Forest Bathing!

Forest bathing, also known as ‘shinrin-yoku’, was first developed in Japan in the 1980s after scientific studies were carried out by the Japanese government. The results of the studies showed that two hours of time spent mindfully exploring in a forest could reduce blood pressure, improve concentration and memory and lower stress levels (through reducing cortisol, the stress hormone). They also discovered that trees release chemicals called phytoncides that have an anti-microbial effect on human bodies, which boost the immune system.

As a result of these findings, the Japanese government introduced ‘shinrin-yoku’ as a national health programme. Since then, forest bathing has begun to become popular elsewhere.  The National Trust in the UK, for example, recommends forest bathing as a way to unwind and feel refreshed. This has been backed this up by science, with academics from the University of Derby in 2018, discovering that when people connect to nature, this significantly improves their wellbeing. 

I was first introduced to the idea of forest bathing by Dr Diana Beresford-Kroeger who holds a bachelor of science in classical botany, a B.Sc. in medical biochemistry, a master’s degree in plant physiology, a PhD in cardiac ischemia (damage due to low levels of oxygen in the heart), and a diploma in general surgery together with a fellowship in the effects of radiation on biology systems. She has published in the top medical journals in the world, such as the American Heart Journal. 

Diana has also written a inspiring books and filmed a documentary called, Call of the Forest: The forgotten wisdom of Trees. The documentary explores the most beautiful forests in the northern hemisphere and shares the stories behind the history and legacy of these ancient forests while also explaining the science of trees, and the irreplaceable roles that they play in protecting and feeding the planet. Not only do they provide oxygen for us to breathe - forests  are known as the lungs of the world – but they also provide us with medicine to promote our wellbeing. 

You don’t need to go to Japan to enjoy the benefits of tree bathing though. You can enjoy the benefits even here in Guernsey, in one of our pine forests. As Dr Beresford-Kroeger writes, “Go outside and find yourself a pine tree…Take twenty minutes out of your life in the company of these evergreens at noontime. They produce three aerosol molecules called pinenes. Inhale deeply in the presence of one of these trees and the T-cells of your circulating blood will immediately increase, boosting your immune system for free. This effect of one visit will last for thirty days. This is true for men, women, and children. A strong immune system is always your secret weapon.”

These are wise words and timely too as we try to strengthen our immune systems with the threat of mutation of coronavirus still very real. The answer is simple, get outside and find your way to the Guet or the pine forest at Pleinmont or Jerbourg. Go at noon and sit under a tree, then wander around, enjoying the forest environment, hug a tree if you can. If you can’t get out to a pine forest then perhaps inhale pine essential oil instead. Derived from the needles of the pine tree, the scent of pine essential oil is known to have a clarifying, uplifting and invigorating effect.

Furthermore, pine essential oil has antibacterial, antiseptic, decongestant, diuretic, stimulant, antiviral, anti-rheumatic, deodorant, expectorant and antifungal properties and is useful in protecting the body against harmful germs. In the process it positively effects the mood by clearing the mind of stresses, energising the body and helping to reduce fatigue, enhancing concentration/clarity and promoting a positive outlook. You can add a few drops of the oil to a diffuser to scent a room, or add a few drops to a tissue and inhale from that. 

It’s not just the aerosols secreted by trees that make a difference to our wellbeing, but simply being in nature. Many of us live disconnected from nature suffering from stress, depression and anxiety. We underestimate the need for a solid foundation in our lives, laying roots that nourish and sustain us, connecting us to the earth and living with the awareness of the ebb and flow of the passing seasons and the moon cycle and planetary shifts. We only have to witness the mighty oak tree to understand the value of first establishing roots from which we grow, deepening our connection between earth and sky. 

Like trees, we sometimes need to shed our leaves, let go of the leaves we have grown, and create new ones that are more aligned to our life in the next cycle. The tree does not hold onto its leaves confused and indecisive, it does not grip on when it needs to let go, there is a gentle grace that comes from knowing its place in all things and the cycle of all life, birth and death, earth and sky and everything in between. The sun and the moon know this too, rising and setting, waxing and waning, not holding on when it is time to change and transform. 

Many try to force things to happen in their lives without first establish their foundation. In yoga there is no point rushing to the advanced postures until we have first practiced those that will allow us to establish a solid foundation, for example. In everything, we need to start at the beginning, we need to ensure there is solidity to that which we are creating, like a house requiring foundations, a tree requiring roots, so we too, must begin at our base and work our way up from there. 

Too often in life we’re rushing though, always rushing from one thing to the next. We don’t always allow the grounding, the opportunity to be quiet, silent and establish our base. We are focused on outcome alone, and forget that there are steps which must be followed to allow the outcome to manifest. People flit from one healer to another, when the results don’t come quick enough, desperate to improve and get better, and understandably so, but forgetting that it’s takes time to heal.

 It's the same with dreams, they take time to come to fruition. Some set up their own businesses and hope for results over night, undertaking copious manifestation exercises, willing and wishing and chopping and changing their offering, one re-brand after another, as they try to make a name for themselves, yet forget that they need a grounding and a foundation, that we cannot rush these things, not if we expect them to have any longevity, it takes time for seeds to grow. 

As we spend time in nature and create a deeper connection to it, so we begin to notice more of our own nature, that we are the micro of the macro – more often than not, the way we treat ourselves is a reflection of the way we treat our planet. The more we can cultivate greater respect and love for self, the more we respect and love our planet too. We start to appreciate nature and the need to protect it, trees especially for providing us with oxygen to breathe and an ecosystem and home for many species. 

My friend, Jo de Diepold Braham, who used to live on Guernsey, has recently established The Children’s Forest, a project to help encourage more children back to nature, sitting together around a central fire and envisioning a forest, before turning their vision into a reality. Here’s the link to lovely little video about this project, about planting their vision, which will undoubtably inspire you to get grow trees and get into a forest, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f5g6jrbb5GA.

It inspired our ‘Plant A Tree Project’ which we are hoping to launch in Autumn, offering free seedlings and baby trees for children to plant and tend to in their gardens, more information here, https://www.beinspiredby.co.uk/plant-a-tree. I have also recorded a Children’s Yoga: Journey into the Children’s Forest video, which you are view here, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L8CsjwiFVoY. The key though, is to get outside, into nature and allow nature to work her magic on you. 

Tell me about Ayurveda

Over 5,000 years old, Ayurveda is the most ancient and authentically recorded health system in history. It was created by yogis who spent their lives studying nature and the human condition.  Meaning ‘the science of life’ it is exactly that, viewing health in four dimensions of physical, sensory, mental and spiritual and is centred on preventative medicine and bringing a person back to balance.  

Energy plays an important role in our lives. We need energy and vitality to be able to live our life in a healthy and harmonious way. We get energy from nature through the sun and other natural elements. Ayurveda believes that there are primary functional energies in our bodies that are aligned with the elements of nature. These three forces of energies are known as the doshas in Ayurveda and include  vata, pitta and kapha. The entire system of Ayurvedic healing is directly related to these three doshas.

There are understood to be five elements in nature - earth, air, water, fire and space/ether - which are contained within the three doshas. Vata comprises air and ether, pitta comprises fire and water, and kapha comprises water and earth. Our biological existence is a dance of the three doshas and life is a multi-coloured tapestry of their movement in various plays of balance and imbalance, coming together and going apart. These three powers colour and determine our conditions of growth and aging, health and disease. 

Essentially the doshas impact on us on two primary levels.  Firstly, they are the factors that produce the physical body and are responsible for its substance and its function, for example our tissues are mainly kapha or watery in nature, the digestive system is mainly pitta or fire and the nervous system is mainly vata or air. Secondly, one of the three doshas predominates in each individual and becomes the basic determinate of his or her particular constitution or mind-body type. 

However the word ‘dosha’ (which is Sanskrit) translates as a fault or a blemish and indicates the factors that bring about disease and decay and where we are therefore out of balance. Ayurveda will therefore seek to establish the dosha, or imbalance and treat to that, thereby allowing more of the natural constitution to reveal itself. In this way Ayurveda seeks to discover the causative factor for loss of wellbeing and will focus initially on restoring digestive function as this is believed to be the seat of all imbalances and disease.

Healthy digestion is therefore fundamental to wellness in Ayurveda and to establishing strong immunity, an open and loving heart and a peaceful and calm mind. If the digestive system is out of balanced,  the digestive fire is not functioning properly, then this will create a loss of physical and mental wellbeing which will negatively impact on the immune function, let alone the mental state of an individual and their experience of themselves and life.  

As Ayurveda seeks to restore digestive health, diet is always considered, together with life style factors that may also be contributing to a loss of wellbeing. Like attracts like and we will often be attracted to those foodstuffs and activities that will enhance imbalances. We may also be living a life that isn’t true to our life path (dharma), and this will show up as physical and mental illness that cannot be effectively treated with modern medicines but can be helped by Ayurveda. 

A person can possess just one predominant dosha, have two equally dominant dosha or have all three doshas in balance. Here follows a rough guideline for how the doshas apply to different people:

Vata traits

·       Tall or very short, thin and bony with good muscles

·       Tendency to do many things – make things happen

·       Quick learner

·       Flexible

·       Quick moving and actions

·       Oval, narrow face and smaller eyes

·       Dry, rough and thin skin texture, dry and thin hair

·       Variable appetite, tendency towards constipation

·       Poor endurance and easily exhausted, with bursts of energy

·       Stiff joints

·       Light sleep, possibly interrupted, dreams full of movement

·       Poor circulation and sensitive to the cold. 

