Forest Bathing!

Forest bathing, also known as ‘shinrin-yoku’, was first developed in Japan in the 1980s after scientific studies were carried out by the Japanese government. The results of the studies showed that two hours of time spent mindfully exploring in a forest could reduce blood pressure, improve concentration and memory and lower stress levels (through reducing cortisol, the stress hormone). They also discovered that trees release chemicals called phytoncides that have an anti-microbial effect on human bodies, which boost the immune system.

As a result of these findings, the Japanese government introduced ‘shinrin-yoku’ as a national health programme. Since then, forest bathing has begun to become popular elsewhere.  The National Trust in the UK, for example, recommends forest bathing as a way to unwind and feel refreshed. This has been backed this up by science, with academics from the University of Derby in 2018, discovering that when people connect to nature, this significantly improves their wellbeing. 

I was first introduced to the idea of forest bathing by Dr Diana Beresford-Kroeger who holds a bachelor of science in classical botany, a B.Sc. in medical biochemistry, a master’s degree in plant physiology, a PhD in cardiac ischemia (damage due to low levels of oxygen in the heart), and a diploma in general surgery together with a fellowship in the effects of radiation on biology systems. She has published in the top medical journals in the world, such as the American Heart Journal. 

Diana has also written a inspiring books and filmed a documentary called, Call of the Forest: The forgotten wisdom of Trees. The documentary explores the most beautiful forests in the northern hemisphere and shares the stories behind the history and legacy of these ancient forests while also explaining the science of trees, and the irreplaceable roles that they play in protecting and feeding the planet. Not only do they provide oxygen for us to breathe - forests  are known as the lungs of the world – but they also provide us with medicine to promote our wellbeing. 

You don’t need to go to Japan to enjoy the benefits of tree bathing though. You can enjoy the benefits even here in Guernsey, in one of our pine forests. As Dr Beresford-Kroeger writes, “Go outside and find yourself a pine tree…Take twenty minutes out of your life in the company of these evergreens at noontime. They produce three aerosol molecules called pinenes. Inhale deeply in the presence of one of these trees and the T-cells of your circulating blood will immediately increase, boosting your immune system for free. This effect of one visit will last for thirty days. This is true for men, women, and children. A strong immune system is always your secret weapon.”

These are wise words and timely too as we try to strengthen our immune systems with the threat of mutation of coronavirus still very real. The answer is simple, get outside and find your way to the Guet or the pine forest at Pleinmont or Jerbourg. Go at noon and sit under a tree, then wander around, enjoying the forest environment, hug a tree if you can. If you can’t get out to a pine forest then perhaps inhale pine essential oil instead. Derived from the needles of the pine tree, the scent of pine essential oil is known to have a clarifying, uplifting and invigorating effect.

Furthermore, pine essential oil has antibacterial, antiseptic, decongestant, diuretic, stimulant, antiviral, anti-rheumatic, deodorant, expectorant and antifungal properties and is useful in protecting the body against harmful germs. In the process it positively effects the mood by clearing the mind of stresses, energising the body and helping to reduce fatigue, enhancing concentration/clarity and promoting a positive outlook. You can add a few drops of the oil to a diffuser to scent a room, or add a few drops to a tissue and inhale from that. 

It’s not just the aerosols secreted by trees that make a difference to our wellbeing, but simply being in nature. Many of us live disconnected from nature suffering from stress, depression and anxiety. We underestimate the need for a solid foundation in our lives, laying roots that nourish and sustain us, connecting us to the earth and living with the awareness of the ebb and flow of the passing seasons and the moon cycle and planetary shifts. We only have to witness the mighty oak tree to understand the value of first establishing roots from which we grow, deepening our connection between earth and sky. 

Like trees, we sometimes need to shed our leaves, let go of the leaves we have grown, and create new ones that are more aligned to our life in the next cycle. The tree does not hold onto its leaves confused and indecisive, it does not grip on when it needs to let go, there is a gentle grace that comes from knowing its place in all things and the cycle of all life, birth and death, earth and sky and everything in between. The sun and the moon know this too, rising and setting, waxing and waning, not holding on when it is time to change and transform. 

Many try to force things to happen in their lives without first establish their foundation. In yoga there is no point rushing to the advanced postures until we have first practiced those that will allow us to establish a solid foundation, for example. In everything, we need to start at the beginning, we need to ensure there is solidity to that which we are creating, like a house requiring foundations, a tree requiring roots, so we too, must begin at our base and work our way up from there. 

Too often in life we’re rushing though, always rushing from one thing to the next. We don’t always allow the grounding, the opportunity to be quiet, silent and establish our base. We are focused on outcome alone, and forget that there are steps which must be followed to allow the outcome to manifest. People flit from one healer to another, when the results don’t come quick enough, desperate to improve and get better, and understandably so, but forgetting that it’s takes time to heal.

 It's the same with dreams, they take time to come to fruition. Some set up their own businesses and hope for results over night, undertaking copious manifestation exercises, willing and wishing and chopping and changing their offering, one re-brand after another, as they try to make a name for themselves, yet forget that they need a grounding and a foundation, that we cannot rush these things, not if we expect them to have any longevity, it takes time for seeds to grow. 

As we spend time in nature and create a deeper connection to it, so we begin to notice more of our own nature, that we are the micro of the macro – more often than not, the way we treat ourselves is a reflection of the way we treat our planet. The more we can cultivate greater respect and love for self, the more we respect and love our planet too. We start to appreciate nature and the need to protect it, trees especially for providing us with oxygen to breathe and an ecosystem and home for many species. 

My friend, Jo de Diepold Braham, who used to live on Guernsey, has recently established The Children’s Forest, a project to help encourage more children back to nature, sitting together around a central fire and envisioning a forest, before turning their vision into a reality. Here’s the link to lovely little video about this project, about planting their vision, which will undoubtably inspire you to get grow trees and get into a forest, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f5g6jrbb5GA.

