Happy eclipse shifting!

Love Emma

Mothering

It was a new moon in Gemini yesterday, and it wasn’t until a few days prior to that, when I had already started writing this blog posting, that I became aware this new moon is encouraging us to look honestly at what we want from our life and to speak our truth. On the back of this new moon energy, I share with you now my truth, but appreciate that it might not be anyone else’s truth. 

I’ve experienced a few Ayurvedic Pancha Karma in my time, but the one I had last week was probably the most intense in its release thus far. It could just have been the timing however, taking place a few days after that rather powerful Scorpio full moon and after a weekend in Glastonbury, the home of the Goddess. 

For those who don’t know, a Pancha Karma is basically a three-hour oil-based massage, which deeply penetrates the skin, loosening impurities and stimulating circulation. Hot poultices of Ayurvedic herbs are also applied, the herbs being absorbed through the pores in the skin.  

Shirodhara (my favourite) is then employed, where warm oil is poured in a gentle stream over the forehead, calming and pacifying the central nervous system, stilling the mind and senses, and allowing stress to be released (my main focus at the moment, releasing stress!). This is followed by a head and face massage, before steam treatment to help expel toxins.

 I’ve been on a bit of an emotional rollercoaster ever since, experiencing a healing crisis, where everything feels worse before it feels better. There have been many tears and my heart has been making itself known to me, clearly needing some healing. As painful as this has been at times, it has brought with it a pause for reflection, and finally some clarity, which has been a relief.

 I have felt that something has been amiss for a while now and yet I couldn’t quite put it into words, but now I feel able to do so, rightly or wrongly. My realisation will not necessarily resonate with you all, it’s just what’s relevant to me in my life right now.

Simply put, it seems to me that we women have been fed a lie, that we’re part of some big social experiment to see what happens in the name of empowerment. It is what women are pressured (in whatever way) to think they want, but has anyone actually thought about the wider cost.

Not only are women now fulfilling the role of provider (and main provider in many cases), and perching themselves on the ladder with the men, but they are also continuing, on the whole, with the role of householder and mother. There is a whole generation of women exhausted and depleted, living a life that is totally out of balance with their natural rhythm, because society deems that this is ‘the way’. 

“We’re empowered”, they shout out, “we can do everything that men do, and better too. We can run businesses, we can keep a house and raise a family. We can do it all”. 

However, no one really talks about the reality of what this truly means. No one talks about the fact that many women spend their day existing on a diet of coffee, chocolate and salad, eating on the go, never having time to properly refuel. Or the fact that women are so busy trying to hold it all together that as a society we now just accept this as a fact of modern living, “she’s just busy”, we say, “she’s got a demanding job and children”, we simply explain, and everyone knows what we mean. 

Many women are rushing through their life, from one appointment and meeting to the next, juggling all their various responsibilities and roles and trying to manage their time with their children as best they can. Some choose to do this because they want to have a career, other because they are not naturally gifted at motherhood (and don’t usually mind admitting it) and there are those who do it out of necessity as they need an income (and therefore don’t have a choice).

I suppose it is the lack of choice for many that saddens me the most, because while they might rather be at home with their children, society offers them little support to achieve this. In Sweden, for example, both parents receive 480 days’ parental allowance per child, and in the case of multiple births, an additional 180 days are granted for each additional child.

When I birthed Elijah back in 2013, I was only eligible for 3 month’s maternity leave, thankfully by 2016 and the arrival of Eben, this had increased to 6 months. However, by then I didn’t want to be dictated to by the workplace about when I should return post-baby, so I quit my job while pregnant and gave up the opportunity for maternity pay in favour of keeping my freedom to stay with my baby until I chose to return to the workplace. 

But even then, I felt a pressure to return after 6 months, because it just felt that I should be working and earning a proper income. It hadn’t crossed my mind that I might just stay at home with the boys. I had a well-paid professional role in the finance industry, wouldn’t I be mad to just give that up? The truth is, and I didn’t recognise this until recently, that so much of my identity was tied up in my job, I didn’t know how to be any other way. 

In many respects, this is the reason that many women are leaving it later and later to begin a family, because they have invested a lot of time and energy into their careers, and their whole identity is tied into it. Many don’t want to jeopardise this by falling pregnant, and hold out until they can no longer ignore their biological clock ticking. By then many need fertility treatments to help them, if not because of age, then because of increased stress levels.

It is these women, and other women too, who have their children and return to the workplace, because it is expected of them (because they expect it of themselves as much as anything else), who are then constantly torn in two. Like me, they might not have appreciated the demands of motherhood and by then it’s too late, they have to keep working because they need the income/have become used to the income/their whole identity is tied into the income, and yet they miss their children, and are trying to manage both the demands of motherhood with the demands of the workplace. 

