The meeting of sky and earth

[Warning: A long one!]

Well I don’t know about anyone else but I loved the full moon last Monday. This wonderfully settled weather meant I got to get out in it lots as well, not only watching it rise and set, but swimming in it and staying out in it a couple of nights too. Maybe it helped that I am a Cancerian so there was a resonance. Who knows!

But what I do know is that it ushered in a whole heap of clarity and inspiration, which meant the last few days have been lived manically as I have tried to transform some of my ideas into manifest. One thing I’m really excited about is finally setting up a session to coincide with Beltane to celebrate the wisdom of the sacred womb space and acknowledge the magic of the menstrual cycle. More on that to follow on the website.

The moon definitely highlighted again that we are between worlds. I have been talking and writing about this recently, that we cannot go back but we don’t yet know altogether where we are going either. This is partly because we have to find a new way, I wrote about that sometime recently too, that it cannot be based on what has happened previously because that is just bringing in more of the old, more of what has been done and what now needs to change, at least from a perspective basis.

It’s a bit like the psychologist we saw for our boys a few months ago who, in reference to Elijah, asked whether I really want to put him into a system that I know isn’t working, both for his sake and the sake of society. It was something along the lines of, ‘there you are, raising him to think outside the box and yet you’re boxing him and wondering why he doesn’t fit in and suffers acute anxiety as a result of it’. 

Ultimately he didn’t feel safe. That world of systemised education, the one that so many perceive as safe, was not having that effect on him. Despite all the wonderful efforts of the staff, he still didn’t feel safe, the environment was not support to his need to be outside in nature and to learn at his own pace, allowing for his specific educational and other needs. 

There’s a broader subject to be written about here, to share the story about Elijah leaving the education system, in the hope that it may help those of you navigating unhappy and anxious children, who have particular needs, which aren’t able to be met by mainstream education. But the point for now is that when I drilled down to try to work out my residual fear about taking him out of school, it became apparent that this was around my fear of loss of safety too. 

I realised that my conditioning was such that in my head having a good education, the motivator in my life for many years, was essential in ensuring my safety. The programming went something like - if I had a good education then I could be assured a good job, one that paid me well and ensured my security. This was paramount in the world in which I grew up, the notion of security. My whole educational and societal conditioning supported this. It was validated everywhere I looked, especially here on Guernsey where accumulation of wealth for accumulation of wealth’s sake is common.

This was more essential than anything else, valued above happiness, valued above interaction with nature, valued more than appreciating one’s own nature. Simply because a life based on security – so was the message - would keep me safe. But what was overlooked was the fact that putting my security and safety above everything else, was not actually making me fulfilled or indeed happy. 

Many of you know this already and I go into much more depth in my new book in the final stages of editing, From Darkness Comes Light, but by my mid-twenties, living a life based on my security (as a form of safety) resulted in me suffering depression and eating disorder, and I self-harmed in ways unimaginable at times, my inner narrative was appallingly self-depreciating and critical.  I hated and loathed myself and the world I was then living, life seemed so pointless, hard work and nothing else, and I knew that this was not the life I wanted to be living to the extent that I contemplated taking my own life and made a drunken half-hearted effort to set that in motion as a cry for help more than anything. 

That’s when yoga and Reiki soon entered my life and ultimately saved me, showing me that we are all supported, that in our darkest moments something meets us and shows us another way. I couldn’t carry on, not that way, and while it took two years for my life to unravel from that point of despair, I never once looked back and wished I’d kept treading that same miserable and unfulfilling path. The sacrifice of giving up my security was not easy at times, so ingrained in me was it, still now, 18 years on there are remnants of it that cause me to sometimes question myself. 

The journey to unpick and understand the effect of feelings around perceived loss of safety has been paramount to my healing journey. All of us have a fear around our safety, it comes with us and is reinforced during childhood and beyond. If we’re not careful it’ll result in acute anxiety in adulthood, an inability to live the life of our dreams and our potential simply because we are stuck in fear. Fear is of course at the root of this all. Fear of loss of safety, of annihilation, of not being alive anymore.

It’s been quite a journey, deep into the root chakra and deep into the mind to question the false beliefs I have been holding which feed my fear. I’m very aware that there is nothing to fear but fear itself and for me it has always been important to address fears because they limit our experience of life. We have so much potential but when fear pops up, it prevents us grasping opportunities and accessing deeper parts of self. It’s incredible how fear stops people living while they are alive.

We have only to consider Covid, and the manner in which it has stuck people in time. I am still surprised, even now, even at this stage of the pandemic, to see some of the lengths people take to avoid catching Covid because their fear of dying from it – a falsehood in the main, a fear bred by media and politicians to control – is so great. As a humanity we are so easily controlled by fear, governments know this and play into it frequently. The propaganda is unreal, yet for many it is absolutely real and they buy into it to the extent that they believe it to be an absolute truth.