·       Intolerance to pain 

·       Forgetful and disorganised. 

·       Sociable and imaginative 

·       Drawn to creative activities

Anyone can experience vata imbalances, though the vata-dominant individuals are more prone to them. 

·       Signs of a vata imbalance include:

·       Dryness of skin, hair, ears, lips and joints

·       Dryness internally, bloating, gas, constipation, dehydration, weight loss

·       Dry and lightness of mind, restlessness, dizziness, feeling ungrounded

·       Roughness, especially skin and lips

·       Cold – poor circulation, muscle spasm or constriction, asthma, pain and aches, tightness.

·       Excessive movement, anxiety, fidgeting, agitation, muscle twitching and palpations. 

Pitta traits

·       Medium height, average build, often athletic.

·       Warm skin texture 

·       Intelligent by nature

·       Loose joints and good circulation

·       Moderate immune function

·       Thin and oily hair

·       Good stamina levels.  

·       Strong metabolism and a healthy appetite (tendency towards ‘hangry’

·       Tendency towards anger, intolerance, impatience and jealousy

·       Tolerant to pain

·       Subject to mood swings

·       Sensitive to hot weather

·       Motivated and goal-orientated

·       Strong leadership skills 

·       Organised, private and have good will power. 

·       Tendency towards inflammation. 

Anyone can experience pitta imbalances, though the pitta-dominant individuals are more prone to them.

·       Heat increases in the body and causes discomfort.

·       Inflammation in the body that can lead to joint pain.

·       Stomach heat increases leading to heartburn, acid reflux, and ulcers.

·       Diarrhoea or impaired digestion.

·       Mental heat increase can cause excess anger, irritation, and frustration.

·       Increased sweating and body odour.

·       Increased hunger and thirst.

·       Headaches with burning pain in the head.

·       Sore throat with infection.

·       Giddiness and/or hot flushes.

·       Heaviness or tenderness in the testicles/breasts.

·       Becoming judgmental and perfectionist tendencies. 

Kapha traits include: 

·       Large, well-formed frame, usually short but can be tall and large

·       Cold and damp skin texture

·       Thick and lustrous hair

·       Firm joints

·       Moderate circulation

·       High immune function and high endurance 

·       Often relaxed and calm

·       Have a strong pain threshold and a strong will power.  

·       Tolerant, composed, patient, calming and forgiving

·       Metabolism tends to be slow, making them sluggish

·       Prone to respiratory disorders

·       Heart disease is a risk they face

·       Needs motivation, otherwise can get depressed

·       Caring in nature and shows empathy

·       Emotional over eating

·       Stubborn, possessive and greedy

·       Trusts others

·       Wise and mature

·       Happy

Anyone can experience kapha imbalances, though the kapha-dominant individuals are more prone to them.

• Excess mucous in the body

• Slow/sluggish bowel movements

• Increase in body weight

• Thick white tongue coat

• Sinus congestion

• Depressed metabolism

• Fatty accumulation in the arteries

• Mucoid diarrhea

• Pre-diabetes

• Cold/cough/runny nose

• Hay fever

• Cold sweats

• Excess urination

• Excess ear wax

• Oily skin and hair

• Poor sense of taste and smell

• Lethargy and drowsiness

 Ayurveda also uses elemental medicine to balance out imbalances in earth, fire, water, air and ether in the body. As mentioned above, Ayurveda places great emphasis on helpful changes to diet (with consideration of the six tastes and whether a food stuff has a heating or cooling effect on the body), lifestyle factors (including exercise, rest, yoga, meditation), massage and herbal medicines to bring a person back to health, and keep them there, promoting natural immunity and a more balanced and harmonious state of being on all levels.

To find out more please see here - https://www.beinspiredby.co.uk/ayurvedic-consultations

The snow moon squeeze!

The snow moon was healing and illuminating in its intensity. Phew. Not only was it difficult to sleep, but it flip-flopped us between extreme tiredness and hyper energy. It was helping to heal core beliefs if we allowed it and also shine a light into more personal and collective shadows but in quite a life changing way.

I had read that it coincided with us going through the photon belt, which fascinated me as I don’t know much about this. The first website I came to on a google search read this:

“Can you feel it? The pace of life has gotten so fast that you can barely keep up with it. It’s not that you are getting old, tired, or lazy. The worst possible thing you could do now is try and keep up with the hectic flow of life.

A better choice would be to simplify your life. Get a smaller home. Work close to home or, even better, work from home if you can. Trim the excess from your life the best that you can. If it isn’t essential to your life, then let it go for now. Make peace with yourself and let go of the inner conflict.

Resolve to love and care for yourself unconditionally. Earth has entered new territory. The old earth paradigm will no longer work; in fact, it hasn’t worked for a long time. Let go of worn-out traditions and cultural expectations. Go within and do what feels right for you, even if it goes against societal norms.”

It resonated! Yes! Admittedly we are all being forced to slow down, lockdown does that to you, but I resonated with the article in other ways. It was interesting timing too as I had just finished an email discussion with my cousin about the lessons we are being encouraged to learn about slowing down and appreciating that happiness cannot be bought and doesn’t come from controlling others either, contrary to what media may tell us.

A previous trauma was finally healed for me over this moon cycle and I cannot tell you the relief, it has been almost 20 years of trying to clear it from my body so that I am no longer holding an emotional resonance. I might be kidding myself, but I feel different, finally free and able to see the blessing in the curse. I’m pretty certain that every trauma brings with it a gift if we can heal ourselves and let go of our story around our wounding and victimhood. 

To do this, we need to release ourselves from any vested interest we may have in holding on to what has happened to us. We have to remember that it was in the past and the longer we hold onto it, the more we allow it to negatively impact on our present reality and our ability to move on in a lighter, freer and more compassionate way. I had been trying to let go, for a good while now, but there was a sticking point, as is often the case, but finally the vested interest dropped away – sometimes the pain of holding on is greater than the pain of letting go. 

When we finally recognise the gift and the new beginnings this brings, then we wonder why we held on for so long in the first place! Nature abhors a vacuum and we will know that we have created a vacuum when we feel stuck. The only choice then, other than sticking our head in the sand and pretending all is OK, when it clearly isn’t, is to do something about it, to have the courage to really go in and own it, truly own it, however uncomfortable the feeling. We can do it! The moon will help! It’s for the good of the collective!

There was more though, because the light was bright, especially the light flooding through our blinds that Thursday night! It illuminated for me a shadow around ‘agendas’. I started to see through some of the media and political crap that is based on agenda rather than truth or purity of heart. This made me curious, not least because I had been blinded to it previously (opposed to put my head in the sand and pretend it is not happening), and how much it was detrimentally affecting me.

 Here I continued to voice my concerns around the optional nature of ‘human rights’ in times of pandemic, quite in contrast to advice from the WHO or the UN. Let alone the uber conservative approach and proliferation of fear here on Guernsey about a virus that we are, one way or another, going to have to live with, if the fear and the loneliness, let alone the loss of mental and emotional wellbeing don’t kill us first, as has sadly been the reality for a few who chose to take their own lives locally, to say nothing of those who are dying while still living (I think of care homes…).

This wasn’t meant to be a rant, more so a sharing, because I know that others felt it too, that they could see more clearly the crap that we are fed. I read a letter someone had written to the local paper saying that he hadn’t wanted the vaccine but decided he needed to put his blind faith in the pharmaceutical companies and government for they surely must have his best interests at heart, I’m not a conspiracy theorist or antivax (I want to stress that) but I did think that man was a braver man than me, the only people I put my blind faith in are neither wealthy or powerful people seeking more wealth or power, but the Goddess, the angels and the divine!

 It made me laugh the coincidence of the timings, because as I was thinking about blogging about this, a soul friend sent me a copy of a blog post by Caitlin Johnstone, which validated exactly how I was feeling: “Just as clouds are always water droplets in the air no matter what shapes they take, news stories are only ever one dynamic playing out with different appearances. There is only ever one news story on any given day, and it is always the same news story: wealthy and powerful people seek more wealth and power, and narratives are spun to advance these agendas.”

This feeds in well with where the moon illuminations were taking me to a conversation I was having with E about agendas, yoga teachers agendas as much as anything else, but it got me thinking about my own agenda as a yoga teacher, because we can see clearly others’ agendas when we have recognised it in ourselves. I was questioning how much our motivation for what we do is based on what we might gain in terms  of fame and/or fortune, and in turn how much of what we do is then based on outcome.

I’ve been pondering this quite a bit recently, and the full moon helped me to come to terms with my own inadequacies in this regard, the times when my motivation for teaching has not been of pure heart, where I have been driven by the need for recognition, as if to validate my self-worth, to be someone, fame then, and at other times the draw of the fortune and being wealthy as if this might also prove my worth in the world and provide a sense of security that is otherwise lacking.

I’ve worked with both of these a lot this year as those of you who read this blog regularly will know so I have made progress in letting go of the insecurities and the inherent cultural, educational and societal conditioning, which might have previously driven me to seek fame and fortune in the first place. But still, I had to ask myself this full moon, what is my agenda for doing what I do, is it purely from a place of heart and joy? On the whole yes, but it is a conscious awareness, because it is very easily to be side tracked by the idea of fame and fortune along the way as it is sooo ingrained in us all.