We just keep going though don’t we, us women, whether we enjoy it or not, whether we chose it or not, whether we want it or not. We’re empowered and we can do it all. We can run businesses, have top careers and still raise a family. Look how much we admire female entrepreneurs and look up to them as role models – giving birth to children and running their businesses the next day!   

But the question is, are we women thriving? Are our young people thriving? Is society thriving? Are we all better off for it? If the rising depression, anxiety and stress rates are anything to go by, then I think not.

All I ever wanted to be since I was little, was a mother one day. Yet society was never particularly encouraging of this, the focus was always on academic success and a career. There was a sense that to be a successful woman living in this 21stcentury, I needed to be so much more than ‘just’ a mother to fulfil my potential. Instead, I need to be up there fighting for a perch with the men, or out there with all the other women attempting to change the world by running their own businesses. 

I am slowly coming to recognise that this does not need to be the case. For me now, fulfilling my potential means being a good mum to my two boys. It’s not about earning lots of money in finance or running my own business, it’s not even about publishing books or having my own healing space. Admittedly, the latter two are dreams, but they should not be confused with what it means to fulfil my potential, because then they become distractions from the truth.

Furthermore, when we talk about purpose and dharma particularly – what are we here on this earth to do - I might talk about teaching yoga and sharing Reiki with others, writing perhaps too, but truth be told, it’s being a mum. Everything else becomes irrelevant, really, when I consider the most sacred of duties that I could ever have been gifted in this lifetime is the one of mothering my own children.

Sure, when I die, it might be nice to be remembered for teaching a couple of inspiring yoga classes, or helping someone in their life, but I’d really like to be remembered more so for being a good mum to my children.  That’s my life work. My children couldn’t care less about what I do either and regularly groan because I’m off to teach another yoga class. All they care about is spending time with me. 

It’s a relief to finally recognise this after feeling adrift for a while now, wondering what’s next. It was almost as if the children arrived (and not without some challenge and heart ache may I add) and I ticked a box, OK that’s the children done, now what? And on I went with the next challenge, publishing books, as if time was somehow running out and all those dreams needed to be achieved overnight, and because I’m an empowered woman and that’s what we do.

But it was bothering me. Something didn’t feel right. My increasing stress levels were an indication that all was not well but I just couldn’t see any other way. This was how I had been trained to live since as long as I can remember – the focus on working and results and achieving. Furthermore, society supported this and the quest for it.

As I mentioned earlier, I returned to work three months after Elijah was born, expressing breastmilk in the toilets so that he could be fed by my Mum (fortunately) while I was in the office. None of it felt right but I did it because it was what was expected of me. Not once did I sit down and seriously think about whether I might stay at home with my son, especially during those early months.

In the workplace, there was little allowance for the impact that the transition to motherhood may have had on me and my life. I was expected to show up just the same as I had done pre-baby and yet absolutely everything had changed. There were the endless sleepless nights to navigate, let alone the breastfeeding and the hormonal changes of the post-natal period (which goes on for a good two years’ post-baby). There was this relentless and constant rushing and an overwhelming sense of guilt that I wasn’t with my son at home.  

Admittedly there were bills and the mortgage to pay, but when I think back, we could have found a way. We could have made other sacrifices, gone on less trips, cut back on other expenses. Ayurveda focuses on causative factors rather than symptoms and I now know with absolute certainty that this is when the stress, with which I have been working this last year, set-in. 

 I’ve been slowly trying to unravel from this and find my balance after five years of living a life out of balance, doing too much and not being as present to my children as I might have once intended. Furthermore, I have been seeking my truth, trying to navigate my way through my societal and academic conditioning, to recognise and hear what I feel deep down in my heart.

My body has been nudging me with its physical expression of stress, and the overwhelming tiredness. And I started to make changes, to re-prioritise my life bit by bit, to spend more time with the children. But there has still been this restlessness, this panic at times, “but what if I miss an opportunity to fulfil my potential, what if I don’t make my dreams come true because I’m spending all my time with my children”.

Now I have clarity I can laugh at the irony of it. It’s like the red herring. The answer has been staring at me in the face, as if the ‘child’ angel card I’ve repeatedly received over the last few months hasn’t been enough, and the photos of my children on my altar in front of which I practice yoga every day, let alone the words of my Ayurvedic doctor and Reiki friend, trying to signpost the path ahead in their gentle ways if only I would listen (and get beyond my conditioning that makes changing my mind so difficult).

It’s very easy to get super busy, to work and work and work, to make things happen, to run a business, to fulfil superficial dreams, to fulfil our potential according to society, when all the while the greatest dream, the greatest miracle, the greatest potential, well they’re growing up, and if I’m not careful – if we’re not careful – I’ll miss it, we’ll miss it. 

There is a whole generation of women torn and a whole generation of children being cared for by nursery workers and child minders, grandparents too if they’re lucky. Where did it all go so wrong? Why did we feel such a great drive to get out of the home? Isn’t the home where the heart is? Isn’t this what gives stability and love to our children? Isn’t this the very root of society?