Anyhow, in my unravelling, to seek out any patterns of fear around taking Elijah out of systemised education, I was fascinated to discover that fear of loss of safety was the root to all my overwork and attempts at over achievement. Well that and issues around self-worth and goodness. But ultimately I worked hard to stay safe, because I had a belief that the one served the other. 

Furthermore, my mind had been programmed to believe that formal education was paramount, would help me pass exams, get qualifications, earn money, keep safe. What would happen to Elijah if I took this safety net away from him? This was not helped by my background, both my parents, my aunt and uncle, my cousin, Ewan’s mum and sister, all of them are ex-teachers, educationalists, a big part of their lives has been spent in education, educating and helping children. They each put their heart and soul into it and here I was asking them to help me take Elijah’s away from it and all they believed should support him.

It was a huge mind-set change for each of them but fortunately (or unfortunately in respect of Elijah’s suffering) the situation became so critical that everyone finally realised that there was no other way. Their love for the wellbeing of Elijah was greater than their need to hold onto a particular way of seeing things, based on of their own conditioning about that being the only way. They were prepared to sacrifice that perspective, to help him and us find another way that met Elijah’s individual needs come what may. 

We came together and we are gradually cultivating a new way, one that has not been lived previously, that none of us can be certain about, that we are navigating day by day, week by week and hoping that it provides Elijah with all he needs and that he’ll be able to stand on his own two feet by the end of it.

This too has been a huge theme that came up with the moon, the idea of standing on our own two feet and standing up for what we believe in. I had to dig deep into that one too, more root chakra. I could feel it in my body, the many ways in which I push up away from the earth or push down, rather than just resting into it and allowing the earth to support me. This is ultimately about trust, another theme the moon highlighted. Because finding a new way that has not been lived previously demands trust. It also demands that we stand up on our own two feet and for what we believe in. 

We have also been asked to question the many ways we are conditioned to think and behave in this world, of the ways that our perspective has been moulded by society, parental, cultural and educational expectation and influence. Today I was talking to a 16 year old who is studying for her GCSEs and she was commenting that the pressure is intense this year and all she does is study and sleep and that she has to do this to get a good job. 

I couldn’t help thinking how ridiculous that is, that we give up our youth to work for the job we’ll later have and then we give up adult hood to work in preparation for retirement. And then if we’re lucky we’ll get a good few years to enjoy ourselves, if we manage to keep our health. Then we die. If we haven’t died on the way there.

I know, I know. That’s what we do. but when did it become like this. Which generation decided that this should be the way. And is it not time now to find another way. I mean there is no rule book right. Sure we have religious texts which suggest a way for living. We have politicians too who tell us how to live and lawmakers who make it so and police who ensure that we all abide and without that, yes, maybe we’d end up in anarchy. But there’s a lot of anarchy anyway. Look at all the protests about government reaction to Covid and rules on mandatory vaccinations, not that a lot of this makes it to mainstream media. 

Anyway, yesterday on my yoga mat, I was in the zone, managed to delve quite deep and all of a sudden I tracked a very thin band of tension coming up either side of my upper spine, just inside each shoulder blade, all the way up my neck and I had this image of wearing reins. I was never put in reins as a child, so it wasn’t an actual memory, but in that moment all I could feel was the frustrated of being restrained, of not being free. 

 I could feel the panic in my breath and the straining against the reins to try to writher myself out of them. It was so real that it completely absorbed my attention. I worked with the sensation and my breath to free the tension and the perceived binding and I felt an enormous sense of relief, as it felt as if it had been held there for a very long time and because it would have brought in more of the same, just by having a resonance in the cells, of feeling trapped. I could trace it down into my ankle too, I couldn’t move forward. 

I realised later how much this represents where we are at currently. We have all been restrained, maybe not by reins but by patriarchy. This is what also came up on the moon, the extent to which patriarchy is so deeply ingrained in us, held in our cells, our wombs, our hearts, our throat, keeping us limited and restrained to a certain way of seeing the world, of relating to self. 

There is so much more to us than we can ever realise but we have been trained to only access a certain part of it. When we begin the process of training, of liberation and setting our mind free, then we find other aspects that often set us aside from the rest who begin to perceive us as mad because we are suddenly living and behaving differently. We see things differently, quite literally. There are other realms within this realm for example but very few have the capacity to access these, they have been literally trained against seeing. 

