Emma Despres 26/05/2024 Emma Despres 26/05/2024

The magic of Findhorn

I spent the full moon up in Findhorn, about 40 minutes drive east of Inverness, home to my yoga teacher, Louise Simmons and her partner, John, and the famous gigantic vegetables.

So the story goes that back Scotland 1962 a man called Peter Caddy was fired from his job as a hotel manager in the nearby town of Forres. Losing his job also meant losing the hotel room that was home to his family, and it had to be vacated within four hours. With nowhere to go, Peter, his wide Eileen, their three boys and his colleague, Dorothy Maclean, packed a trailer and eventually found themselves at a sandy trailer park on the edge of a windswept garbage dump near Findhorn beach.

With little money, no prospects and winter vastly approaching, the future seemed bleak for the Caddy’s but, luckily for them, they had a connection to spirit.

On the first night at Findhorn - which is an amazingly special place btw - in meditation, Eileen received guidance guidance, which said, “Although it may seem to be the worst day of your lives, all is very, very well and where you are will become a place of great beauty which “thousands upon thousands” will visit”. Not knowing what to think about this “guidance” they simply just tried to get through the bitter winter.

When spring approached, Eileen intuited further guidance, which basically told her “You are to start a Garden, which will become a center of light that reaches the four corners of the world and it will become a model for the troubled planet.”

Despite the harsh conditions, the Caddys toiled working the land and with nothing more than a deep desire to feed their family and guidance, the Caddys were able to transform a sandy wind swept garbage dump to an vibrant other worldly garden. As their connection to the land and spirit grew, so did the vegetables until they were multiple times the size of their common garden counterparts.

People would flock to Findhorn by the thousands to see the garden with giant vegetables, and would leave touched by the very atmosphere of the beautiful energy that now encompassed the entire area.

Interestingly, when scientists would later come to test the soil conditions they would find that it contained no organic matter and retained little moisture. Renowned soil expert Professor R. Lindsey Robb was quoted as saying “The vigor and health [of the plants] could not be explained by known scientific, organic husbandry”.

Needless to say, the incredible garden at Findhorn brought the Caddys world wide publicity and while the vegetables eventually returned to normal size, the phenomenon had by then captured the world’s attention.

Inevitably, other people came to join the Caddys and Dorothy in their work and soon the original group of six grew into a small community, committed to their spiritual path and to expanding the garden in harmony with nature.

In 1972 the community was formally registered as a Scottish Charity called the Findhorn Foundation. In the 1970s and 80s it grew to approximately 300 members.

In an interesting turn, the Foundation purchased the hotel from which Peter had been fired, and used it as a centre for workshops and and accommodation. In 1983 it purchased the caravan park in Findhorn, which is now known as The Park Ecovillage.

To this day the Findhorn Foundation continues striving to co-create with the intelligence of nature and to take inspired action toward a vision of a better world.

From my experience, there is indeed something very special about the land and energy here at Findhorn, which resonates with me hugely. I have been lucky to get to know many little pockets of magic around the world, such as Byron Bay in Australia, Pokhara in Nepal, Glastonbury in Somerset, UK and of course our own little spot of magic in the form of Sark, but never have I felt energy quite like Findhorn. It is ethereal, calming, healing, inspiring and uplifting.

Not only that, but while the land may be sandy, it still gifts vibrant and beautiful life. Louise’s garden and allotment is abundant, absolutely abundant, in produce. I couldn’t quite believe how alive the whole place felt, and how much further ahead the veggies are in their growth than here sun warmer Guernsey. It made my moon garden seem rather pathetic this year!

It’s not only the land though, but the general welcoming feel of the community, this in the actual village of Findhorn, let alone in the Eco Village of the Findhorn Foundation itself. The village itself is marvellous, it only has two shops but one of them, the Bakehouse, is a gem, selling organic produce and products and offering a plethora of very yummy home made food, such as soups, dhals and humous etc, and all sorts of cakes and bakes. I wish we had something similar here on Guernsey, it is much needed!

I find Louise’s teachings so inspiring, her knowledge of the body is astounding, and the way she shares this, with imagery and poetic language speaks to my heart and soul in a way that not other yoga teacher has managed to touch. I love attending the small group sessions that she offers, both in the village hall, but also in her own space within her beautiful home. I have met the most lovely people, many of whom share a passion for growing and working intuitively and gently with the earth.

This is a place where people are trying to live lightly and consciously and the whole energy reflects this. There is a gentleness, which is extremely healing, especially when visiting from the often manic and material energy of Guernsey, albeit I am conscious that if Guernsey could just be left to be, there is a magic and healing that arises from the land here too.

I thoroughly enjoyed all the yoga and it has inspired in me a need to bring more yogic offerings to the Beinspired community, with more options for small and intimate group work and privates too, so that you too can have the opportunity to delve deeper into your practice and into your body especially. More on this another time…I also managed to get to a Reiki session with a local Reiki practitioner reminding me how incredible it is to receive Reiki - bliss!

Of course there are other benefits that Findhorn provides, not least a seemingly endless and beautiful coastline of natural beach and the sea, which wasn’t anywhere near as cold as I anticipated, but I had sat in a mobile sauna at the top of the beach before venturing into the sea for a swim this time, so I have no doubt that made a difference! In fact it was a magical way to end the trip, the sun wasn’t setting until just after 9.45pm so there we were about 9.30pm, swimming in the sea with the sun dropping one side and a rainbow another, as if ending my trip with yet more magic!

This because the other pull for me, is the plethora of stone circles which fill this jaw dropping landscape, especially out in Aberdeenshire, maybe 90-120 minutes drive away to see the really amazing recumbent stone circles, but there are other circles closer by, and I made the most of my time to visit four of them despite the rather wet and misty weather.