But it’s more than that. It comes down to our dharma, and our sacred truth, and doing what we are here to do, whether we want to or not,  but because we recognsie that it is our duty. It’s one of the central messages of the Bhagavad Gita, that each and every one of us is born with this sacred duty that we must fulfil during this lifetime, whether that be being a warrior (like Ajuna in the Bhagavad Gita) or a mum or daughter etc. It’s the sacred duty that sustains the cosmos, society and individual, and helps us to recognise the blessing in the burden.

The other theme relevant here is the lesson about doing our duty but not being concerned with the results, in so much as the fruits of our actions are not for our enjoyment and even while working we should give up the pride of doership, and yet not get attached to inaction. Basically when we are focused purely on the job we are less distracted by the potential results – not attached to outcome! There is of course a spiritual nature to this too – that our actions are for the good of humanity, not for us individually. 

Mahatma Gandhi and Mother Teresa were embodiments of this wisdom. They were both selfless in their service to mankind. It was not for their enjoyment that they acted and behaved the way that they did, but because of pure heart and a motivation to fulfil their duty in their lifetime with an awareness of the spiritual inherent within this. They did not seek validation of their efforts through fame or power, nor were they concerned about the value of their work and being recognised or praised for this. They valued what they did, because it came from God (however you define this) and their relationship with him/her directly.

It’s inspiring and also motivating, if that’s the right word, the idea that we may each of us live according to this wisdom, of doing what is ours to do and leaving the rest for those better placed to do it. To do without expectation of gain or of validation, but do for the sheer joy of doing, taking responsibility, living our duty. Unfortunately though, not all of humanity can be so selfless, and most are orientated towards outcome and fame and fortune being right up there under the illusion of success. 

Still it doesn’t matter what others do, it can only ever be about ourself, and settling more fully into our own truth and our own heart. It’s always easy to deceive ourselves, just as we are so easily deceived by others who we believe should have our best interests at heart. So we need to be careful, discerning, compassionate and gentle. The moon was helping us see more of this, and to be all these things. It’s still squeezing even now, like an aftershock, we may still feel agitated and aggrieved, until the energy settles again and we can find a new balance and a new way of being…if the photon belt theory is to be believed that we are ascending, those of us who want to that is, and others are opting out, which way will you go?

Matangi - The Creative Process

This week’s yoni yoga focused on Matangi, one of the ten Mahāvidyas, who has been associated with creativity and the creative process. I like Matangi. I like all the Goddesses really, they’re each relevant at certain moments in our lives, but there’s something about Matangi which talks to me, especially at this time.

As Uma Dinsmore-Tuli writes, “Matangi is the outcaste or ‘untouchable’ poet who stands at the edges of conventional society. She is a visionary, wild and free from social constraints of any kind. She is associated here with manifesting the śakti, (powerful energy) in creative expression. Her special siddhi is the capacity for abundant creativity and the expression of unique vision. 

To access this siddhi requires a consciously surrendered participation: for to create and manifest anything, be it a book or a dinner, a yoga festival or a vegetable garden, requires that we surrender entirely to the cyclical processes of creativity. Creativity may involve ecstatic outpourings that are joyous and free, but it always also involves spending time in uncertain places which are frightening and unknown, times when all there is to do is wait (for the seeds to germinate, for the bread to rise, for the editor to get back with the comments on the manuscript). All these aspects of creativity are part of the process. Matangi’s great power is to be equally at home in all of these phases.”

All of life, at all times, is unknown and uncertain, but never has this been highlighted to us more so than now during an outbreak of coronavirus and the resulting lockdown where life as we knew it has stopped, at least for now. We are reminded that all of life is uncertain and unknown and this is difficult for people because it brings up inherent fears, all sorts of fears, around personal safety and stability in an ever changing world. We crave solid ground, something concrete, something that we can anchor ourselves too; in short, something known.

 The creative process thrives on uncertainty and it thrives on those places that can’t always be known. It takes us into those uncertain and unknown places too, where we don’t know if we can do it, create it, write it, paint it, grow it, bake it, plan it, make it. And yet there are times when we know we have to create for our very survival, write, paint, grow, bake, get on with it, express that part of ourselves demanding our attention whether we’re ‘good at it’ or not. 

As a child I loved creative writing, and as a teenager I enjoyed writing poetry. I attempted writing a book but never got to the ending. At university I stuck with poetry, usually late at night when I was all alone, in that quiet and still time when others are asleep and the air is stiller somehow, smoking cigarettes or joints, making drinking wine, listening to Native America Indian music or Deep Forest or Pink Floyd, something that took me to a deeper part of myself, that was craving expression, my soul perhaps.

After university I joined ‘the real world’, as I was told, and any hope I had of making a career out of writing was short lived, there was a finance job instead, with professional exams and therefore endless studying that didn’t allow time for creative writing or much poetry.  There was still poetry though. Generally drunken, despairing poetry, the soul dropping farther and farther away so that I barely recognised myself anymore, I’d even cut my hair short, corporate haircut. 

Depression slipped in, it’s no surprise, I’ve always had a feeling the depression was the darkness of a life devoid of soul and creativity, suppressed, not allowed expression, dead to the world, treading water, heart sunken, joyless, even the poetry dropped away for a bit, tortured soul, breathe. PMS settled in, I wrote about this in the Tārā post, hormones all over the place, the creative voice deep within yearning for expression; the soul expresses itself creatively, is manifest in this world. 

Yoga arrived finally and Reiki soon too, brought about by marathon running and the depression that overwhelmed me, and I’m grateful to whatever it was that called that in - we have to ask ourselves what is it that connects us to our destiny? It’s like the breathe, what calls that in? I’m grateful to whatever it is, angels, spirit, the sacred...we are all of us connected, energy. Even before then though, as I stated living more of my dream for travel, I started to write again, travel emails home and then an article for the local paper, poetry appeared again, but it was the yoga and Reiki that helped me to get over my insecurity slowly, slowly.

A year into my yoga practice I realised that all I wanted to do was travel the world, practice yoga and write about it, and that’s basically what I did for ten years, until Elijah appeared but even then we still kept travelling so I could practice and write about it. By then I had published articles in a couple of yoga magazines and other publications, but I still hadn’t managed to write a book, the ultimate dream, which lay heavily on me, felt like a weight, would I ever manage it one day?

I’d written the first draft of Namaste by then but I’d not taken kindly to the first edit, when the book was really in its infancy and I was in my infancy as an author and I set the book aside, concluded it wasn’t good enough, I wasn’t good enough, without truly appreciating that there is a process to creating and that’s it’s not an altogether easy or straightforward one, which will take you into that void where you just want to give up but you can’t give up, not really, not when you have already invested so much in it. But now I had a child to look after and a job in finance that took a lot of energy. 

It was around then that Uma appeared in my life. I can’t remember the exact details now, which surprises me because I tend to remember those moments where something happens, someone comes in, and life changes. Regardless, I’m grateful to the ‘something’ that connected us, she was the answer to my prayers, bringing with her this beautiful womb yoga practice and yoga nidra. Both practices awoke something in me, made me listen to that deeper voice within that wouldn’t let me give up, that kept whispering in my ear that I needed to get back to writing, regardless of my other commitments, that I needed to prioritise it.

Elijah’s arrival, in my womb, the seat of our creation awoke something too, and even though we had conceived by IVF, there was still a deep creative process, the birth, crickey if ever there is a creative process let alone the pregnancy itself, taking me on a journey that I could never had expected, that was fraught with the unexpected what with the unknown and the uncertainty of full grade placenta previa and a clinical birth in a hospital, where I was gifted the opportunity to truly surrender, but I couldn’t, I kept holding on and on and on, until he was already born and still I held on. 

I was too angry to write, anger suppresses my creativity, dampens my world, as if it puts out the fire that would otherwise burn brightly, causing the words to arrive and arrive, the paradox because fire feeds anger and anger feeds the fire, but not the fire of creative glow, not for me, I need water, watery water, tears are best, so that the words flow from that deeper glorious place, like the waves, no moment the same, timeless, time disappears, the rocks remain the same but the tide moves again, in and out, the moon glows overhead, day and night.

Dropping deeper into that space, creating new life, another pregnancy and by then a whole heap more yoga nidra and womb yoga and another book started to take shape, and then Eben’s arrival into the world. This too a pregnancy journey and a birth that brought with it the unexpected with waters breaking early on a full moon and another clinical birth ahead demanding a deep surrendering, the moon still glowing overhead, dancing in the garden in her light, contracting, and yet knowing it was now time. 

La Gran’mère du Chimquière was visited and she spoke a language that my soul needed to hear. I still can’t be sure what drew me to her, but whatever it is I have learned to trust it, it led me to yoga, to Uma, to answered prayers, the world works in mysterious ways. The deep surrender followed, the letting go, giving in, being with it, a zillion thanks always to Heather Reed for her compassion and kindness, and for being still such a part of my life, there’s a magic that brings people together at just the right time, and this is the creative process. There is a timing. Uma writes about this:

“A crucial aspect of Matangi’s power is correct timing. To maximise the force of her power, the delivery of her observations and/or creative offerings needs to be perfectly timed and placed…It is this aspect of timing that links Matangi so directly to the preceding Mahāvidyā, Kamalātmikā. Because the creativity she manifests, just like the sexual energy liberated by Kamalātmikā, both utterly depend for their power on correct timing. 