It inspired our ‘Plant A Tree Project’ which we are hoping to launch in Autumn, offering free seedlings and baby trees for children to plant and tend to in their gardens, more information here, https://www.beinspiredby.co.uk/plant-a-tree. I have also recorded a Children’s Yoga: Journey into the Children’s Forest video, which you are view here, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L8CsjwiFVoY. The key though, is to get outside, into nature and allow nature to work her magic on you. 

Tell me about Ayurveda

Over 5,000 years old, Ayurveda is the most ancient and authentically recorded health system in history. It was created by yogis who spent their lives studying nature and the human condition.  Meaning ‘the science of life’ it is exactly that, viewing health in four dimensions of physical, sensory, mental and spiritual and is centred on preventative medicine and bringing a person back to balance.  

Energy plays an important role in our lives. We need energy and vitality to be able to live our life in a healthy and harmonious way. We get energy from nature through the sun and other natural elements. Ayurveda believes that there are primary functional energies in our bodies that are aligned with the elements of nature. These three forces of energies are known as the doshas in Ayurveda and include  vata, pitta and kapha. The entire system of Ayurvedic healing is directly related to these three doshas.

There are understood to be five elements in nature - earth, air, water, fire and space/ether - which are contained within the three doshas. Vata comprises air and ether, pitta comprises fire and water, and kapha comprises water and earth. Our biological existence is a dance of the three doshas and life is a multi-coloured tapestry of their movement in various plays of balance and imbalance, coming together and going apart. These three powers colour and determine our conditions of growth and aging, health and disease. 

Essentially the doshas impact on us on two primary levels.  Firstly, they are the factors that produce the physical body and are responsible for its substance and its function, for example our tissues are mainly kapha or watery in nature, the digestive system is mainly pitta or fire and the nervous system is mainly vata or air. Secondly, one of the three doshas predominates in each individual and becomes the basic determinate of his or her particular constitution or mind-body type. 

However the word ‘dosha’ (which is Sanskrit) translates as a fault or a blemish and indicates the factors that bring about disease and decay and where we are therefore out of balance. Ayurveda will therefore seek to establish the dosha, or imbalance and treat to that, thereby allowing more of the natural constitution to reveal itself. In this way Ayurveda seeks to discover the causative factor for loss of wellbeing and will focus initially on restoring digestive function as this is believed to be the seat of all imbalances and disease.

Healthy digestion is therefore fundamental to wellness in Ayurveda and to establishing strong immunity, an open and loving heart and a peaceful and calm mind. If the digestive system is out of balanced,  the digestive fire is not functioning properly, then this will create a loss of physical and mental wellbeing which will negatively impact on the immune function, let alone the mental state of an individual and their experience of themselves and life.  

As Ayurveda seeks to restore digestive health, diet is always considered, together with life style factors that may also be contributing to a loss of wellbeing. Like attracts like and we will often be attracted to those foodstuffs and activities that will enhance imbalances. We may also be living a life that isn’t true to our life path (dharma), and this will show up as physical and mental illness that cannot be effectively treated with modern medicines but can be helped by Ayurveda. 

A person can possess just one predominant dosha, have two equally dominant dosha or have all three doshas in balance. Here follows a rough guideline for how the doshas apply to different people:

Vata traits

·       Tall or very short, thin and bony with good muscles

·       Tendency to do many things – make things happen

·       Quick learner

·       Flexible

·       Quick moving and actions

·       Oval, narrow face and smaller eyes

·       Dry, rough and thin skin texture, dry and thin hair

·       Variable appetite, tendency towards constipation

·       Poor endurance and easily exhausted, with bursts of energy

·       Stiff joints

·       Light sleep, possibly interrupted, dreams full of movement

·       Poor circulation and sensitive to the cold. 

·       Intolerance to pain 

·       Forgetful and disorganised. 

·       Sociable and imaginative 

·       Drawn to creative activities

Anyone can experience vata imbalances, though the vata-dominant individuals are more prone to them. 

·       Signs of a vata imbalance include:

·       Dryness of skin, hair, ears, lips and joints

·       Dryness internally, bloating, gas, constipation, dehydration, weight loss

·       Dry and lightness of mind, restlessness, dizziness, feeling ungrounded

·       Roughness, especially skin and lips

·       Cold – poor circulation, muscle spasm or constriction, asthma, pain and aches, tightness.

·       Excessive movement, anxiety, fidgeting, agitation, muscle twitching and palpations. 

Pitta traits

·       Medium height, average build, often athletic.

·       Warm skin texture 

·       Intelligent by nature

·       Loose joints and good circulation

·       Moderate immune function

·       Thin and oily hair

·       Good stamina levels.  

·       Strong metabolism and a healthy appetite (tendency towards ‘hangry’

·       Tendency towards anger, intolerance, impatience and jealousy

·       Tolerant to pain

·       Subject to mood swings

·       Sensitive to hot weather

·       Motivated and goal-orientated

·       Strong leadership skills 

·       Organised, private and have good will power. 

·       Tendency towards inflammation. 

Anyone can experience pitta imbalances, though the pitta-dominant individuals are more prone to them.

·       Heat increases in the body and causes discomfort.

·       Inflammation in the body that can lead to joint pain.

·       Stomach heat increases leading to heartburn, acid reflux, and ulcers.

·       Diarrhoea or impaired digestion.

·       Mental heat increase can cause excess anger, irritation, and frustration.

·       Increased sweating and body odour.

·       Increased hunger and thirst.

·       Headaches with burning pain in the head.

·       Sore throat with infection.

·       Giddiness and/or hot flushes.

·       Heaviness or tenderness in the testicles/breasts.