I managed to find both Druid’s Temple and Thorax stone circle which I hadn’t been able to find on my previous trip. I also returned to Rothiemay, which was quite funny because I parked up in the entrance to a long drive and went to the field only to find it had lots of cows in it who ran to the other side of the field initially so i started climbing the gate, then the cows ran to me at the gate so I quickly jumped down again. I concluded I wouldn’t be able to get to the stones but when I went back to the car the owners of the property were taking their dog for a walk and they assured me the cows are super friendly and wouldn’t hurt me.

So I plucked up the courage…and all the time was communicating with them, not to freak me out and come too close, they literally followed me around like children. I lost my nerve right at the end and flung myself on the gate, only to drop my car keys in the field so I had to sheepishly go back into the field, to retrieve them. It was worth the effort, the recumbent stone has cup marks and I am obsessed about them!

The cows and Rothiemay recumbent stone circle

The famous Clava Cairns are a 45 minutes drive away from Findhorn, towards Inverness and I managed to get here again too, to soak up the energy once they had been charged by the full moon. It was much busier than January when I had the place to myself. Clava is the supposed Stonehenge of the north and with good reason because this is another uplifting place, very calming and centring and yet more cup marks and some of those beautiful thin menhirs that you find up on the Scottish islands.

By the end of the three nights I was definitely in a different place to whenI arrived, the combination of all the yoga, the stones, the Findhorn energy, the sea, the full moon, the nourishing food, the space, the silence of living on my own in Louise and John’s healing annex, the light, all of it, had worked some magic into my being and I was most definitely left on a delightful high!

Fortunately for me, my practice demands that I check in with my teacher as often as I can. There is nothing quite as helpful to take you deeper into the body than a hands on approach and practising in person is of course much more helpful than practicing online - although that is better than not practising with Louise at all. I feel very honoured and privileged to have found this amazing spot on planet earth and look forward to my next visit, with the boys this time, in September.

Dartmoor and being tested!

Don’t panic! It’s in the air. Well in the cosmos really. The fact we were able to see the Northern Lights from Guernsey in May says it all really - something’s going on up there!

Plus we're now feeling the fall out from the first of 2024’s eclipse season, which took place between 24/25 March and 8 April. It’s a big one. We have the second and final eclipse season 17/18 September and 2 October, with the equinox sandwiched between them, when I shall hopefully find myself in Orkney if plans go as planned!

Because certainly life has not been following its plan this last week and I know that I am not alone in being triggered by this crazy energy, forcing us to look at our fears, especially around our children, and limited beliefs, including misguided (mother’s) guilt and taking on too much responsibility for others, and essentially looking at our patterns around control - the way we try to control and our concerns about being controlled.

I got stuck on Dartmoor for an additional two days - there are obviously far worse places to get stuck and actually the delay, because of Condor changing and then cancelling it’s Poole route back to Guernsey on numerous occasions ended up providing an opportunity for a night in Glastonbury, but that aside, with all flights to the island also fully booked for the same two days from all locations, it did send me into a bit of a spin and highlight my fear around being separated from my children, let alone the guilt of being on a jolly and others having to pick up the slack back home.

But what really got me was the way I have a tendency to personalise things, as if I had created the whole situation - and you could argue that on some level I had created it - but more so that I felt responsible for Condor and Aurigny’s poor show, as if I should have known better and never booked in the first place - I questioned my decisions made and whether they were intuitive as I had hoped, or just poor thinking. I really struggled to go with the flow, more so because there was nothing I could do about it and essentially i felt completely out of control and with that very emotional.

Now I can laugh about it, now I can see my patterns very clearly, so really it was a very wonderful gift and maybe those of you also feeling like you are being pushed through the eye of a needle, will feel the same soon, when you have popped through the other side.

Dartmoor was of course incredible, as a lover of neolithic stones I was in neolithic stone heaven! The stone rows are fascinating and I just LOVE stone circles of which there are many. We were lucky with the weather too, stunning in fact, making it super easy to walk on the moors and to take in the views. Down Tor was my favourite, mainly because I was experiencing a complete loss of faith walking out to it, ruminating about the boats and the planes and feeling intense guilt about not being able to see the children and my fear of somehow traumatising them.

This because we have a tendency to project our fears - as a child I hated being separated from my parents and didn’t like it when they went away, which they had to do from time to time for work and study, and because of this I have always felt a little uncomfortable leaving my own children, concerned that they too will feel similarly. But of course this is my stuff, not theirs; they were perfectly fine being looked after and wonderfully entertaining by Ewan and my parents, but the mind is a funny thing and the only person traumatised was me and this was entirely of my mind’s own making!

So I have seen that clearly now. Of course my children will end up traumatised from something, as we all are at some point in our life - incarnation is traumatic in itself, let alone all the various things that happen to us, school for many is a huge trauma, let alone bullying and the pressure to obtain certain grades, and the transition to the world of work, let alone all the various medical procedures that are normalised but can create trauma, to say nothing of the trauma of relationship breakdowns and the loss of those we love.

Life is therefore full of traumas large and small, but the issue arises when we leave them unresolved so that they get triggered and continue to create our suffering in this moment - the mind is a tricky thing and unless it has made peace with what has happened to us and the body has also released it, then it will continue to play out time and time again - these are known as our patterns, our groves, our well trodden pathways, our Samskaras, which do literally leave us suffering.

The universe has been doing a good job of highlighting these traumas this last week, so that we have the opportunity to see them and set our mind and indeed body free of them. So while it was desperately uncomfortable and caused a significant loss of faith initially, it was actually gifting us a wonderful opportunity to become more aware and set ourselves free, allowing a healing and a certain freedom and a deepening into faith, trust and love, if we managed not to get lost in the process - new beginnings really.