 The moon was highlighting ALL of this. And it was no surprise that I found myself with a lump in my throat that I couldn’t shift. I went for SHEN in the end and I discovered that it was the lump of frustration, of rage, of emotion that I had not expressed, that sat there waiting for me to find my voice, not only to scream, but to express myself without fear of censorship by myself or others - feel that I can speak my truth without being reprimanded by anyone. 

Because let’s face it, while we say we’re free, we’re really not and Covid has highlighted this too. We are told we live in a world where there is freedom of speech but this isn’t true. Many people have not been able to speak their truth, have not been able to say what they want to say, even if those word are, “I didn’t get the vaccine”, or “I didn’t get the booster” or “I don’t agree with wearing masks outside in the playground when our children are in school together all day and in a few minutes we could all go to a café or the park together and stand closer and not wear a face mask”. You know, there’s so much that has had to go unsaid for fear of…

Which brings us full circle to safety. Something caught my eye about this today and again it is in reference to the vaccine and it’s not intentional that I use this as an example, I’m not anti-vaccine (see how I have to validate that for fear of…), it just stood out to me as a good illustrator of how far we’ve gone.  The BBC website quoted Dr Nikki Kanani, medical director of primary care for NHS England as saying: “…and think about the best way to make sure that we’re all protected, and that we’re all as safe as possible, because we are very much in this together and it’s down to us to look after each other too”.

Safe! You’d have thought that by now, two years into the pandemic, we’d have realised that a vaccine, like money, is not going to make us safe. It’s just feeding more of the illusion. Politicians, pharmaceutical companies, scientists, they all promote our safety with their narrative, their drugs and their statistics, but are we truly feeling safe? I know plenty of people who are vaccinated and boosted and they still don’t feel safe. I know plenty of people who earn a lot of money but they don’t feel safe, there is always the risk of losing everything they have. There is always the risk of losing everything we hold onto in a vague attempt to make us feel safe. 

Safety doesn’t come from outside of ourselves and fortunately more people are beginning to realise this, to wake up to the narrative we have been fed. That society as we know it, with all its systems and attempts at control, our hangover from patriarchy, even this does not make us feel safe. No amount of anything will prevent us from dying if our time is up. This is life and this is karma. It plays itself out and we cannot stop it.  

Thus the only time we’ll safe is when we accept our reality, find our feet and trust in the earth and our sacred path here on Planet Earth. Earth meets us if we meet the Earth. Nature holds us if we let her. She makes us feel safe. She holds us. She will protect us too, if we let her. If you feel stressed and anxious, get out into nature. You cannot help but be calmed by being in nature. One of the greatest gifts to come from taking Elijah out of school is the time we now spend outside, in nature. We are in nature a huge amount and funnily enough he’s a much happier child for it.

He climbs trees, he runs wild on the beach, he makes fires, he cuts wood, he whittles, he is finding a new way of being that allows more of his nature, that allows him to be him, that doesn’t try to make him into someone who fits society, he is learning to be his own person and stand in his own truth. He’s lucky, he has an amazing support network supporting him. But he also has this land here on Guernsey, the earth to sustain and nourish him and we are each in this family benefitting. 

The shift we are anticipating, is not about feeding more of our patriarchal conditioning around competing with each other for the sake of perceived ‘success’ and ‘achievement’, obsession with results and outcome. That way has to come to an end. This is a way about being much more present and living in harmony with each other and the earth. Of supporting each other as a collective and appreciating all that nature has to offer us. Essentially it is about re-discovering and appreciating the sacred both inside us and outside of us too.

I was so inspired by Mac Macartney’s book The Children’s Fire: A Heart Song of a People. In this he writes about Indigenous peoples in Northern California who came together and agreed that, “No law, no decision, no action, nothing of any kind will be permitted to go out from this council of chiefs that will harm the children.” Essentially, “The Children’s Fire is a pledge to the welfare of unborn future children (human and non-human alike) but more profoundly it’s a pledge to life, a commitment to the responsibility carried by each successive generation to safeguard the vitality and regenerative capacity of the earth. It insists on a circular economy and it views any action that compromises the wellspring of creativity from which our species has emerged as sacrilege, an act of betrayal, evidence hinting at insanity.”

You can read more about this at https://macmacartney.com/portfolio/thechildrensfire/

We are the micro of the macro and what we do individually does have an impact on the greater whole. It’s the butterfly effect. So if we all focused on the earth’s dream of living in greater harmony then imagine how life might be lived for future generation. For here is the other thing, we are all in this together, I do agree with Dr Kanini on that, and it is down to each of us to look after each other, but not in the way she intends, not simply by taking a vaccination. Covid is offering us an enormous opportunity to look at how we’re living and make changes. 

We each need to learn to stand in our own nature, because when we approach life from this perspective, of recognising our own sacredness, then we are more likely to recognise it in everything around us. When we make decisions, these should be based on future generations, of protecting the earth for them, of passing on a way of living that is worth living. We need to change our ways, appreciate what is not working and have the courage and faith to find another way.