Just as there is no point in pressing a woman for sexual intercourse if she is too tired, or too premenstrual or otherwise at the wrong end of her particular cycle, so too there is no point in pushing for productivity in the reflective or evaluative phase of the creative cycle. Both siddhis – the capacity of sexual pleasure to lead us to experiences of cosmic loving connection, and the capacity of creativity to manifest with abundance – have their own particular cycles. Neither the natural flows of sexuality or creativity can be mapped by continuous linear progression. To receive the full power of either siddhi we need to respect the ebbs and flows of the cycles of their power”.

This recognition of the ebb and flow and the cycles of our creative potential is very true and there is absolutely a timing to it. The more I have embraced menstruation consciousness as a spiritual practice, the more I have recognised and embraced my cycle and the creative cycle which is intricately linked, so too then with the moon cycle and the cycle of nature and the ebb and flow of the light. 

Scarvelli-inspired yoga with its emphasis on settling into the unknown and the uncertain has deepened the connection to the inherent creativity, so it has entered a whole other dimension. It’s not that it frees the voice necessarily, although it does do that, but that it frees more of the sacred and the soul and reveals more of that which was previously hidden and stuck and sets it free, beyond any limitation which we might have put in its way, our core beliefs that prevent us living life fully and lead to us trapping ourselves in a conditioned sense of right/wrong and good/bad. It is this that speaks to me when I read about Matangi. As Uma writes:

“In specific relation to the creativity of women, Matangi represents the power of women’s creative voices to overturn or unsettle patriarchal patterns of accepted female behaviours and opinions. She pushes the boundaries and extends the limits of our horizons, so that when we manifest the power of our creative energies we can express what has previously been prohibited or reviled, and we can reveal what was hidden and forgotten…

…Matangi knows the consequences of her revelation: she understands the power of saying what others fear to admit. She is fully aware of the position in which such observations place her and of her role as an object of fear and censure. So Matangi’s voice is brave, and terrifying to those who are constrained by fear to live their lives according to propriety and expectations. She rattles people, pokes holes in their comfortable boxes of convention, and embarrasses the cowed and silent by singing out loud and clear.”

It’s this aspect of Matangi that really draws me to her, stepping out of the box and having the courage and the strength to say it in a way that tries to awaken people and shake them from the binds that keep them enslaved and asleep, that prevents them from questioning and blindly following a path expected of them. We need more women to embrace Matangi and speak their truth, however uncomfortable that might be for everyone else, for patriarchy especially, so subtly entrenched in our society that we don’t even notice it, even us women, a victim to it.

Uma’s sharing is fascinating, for she helps me to see another side, awakens me to the extent that I too am limited by cultural expectations, as she shares: “Sadly, many limits and constraints have been placed by our culture upon women’s creativity. Traditionally almost every dimension of our capacity to create has been curtailed and controlled, with the possible exception of our capacity to birth and mind babies and to make homes and meals for our families and for the families of those who are richer and more powerful than us. Successive waves of feminist activism have brought welcome changes to this state of affairs, and certainly today having babies and cooking are no longer the only spheres of creativity in which women can be expressive. But this is a very recent shift.

Even in the traditionally acceptable spheres of women’s creativity, the domestic realms of childbirth and homemaking, and even now, when you get right up to the top level of power-holding, our culture tends to hand even these womanly expressions of creativity back over to the men and to value their contributions more highly than those of women. For although women may birth babies and midwives may help them, it is the (usually, male) obstetricians who get paid ten times the rate of the midwives, and make the policies in the birthing units and labour wards. 

And though it is mostly women who are making homes and meals at the everyday, mundane level of getting food on the table every teatime and ensuring that the domestic environment is at least relatively non-toxic and that there is somewhere to sit down that is not covered in dirty laundry and Lego, most of the top paid TV celebrity chefs, restauranteurs and folks with their phots on the food packets tend to be men, and most of the wealthiest interior designers and retailers of home-making products, for example the CEOs of global homemaking powers like Ikea and Habitat, tend to be men. All this gives a clear message to women that although we  may be creative in the domestic sphere, out there, what really matters, and where the big money is to be made, it’s a man world, just like everything else, and so to compete with the guys you needs to play the game their way or back out”.

And in the creative field it does sometimes feel as if there is a game to play, at least if you hope to earn any money from it. A few years ago I contacted Hay House publishing about publishing a book, having self-published thus far and I was told that it didn’t matter so much about the quality of the book, but on the number of social media followers I had, and at that time I had none as I had come off all social media so I got a big fat no! There’s a game to be played if you’re up for it, but there’s also another way, our own way, in our own time and with our own voice finding its way. 

There is no doubt that the true creative process will take us into the unknown and the uncertain. The deep creative power that this process may reveal, as we explore more of those deep and luscious places within, will extend the boundaries of existing knowledge and present new perspectives to us that take us into those unknown and uncertain places within us! This can be both scary and messy and yet incredibly liberating, as we discover more of us than we had previously realised, stripping away our conditioning and setting ourselves free. 

This process is not easy, as it breaks down our self-imposed boundaries, our conventional belief system and all we thought was real, the norm then, even if it is not serving us, but its known and certain and gives a sense of stability, until it is broken, so we cultivate courage and we learn to settle into the messiness instead, where life is infinitely more colourful, brighter lived, on an edge of madness and sheer brilliance, to know the soul, like Lalla, and dance, like the moon, in Uma’s words, “a visionary wild and free from social constraints of any kind”, like Matangi, prepared to stand up for what she believes, free, free, free.

 Coronavirus and lockdown especially, with the emphasis on the unknown and the uncertain has ushered in this void of creative potential for those who have stepped away from the fear, the visionaries, those dancing, tapping the edge, exploring more of the space within. This is a time for Matangi, for people to speak up, be wild and free, and I am grateful to her for setting me free, for helping me to give voice to that which others won’t say, and for living life beyond the ordinary, for waking us up if we allow ourselves to be touched by the creative.

If you’re struggling creatively, you’ve written the book but you’re scared to edit it, you’ve drawn the picture but you’re anxious to share it, you have the business idea but you’re scared to turn it into reality, you’re trying to conceive but there’s something stopping you, you’ve turned your hand to baking but you worry others will reject your cakes, you’re keen to get growing but you don’t think you know enough, you’re keen to chant and sign but you don’t think you’re voice is good enough. If there’s some core belief getting in your way, some unhelpful core belief that makes you feel insecure, scared, anxious or somehow worried about your worthiness and how you will be received/judged by others, then you need to look at that.

It’s easy to put your head in the sand and just accept things as they are, but we are all of us inherently creative, it is part of being human and often the only thing getting in our way is us and our own insecurities. So step into them, notice all your excuses, look honestly at them, these obstacles, reframe them and get going, small steps so you won’t get overwhelmed. If you want to write, write, don’t worry about your audience or how you might write a best seller, just get writing, for the sheer love of it. It’s the same with all of it, do it because you love doing it, it doesn’t matter what anyone else things.

The soul seeks expression and will be so happy if you just get on with it. Start noticing your cycles too, because there will be a part of your cycle, whether you are menstruating or not there is still a cycle,  where you will feel more in your creative space than at other times. So embrace those times and try not to force yourself to be creative when the time just doesn’t feel right. Go for a walk instead, lie on your mat and enjoy a yoga nidra. The time will come and then you just got to embrace it. 

Kamalātmikā: Opening to female sexuality

I’ve been procrastinating about writing about the third Mahāvidyā, the third goddess that I shared at yoni yoga last Sunday, Kamalātmikā, because her power is the capacity for experiencing pleasure and delight in abundance; she is sexuality and intimacy! We don’t tend to have intimate conversations, even with those with whom we are most intimate, intimacy brings up our greatest vulnerability and there’s a certain intimacy in even writing about sexuality! 

Kamalātmikā is the radiant goddess of delight, she is always associated with abundance, love and beauty. Of all the Mahāvidyās, it is only Kamalātmikā who is always beneficent, all the others have weapons or fearful aspects. It is Kamalātmikā alone whose abundance and grace is always generous and giving. As Uma Dinsmore-Tuli writes: 

“In relation to sexuality, Kamalātmikā’s radiant beauty and abundant generosity reveal the deep and continuous capacity for delight that experiences of conscious sexual fulfilment can bring throughout our lives. Hers is a powerful siddhi that connects us with the power of pleasure as a spiritualising force. When we explore the full spectrum of female sexuality, then the experience of the spirit of sexuality not only includes pleasures we bring to ourselves and those we share with others, but may also include periods of celibacy.”

As the tenth Mahāvidyā she often stands beside Kālī and their relationship is deep. Kamalātmikā is the beauty and delight unfolded into the physical and material realm, whereas Kālī is the beauty of the void from which everything manifests, and it is only by absolute surrender to Kālī that the true grace of Kamalātmikā can shower upon us – surrendering is not always easy as we know, it can be very messy, and nowhere more are we required to surrender than in the quest for deep sexual pleasure and orgasm as a form of spiritually-orientated blissful experience. 

Uma writes, “If we are attracted to the power of delight and pleasure on a superficial level – for example if we pursue sexual experience for the gratification of unconscious needs or the acquisition of status and power – then, inevitably the lotus goddess of delight will show her other form, and the hands that shower down the golden coins and abundant water will become the hands that hold the bloody chopper and the severed head. The immense power of pleasure is, when pursued without consciousness of its spiritual dimension, a potentially destructive force that can deplete, demean and/or disempower us.”