It was at Down Tor that I had to dig deep. I was so angry when I arrived, angry at the universe and angry at myself for thinking that I should have known better - anger comes up when our expectations are not met and we feel out of control - but of course I didn’t, and I wasn’t yet ready to accept the bigger picture, that there is more to what is unfolding than just our way of seeing it, that there is always a bigger plan and we have to trust in that, and that we can only take responsibility for ourselves ultimately.

Walking back to the car, I was washed out, resigned, Down Tor had helped to take the edge off and I had at least reclaimed my faith but I was still struggling to accept my reality. I was fascinated by the Dartmoor ponies on our path and I realised that horses represent freedom and with that I started to open to the possibility that this was indeed all part of a deeper process. A little farther along the path we came across a tiny frog, very strange, and my friend reminded me that frogs are all about being cleaned out. I knew then that the universe really was conspiring.

Our next stop found us at a dolmen of sorts above Yelverton and it was here that I managed to break through the angst of the mind to see the situation more clearly, helped by another chance encounter with another frog - ah ha, definitely cleaning out then!

I realised that all we can really do is pray for the best outcome for all concerned, for all higher interests to be met and to forgive ourselves for any perceived wrong doings. So that is what I did, helping to let go of the situation and essentially hand it over to the higher power to sort - after all, as much as my mind was trying, it is really very limited and our higher self knows best.

Back at our accommodation beside the River Dart, I lay naked in the river and allowed the cool water to wash over me, reminding me that our best option is literally to go with the flow of it. There is always another plan, always the universe had the upper hand, always our tiny little ego with all its concerns is really rather irrelevant in the grand scheme of life on planet earth.

And really, when we can elevate the perspective, we can see so clearly how much energy is wasted trying to micro manage and make things so, to feel as if we have some control, so that the mind can be appeased, so the sooner we let this go, the easier for everyone! But living on trust and faith alone, with an open heart too, is tricky, and so we will be tested over and over and over again.

Dartmoor also highlighted to me my utter insignificance on one level, in the face of so much space and wildness and yet it also highlighted how much I am a part of it all. It helped me to realise that my only purpose, just like the flowers and the trees and the birds which filled my days with such joy, let alone the stones, is just to be, “I am”, that is enough. “We are”. It’s very simple really. But releasing the mind from it’s need to be something more than that is where the work is, to “just be” and accept our place in this most wonderful cosmos is not easy, but necessary.

I was grateful for the opportunity to visit Glastonbury as it has been on my mind recently, I always feel a sense of home coming and it was a very soothing balm, helping to ease the last strands of my inner angst. Of course being surrounded by all those crystals and trying out all the crystals singing bowls was a tonic too and I have a new one on its way to share with those of you coming for treatments and at class soon. So always there is a bigger picture - always there is a reason, always there is more love.

I finally got to walk the labyrinth here too, it was created in 1702 and while I had heard of its existence, I had never managed to actually find or indeed walk it. Glastonbury is like that though, it always offers something new on each visit.

Back here on Guernsey I am aware that many of you have been asked to dig deep, and I am conscious that the universe is supporting this healing. I am off to Findhorn this Wednesday, flights depending, to visit my teacher and to immerse myself in yoga, so no doubt the universe will find a way to test whether I really have learned the lessons from its recent test. We’ve a full moon on Thursday too…

So enjoy the wax and do reach out if you need to work through something, I have been really enjoying going deeper with so many of you this year, it has been an honour and a privilege.

Love Emma x

Emma Despres 06/05/2024 Emma Despres 06/05/2024

Celebrating Beltane with a labyrinth walk

Wow, what a few weeks it has been on the build up to Beltane. I LOVE Beltane, the energy really resonates with me, it is potent and creative (there is a very strong sexual energy, the male and female coming together to create, create, create) and brings energy and clarity, at least that has been my experience, like a push through after the retreat and inner work of the winter so that we feel ready to emerge a little more out into the world.

Here at Beinspired we celebrated Beltane by getting on the land and walking the labyrinth up at Heritage Farm, cautery of Nic Jee and his team. I didn’t actually get to the walk the labyrinth, as I was busy dowsing auras with my dowsing buddies, Humphrey, Ella and Indie from my little home school group.

It was rather amazing as people’s auras were much stronger than the last time we walked the labyrinth, perhaps it was towards the end of last summer, which got me thinking how much this Beltane energy really does bring ore vibrance into us, as it does the land too. By the end of the walk, most people’s auras had almost doubled in size, which just goes to show how potent labyrinth walking can be on one’s energy.

Not only that but people commented on the clarity and insight they gained, and some of my dedicated practitioners, really found it quite a life changing event. Even though I didn’t walk the labyrinth, I did receive some insight just by standing on the land - Nic’s land is rather magical, he has preserved it well and on a full moon especially, it reminds me of Little Sark in its potent and mystical quality - you really can enter other realms.

So what is all this labyrinth malarkey about? Well read below to learn more and if it appeals then keep checking the website as we will likely do another walk to celebrate Lammas around 1 August.

What is a labyrinth?

A labyrinth is a walking meditation representing a journey or path to our own centre and back out again. It has only one path that leads from the outer edge in a circuitous way to the centre. There are no tricks to it and no dead ends, and unlike a maze where you lose your way, the labyrinth is a spiritual tool that can help you find your way.

The practice of labyrinth walking integrates the body with the mind and the mind with the spirit. The experience can be very calming and clarifying for your thoughts. Intentionally walking in a quiet place in nature on a set path allows a level of focus that can be difficult to find in a busy life.