I know that I am not alone. I take my hat off to those women who make the decision from the outset to stay at home with their children. It can’t be an easy decision to make and I have noticed that there is often some reluctance in admitting that “I’m just a stay at home mum” as if that is not enough somehow. It is sad to think that in our quest for empowerment, of the modern need to be someone, that there is now a stigma attached to being at home with our children, as if that is shameful. 

 I have a friend who is a full-time mum to her children and arranges child-care so that she can have a break and attend a yoga class once a week. She sadly feels that she has to justify this to people, and I think, good on you, being at home with young children is really challenging. I used to find going to work in the office easy in comparison. 

A few days ago I was feeling really peeved about all this, for buying into the whole women’s empowerment movement, without really being conscious of what I was giving up in the process. It’s been depressing in many respects too, to recognise that I am a cliché of what it means to be a woman in the twenty first century. 

I was raised to be different, not to follow others like a sheep, to question and think for myself. Yet I never did enough questioning. Perhaps this is what saddens me the most, now realising that I’ve bought into the illusion that this is what us women want and this is the life we must lead if we are to be empowered. This being a life lived on empty and always so busy.

It’s not surprising that increasing numbers of women are turning to yoga and meditation as they seek a time out from the craziness of the life lived in their heads and look for meaning in their lives. 

It’s also not surprising that the divine feminine has appeared into our lives, infusing mainstream spiritualism, encouraging us to connect with our inner goddess. I’m all up for this, I love nothing more than yoni yoga and the more feminine approach to yoga, but I have become completely turned off with the ‘rise, sister, rise’ theme.

Where do we women think we need to rise to? Have we not risen enough? Are we not empowered enough? What more do we want? 

There is a whole genre of books written around this theme and I can’t help noticing that many of the women writing them have not yet birthed children. Because let’s face it, the divine feminine can’t get any more manifest than as the mother. She is the mother! She has been revered for centuries for her power. 

Even here in Guernsey, there are two statues in her honour from pre-Christian times, one outside St Martin’s church and the other at Castel church, known as La Gran’mère du Chimquière. When I visited this Pagan earth mother at St Martin’s church this morning, I noticed that someone has placed a  chain of sweet peas around her neck because we are still celebrating her, even today (maybe even more so today). 

She is not asking us to compete with the men, nor run our own businesses, or become female entrepreneurs. She is not asking us to work harder and spend even more time in our heads and away from our children (although sadly this is what I see, even amongst yoga teachers who are spreading ‘her’ wisdom).

She is here to ask us to get back into our bodies, to come home to ourselves, to our families and to Mother Earth. She is asking us to get back in touch with our natural rhythms, to connect to the moon and our own inner cycles. She is asking us to step up as mothers, to reclaim that which we have lost in the name of empowerment. 

Yesterday I randomly chose the Green Tara goddess card. She rescues us by empowering us to save ourselves. I couldn’t help thinking that this card was rather appropriate timing – yes, Green Tara, we need you in our lives, helping to empower us to save ourselves, our femininity, and our opportunity for motherhood. I certainly need you.

This is what the world needs, this is what society is crying out for: mothering. We need to honour the mother again.

Anyone who has lost a mother will know what a loss it is. 

Like Mother Earth, women have been exploited for too long now. 

We need to re-build the home. 

This doesn’t mean we need to stop working. I can honestly say that if I didn’t share my passion for teaching yoga and Reiki, and have a break from the children in the process, for example, then I would go slowly mad. It just means that we need to feel that we have a genuine choice again.

We need to respect the mother and all that she brings, not only to the family but to society and to the planet. 

Society needs to wake up and re-prioritise, recognise what is most important. We need to honour and respect the mother again. 

I’m really proud to be a mum. It is not only my greatest achievement, but also the most difficult job I suspect I shall ever have in this lifetime. 

It has brought me fully into myself, and I have learned more about myself since becoming a mother than I ever learned on my yoga mat in the years previous to this. Motherhood is the practice! Children help us to engage completely - and consciously – with life: it’s Tantra!

Every day my boys provide me the opportunity to try to be a gentler, kinder and more compassionate human being. I’ve become increasingly aware of the times when I am not this, when they trigger me and I react before catching myself and taking a breath – when I become unconscious. There is a certain humility that accompanies this awareness. I am constantly given the opportunity to learn how to be a better human being and a better mum.  

My boys have brought me back to earth. They have helped me to turn a house into a home. They have helped me to recognise the need to take better care of myself. They have taught me what it means to love unconditionally. They have helped me to recognise that being a mother is enough. 

I shall end this post with a poem from Hafiz:

And still, after all this time,

The sun never says to the earth

“You owe Me”.

Look what happens with 

A love like that,

It lights the whole sky”.