·       Becoming judgmental and perfectionist tendencies. 

Kapha traits include: 

·       Large, well-formed frame, usually short but can be tall and large

·       Cold and damp skin texture

·       Thick and lustrous hair

·       Firm joints

·       Moderate circulation

·       High immune function and high endurance 

·       Often relaxed and calm

·       Have a strong pain threshold and a strong will power.  

·       Tolerant, composed, patient, calming and forgiving

·       Metabolism tends to be slow, making them sluggish

·       Prone to respiratory disorders

·       Heart disease is a risk they face

·       Needs motivation, otherwise can get depressed

·       Caring in nature and shows empathy

·       Emotional over eating

·       Stubborn, possessive and greedy

·       Trusts others

·       Wise and mature

·       Happy

Anyone can experience kapha imbalances, though the kapha-dominant individuals are more prone to them.

• Excess mucous in the body

• Slow/sluggish bowel movements

• Increase in body weight

• Thick white tongue coat

• Sinus congestion

• Depressed metabolism

• Fatty accumulation in the arteries

• Mucoid diarrhea

• Pre-diabetes

• Cold/cough/runny nose

• Hay fever

• Cold sweats

• Excess urination

• Excess ear wax

• Oily skin and hair

• Poor sense of taste and smell

• Lethargy and drowsiness

 Ayurveda also uses elemental medicine to balance out imbalances in earth, fire, water, air and ether in the body. As mentioned above, Ayurveda places great emphasis on helpful changes to diet (with consideration of the six tastes and whether a food stuff has a heating or cooling effect on the body), lifestyle factors (including exercise, rest, yoga, meditation), massage and herbal medicines to bring a person back to health, and keep them there, promoting natural immunity and a more balanced and harmonious state of being on all levels.

To find out more please see here - https://www.beinspiredby.co.uk/ayurvedic-consultations

The snow moon squeeze!

The snow moon was healing and illuminating in its intensity. Phew. Not only was it difficult to sleep, but it flip-flopped us between extreme tiredness and hyper energy. It was helping to heal core beliefs if we allowed it and also shine a light into more personal and collective shadows but in quite a life changing way.

I had read that it coincided with us going through the photon belt, which fascinated me as I don’t know much about this. The first website I came to on a google search read this:

“Can you feel it? The pace of life has gotten so fast that you can barely keep up with it. It’s not that you are getting old, tired, or lazy. The worst possible thing you could do now is try and keep up with the hectic flow of life.

A better choice would be to simplify your life. Get a smaller home. Work close to home or, even better, work from home if you can. Trim the excess from your life the best that you can. If it isn’t essential to your life, then let it go for now. Make peace with yourself and let go of the inner conflict.

Resolve to love and care for yourself unconditionally. Earth has entered new territory. The old earth paradigm will no longer work; in fact, it hasn’t worked for a long time. Let go of worn-out traditions and cultural expectations. Go within and do what feels right for you, even if it goes against societal norms.”

It resonated! Yes! Admittedly we are all being forced to slow down, lockdown does that to you, but I resonated with the article in other ways. It was interesting timing too as I had just finished an email discussion with my cousin about the lessons we are being encouraged to learn about slowing down and appreciating that happiness cannot be bought and doesn’t come from controlling others either, contrary to what media may tell us.

A previous trauma was finally healed for me over this moon cycle and I cannot tell you the relief, it has been almost 20 years of trying to clear it from my body so that I am no longer holding an emotional resonance. I might be kidding myself, but I feel different, finally free and able to see the blessing in the curse. I’m pretty certain that every trauma brings with it a gift if we can heal ourselves and let go of our story around our wounding and victimhood. 

To do this, we need to release ourselves from any vested interest we may have in holding on to what has happened to us. We have to remember that it was in the past and the longer we hold onto it, the more we allow it to negatively impact on our present reality and our ability to move on in a lighter, freer and more compassionate way. I had been trying to let go, for a good while now, but there was a sticking point, as is often the case, but finally the vested interest dropped away – sometimes the pain of holding on is greater than the pain of letting go. 

When we finally recognise the gift and the new beginnings this brings, then we wonder why we held on for so long in the first place! Nature abhors a vacuum and we will know that we have created a vacuum when we feel stuck. The only choice then, other than sticking our head in the sand and pretending all is OK, when it clearly isn’t, is to do something about it, to have the courage to really go in and own it, truly own it, however uncomfortable the feeling. We can do it! The moon will help! It’s for the good of the collective!

There was more though, because the light was bright, especially the light flooding through our blinds that Thursday night! It illuminated for me a shadow around ‘agendas’. I started to see through some of the media and political crap that is based on agenda rather than truth or purity of heart. This made me curious, not least because I had been blinded to it previously (opposed to put my head in the sand and pretend it is not happening), and how much it was detrimentally affecting me.

 Here I continued to voice my concerns around the optional nature of ‘human rights’ in times of pandemic, quite in contrast to advice from the WHO or the UN. Let alone the uber conservative approach and proliferation of fear here on Guernsey about a virus that we are, one way or another, going to have to live with, if the fear and the loneliness, let alone the loss of mental and emotional wellbeing don’t kill us first, as has sadly been the reality for a few who chose to take their own lives locally, to say nothing of those who are dying while still living (I think of care homes…).

This wasn’t meant to be a rant, more so a sharing, because I know that others felt it too, that they could see more clearly the crap that we are fed. I read a letter someone had written to the local paper saying that he hadn’t wanted the vaccine but decided he needed to put his blind faith in the pharmaceutical companies and government for they surely must have his best interests at heart, I’m not a conspiracy theorist or antivax (I want to stress that) but I did think that man was a braver man than me, the only people I put my blind faith in are neither wealthy or powerful people seeking more wealth or power, but the Goddess, the angels and the divine!