The labyrinth weaves back and forth and takes you seemingly close to the destination at the centre and then sends you off on many more zig-zags before you once again appear to be nearing the centre. This can bring to mind expectations about goals and how unpredictable tangents can arise in our lives.

Using this time to reflect on expectations about goals and letting those thoughts arise without judgement, may offer you peace or a different outlook and perspective on life. Bringing to mind a problem, issue or worry at the beginning of the walk can also be beneficial, as the labyrinth will help you to work this through so that by the end, you might have more insight and less concern.

As others are walking the labyrinth you will at times approach them on your path and then be sent farther away. This can bring to mind how people enter and leave your life, allowing you to process those thoughts and feelings.

In short, the labyrinth is a metaphor for life. You pause, take a break, charge forward, become annoyed if someone is ‘in your way’ or even experience loneliness if you are walking alone. Alternatively, you may feel a sense of solace from being alone.

Why walk the labyrinth?

Labyrinths are used world-wide as a way to heal, quieten the mind, calm anxieties, recover balance in life, enhance creativity, encourage meditation, insight, self-reflection and stress reduction.

The history of labyrinth

The labyrinth is an ancient pattern found in many cultures around the world. Labyrinth designs were found on pottery, tablets and tiles that date as far back as 5000 years. Many patterns are based on spirals and circles mirrored in nature. In Native American tradition, the labyrinth is identical to the Medicine Wheel and Man in the Maze. The Celts described the labyrinth as the Never Ending Circle. One feature labyrinths have in common is that they have one path that winds in a circuitous way to the center.

How to Use a Labyrinth

Before entering: Consider a contemplative question, an issue or concern in your life, or a prayer to hold in your mind before you step into the labyrinth and begin walking.

While walking: Just follow the path. As you concentrate on your steps, everything else can melt away.

Upon reaching the center: Sit or stand with your eyes closed or looking downward. Take three deep breaths, and in silence ask yourself: What am I feeling right now?

Walking back: Bring to mind again the contemplative question, issue or concern in your life or a prayer you began with.

After walking: Take a moment to let the experience settle. Perhaps try journaling about your labyrinth experience. What did you discover? What changed from the time you entered to the time you exited the labyrinth?

Happy Beltane!

Love Emma x

Emma Despres 19/04/2024 Emma Despres 19/04/2024

Our April Sark Retreat!

The Sark Retreat was amazing. For a while now I have been trying to work more intimately with students and clients and it has been my dream to run a Sark retreat where I can do this, to maximise the benefits of our time spent together, coupled with the healing and magical energy of Dixcart Valley (where Stocks is located) and Sark generally.

I was lucky that the retreat attracted ten beautiful students committed to their yoga (and in many cases Reiki) path, so that we could indeed go deeper and they could experience the benefits of their hard work. For me as a teacher and practitioner this was amazing, to be able to witness the transformation in their yoga practices and in their energy field generally. As I know all the students well, I am also privileged to see their transformation in their daily life too.

This is what happens when we commit to the practice. The Yoga Sutras tells us a number of times to commit to the practice and keep practising. Reiki too is a practice and when you weave in Ayurveda as a way of life, then these practices do truly support us in this journey we call life.

Sark is a gem as we all know, a big crystal field of loveliness and we were blessed with incredible weather (bar the rather windy and rough boat journey back to Guernsey on the Monday!), which really helped to make the retreat super special. I even got to see dolphins and the children had a great time with daddy, they do so love the freedom of Sark, as do I, so I am always keen to share this with others.

Here are a selection of photos mainly taken by my students - thank you to Michelle, Helen, Zoe, Anna, Charlotte and Heather for these photos, much appreciated - which give an insight into our weekend.

We will be returning. I have provisionally booked Stocks for the weekend of Friday 11th through to Monday 14th October with the option of staying for two or three nights. The yoga is on site, and so it is up to you how much you see of Sark. On this retreat one of my students decided to make the most of the opportunity to rest and stayed mainly at Stocks, bar a walk up to Caragh’s chocolate shop. Others were non stop seeing as much of the island as they could in the time available to them. At the end of the day, it’s a retreat for you to give yourself what you most need and only you know exactly what that is - attendance at class is optional but encouraged to get the most out of the weekend.

The yoga was complimented by Reiki (at additional cost) for those wishing to make the most of the opportunity, and we weaved in a session of Vedic chanting too, which was a delight for those who had not practiced it previously and I will be running another introduction to Vedic chanting as there is demand, so look out in one of our next newsletters if you would like to join this.

As you can see, Sark offers do much to see and do if you so wish. I made the most of our proximity to Dixcart for sea swimming and headed over to my most favourite place in the world, Little Sark, which still maintains some of its ancient and magical energy, lost everywhere else now due to all the tarmac and roads and noise and pollution, but here the energy is still really pure, as it would have been everywhere once:-(

The charity shop was a gem this time, quite literally, as they were selling lumps of raw crystals and crystals eggs, which I managed to snap up on my way to the boat! Others stocked up on chocolate at Caragh’s chocolate shop, and there was plenty of walking and cycling and gathering of quartz from the various caves. Sark is not somewhere that one gets bored easily!

Do let me know if you would like me to provisionally hold you a space albeit I hope to get the event set up on the website in the next few weeks.

Thank you to all you beautiful souls who joined me this weekend and to Ewan too for looking after the boys and to the Goddess and ethereal beings on Sark who held us so beautifully!

Love Emma x

Tibetan Buddhist carved stone in the North of the Island

The yoga space in the Cider Room at Stocks

The pool at Stocks - and yes, some ladies swam!

Eben dragging his log for wood carving to Dixcart!

Emma Despres 16/04/2024 Emma Despres 16/04/2024

The mind and its control

I’m on Sark as I type this, the wind howling outside and rain lashing the window, after what was a stunning weekend. Sark is always at its best in spring, the flowers are incredible and it’s quiet, at least compared to the summer.