So it goes that Kamalātmikā shows us that sexual fulfilment is not so much delight and pleasure at a superficial level but an opportunity to access much deeper parts of being, that literally enable us to access more of the bliss body, of pure being. This can be healing, not least because of the depth of surrender that is involved, beyond our inherent vulnerability,  but in the way that this enables us women to step into – and unblock – our power, allowing shakti, the female creative essence, to flow where it is most needed.

Uma argues that “if our relationship with the siddhi of Kamalātmikā becomes distant, if we lose our connection for whatever reason with the true nature of our sexuality, then we become exiled from the source of our identity and vitality…We have long been exiled. The deep freedom of loving sexual expression as women is our motherland. But we’ve been away so long we don’t even know what it feels like to come home”.

The term ‘yoni’ means cunt, vulva, womb, source, home, or place of rest. We return home when we connect with this space in our body, upon which yoni yoga and Uma’s womb yoga is centred. It is a deeply healing approach to yoga practice for it literally helps us to come home to ourselves, in the very place of power (shakti) in our bodies. It enables us, if we allow it, to take us to deeper places in ourselves that we didn’t even know we were exiled from until we feel the depth of sensation and surrendering that an awareness here brings. 

 Female sexuality is not something that is freely talked about such is our cultural and societal limitations. This is a culture that still regards menstruation as shameful and should be invisible. This is a culture that teaches women to ignore the ebb and flow of their cycle and pop themselves on a pill through fear of pregnancy and termination, and in the process disconnecting them from the naturally arising cycles of sexual desire, and denying them the opportunity for inner understanding of the links between menstrual cycle, sexuality and fertility.

 This is a culture that lies to women about what to wear and the various cosmetic, depilatory and surgical activities, which are frequently undertaken to try to ensure that the female body is  considered glamorous and sexually attractive to men according to standards set by those in the porn industry. I could write at length at the myriad ways that women are asked to sell out on themselves trying to be something that ultimately takes them away from an authentic encounter with the energises of their own unique sexuality.

Instead they sell out to patriarchy and capitalism, giving up true beauty and the spiritual power of genuine and loving sexual encounter, because they are told that this is how it should be. It’s not just the pill that is the problem, but the whole deal, the high heels that suffocate feet and damage spines, the surgical alteration of breasts and vagina, the wearing of toxic chemicals in the quest to ‘smell nice’, and the potential damage done by wearing underwired bras, which have been the focus of debates as to whether or not the wearing of them contributes to breast cancer. 

Deadly to women too, and as Uma writes, is the “repeated experiences of conventional thrusting hetero-sex that involves rhythmic friction between penis and vagina without prior adequate female sexual arousal, such as that practised in most bedrooms and aggressively promoted on every porn channel/internet site in the world, causes long-term damage and desensitisation of female genitalia, to the point where many women are unable to experience vaginal, uterine or G-spot/blended orgasm. Tied into the expression of women’s sexuality is also a deep fear of the dangers to which it makes us vulnerable; the dangers of verbal and physical abuse, of public humiliation and rape. Our culture permits hardly any safe spaces for the genuinely free exploration and expression of female sexuality”.

It’s a sorry state of affairs where women are encouraged to sell out on themselves, give up on their inner arisings and feelings in the quest to look a certain way to encourage sexual desire in others. This so subtle too, that we don’t even realise that we are fulfilling cultural expectations rather than allowing our own greater fulfilment, sexually and spiritually too. I know from my own experience how difficult it is to break free from this conditioning, to understand the extent to which “our culture’s conventional definition of female sexuality truly is an empty shell”, as Uma writes.

Yet when we do it can be truly liberating, to appreciate the extent that our sexuality is not based on outward experience, but comes from a much deeper place within, that cannot be bought or manipulated, that doesn’t involve us changing our breast size or the shape of our labia or shaving our pubic hair, or wearing make-up and certain clothes or shoes, or wearing our hair a certain way, or being on the pill and sexually available at all times to meet the needs of someone else, regardless of whether we feel sexually aroused or not. No, this comes from a very different place. 

The trouble comes in trying to access this deeper place. If we have experienced sexual trauma and termination for example, or a relationship that left us feeling extremely vulnerable and sexually-used then it can take time to release these experiences from our bodies, to allow ourselves to open to pleasure when all we have felt in this most sacred of places in our bodies is pain. I know from my own embodied experience how tricky this journey can be, how there are layers and levels to the pain and the holding on that prevent us from truly surrendering to any potentially pleasurable and delightful moment of bliss, spiritual or not. 

It was only through discovering Uma and her womb yoga that I began to release that which was holding me back from finding my way back home again, and this motivated in part yoni yoga, which took me into these places where the shame, anger and sadness was still held. It was these places that revealed themselves to me when my body was positioned a certain way in my practice that caused a jolt of memory, forgotten memory, such was the pain that caused me to pop the feelings and the experience into the back of my mind, and deep into my body where I could ignore them and not feel.

It was Scaravelli-inspired yoga though where the true release came. I knew that I needed to re-discover my ability to be intimate, to touch those lost parts of self that I knew were longing for expression, but that I couldn’t access. I could have continued my life as it was, in a loving relationship with a soul mate and the depth of intimacy and pleasure that that brings and yet knowing that there was another level even to this if I could allow the healing that I began to appreciate needed to take place.

I kept wondering how and then going back to sleep again, it was easier to resign myself to it than do anything about it, mainly because I didn’t know what to do about it, it’s not a conversation I have had with anyone other than a gentle soul friend in a snatched conversation on the beach before children interrupted our quick intimacy. I prayed for help as it happens, prayed to be shown the way that I might take to find my home again. 

In came Scaravelli-yoga and this took me to the soft places, the gateways and the sacred spaces where I had no choice but to peel back layer upon vulnerable layer, back to source, to reconnect to those deeper parts of self that had frozen in time with traumatic experience, sexual and otherwise, the clinical nature of IVF doesn’t help, in those moments lived that somehow tore at the very heart of me and caused me to effectively shut down from feeling the depth of pleasure, that I might have felt more effortlessly prior to these painful experiences, that prevented me from truly surrendering. 

There is a connection between the ‘low heart’ of the sacral chakra, home of the sexual organs, and the ‘high heart’ of the heart chakra. When the energy of the low heart is blocked by trauma, abuse, or any belief around sex not being enjoyable, then there will be an impact in the high heart too. It’s not just the low heart that suffers but the high heart too, and when we heal the lower heart we heal the higher heart too. I touch more on this in my book, From Darkness Comes Light, but you’ll need to wait for that as it is still being edited! 

There’s always a vulnerability in sharing so intimately but I believe it is time that we are more honest with ourselves as women and with each other women too. For we have been exiled for too long, selling out on ourselves, seeking validation for our sexual power in all the wrong ways. I know now that it is not something that is necessarily seen in outward appearance, but is an energy, something that can heal us and bring us home to ourselves in a very real way, that is not only a physical experience but is deeply spiritual too if we allow it and let go of what we think it is in the first place.

If you have found your way to these words and you know on some level, as much as you might ignore it, that there is healing needed, work to be done, a deeper connection to be made, a coming home to that sacred place, the yoni, then it is time now my friend to take the leap and slowly let go of all you thought it might be, to see what instead might reveal itself to you when you go gently…into…that…space. Slowly too. Slowly is best. 

Find womb yoga, yoni yoga, Scaravelli-inspired yoga, an approach to practice that is both intimate and healing, pray, ask for guidance and be prepared to follow what opens itself to you. Go easy. Take your time. Invite Kamalātikā into your life and let her guide you. I’ll leave you with this quote by Annie Sprinle, in Foreqard to Sundahl, 2003, which I copy from Uma’s truly amazing book, Yoni Shakti: 

 “Our sexuality is not only something that can be used for the enhancement of intimate relationships, for physical pleasure, or procreation. It can also be used for personal transformation, physical and emotional healing, self-realisation, spiritual growth and as a way to learn about all of life and death. An honest, sexually knowledgeable woman, or group of women, is a divine and extremely powerful force that not only can inspire other women, but also have the potential to contribute to the well-being of all life on earth”.

Lockdown, nature and the next generation

I was delighted to read that Anne Longfield, England Children’s Commissioner, has said that children must be the priority after the pandemic. In her final speech after six years in the role, she said it was a “terrible thing” that “most of their lives would have got worse” during the pandemic.

This comes after warnings that children may be “losing all hope for their future” as surveys suggest young people’s mental health is worsening, partly due to the fallout from Covid-19. It’s not just rising levels of mental health that are concerning, but rising levels of abuse and neglect and the potential harm being done to the development of babies.

Research shows that the first two to three years of a baby’s life is the most crucial period of human development and it is believed that if children fall behind then they can find themselves at a lifelong disadvantage. Due to lockdown, babies have not been able to benefit from the stimulus of social contact that is vital for their development. Furthermore mothers are denied the support they need at this most confusing and exhausting time during the post-natal period (two years from birth). 

The BBC reported that “There was an alarming 20% rise in babies being killed or harmed during the first lockdown, Ofsted's chief inspector Amanda Spielman has revealed. Sixty four babies were deliberately harmed in England - eight of whom died. Some 40% of the 300 incidents reported involved infants, up a fifth on 2019. Ms Spielman [Ofsted’s chief inspector] believes a "toxic mix" of isolation, poverty and mental illness caused the March to October spike. Health staff and social workers were hampered by Covid restrictions. And many regular visits could not take place, while others were carried out remotely, using the telephone or video links.”