 It made me laugh the coincidence of the timings, because as I was thinking about blogging about this, a soul friend sent me a copy of a blog post by Caitlin Johnstone, which validated exactly how I was feeling: “Just as clouds are always water droplets in the air no matter what shapes they take, news stories are only ever one dynamic playing out with different appearances. There is only ever one news story on any given day, and it is always the same news story: wealthy and powerful people seek more wealth and power, and narratives are spun to advance these agendas.”

This feeds in well with where the moon illuminations were taking me to a conversation I was having with E about agendas, yoga teachers agendas as much as anything else, but it got me thinking about my own agenda as a yoga teacher, because we can see clearly others’ agendas when we have recognised it in ourselves. I was questioning how much our motivation for what we do is based on what we might gain in terms  of fame and/or fortune, and in turn how much of what we do is then based on outcome.

I’ve been pondering this quite a bit recently, and the full moon helped me to come to terms with my own inadequacies in this regard, the times when my motivation for teaching has not been of pure heart, where I have been driven by the need for recognition, as if to validate my self-worth, to be someone, fame then, and at other times the draw of the fortune and being wealthy as if this might also prove my worth in the world and provide a sense of security that is otherwise lacking.

I’ve worked with both of these a lot this year as those of you who read this blog regularly will know so I have made progress in letting go of the insecurities and the inherent cultural, educational and societal conditioning, which might have previously driven me to seek fame and fortune in the first place. But still, I had to ask myself this full moon, what is my agenda for doing what I do, is it purely from a place of heart and joy? On the whole yes, but it is a conscious awareness, because it is very easily to be side tracked by the idea of fame and fortune along the way as it is sooo ingrained in us all.

But it’s more than that. It comes down to our dharma, and our sacred truth, and doing what we are here to do, whether we want to or not,  but because we recognsie that it is our duty. It’s one of the central messages of the Bhagavad Gita, that each and every one of us is born with this sacred duty that we must fulfil during this lifetime, whether that be being a warrior (like Ajuna in the Bhagavad Gita) or a mum or daughter etc. It’s the sacred duty that sustains the cosmos, society and individual, and helps us to recognise the blessing in the burden.

The other theme relevant here is the lesson about doing our duty but not being concerned with the results, in so much as the fruits of our actions are not for our enjoyment and even while working we should give up the pride of doership, and yet not get attached to inaction. Basically when we are focused purely on the job we are less distracted by the potential results – not attached to outcome! There is of course a spiritual nature to this too – that our actions are for the good of humanity, not for us individually. 

Mahatma Gandhi and Mother Teresa were embodiments of this wisdom. They were both selfless in their service to mankind. It was not for their enjoyment that they acted and behaved the way that they did, but because of pure heart and a motivation to fulfil their duty in their lifetime with an awareness of the spiritual inherent within this. They did not seek validation of their efforts through fame or power, nor were they concerned about the value of their work and being recognised or praised for this. They valued what they did, because it came from God (however you define this) and their relationship with him/her directly.

It’s inspiring and also motivating, if that’s the right word, the idea that we may each of us live according to this wisdom, of doing what is ours to do and leaving the rest for those better placed to do it. To do without expectation of gain or of validation, but do for the sheer joy of doing, taking responsibility, living our duty. Unfortunately though, not all of humanity can be so selfless, and most are orientated towards outcome and fame and fortune being right up there under the illusion of success. 

Still it doesn’t matter what others do, it can only ever be about ourself, and settling more fully into our own truth and our own heart. It’s always easy to deceive ourselves, just as we are so easily deceived by others who we believe should have our best interests at heart. So we need to be careful, discerning, compassionate and gentle. The moon was helping us see more of this, and to be all these things. It’s still squeezing even now, like an aftershock, we may still feel agitated and aggrieved, until the energy settles again and we can find a new balance and a new way of being…if the photon belt theory is to be believed that we are ascending, those of us who want to that is, and others are opting out, which way will you go?

Matangi - The Creative Process

This week’s yoni yoga focused on Matangi, one of the ten Mahāvidyas, who has been associated with creativity and the creative process. I like Matangi. I like all the Goddesses really, they’re each relevant at certain moments in our lives, but there’s something about Matangi which talks to me, especially at this time.

As Uma Dinsmore-Tuli writes, “Matangi is the outcaste or ‘untouchable’ poet who stands at the edges of conventional society. She is a visionary, wild and free from social constraints of any kind. She is associated here with manifesting the śakti, (powerful energy) in creative expression. Her special siddhi is the capacity for abundant creativity and the expression of unique vision. 

To access this siddhi requires a consciously surrendered participation: for to create and manifest anything, be it a book or a dinner, a yoga festival or a vegetable garden, requires that we surrender entirely to the cyclical processes of creativity. Creativity may involve ecstatic outpourings that are joyous and free, but it always also involves spending time in uncertain places which are frightening and unknown, times when all there is to do is wait (for the seeds to germinate, for the bread to rise, for the editor to get back with the comments on the manuscript). All these aspects of creativity are part of the process. Matangi’s great power is to be equally at home in all of these phases.”

All of life, at all times, is unknown and uncertain, but never has this been highlighted to us more so than now during an outbreak of coronavirus and the resulting lockdown where life as we knew it has stopped, at least for now. We are reminded that all of life is uncertain and unknown and this is difficult for people because it brings up inherent fears, all sorts of fears, around personal safety and stability in an ever changing world. We crave solid ground, something concrete, something that we can anchor ourselves too; in short, something known.

 The creative process thrives on uncertainty and it thrives on those places that can’t always be known. It takes us into those uncertain and unknown places too, where we don’t know if we can do it, create it, write it, paint it, grow it, bake it, plan it, make it. And yet there are times when we know we have to create for our very survival, write, paint, grow, bake, get on with it, express that part of ourselves demanding our attention whether we’re ‘good at it’ or not. 