For me this was my favourite Sark retreat yet, because of its intended intact with only ten students all of whom were keen to do deeper into their practice and their healing and this made such a difference to the group energy. Stocks held us all beautifully, it is a magical spot, and being able to use the Cider Room to practice yoga was amazing, not least because it meant everyone could stay on sight, but because it is a beautiful yoga space.

Retreats always bring stuff up for those of us leading and indeed attending, whether it is overcoming anxiety about the boat, or anxiety about leaving family, or irritation about the room not being just right or annoyance that the food isn’t as tasty as one is anticipating, or the challenges of being in a group environment and all the foibles that we have which might rub each other up the wrong way after a few days spent together, always there is something to learn about ourselves!

I have been learning a lot recently about the nature of the mind’s need to stay in control to appease our underlying fears whether those be around safety, or abandonment, or rejection, or criticism, or whatever theme might weave its way through our lives, often from childhood trauma.

Trauma has a lot to answer for in the way we live our lives and relate to ourselves and others. We have to be careful as we can easily overlook our trauma, assuming that others have suffered more, but trauma doesn’t need to look a certain way, and sometimes it’s the seemingly incongruous stuff, which can traumatise us throughout our lives unless we do the work to heal the root.

I have become increasingly conscious that many of the decisions we may have made during adulthood are in response to trauma and avoiding feeling the feeling that the trauma created in the first place. This can cause the mind to do all sorts of things to avoid those feelings.

At the end of the day, the mind likes to feel that it is in control because then it allows us to feel a sense of safety. The trouble is, when the mind doesn’t feel in control because whatever it does to control is challenged, then we can feel extremely unsettled, and suffer all over again.

For example, there were events in my childhood which caused me to feel unsafe. Each event compounded the one that came before and over time my mind found ways to try to ease my mental (and indeed physical) discomfort. For a good while I felt unsafe going to sleep, not because of my immediate family, but because of a neighbour who liked to spy on me and terrorise me by silent phone calls and being caught wandering around the family home on occasion. I wrote about all this in From Darkness Comes Light so you can read more about the story there.

The point is, that I was scared for the safety of my family, my Mum, my Dad, and my brother, who I loved dearly, we are a close family. I would feel increasing anxiety in my stomach during the evening, not that we knew this was anxiety, we thought it was growing pains, and I developed a fear of being sick. To appease all these fears I started tapping my fingers in an obsessional way along the bed frame, it had to be just so. I also started becoming obsessed about the cleanliness and tidiness of my immediate environment - everything had its place in my bedroom and was colour coded and very today, folded a certain way, hung just so.

Later, in the middle of A-levels and with the fear of going to university and leaving my family ahead, let alone the pressure of A-levels and wanting to go to the university of choice, I developed an eating disorder. This was the ultimate control of my mind really, to completely over ride the needs of my body and determine what I ate and when. I wrote about this in my book too so won’t go on about it here. As you can imagine it wasn’t pleasant, but I see now how it was just my mind trying to bring some semblance of control into my life, to allow me to feel safe.

This because now my mind was constantly busy, thinking about everything being in its place and what I was eating, and so it was consumed by this to the extent that I didn’t feel the feelings in my body so easily. Of course there was a lot of judgement and self criticism too, it is difficult living up to such high expectations for oneself, down to how clothes are folded and how you sign your name on a card - I couldn’t rest easily, couldn’t sleep unless everything was ordered as my mind needed.

At university I discovered that drinking alcohol and smoking cannabis eased the relentless of my mind and caused me not to care quite so much, albeit now I was challenged by the fact I had ‘gone off the rails’ and was behaving in a way that was kind of alien to my soul. Admittedly cannabis was actually helpful from a soulful perspective, as a plant medicine, but of course I wasn’t using it in that capacity, I was experimenting, but also numbing and it was illegal anyway, so that really challenged my ‘good girl’ persona, let alone the damage being done by smoking which concerned me endlessly.

Of course an awful lot has changed over the years and yoga, Reiki and Ayurveda have gifted me healing, transformation and in the process, mental freedom. Yoga of course is all about the mind, about containing it, so that it doesn’t run riot, and so that it is our servant, rather than us being the servant of it. There are levels though and more subtle levels of control at that.

I recently stumbled across more of the mind games, and watched my mind when one of our bags didn’t make it to the place we are staying here on Sark. The bag had our cooker in it for us to cook the boys dinner, and also my organic tea and plant milk, which I really like to drink in the morning, plus Ayurvedic herbs and snacks for the boys etc. The bag not turning up threw my plans and my mind was a touch agitated, not least because we had to find another way to feed the children, and this after having taught yoga when all I wanted to do was lie in a bath, but because I was concerned how I would lead a whole day of yoga and Reiki the next day, without drinking tea!

While on the one hand I was very aware that this was all first world problems and the bag would undoubtably turn up at some point, my mind was agitated to the extent that I dreamt of organic hazelnut milk and I woke a little disgruntled that I didn’t have any Ashwaganda to take, nor any tea to drink. Of course there was tea at the place we were staying, but I don’t really like drinking black tea in bleached teabags because my mind knows that is not all together good for you, or the environment, and it can be harsh on the stomach.

Yet I drank it and survived and as the day unfolded I began to realise that the bag getting lost was actually the universe helping me to see more of my mental patterning and need for control, and the way in which the mind can so easily be thrown off balance. At the end of the day, the mind likes to feel in control because that makes it feel safe, and when the mind isn’t in control it gets completely thrown and we can lose our centre, becoming stressed, anxious and/or irritable; just feeling uneasy if nothing else.