Ms Spielman also said: "The pandemic has brought difficult and stressful times. Financial hardship, loss of employment, isolation, and close family proximity have put extra pressure on families that were already struggling. Poverty, inadequate housing, substance misuse and poor mental health all add to this toxic mix. You'll be well aware of the increase in domestic violence incidents over the summer - just one symptom of the Covid pressure cooker." 

Over a quarter of all incidents reported to the child safeguarding practice review panel during 2019 involved non-accidental injuries to babies so there was already a concern about violence to babies let alone infants and older children. This often involves children being abused by young parents, or other family or household members, who have very little social support. The BBC reported “that the President of the Association of Directors of Children's Services Jenny Coles said Covid-19 was exacerbating many of the difficulties that families face and putting more vulnerable babies at even more risk. "The pandemic has seriously disrupted a key line of sight into the lives and homes of many families."

The closure of schools has also been a concern, not least because schools provide a place for learning, but because they also offer community focus and support, and provide visibility for those children who may be subject to abuse, neglect and harm at home. These children are deprived not only of an education, but of the lifeline that is provided to them through the school environment – for many it is the one place they feel truly safe.  

Professor Russell Viner, president of the Royal College of Paediatrics and Child Health said, “when we close schools we close their lives”. In a meeting with MPs on the Education Select Committee earlier this month he was reported by the BBC as saying that “the pandemic has caused a range of harms to children across the board from being isolated and lonely to suffering from sleep problems and reduced physical activity – alongside school closures all children’s sport is currently banned”.

It’s not just the closure of schools that is an issue, but as Ms Spielman touched on above, the additional stress that the pandemic has put on families generally. Increasing numbers of families are subject to rising levels of unemployment and financial insecurity, and those who have retained their jobs (many are living in fear of losing their jobs) are having to juggle deadlines and their children’s home-learning, let alone deal with the disruption to family life as a result of lives lived together during lockdown. This has undoubtably led to an increase in domestic violence. 

The BBC reported, “Domestic abuse has increased across the UK and the world during the coronavirus lockdowns, organisations have reported. The United Nations called the global increase in domestic abuse a "shadow pandemic". In the UK, charities say there has been a surge in demand for services, while police forces have also recorded a rise in incidents.  Earlier this month, the UK's domestic abuse commissioner - whose role was set up last year - warned that demand for services was only going to increase further.”

All of this was happening before lockdown, the abuse to babies and children, to women, to men, all of us in some way harming others, at times to the point of death, but Covid has shone a light onto this. Today, Labour Leader Sir Keir Starmer was reported by the BBC as saying, “Covid has exposed deep inequalities and injustices in society and the government needs to play a bigger role in the economy permanently. The UK’s collective sacrifice during the coronavirus pandemic must lead to a better future”

A vaccine, although it might well prevent unnecessary and early death, is not the only answer taken in isolation as if putting a sticking plaster on something already broken. We are broken! As a humanity we are sick and we are destroying our planet, the air is dirty, the water is polluted, the earth is plundered by mechanical processes, land is destroyed by fire and we’re even cluttering space now.  

The Progression, a voice for peace, social justice and the common good, says, “pollution is the world’s leading cause of death, ahead of tobacco use, drug and alcohol use, and even war. The Global Alliance on Health and Pollution study, drawing on data from the Institute for Health Metrics and Evaluation, frames pollution as one of the world’s largest, yet most neglected public health threats”.

This has to be our wake up call to look more honestly at the way we are each of us living and how this impacts on the collective, how as a society we need to find a way to live in harmony with all of life, including a virus. Fundamental to this is the need to take greater individual responsibility. This is the problem however: as a society we do not like to take responsibility. We have a medical model that does not encourage us to take responsibility, and we live in a blame and litigious culture that does not encourage us to take responsibility. At its root, we don’t know how to look after ourselves, not least our physical wellbeing but our mental, emotional and spiritual wellbeing too – living in greater harmony. 

In Ayurveda there is an emphasis on living in harmony with nature. My Ayurvedic doctor wrote, “As human beings, for us to thrive we cannot destroy other organisms created by Mother Nature. We all have to find our unique physiological and psychological balance in harmony with other living organisms. Coronavirus is also a living organism even though harmful to some human beings. It has its own place in this equation of life. If the body is in its optimum balance and correct pH level (according to Ayurveda – ushna and shita) it is harder for the virus to develop into a disorder even after entering the body. This is because the environment within the body would not be suitable for it to thrive.”

This is easier for some than it is for others. While there is increasing awareness of the metaphysical nature of our existence, in that we are more than just the body, a mind and spirit too, this has yet to infiltrate mainstream thinking. Even knowing that we are what we eat, what we think and how we live, many will not have access to the support they need to make changes in their lives to support their general wellbeing. Deprivation, poverty and inequality each have a role to play in health and wellbeing.  

The UK government has recently added an additional 1.7 million people to its shielding list due to a new algorithm which has attempted to identify those most at risk from Covid, and this is based on a combination of age, ethnicity, body mass index and other health conditions and postcode. This highlights the manner in which inequality, where you live, can play a significant role in your quality of life and your susceptibility to illness and to Covid especially.

Thus the answer is not natural immunity alone but on socio-economic factors. It is complex! But one thing is for sure, the virus is not going anywhere. I have said this since last March, that at some point we need to learn to live with it and the politicians are now recognising this. Matt Hancock was quoted by the BBC as saying that new treatments would play an important role in "turning Covid from a pandemic that affects all of our lives into another illness that we have to live with, like we do flu. That's where we need to get Covid to over the months to come".

Covid is highlighting our need for change. As Diana Bereford-Kroeger writes, “Lately something has gone wrong. Nature is reacting to undue pressures and the fallout is here now in the form of Covid-19. Although its exact origins are uncertain, the stresses resulting from lost native species and habitats, missing links on the food chain, particulate pollution, and other environmental factors related to human activity and climate change have surely helped create the atmosphere in which the virus is thriving and looking for human flesh as its host.”

We each have a responsibility towards ourselves and towards the next generation. But somewhere along the way we lost ourselves and we stopped caring about the world we are creating for our children, for the next generation. We got greedy, we started to sell out, we forgot about the simple pleasures in life, about love and family, we wanted fame and fortune and outward validation of our worth in the world; we wanted to make our lives safer, make the unknown known, ensure an outcome.

Then a virus comes in and shakes the very foundation of our world and we are placed into lockdown, gripped in fear. Like a rabbit caught in a headlight, the world has been startled and stuck in time, groundhog day, each day resembles the next, underground, with little consideration to the bigger picture, to the effect, our choice and freedom are taken away from us, trapped, a pressure cooker, the heat rising and with no release. But what other option is there? Every action has a consequence, even the most well intended. 

But the question remains, at which point do we consider that in our attempt to protect the vulnerable, we are instead creating greater vulnerability? Who is most vulnerable? Those birthing alone, those dying alone, those losing their minds because of loss of contact with the outside world, those suffering acute loneliness and anxiety and depression, those subject to domestic violence and abuse on a daily basis, women who can no longer protect their children, children who can no longer seek refuge in schools or with their friends and other family groups, those who long for connection, for love, for attention, denied all of this because of our healthcare system cannot cope, we are sick.

Don’t get me wrong, there is a very real loss, over two million people worldwide have died from Covid-19 over this year, albeit these figures include anyone who died from any condition but had Covid-19 in their system. I don’t envy any politician trying to weigh up all the odds, trying to find a way through a pandemic that so easily kills. But I do know that we have reached a point where we need to ask ourselves what it is that we are trying to achieve and to appreciate that the fundamentals of our society, the medical model and our approach to our health and wellbeing as much as our relationship to ourselves and to the planet needs to change. 

Lockdown is not working for everyone, especially not for our children (albeit mine are very happy during lockdown) and this needs to be our last lockdown. We are in lockdown because of the strain on the hospitals so there does need to be a focus on natural immunity and doing what we can to increase the health and wellbeing of our population. This requires us to look at how we are living, at the very fabric of society and make changes, reduce inequality, reduce pollution, start caring, providing greater support at grass roots, ensuring parents have the support they need to be able to raise healthy and contented children - this is mental and emotional support as much as financial. 

We need to let children be children, get outside, play and reconnect with nature, immerse themselves in it, so they start to recognise on a deep level that they are a part of nature, that nature is a part of us, that we are not separate from it and should stop destroying, plundering and raping it for our limited gain, because in the long run, it’s not just nature losing out, we lose out too. It’s not theorical – we really do need fresh air to breathe and fresh clean water to drink, these are fundamentals and should be a given. 

We need to each of us take greater responsibility for our mental, emotional and spiritual landscape. To look at our trauma and our harm done and do something about it, free ourselves from our own suffering, not keep blaming it on others, as if we alone are victims of circumstance. Babies and children are victims of circumstance, they have no choice, we need to make better choices for them, by being better versions of ourselves, owning our stuff and transforming our negativity into positivity, learning to love and cultivate greater compassion for self and all of humanity.

It honestly has to start with us. This is the way. By each of us doing what we can to reduce our own suffering and those who suffer because of this. We need to start envisioning a new world for us, and for the next generation especially, one of greater freedom from fear, and greater connection to nature. Nature makes us feel better. We need to live in, immerse ourselves in, stop selling out on it. It’s time to get out of our left brains, transform our education system into something beyond mere learning for the sake of learning, learning to tap into more of our intuitive, empathic and imaginative  nature, be more than we can possibly imagine. 