As a child I loved creative writing, and as a teenager I enjoyed writing poetry. I attempted writing a book but never got to the ending. At university I stuck with poetry, usually late at night when I was all alone, in that quiet and still time when others are asleep and the air is stiller somehow, smoking cigarettes or joints, making drinking wine, listening to Native America Indian music or Deep Forest or Pink Floyd, something that took me to a deeper part of myself, that was craving expression, my soul perhaps.

After university I joined ‘the real world’, as I was told, and any hope I had of making a career out of writing was short lived, there was a finance job instead, with professional exams and therefore endless studying that didn’t allow time for creative writing or much poetry.  There was still poetry though. Generally drunken, despairing poetry, the soul dropping farther and farther away so that I barely recognised myself anymore, I’d even cut my hair short, corporate haircut. 

Depression slipped in, it’s no surprise, I’ve always had a feeling the depression was the darkness of a life devoid of soul and creativity, suppressed, not allowed expression, dead to the world, treading water, heart sunken, joyless, even the poetry dropped away for a bit, tortured soul, breathe. PMS settled in, I wrote about this in the Tārā post, hormones all over the place, the creative voice deep within yearning for expression; the soul expresses itself creatively, is manifest in this world. 

Yoga arrived finally and Reiki soon too, brought about by marathon running and the depression that overwhelmed me, and I’m grateful to whatever it was that called that in - we have to ask ourselves what is it that connects us to our destiny? It’s like the breathe, what calls that in? I’m grateful to whatever it is, angels, spirit, the sacred...we are all of us connected, energy. Even before then though, as I stated living more of my dream for travel, I started to write again, travel emails home and then an article for the local paper, poetry appeared again, but it was the yoga and Reiki that helped me to get over my insecurity slowly, slowly.

A year into my yoga practice I realised that all I wanted to do was travel the world, practice yoga and write about it, and that’s basically what I did for ten years, until Elijah appeared but even then we still kept travelling so I could practice and write about it. By then I had published articles in a couple of yoga magazines and other publications, but I still hadn’t managed to write a book, the ultimate dream, which lay heavily on me, felt like a weight, would I ever manage it one day?

I’d written the first draft of Namaste by then but I’d not taken kindly to the first edit, when the book was really in its infancy and I was in my infancy as an author and I set the book aside, concluded it wasn’t good enough, I wasn’t good enough, without truly appreciating that there is a process to creating and that’s it’s not an altogether easy or straightforward one, which will take you into that void where you just want to give up but you can’t give up, not really, not when you have already invested so much in it. But now I had a child to look after and a job in finance that took a lot of energy. 

It was around then that Uma appeared in my life. I can’t remember the exact details now, which surprises me because I tend to remember those moments where something happens, someone comes in, and life changes. Regardless, I’m grateful to the ‘something’ that connected us, she was the answer to my prayers, bringing with her this beautiful womb yoga practice and yoga nidra. Both practices awoke something in me, made me listen to that deeper voice within that wouldn’t let me give up, that kept whispering in my ear that I needed to get back to writing, regardless of my other commitments, that I needed to prioritise it.

Elijah’s arrival, in my womb, the seat of our creation awoke something too, and even though we had conceived by IVF, there was still a deep creative process, the birth, crickey if ever there is a creative process let alone the pregnancy itself, taking me on a journey that I could never had expected, that was fraught with the unexpected what with the unknown and the uncertainty of full grade placenta previa and a clinical birth in a hospital, where I was gifted the opportunity to truly surrender, but I couldn’t, I kept holding on and on and on, until he was already born and still I held on. 

I was too angry to write, anger suppresses my creativity, dampens my world, as if it puts out the fire that would otherwise burn brightly, causing the words to arrive and arrive, the paradox because fire feeds anger and anger feeds the fire, but not the fire of creative glow, not for me, I need water, watery water, tears are best, so that the words flow from that deeper glorious place, like the waves, no moment the same, timeless, time disappears, the rocks remain the same but the tide moves again, in and out, the moon glows overhead, day and night.

Dropping deeper into that space, creating new life, another pregnancy and by then a whole heap more yoga nidra and womb yoga and another book started to take shape, and then Eben’s arrival into the world. This too a pregnancy journey and a birth that brought with it the unexpected with waters breaking early on a full moon and another clinical birth ahead demanding a deep surrendering, the moon still glowing overhead, dancing in the garden in her light, contracting, and yet knowing it was now time. 

La Gran’mère du Chimquière was visited and she spoke a language that my soul needed to hear. I still can’t be sure what drew me to her, but whatever it is I have learned to trust it, it led me to yoga, to Uma, to answered prayers, the world works in mysterious ways. The deep surrender followed, the letting go, giving in, being with it, a zillion thanks always to Heather Reed for her compassion and kindness, and for being still such a part of my life, there’s a magic that brings people together at just the right time, and this is the creative process. There is a timing. Uma writes about this:

“A crucial aspect of Matangi’s power is correct timing. To maximise the force of her power, the delivery of her observations and/or creative offerings needs to be perfectly timed and placed…It is this aspect of timing that links Matangi so directly to the preceding Mahāvidyā, Kamalātmikā. Because the creativity she manifests, just like the sexual energy liberated by Kamalātmikā, both utterly depend for their power on correct timing. 

Just as there is no point in pressing a woman for sexual intercourse if she is too tired, or too premenstrual or otherwise at the wrong end of her particular cycle, so too there is no point in pushing for productivity in the reflective or evaluative phase of the creative cycle. Both siddhis – the capacity of sexual pleasure to lead us to experiences of cosmic loving connection, and the capacity of creativity to manifest with abundance – have their own particular cycles. Neither the natural flows of sexuality or creativity can be mapped by continuous linear progression. To receive the full power of either siddhi we need to respect the ebbs and flows of the cycles of their power”.