I began to see much more clearly, how the decisions we make, are not necessarily made from a place of heart or flow, but from a place of avoiding the feeling of discomfort of the unknown. And actually this is exactly what spiritual practice gifts us over time - the ability to settle more easily into the unknown and uncertain. Because let’s face it, the future is unknown and uncertain, so the more comfortable we can get with that, the less triggered we are when things don’t go to plan.

We have to remember that the mind knows only what it has experienced in the past. So it will use the past as a reference point. If we have suffered trauma in the past, it will do all it can to avoid further trauma by creating patterns that it feels will help us avoid experiencing those feelings again. So in relationships if we have suffered abandonment or rejection we will do all we can to avoid this happening again, which might cause us to make ourselves invaluable to the other person, mothering them, or over giving to them, somehow making them dependent on us to get their needs met, so that they won’t abandon or reject us.

This might mean that we negate our own needs, and can end up in unhealthy and toxic relationships, or one of co-dependence. It might also mean that we compromise our sense of self. I think it was Gabor Mate in his latest book who wrote about the choice we have as children, to be authentic or to receive the attention of care givers, that often we have to choose between the two, and frequently we give up being ourselves and our authenticity, in our quest to receive attention. We can take this into our future relationships unless we are onto it and realise what is driving our choices sub consciously.

Furthermore, if we have a pattern around feeling unsafe, then we may sub-consciously seek a partner who makes us feel safe, but again, while that need may be met, to appease our mind and the effect of our trauma, we may negate other needs and put up with certain unhealthy behaviours and ways of being, such as allowing outlives to be controlled, which in some strange way makes us feel safe, and yet at the same time can limit our potential.

Often what we think is love is trauma bonding, where we come together with another with similar trauma so we understand each other, but again, unless we are consciously working to heal our past and set ourselves free from the mental patterning that arose from the trauma, then we end up stuck together, almost feeding each other’s trauma and ways of being that are again, not always healthy, whether that be over drinking, taking drugs, over working or obsessionally exercising together etc.

Of course our unresolved trauma and the mental patterning, habits and behaviours, can cause us to do all sorts of things like keep super busy so that we don’t have to feel - and of course this has been normalised in our society so is not seen as a problematic per se, at least not as an avoidance of deeper work. It’s the same with work, if we work excessively, also normalised in our society, then this also keeps the mind busy so that it doesn't need to fret about the unknown and the uncertain.

We can get very good at planning too, and organising, again, trying to make the unknown future known and certain. This too is normalised as a society where we are constantly encouraged to plan ahead, whether that be for Christmas, Easter or the summer holidays, or work meetings or whatever it may be, we can easily schedule our year so that our mind feels more comfortable knowing what is ahead - or what it thinks is ahead, because of course plans change.

The universe you see - especially if we are doing this work - has a habit of throwing in curved balls just to remind us that we are not in control and life is not known and certain. The pandemic was a classic example of this and look how it shocked everyone and caused a huge loss of mental wellness. The vaccine was an attempt to restore order, try and show that us humans are in control, but everything is subject to cause and effect.

It is interesting when we start looking at our lives and enquiring into the underlying reason for our choices, love or fear? So many choose occupations, not necessarily for the love of it, but because of avoiding their fear of say, not having enough money, or not being accepted by friends of family, or being judged differently, or needing to prove one’s worth externally, or needing to keep busy so as to avoid feeling, or being judged for being lazy, or not good enough, or all the other drivers which underlie our decision making.

To choose from the heart, to follow a path of love, is not easy. We can sometimes kid ourselves, as I have done at times, that we are living from the heart, but sometimes that love is conditional on getting a certain need met, and if that need is one of avoiding feeling our fear, then we are coming from a place of fear ultimately, and not love - the mind controls the heart. Loving unconditionally is challenging, as it demands a certain vulnerability, it asks us to let go of trying to control it and just be open to life and our experiences as they unfold without trying to control them or add conditions to them.

This is where yoga, Reiki and Ayurveda take us, to a place of unconditional love, which means we have to keep letting go of the conditions, and the control, and learn to love and accept ourselves and others as they are, making conscious choices, not from fear and avoiding more trauma, but from the heart, taking leaps of faith and consistently stepping into the unknown and the uncertain.

The more we can heal our trauma and understand the effect this had on the mind, the more easily we can start to notice the patterns in our life and do something to let them go, to move from a place of fear to one of love instead. The more we heal and let go of the underlying fear, which causes us to place protection around our heart, to hold an ‘edge’ in our energy field, then the more the heart opens and we feel this wonderful way of love, everything brightens, our spirit lifts and we are lighter energetically, less weighed down by the past.

It is my experience that it is worth going to those shadow places, to set our minds free of our past and future, orientating our mind into the present, progressively identifying and letting go of our mental patterning which keeps us small and limited and feeling falsely safe and expands so much energy in maintaining the status quo. It’s always interesting what these enquiries reveal, helping us to realise how much of our lives are lived unconsciously, driven by fear.

Over time this does shift, yoga, Reiki, Ayurveda all help, to connect us into the heart and essentially set our mind free so that we suffer less, and open to greater love in the process - softening our edges - and it might be this, this softening, this opening, this just being with whatever is arising in the moment and sitting with it as it passes through us, that might just change the world into a more harmonious and loving place to live - this because whatever it on the inside will be reflected on the outside - a chaotic mind creates a chaotic world, a fearful mind creates a fearful world, so love will create more of a loving world, and this will ultimately lead to greater freedom.

Happy wax and delving into the shadows!

Love Emma x

Emma Despres 09/04/2024 Emma Despres 09/04/2024

It's time to step up and blossom!