As Henry Ford famously said, “If You Always Do What You've Always Done, You'll Always Get What You've Always Got.” So let’s do things differently this time. Our health and wellbeing is paramount. There should be no going back. Anyone who is still holding onto the idea of the life ‘returning to normal’ needs to move on and get a better grip on reality. This is a change that the world needs, if only we can find the courage to make the changes that it is presenting to us, if we can acknowledge our fear of the unknown and keep moving forward, to a place of greater love and compassion for ourselves and all of life; greater harmony.

I’ll leave you with the wise advice of Diana Beresford-Kroeger “This invisible agent called a coronavirus is round, with a tight protein membrane like a football, so it has speed when aerosolized by a sneeze or cough. The glycoprotein tentacles give the virus its glue. Therefore, the separation of six feet you’re hearing about is important because a ball will travel only so far. These are the laws of physics. But there are other invisible agents that can help instead of harm us. The biodiversity of our forests brings us many of the medicines we use to cure what ails us. And forests emit some of these medicines in the form of a multitude of medicinal aerosols.

Go outside and find yourself a pine tree. The white pine, Pinus strobus, is the best for the east. Any native low growing pine is good for the western seaboard. The bigger pine, P. sabiniana, is the best. Take twenty minutes out of your life in the company of these evergreens at noontime. They produce three aerosol molecules called pinenes. Inhale deeply in the presence of one of these trees and the T-cells of your circulating blood will immediately increase, boosting your immune system for free. This effect of one visit will last for thirty days. This is true for men, women, and children.

Get out into the sunshine. The sun and your skin are connected in ways that are extraordinary. The sun does a quantum trick, producing a UV-B wavelength, changing the precursor Vitamin D on your exposed skin into Vitamin D3. This vitamin helps to fight viral diseases. Look up and enjoy the feeling of warm sun on your body. And, don’t be too clean. especially now. Yes, wash your hands and don’t touch your face, but that daily shower washes the vitamin protection away.”

If you live far from the embrace of a pine tree, there still are things you can do to copy Diana’s natural approaches to keeping a healthy state of mind. She suggests, for example, smiling. Smiling  boosts neiurotransmitters like dopamine and serotonin and decreases the cortisol levels in the body, which is part of the flight-and-fight response. If you reduce the cortisol, you give a boost to your body and heart. “Smile and take life as it comes”, she says. And if you don’t like smiling? “try prayer or finding a cow or stone to stare at. Generosity of thought brings cortisol levels down, and we can all afford to be generous” she finishes.

Expectant mums and right to a partner at birth and antenatal appointments in Guernsey

As You’ll know from my previous posts and my letters to the Guernsey Press and there was even a brief moment on Channel TV, I feel passionate about the rights of human beings and especially the rights of pregnant women on Guernsey during lockdown.

In an effort to try to help those women who have had their voice taken away from them through decisions made by the States of Guernsey, it was suggested I write to the CCA. The letter I wrote follows below.

I received a friendly and prompt response from Heidi Soulsby, who I very much respect. She says that she understands my concerns and how it would be the preference to have a companion at the birth of one’s child, but the decision falls under the mandate of HSC as part of its operational decision making, not CCA.

She explained that very difficult decisions are having to be made as the impact of COVID on the hospital is real and can be profound. She stressed that Guernsey only has one hospital and this has already experienced disruption due to a number of staff at all levels having to go into self-isolation - this is not a theoretical issue.

She very kindly offered to forward my letter to Deputy Brouard and ask at the next CCA meeting if he can look at whether anything further can be done to support mothers whilst we are in lockdown in light of the issues I raised.

I am hopeful that with decreasing rates of COVID, some of the stringent rules currently impacting expectant mums will be eased as part of the process of phasing out of lockdown. I do wonder if there is a broader picture here in respect of the need for a shift in perspective on birth generally. Even WHO stresses that a “good birth” does beyond having a healthy baby and stresses that each labour is different and that individualised and supportive care is the key to positive childbirth experience.

“We want women to give birth in a safe environment with skilled birth attendants in well-equipped facilities. However, the increasing medicalization of normal childbirth processes are undermining a woman’s own capability to give birth and negatively impacting her birth experience,” says Dr Princess Nothemba Simelela, WHO Assistant Director-General for Family, Women, Children and Adolescents. 

“If labour is progressing normally, and the woman and her baby are in good condition, they do not need to receive additional interventions to accelerate labour,” she says.

The article goes on to say that ‘Childbirth is a normal physiological process that can be accomplished without complications for the majority of women and babies. However, studies show a substantial proportion of healthy pregnant women undergo at least one clinical intervention during labour and birth. They are also often subjected to needless and potentially harmful routine interventions”.https://www.who.int/mediacentre/news/releases/2018/positive-childbirth-experience/en/

The need for intervention will likely only increase with the stress that expectant mums are under here in Guernsey especially now during lockdown but also with the medicalised approach to birth that we see here with the maternity services being located within the hospital.

Anything any of us can do to help raise awareness and keep the conversation open, with the hope of changing local attitudes towards birth (that it doesn’t need to be a clinical experience) and ensures that expectant mums and their partners have a voice and are empowered and feel safe to use it - can only be a positive thing for human rights generally.

….

Dear members of the CCA

Expectant mums and right to a partner at birth and antenatal appointments. 

I am writing to express my concern that expectant mums are still being denied the opportunity to be accompanied into theatre with a birth partner when requiring a Caesarean Section, and that expectant mums are also still denied the opportunity to take a partner with them to their antenatal scans. 

Expectant mum and birth partner during Caesarean Section

The World Health Organisation (“WHO”) strongly recommend supporting women to have a chosen companion during labour and childbirth, including during Covid-19: “When a woman has access to trusted emotional, psychological and practical support during labour and childbirth, evidence shows that both her experience of childbirth and her health outcomes can improve.  In Companion of choice during labour and childbirth for improved quality of care, WHO and HRP present updated information on the benefits of labour companionship for women and their newborns, and how it can be implemented as part of efforts to improve quality of maternity care. 

The current COVID-19 pandemic is no exception. 

WHO Clinical management of COVID-19: interim guidance strongly recommends that all pregnant women, including those with suspected, probable or confirmed COVID-19, have access to a companion of choice during labour and childbirth.

Again and again, research shows, that women greatly value and benefit from the presence of someone they trust during labour and childbirth.  A companion of choice can give support in practical and emotional ways. 

They can bridge communication gaps between a woman in labour and the healthcare workers around her, offer massage or hand-holding to help relieve pain, and provide reassurance to help her feel in control. As an advocate, a labour companion can witness and safeguard against mistreatment or neglect.   

The benefits of labour companionship can also include shorter length of time in labour, decreased caesarean section and more positive health indicators for babies in the first five minutes after birth.”

Please see this link to the full article, https://www.who.int/news/item/09-09-2020-every-woman-s-right-to-a-companion-of-choice-during-childbirth

Furthermore, and as you will know, human rights require public bodies to treat people with dignity and respect and to consult them about decisions and respecting their choices. Human rights law give expectant mums the right to receive maternity care, to make their own choices about their care and to be given standards of care that respect their dignity and autonomy as human beings. 

The Human Rights (Bailiwick of Guernsey) Law came into effect on 1st September 2006.The law incorporates the provisions set out in the European Convention on Human Rights into Bailiwick law. It also makes it unlawful for a public authority to act in a way which clashes with those provisions. The law ensures that everyone in the Bailiwick is entitled to the fundamental rights and freedoms of the European Convention on Human Rights.

The fundamental human rights values of dignity, autonomy and equality are often relevant to the way a woman is treated during pregnancy and childbirth. Failure to provide adequate maternity care, lack of respect for women’s dignity, invasions of privacy, procedures carried out without consent, failure to provide adequate pain relief without medical contraindication, and lack of respect for women’s choices about where and how a birth takes place, may all violate human rights and can lead to women feeling degraded and dehumanised.

Article 8 of the European Convention guarantees the right to private life, which the courts have interpreted to include the right to physical autonomy and integrity. The European Court of Human Rights has held that the right to private life includes a right for women to make choices about the circumstances in which they give birth. The separation of either parent from their newly born child also constitutes an interference with their (and their child’s) rights under this article 8 of the European Convention on Human Rights. 

Birthrights, a UK based organisation, protecting human rights in childbirth published legal advice on 12 February 2021, which states that, “The separation of either parent from their newly born child constitutes an interference with their (and their child’s) rights under article 8 of the European Convention on Human Rights. The circumstances of giving birth also engage the rights of the parents and the child under article 8.4. It is therefore wrong in law to suggest that “legislation” requires all parents who test positive for COVID-19 to self-isolate at all times. Being present during childbirth and at the neonatal stage may be necessary for the purposes of “medical assistance” or it may be necessary, depending on the facts of an individual case, to facilitate the exercise of article 8 rights.” JUDE BUNTING DANIEL CLARKE Doughty Street Chambers 29th January 2021. 

You can view the letter here: https://www.birthrights.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2021/02/Note-on-lawfulness-of-NHSE-Guidance-sent-to-client-09.02.2021.pdf

The WHO believes “high quality care” should encompass both service delivery and the woman’s experience: “Our new recommendations on intrapartum care set the global standard on the provision and experience of care during birth. The guidelines place the woman and her baby at the centre of the care model, to achieve the best possible physical, emotional and psychological outcomes.