This recognition of the ebb and flow and the cycles of our creative potential is very true and there is absolutely a timing to it. The more I have embraced menstruation consciousness as a spiritual practice, the more I have recognised and embraced my cycle and the creative cycle which is intricately linked, so too then with the moon cycle and the cycle of nature and the ebb and flow of the light. 

Scarvelli-inspired yoga with its emphasis on settling into the unknown and the uncertain has deepened the connection to the inherent creativity, so it has entered a whole other dimension. It’s not that it frees the voice necessarily, although it does do that, but that it frees more of the sacred and the soul and reveals more of that which was previously hidden and stuck and sets it free, beyond any limitation which we might have put in its way, our core beliefs that prevent us living life fully and lead to us trapping ourselves in a conditioned sense of right/wrong and good/bad. It is this that speaks to me when I read about Matangi. As Uma writes:

“In specific relation to the creativity of women, Matangi represents the power of women’s creative voices to overturn or unsettle patriarchal patterns of accepted female behaviours and opinions. She pushes the boundaries and extends the limits of our horizons, so that when we manifest the power of our creative energies we can express what has previously been prohibited or reviled, and we can reveal what was hidden and forgotten…

…Matangi knows the consequences of her revelation: she understands the power of saying what others fear to admit. She is fully aware of the position in which such observations place her and of her role as an object of fear and censure. So Matangi’s voice is brave, and terrifying to those who are constrained by fear to live their lives according to propriety and expectations. She rattles people, pokes holes in their comfortable boxes of convention, and embarrasses the cowed and silent by singing out loud and clear.”

It’s this aspect of Matangi that really draws me to her, stepping out of the box and having the courage and the strength to say it in a way that tries to awaken people and shake them from the binds that keep them enslaved and asleep, that prevents them from questioning and blindly following a path expected of them. We need more women to embrace Matangi and speak their truth, however uncomfortable that might be for everyone else, for patriarchy especially, so subtly entrenched in our society that we don’t even notice it, even us women, a victim to it.

Uma’s sharing is fascinating, for she helps me to see another side, awakens me to the extent that I too am limited by cultural expectations, as she shares: “Sadly, many limits and constraints have been placed by our culture upon women’s creativity. Traditionally almost every dimension of our capacity to create has been curtailed and controlled, with the possible exception of our capacity to birth and mind babies and to make homes and meals for our families and for the families of those who are richer and more powerful than us. Successive waves of feminist activism have brought welcome changes to this state of affairs, and certainly today having babies and cooking are no longer the only spheres of creativity in which women can be expressive. But this is a very recent shift.

Even in the traditionally acceptable spheres of women’s creativity, the domestic realms of childbirth and homemaking, and even now, when you get right up to the top level of power-holding, our culture tends to hand even these womanly expressions of creativity back over to the men and to value their contributions more highly than those of women. For although women may birth babies and midwives may help them, it is the (usually, male) obstetricians who get paid ten times the rate of the midwives, and make the policies in the birthing units and labour wards. 

And though it is mostly women who are making homes and meals at the everyday, mundane level of getting food on the table every teatime and ensuring that the domestic environment is at least relatively non-toxic and that there is somewhere to sit down that is not covered in dirty laundry and Lego, most of the top paid TV celebrity chefs, restauranteurs and folks with their phots on the food packets tend to be men, and most of the wealthiest interior designers and retailers of home-making products, for example the CEOs of global homemaking powers like Ikea and Habitat, tend to be men. All this gives a clear message to women that although we  may be creative in the domestic sphere, out there, what really matters, and where the big money is to be made, it’s a man world, just like everything else, and so to compete with the guys you needs to play the game their way or back out”.

And in the creative field it does sometimes feel as if there is a game to play, at least if you hope to earn any money from it. A few years ago I contacted Hay House publishing about publishing a book, having self-published thus far and I was told that it didn’t matter so much about the quality of the book, but on the number of social media followers I had, and at that time I had none as I had come off all social media so I got a big fat no! There’s a game to be played if you’re up for it, but there’s also another way, our own way, in our own time and with our own voice finding its way. 

There is no doubt that the true creative process will take us into the unknown and the uncertain. The deep creative power that this process may reveal, as we explore more of those deep and luscious places within, will extend the boundaries of existing knowledge and present new perspectives to us that take us into those unknown and uncertain places within us! This can be both scary and messy and yet incredibly liberating, as we discover more of us than we had previously realised, stripping away our conditioning and setting ourselves free. 

This process is not easy, as it breaks down our self-imposed boundaries, our conventional belief system and all we thought was real, the norm then, even if it is not serving us, but its known and certain and gives a sense of stability, until it is broken, so we cultivate courage and we learn to settle into the messiness instead, where life is infinitely more colourful, brighter lived, on an edge of madness and sheer brilliance, to know the soul, like Lalla, and dance, like the moon, in Uma’s words, “a visionary wild and free from social constraints of any kind”, like Matangi, prepared to stand up for what she believes, free, free, free.

 Coronavirus and lockdown especially, with the emphasis on the unknown and the uncertain has ushered in this void of creative potential for those who have stepped away from the fear, the visionaries, those dancing, tapping the edge, exploring more of the space within. This is a time for Matangi, for people to speak up, be wild and free, and I am grateful to her for setting me free, for helping me to give voice to that which others won’t say, and for living life beyond the ordinary, for waking us up if we allow ourselves to be touched by the creative.