Wow that was some eclipse, asking us to go deeper to the wounded healer and clear really old trauma so that we can begin anew, not having our current reality affected by what has happened previously and to let go therefore of those old and unhelpful thinking and behaviour patterns, especially around fear of safety and lack of trust, let alone around vulnerability, conditional love and self-criticism.

These are powerful times with the moon doing its 18.6 year swing, to the lunar major standstill in early 2025. We can expect to feel increasingly drawn to heal, and to go deeper inside ourselves, so that we can evolve spiritually.

This is a brilliant time to immerse in spiritual practice, yoga, Reiki and Ayurveda can help enormously and I am eternally grateful to all of these practices for helping me to see deeper into the shadows yesterday and clear really old trauma from this and past lives, so that today does really feel like a new beginning, a new way of seeing and relating and indeed being.

The wind is interesting too, as if it is blowing away the cobwebs to set us further free.

I am excited for the future and for more of you stepping up to embrace this wave of healing energy washing over the planet. Those of you debating going into practice but struggling with confidence - it is time to elevate the awareness and see the bigger picture, that you are merely a channel and conduit for others to benefit - if people had not found the courage to step up before you, then you might not have benefited from their healing offerings, so now it is time for you too to step up, get out of your own way and spread your love and indeed light into they world so the whole planet can benefit.

We have to remember that we are part of something much bigger than our little selves. To stay stuck through lack of self belief and confidence serves no one, and so we need to find the courage and strength to take that step into the big unknown, knowing that we are protected an help by powers that be, that we have guardian angels, spirits guides, Reiki guides and ancestors supporting us - think of them like your own cheer leading team, cheering you on in the background, asking you to play your role to help heal where healing is needed - and remembering that there is more than enough to go around, the universe knows only abundance and the more we open ourselves up to share, the more people will open to receiving from us and from others in the process.

It is part of my dream to spread Reiki into this world so that more can benefit from this incredible energy. Reiki positively changes things, it opens our hearts to unconditional love and there is nothing more amazing than feeling this flooding into our heart when we have let go of more of our protection and armour that kept us limited in conditional love - especially in our relationship with ourselves.

We never truly realise our potential until we realise it. Both yoga and Reiki are practices which ultimately lead to our greater freedom, to a state of pure consciousness, a state of complete and unconditional love. It is only when we heal and let go of whatever is in the way that we then experience a new wave of this lighter energy coming in and it is the best feeling in the world, absolutely worth going through the trickiness and uncomfortableness of the healing work,. which asks us to sometimes feel that which we are pushing and repressing into the shadows because it hurts.

The trouble is, the shadow keeps driving our decisions, at least sub consciously, so unless we get to them root, we will keep creating more of what we don’t want, we will stay stuck and small, giving ourselves a hard time, and never really experiencing the feeling of utter joy and bliss that accompanies spiritual evolution.

There was a time when this whole planet was bathed in love. Nature knows only love. The ancients knew only love. But over time, and with patriarchy coming in with its idea of sin and badness, control and power, we lost our way and we still suffer from this hang over with deep feelings of shame and guilt, as if joy and bliss are somehow bad, and we are bad for experiencing both, because we have signed and our constantly having to pay the penance.

It is time to break free from this unhelpful conditioning which runs deep in the very fabric of our society. It is time to take our power back, to learn to love and accept ourselves and others just as they are and to open to deeper aspects of ourselves that we have kept hidden, so that we can let go of those other heavier emotions that keep us controllable and stuck.

We are here to become fully aware, fully conscious, and the universe and indeed nature is helping us. Both know only love. This is why being out in nature has such a positive effect on us, because we are bathed in love. We can experience more of this, not only by spending increasing time in nature and being outside, but by embracing more of our own nature beyond the wounded patterns we have taken on since birth and indeed previous lifetimes, let alone the trauma that has fed through our DNA from our ancestors.

We have a choice though and now is the time to change things, not just for ourselves, but for the generations yet to come, so again elevating the perspective beyond our small selves. It is time to be impeccable as the sorcerers taught, to notice where we waste energy and to contain it for the deeper work. We cannot evolve if we are spread too thin, if our energy is dissipated on pointless activities and draining people. This is a time to tighten boundaries, put yourself first and say “no” in the process.

Also, to pay attention to where we are self important, because self importance means that we have something to defend and that is exhausting energetically too. Self importance shows up in so many ways and it is always easier to see it inn others than ourselves. However whatever we seem and criticise in others if often what we most need to look at in our own lives, because people are mirrors, shining back to us our shadows, the bits we don’t want to look at in ourselves.

Entitlement is deadly for this planet, just look how it plays out with al the billionaires and how that is changing the shape of this planet, quite literally, not just society but our relationship to nature and the way we treat the planet with such little respect because of the obsession with power and money and how we individually feed into that because of our neurosis around not having enough, or repetitional risk of not keeping up, or worrying about how others perceive us, or judge us, which causes us to live according to that, rather than how we actually feel on the inside - so any lives are shaped by our fears of being judged or criticised by others, worrying more about what they think of us, than we do at times about our own heart and soul.

It can be so subtle how our lives are shaped by our thoughts and feelings, forgetting that we are neither. These are lower chakra trappings, at some point we have to move up, we have to elevate then perspective deep into the heart and stop relating to ourselves solely through thoughts and feelings. They might help, but they are not us, not our true being.

I love this quote from Dr Edith Agar, “I reminded myself that I was there to share the most important truth I know, that the biggest prison is in your own mind, and in your pocket you already hold the key: the willingness to take absolute responsibility for your life; the willingness to risk; the willingness to release yourself from judgment and reclaim your innocence, accepting and loving yourself for you who really are - human, imperfect, and whole”

This is time to take responsibility, to notice where you are blaming others and making yourself a victim. the world needs more people taking responsibility and less people playing the victim. This is responsibility for you, not for others. You can’t do it for others, we cannot change others, only ourselves. It is incredible how much we burden ourselves though with other people’s issues and don’t allow them then o stand on their own two feet and find their own way. This is about you, no one else, you arrive into this world on your own and you will leave on your own, it is your journey.