Critical components of a woman-centred approach include: avoiding unnecessary medical interventions, encouraging women to move around freely during early labour, allowing them to choose their birth position and have a companion of their choice by their side. It also means ensuring privacy and confidentially and providing adequate information about pain relief.”

See more here, https://www.who.int/mediacentre/commentaries/2018/having-a-healthy-baby/en/

It shouldn’t even be a matter of law or human rights or the WHO’s guidance on childbirth, it should be a matter of compassion and respect. Any woman who has experienced Caesarean Section will know how important it is to have a birth companion present.  I have experienced two Caesarean Sections, one planned due to pregnancy complications and another emergency, due to early rupture of waters and perceived risk of infection. 

Like many, my partner and I conceived through IVF, suffering loss in the process. We also experienced the trauma of early pregnancy bleeding and pregnancy complications so that by the time of the birth, we had been on a stressful and traumatic journey to parenthood together and we were keen to see that through to fruition together. We are not unlike many other couples, the journey to conception can be challenging, and there are often losses and complications along the way.

Birth is also not without its challenges, not least because of inherent fear of stillbirth but because of the current-medicalised nature of birth and the fear that accompanies a clinical hospital environment. During my first pregnancy, due to complications with the placenta, there was a risk that I would require a general anaesthetic. This notion caused me to feel extremely stressed because both my partner and I wanted to be present at the birth of our firstborn and be a family together - finally. 

Fortunately a general anaesthetic was not required but I spent the first part of the procedure shaking uncontrollably (and yet trying to keep still for the spinal block), surrounded by people I didn’t know, in a clinical theatre that I had never seen before, with bright lights and noise, wearing only a thin hospital gown to protect what was left of my modesty. This was not the environment that I had wanted for birth.

I cannot express the relief I felt when my partner was finally admitted to theatre and stood beside me holding my shaking hand. He was not only a source of much comfort as my baby was essentially cut from me, but he was able to reveal the sex and be part of the ‘birthing process’, an experience neither of us will ever forget – we have the photos if we do, because we were permitted an iPad in theatre. He was also able to hold his son while my low blood pressure was stabilised, and be with me for the duration of time spent in recovery.

To have expected me to do this on my own, and denied my partner the right to be with us as a family and welcome his son into the world would have been cruel and unforgivable. Yet here in Guernsey we are expecting women to do this during the stress of lockdown too. 

The strict new rules that have been implemented at the PEH further compound this, which will undoubtably cause more women to require medical intervention than may otherwise have been necessary, resulting in a higher incidence of Caesarean section and more partners missing the birth of their babies. 

Surely birth partners in full PPE, having taken a Covid test every 96 hours prior to birth, and self-isolated, should pose no greater risk than theatre staff and midwives who are not subject to the self-isolation rules prior to birth. Further, the argument that theatre staff shouldn’t be burdened with caring for a partner is nonsense; they do this ordinarily (together with a  midwife and the kindness of the anaesthetist in my case) so what difference does it make now. 

There is a thin line between protecting the vulnerable and creating greater vulnerability. In the CCA’s effort to protect the elderly and most vulnerable from death through COVID-19 and to ensure that the medical services are not overrun, CCA is overlooking the vulnerability of expectant mums and the increased risk of birth trauma and resulting impact on mother, partner and baby post-partum, leading to mental, emotional and psychological issues at a later date. This is not a time to be ‘selling out’ on the next generation.

Taking a partner to an antenatal scan

I am also concerned that the current strict rules in place in the maternity unit resulting in expectant mums not able to take partners with them for antenatal scans are infringing on their rights.

Albeit in the UK, Birthrights has received legal advice stating that maternity services which prevent partners from attending scans, and don’t allow partners to be involved in the appointment remotely, may be acting unlawfully and unreasonably.

This legal advice prepared by Shu Shin Luh of Doughty Street Chambers with support from Irwin Mitchell concludes that “a blanket prohibition on the use of streaming or recording during antenatal appointments in circumstances where the support partner is unable to attend in-person with a pregnant woman is likely to be unlawful, discriminatory and violate both Articles 8 and 14 of the European Convention on Human Rights.”

It makes clear that “there is a well-established body of clinical evidence showing that partner participation in antenatal appointments and through a woman’s pregnancy improves maternal and foetal health.”

The advice mentions that there is compelling evidence that having a support partner present at antenatal appointments improves maternal and foetal outcomes for pregnant women, a finding backed by clinical studies and by the WHO, even in the context of the pandemic; and evidence of potential harm and risk of harm to pregnant women and their families of not facilitating partner participation at important clinical junctures of a woman’s pregnancy journey. 

Furthermore, the advice stipulates that, “the outright refusal to make arrangements to enable pregnant women to involve their partners in the antenatal appointments, either by streaming or recording the appointments would, in my view, engage Article 8 of the European Convention on Human Rights (“ECHR”) and the right to of both parents’ to their private and family life. It is my view that it will be difficult to identify any clear or proportionate justification for taking such extreme measures, particularly given strong policy reasons for encouraging and facilitating partner attendance as clinically beneficial to maternal and foetal health.” SHU SHIN LUH Doughty Street Chambers, 21 January 2021. 

You can read the full advice here https://www.birthrights.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2021/01/210114-Birthrights.Advice-filming-at-scans.pdf and the article from Birthright here https://www.birthrights.org.uk/2021/01/31/partners-should-be-able-to-join-maternity-scans-remotely-say-lawyers/. 

Again, perhaps it’s not until you have been an expectant mum attending a scan with a history of fertility and pregnancy complications that you appreciate the need for a partner to be present. 

Having experienced early pregnancy bleeding, I was extremely nervous attending the 12 weeks scans during both pregnancies, this after early pregnancy scans to confirm IVF pregnancy and continuation of pregnancy despite bleeding. There is a degree of ‘not being able to rest easily’ until passing 12-week scan threshold, when rates of miscarriage decrease, and expectant mums feel at greater ease of revealing the pregnancy publicly. 

The 20-week scan was equally as nerve racking if not more so, because at this scan the foetus is checked for visible abnormality. The sex of the foetus can also be revealed. It was at this scan that a problem with the placenta was identified and this required a transvaginal ultrasound, where a probe was inserted into the body. Regardless of any previous sexual trauma, it can be a stressful experience and I would have felt desperately uncomfortable having this transvaginal scan conducted without my partner being present in the room with me.  

Not only that but many women have suffered miscarriage and are highly stressed ahead of any scan. My friend who is 20-weeks pregnant attended a scan on her own here in Guernsey last week, this after attending a 12-week scan during her first pregnancy and discovering that there was no heartbeat. To have expected her to attend a 20-week scan on her own, without her partner, to check for birth abnormalities, after having suffered a miscarriage during her first pregnancy and this revealed to her at a scan is inherently cruel.

She asked the sonographer if she could take a video for her partner, this being their first baby together and possibly their only child, but this was denied. A question was raised in Monday’s States briefing about the reason women cannot take videos of scans to share with their partners but this went unanswered. I suspect it is to do with litigation, but this should not prevent the live streaming of scans to partners at home.

Deputy Al Brouard is quoted in the Guernsey Press on Monday 15th February 2021 as saying: “They (the medical staff) are 100% committed to helping women and families have the best birthing experience possible, whatever the circumstances”. I don’t agree with him and I am both ashamed with, and disappointed, at the States of Guernsey and their decision to deny women the opportunity to take a partner with them during Caesarean Section and antenatal scan. 

I believe that the States of Guernsey has a moral obligation as much as a legal duty, to show greater compassion towards the rights of women, men and families when it comes to medical care during pregnancy and birth regardless of Covid-19 and lockdown. I hope that you will reconsider the current rules and extend an apology to those women, men and families who have been denied the best birthing experience possible during lockdown on Guernsey. 

Many thanks and best wishes

Emma

Cleaning the planet!

There’s a lot of media coverage of beach cleaning at the moment, which is a positive thing, because it raises awareness of the need to keep our beaches clean. But as with all these things, i do wonder if we get start to get lost in the glory of it, so it’s not so much about cleaning the beach, but about being seen cleaning the beaches.

We clean the beach daily, I enjoy it, it’s something I’ve popped on my CV because I find it like a meditation, and I’m always fascinated to see what i might find. I’m telling you now, not for the glory, but because it’s a simple pastime that can easily be incorporated into any trip to the beach, just take a plastic bag along with you and some rubber gloves and go have a rummage in the shore line and see what you may find!

I don’t know what it is these days, that we need to make such a big deal about these things, is it our inherent insecurity and our need to be recognised for our goodness? Or is it simply the effect of social media where everyone is trying to be recognised for something? Well whatever it is, if it gets people cleaning the beaches, that has to be a good thing, but let’s do it for the rights reasons.

What you’ll find is the beach gives back to you enough and more, beautiful moments of being at one with nature, the sea, the sand, the skies, all creating a positive impact on the soul. There might be little gifts too, we found a heart shaped sponge awaiting us yesterday, for example, and there are sometimes marbles, or sea glass.

I can’t help thinking that as with any litter picking, the more we collect litter, cleaning up our beautiful planet, the more we’ll find ourselves collecting the litter from our own lives, cleaning ourselves up in the process, appreciating more of the simplicity of life and the inter-connected nature of all life too. It becomes not just about beach cleaning then, but about cleaning the planet generally.

So the message is clear, collect litter, from the side of the road, from the beach, from wherever you happen to find any, and then go about your life.

Happy collecting!

Love Emma x