If you’re struggling creatively, you’ve written the book but you’re scared to edit it, you’ve drawn the picture but you’re anxious to share it, you have the business idea but you’re scared to turn it into reality, you’re trying to conceive but there’s something stopping you, you’ve turned your hand to baking but you worry others will reject your cakes, you’re keen to get growing but you don’t think you know enough, you’re keen to chant and sign but you don’t think you’re voice is good enough. If there’s some core belief getting in your way, some unhelpful core belief that makes you feel insecure, scared, anxious or somehow worried about your worthiness and how you will be received/judged by others, then you need to look at that.

It’s easy to put your head in the sand and just accept things as they are, but we are all of us inherently creative, it is part of being human and often the only thing getting in our way is us and our own insecurities. So step into them, notice all your excuses, look honestly at them, these obstacles, reframe them and get going, small steps so you won’t get overwhelmed. If you want to write, write, don’t worry about your audience or how you might write a best seller, just get writing, for the sheer love of it. It’s the same with all of it, do it because you love doing it, it doesn’t matter what anyone else things.

The soul seeks expression and will be so happy if you just get on with it. Start noticing your cycles too, because there will be a part of your cycle, whether you are menstruating or not there is still a cycle,  where you will feel more in your creative space than at other times. So embrace those times and try not to force yourself to be creative when the time just doesn’t feel right. Go for a walk instead, lie on your mat and enjoy a yoga nidra. The time will come and then you just got to embrace it. 

Kamalātmikā: Opening to female sexuality

I’ve been procrastinating about writing about the third Mahāvidyā, the third goddess that I shared at yoni yoga last Sunday, Kamalātmikā, because her power is the capacity for experiencing pleasure and delight in abundance; she is sexuality and intimacy! We don’t tend to have intimate conversations, even with those with whom we are most intimate, intimacy brings up our greatest vulnerability and there’s a certain intimacy in even writing about sexuality! 

Kamalātmikā is the radiant goddess of delight, she is always associated with abundance, love and beauty. Of all the Mahāvidyās, it is only Kamalātmikā who is always beneficent, all the others have weapons or fearful aspects. It is Kamalātmikā alone whose abundance and grace is always generous and giving. As Uma Dinsmore-Tuli writes: 

“In relation to sexuality, Kamalātmikā’s radiant beauty and abundant generosity reveal the deep and continuous capacity for delight that experiences of conscious sexual fulfilment can bring throughout our lives. Hers is a powerful siddhi that connects us with the power of pleasure as a spiritualising force. When we explore the full spectrum of female sexuality, then the experience of the spirit of sexuality not only includes pleasures we bring to ourselves and those we share with others, but may also include periods of celibacy.”

As the tenth Mahāvidyā she often stands beside Kālī and their relationship is deep. Kamalātmikā is the beauty and delight unfolded into the physical and material realm, whereas Kālī is the beauty of the void from which everything manifests, and it is only by absolute surrender to Kālī that the true grace of Kamalātmikā can shower upon us – surrendering is not always easy as we know, it can be very messy, and nowhere more are we required to surrender than in the quest for deep sexual pleasure and orgasm as a form of spiritually-orientated blissful experience. 

Uma writes, “If we are attracted to the power of delight and pleasure on a superficial level – for example if we pursue sexual experience for the gratification of unconscious needs or the acquisition of status and power – then, inevitably the lotus goddess of delight will show her other form, and the hands that shower down the golden coins and abundant water will become the hands that hold the bloody chopper and the severed head. The immense power of pleasure is, when pursued without consciousness of its spiritual dimension, a potentially destructive force that can deplete, demean and/or disempower us.”

So it goes that Kamalātmikā shows us that sexual fulfilment is not so much delight and pleasure at a superficial level but an opportunity to access much deeper parts of being, that literally enable us to access more of the bliss body, of pure being. This can be healing, not least because of the depth of surrender that is involved, beyond our inherent vulnerability,  but in the way that this enables us women to step into – and unblock – our power, allowing shakti, the female creative essence, to flow where it is most needed.

Uma argues that “if our relationship with the siddhi of Kamalātmikā becomes distant, if we lose our connection for whatever reason with the true nature of our sexuality, then we become exiled from the source of our identity and vitality…We have long been exiled. The deep freedom of loving sexual expression as women is our motherland. But we’ve been away so long we don’t even know what it feels like to come home”.

The term ‘yoni’ means cunt, vulva, womb, source, home, or place of rest. We return home when we connect with this space in our body, upon which yoni yoga and Uma’s womb yoga is centred. It is a deeply healing approach to yoga practice for it literally helps us to come home to ourselves, in the very place of power (shakti) in our bodies. It enables us, if we allow it, to take us to deeper places in ourselves that we didn’t even know we were exiled from until we feel the depth of sensation and surrendering that an awareness here brings. 

 Female sexuality is not something that is freely talked about such is our cultural and societal limitations. This is a culture that still regards menstruation as shameful and should be invisible. This is a culture that teaches women to ignore the ebb and flow of their cycle and pop themselves on a pill through fear of pregnancy and termination, and in the process disconnecting them from the naturally arising cycles of sexual desire, and denying them the opportunity for inner understanding of the links between menstrual cycle, sexuality and fertility.

 This is a culture that lies to women about what to wear and the various cosmetic, depilatory and surgical activities, which are frequently undertaken to try to ensure that the female body is  considered glamorous and sexually attractive to men according to standards set by those in the porn industry. I could write at length at the myriad ways that women are asked to sell out on themselves trying to be something that ultimately takes them away from an authentic encounter with the energises of their own unique sexuality.

Instead they sell out to patriarchy and capitalism, giving up true beauty and the spiritual power of genuine and loving sexual encounter, because they are told that this is how it should be. It’s not just the pill that is the problem, but the whole deal, the high heels that suffocate feet and damage spines, the surgical alteration of breasts and vagina, the wearing of toxic chemicals in the quest to ‘smell nice’, and the potential damage done by wearing underwired bras, which have been the focus of debates as to whether or not the wearing of them contributes to breast cancer. 