For those feeling stuck, book a spiritual life coaching session or Reiki and we can go deeper, see what is catching and getting in your way so that you too can stand more full in your centre and indeed power and help to share your gifts on this planet.

Have a happy wax, the eclipse will keep rumbling its effect and indeed gifts into our world over the next few weeks. Eclipses have a habit of changing things, of bringing in more of our farm and indeed fate, so pay attention and prepare to transform.

Love Emma x

Emma Despres 01/04/2024 Emma Despres 01/04/2024

Nettle soup recipe for the eclipse squeeze

If you’re feeling the eclipse squeeze (we’re sitting between the lunar eclipse and the solar eclipse on 8 April) and the resulting tiredness it is gifting then it’s time for nettle soup! Not only is this full of iron and other minerals and vitamins that will help to perk you up, but it is super easy to make and very yummy to taste!

I tend to make soup by intuition, but have made an effort to try to make a note of what I actually did when I made some earlier today!

Firstly you will need to pick the nettles - make sure you use gloves because they will sting! Fortunately cooking will remove the sting, but make sure you have your gloves on until such time as they are stingless. Now is the best time to collect them, during Spring, focus on the younger and fresher tops, the greener and tenderer the better and pop them in a large basin.

Ingredients

About 150g of nettles - discard tough stems
A tablespoon of coconut oil
About 750ml of organic milk (I used organic almond milk)
About 800ml of vegan stock
A leek or a small onion peeled and finely chopped
3 bay leaves
Salt and pepper
You can add garlic as you choose, peeled and crushed, I’m just not a fan.

Method

Bring a large pan of salted water to a boil. Meanwhile, using the gloves, pick the leaves off the thicker main stems of the nettles – if the nettles are very young, use the whole thing.
Melt the coconut oil in a second largish saucepan, then fry the leek or onion with a pinch of salt, until soft and translucent.
Stir in the garlic and a good grating of nutmeg, leave to soften for another minute or so, then stir in the flour and cook, stirring, for another couple of minutes.
Add the milk, stock and bay leaves and bring to a simmer.
Fill the sink or a large bowl with cold water, then tip the nettles into the pot of boiling water and blanch for about four minutes, until they are wilted and soft – the shorter the cooking time, the more vibrant the colour of your soup will be.
Drain the nettles and plunge into the cold water to stop them cooking any further. Once the leaves are cool enough to handle, squeeze out as much water as possible, removing any tough stalks as you go.
Add the nettles to the soup pot, then liquidise in a blender or with a blending stick, adding a little more stock or milk if it’s too thick.

Benefits of nettles

Nettles have been used medicinally for a very long time and with good reason, here are some of the benefits:
Nettle leaves contain vitamins A, C, D, E, K, and folate, and other B vitamins, as well as calcium and iron that are easily absorbed. Magnesium, potassium, protein, beta-carotene, and chlorophyll are among the other nutrients.
Nettles may have anti-inflammatory and antiallergy qualities, notably in the case of hay fever.
Nettles can help eliminate excess uric acid and alleviate certain symptoms of the condition. Brewing a cup of stinging nettle tea is the most typical technique to relieve gout-inflamed joints.
Along with vitamin C and cranberries, drinking stinging nettle tea can help cure a bladder infection by reducing inflammation in the bladder or urethra.
Due to its nourishing and anti-inflammatory effect, nettles are great for the skin and hair and have been known to help with acne and eczema.
Nettles can improve the general health of the female reproductive system and is frequently used in fertility and peri-menopausal blends.
Nettles help ease exhaustion caused by iron deficiency due to heavy menstrual cycle, pregnancy and diet.
Nettles help to reduce inflammation and enhance cardiovascular health factors including blood pressure and cholersterol.
Nettles are known to enhance insulin release by the pancreatic islets of Langerhans, and can help to protect against hyperglycemias by lowering fasting blood glucose levels.
Nettles include anticancer substances and can help to reduce inflammatory indicators, which are anti cancer qualities.
The Beta-carotene and vitamin A gifted by nettles have been proved to preserve eye health.
Nettle is an excellent diuretic and may lower the risk of kidney and gallbladder stones.

Emma Despres 25/03/2024 Emma Despres 25/03/2024

Fresh eggs at Ostara and happy full moon lunar eclipse!

if there’s one thing this moon cycle has reinforced in me as I navigate an Ayurvedic Spring re-set, is the need to buy fresh, local and organic wherever I can. Thus I am very excited that one of the home school families are selling their own fresh organic eggs, from their stall in a lane in St Saviours not far from the church. It is well worth the journey. The girls are selling their home made cards too and intend to extend on their range of offerings over the summer months.

The address is Nha Trang, Rue de la Grange, St Saviours, GY7 9FL and the what3words is ///laptop.cramps.forbidding

Meanwhile we have also been planting lots of seeds and I hope that we can sell some of the herbs that we are growing, and excess veggies too, so keep a look out on here.

It’s the full moon lunar eclipse today, which has been making many of us very tired, as it tries to bring more balance into our lives and encourage us to slow down to the pace of nature, up with the sun and to bed with the stars, and being close to the earth as often as we can.

Eclipses change things - they unlock fated paths, so good luck and enjoy and do reach out if you need support working it through, Reiki is brilliant for this and Spiritual Life Coaching takes it to another level.

Full moon blessings!

Love

xxxx