Deadly to women too, and as Uma writes, is the “repeated experiences of conventional thrusting hetero-sex that involves rhythmic friction between penis and vagina without prior adequate female sexual arousal, such as that practised in most bedrooms and aggressively promoted on every porn channel/internet site in the world, causes long-term damage and desensitisation of female genitalia, to the point where many women are unable to experience vaginal, uterine or G-spot/blended orgasm. Tied into the expression of women’s sexuality is also a deep fear of the dangers to which it makes us vulnerable; the dangers of verbal and physical abuse, of public humiliation and rape. Our culture permits hardly any safe spaces for the genuinely free exploration and expression of female sexuality”.

It’s a sorry state of affairs where women are encouraged to sell out on themselves, give up on their inner arisings and feelings in the quest to look a certain way to encourage sexual desire in others. This so subtle too, that we don’t even realise that we are fulfilling cultural expectations rather than allowing our own greater fulfilment, sexually and spiritually too. I know from my own experience how difficult it is to break free from this conditioning, to understand the extent to which “our culture’s conventional definition of female sexuality truly is an empty shell”, as Uma writes.

Yet when we do it can be truly liberating, to appreciate the extent that our sexuality is not based on outward experience, but comes from a much deeper place within, that cannot be bought or manipulated, that doesn’t involve us changing our breast size or the shape of our labia or shaving our pubic hair, or wearing make-up and certain clothes or shoes, or wearing our hair a certain way, or being on the pill and sexually available at all times to meet the needs of someone else, regardless of whether we feel sexually aroused or not. No, this comes from a very different place. 

The trouble comes in trying to access this deeper place. If we have experienced sexual trauma and termination for example, or a relationship that left us feeling extremely vulnerable and sexually-used then it can take time to release these experiences from our bodies, to allow ourselves to open to pleasure when all we have felt in this most sacred of places in our bodies is pain. I know from my own embodied experience how tricky this journey can be, how there are layers and levels to the pain and the holding on that prevent us from truly surrendering to any potentially pleasurable and delightful moment of bliss, spiritual or not. 

It was only through discovering Uma and her womb yoga that I began to release that which was holding me back from finding my way back home again, and this motivated in part yoni yoga, which took me into these places where the shame, anger and sadness was still held. It was these places that revealed themselves to me when my body was positioned a certain way in my practice that caused a jolt of memory, forgotten memory, such was the pain that caused me to pop the feelings and the experience into the back of my mind, and deep into my body where I could ignore them and not feel.

It was Scaravelli-inspired yoga though where the true release came. I knew that I needed to re-discover my ability to be intimate, to touch those lost parts of self that I knew were longing for expression, but that I couldn’t access. I could have continued my life as it was, in a loving relationship with a soul mate and the depth of intimacy and pleasure that that brings and yet knowing that there was another level even to this if I could allow the healing that I began to appreciate needed to take place.

I kept wondering how and then going back to sleep again, it was easier to resign myself to it than do anything about it, mainly because I didn’t know what to do about it, it’s not a conversation I have had with anyone other than a gentle soul friend in a snatched conversation on the beach before children interrupted our quick intimacy. I prayed for help as it happens, prayed to be shown the way that I might take to find my home again. 

In came Scaravelli-yoga and this took me to the soft places, the gateways and the sacred spaces where I had no choice but to peel back layer upon vulnerable layer, back to source, to reconnect to those deeper parts of self that had frozen in time with traumatic experience, sexual and otherwise, the clinical nature of IVF doesn’t help, in those moments lived that somehow tore at the very heart of me and caused me to effectively shut down from feeling the depth of pleasure, that I might have felt more effortlessly prior to these painful experiences, that prevented me from truly surrendering. 

There is a connection between the ‘low heart’ of the sacral chakra, home of the sexual organs, and the ‘high heart’ of the heart chakra. When the energy of the low heart is blocked by trauma, abuse, or any belief around sex not being enjoyable, then there will be an impact in the high heart too. It’s not just the low heart that suffers but the high heart too, and when we heal the lower heart we heal the higher heart too. I touch more on this in my book, From Darkness Comes Light, but you’ll need to wait for that as it is still being edited! 

There’s always a vulnerability in sharing so intimately but I believe it is time that we are more honest with ourselves as women and with each other women too. For we have been exiled for too long, selling out on ourselves, seeking validation for our sexual power in all the wrong ways. I know now that it is not something that is necessarily seen in outward appearance, but is an energy, something that can heal us and bring us home to ourselves in a very real way, that is not only a physical experience but is deeply spiritual too if we allow it and let go of what we think it is in the first place.

If you have found your way to these words and you know on some level, as much as you might ignore it, that there is healing needed, work to be done, a deeper connection to be made, a coming home to that sacred place, the yoni, then it is time now my friend to take the leap and slowly let go of all you thought it might be, to see what instead might reveal itself to you when you go gently…into…that…space. Slowly too. Slowly is best. 

Find womb yoga, yoni yoga, Scaravelli-inspired yoga, an approach to practice that is both intimate and healing, pray, ask for guidance and be prepared to follow what opens itself to you. Go easy. Take your time. Invite Kamalātikā into your life and let her guide you. I’ll leave you with this quote by Annie Sprinle, in Foreqard to Sundahl, 2003, which I copy from Uma’s truly amazing book, Yoni Shakti: 

 “Our sexuality is not only something that can be used for the enhancement of intimate relationships, for physical pleasure, or procreation. It can also be used for personal transformation, physical and emotional healing, self-realisation, spiritual growth and as a way to learn about all of life and death. An honest, sexually knowledgeable woman, or group of women, is a divine and extremely powerful force that not only can inspire other women, but also have the potential to contribute to the well-being of all life on earth”.