I have no doubt in the Earth’s capacity to help us, I trust in it. The Earth wants us to find another way, one that no longer destroys nature for the sake of wealth and power, one that no longer keeps us collectively stuck in fear. We need to move away from patriarchy’s deep conditioning and we each have a role to play in this, to unstick ourselves bit by bit. There are many ways that we can do this and we will each find our own way if we open to it and follow the path that is then gifted to us.

But we do need to cultivate trust and faith. We do need to dig deep into our root and crown chakras, and clear away the weeds that keep us stuck, that prevent us deepening our connection to earth below and sky above. This is about the sacred marriage, as above, so below, this is the balance of masculine and feminine energies, of all of creation being in balance. This is what the ancients celebrated, this is the whole point of dolmens and menhirs, of spiritual landscape. It is all about shaping energy to find greater balance – the meeting of sun and moon. [Listen/see Hang Massive’s The Secret Kissing of the Sun and the Moon https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nvmOoSFhhJ4

We need to listen to the whispering of our heart and be brave. We need to drop deeper into the innate wisdom and power of the womb space and be brave. We need to return time and time again to our centre and be brave. We need to open to our third eye and our inner knowing and be brave. We need to free our voice silenced all those years ago, by the church which attempted to silence those of us in the knowing of ancient ways of being and healing and living, all of those who were labelled heretic because they threatened patriarchal power.  

It’s time to heal those wounds in men and women. It’s time to stand our ground in our truth and appreciate our inherent gifts of clairvoyance, clairaudience, clairsentience. It’s time to shift the perspective. To view Planet Earth and our time here on the earth in a whole different way - to value our life differently and to positively shift our collective values. It’s time to appreciate all the Planet gives us and to give back in return, not to destroy and take, take, take for wealth’s sake. It is time to put our personal agenda’s for glory aside and be in service to something greater than ourselves, for the generations to come.

That’s the mind shift – one that starts to not only see but live the bigger picture. So that our actions are considered for the greater whole, not just for our selfish gain, not just to give us a false sense of safety that merely feeds our fears and takes us further away from love. In the process I have a feeling that we’ll feel much more fulfilled and safe, part of something that brings us together, so that we hold each other simply by our presence – by being in our own nature and appreciating the sacredness of nature. It’s bold I know, but I have a feeing we’re all being prodded in that direction. We just have to step beyond the fear and let go and let go and let go into greater love.

Phew. That was a long one. I could waffle on, but I’ve got to get going. Have a good day!

Love Emma x

The Family Yoga Book

Well it finally happened. After four and half years in the making, The Family Yoga book is published and now available to buy from Amazon or from me at class/Reiki.

If there’s one thing this book taught me, it has been patience and trust, acknowledging that all of life has a divine timing to it, and that we just have to keep nurturing the seeds until they are ready to come to fruition.

I’m proud of this book and it is indeed well timed. Life has not been easy these last six months especially and it is always helpful to be reminded of the sacredness of the family, and how yoga can be shared within it.

Needless to say my children have very little interest in a yoga session per se, yoga is something that takes mummy away from them, but they love to practice the odd pose and show me how amazing they are doing so! Ewan is, however, back to practising yoga every day as he was when I met him almost 14 years ago now. My parents…well they’re a work in progress, they’ve flitted in and pout over the years, but their spiritual practice comes from tending to all they grow. My brother and sister-in law in Australia are yoga teachers, yoga definitely weaves its way through our lives, I couldn’t imagine a life without it.

So here is a link to a video I recorded of the children seeing the book for the first time, albeit you need Facebook to view it from what I can see - https://www.facebook.com/login/?next=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.facebook.com%2Fbeinspiredgsy%2Fposts%2F435499761453479%3F__cft__%255B0%255D%3DAZVZJxqXSNRpXW06pCy-Jorkmjqn5YdVFPKTlE9hsosSlwa3n8CHTnoY2rk73kLYlUQ-YwPT55jXHor06VjYHMK5Shjjz4dGtpC3BIg1MPUxz61uw9LLn_fSM20GVXhzSE4s0DmvPet_YAXuwBzFdR7w%26__tn__%3D%252CO%252CP-R

And here is a link to Amazon where you can buy a copy - https://www.amazon.co.uk/Family-Yoga-Book-Emma-Després/dp/1913717682/ref=sr_1_3?crid=261D8GHH5PPRV&keywords=The+Family+Yoga+Book&qid=1642662799&sprefix=the+family+yoga+book%2Caps%2C99&sr=8-3

I know I’m biased but I think it’s an ideal gift for everyone with a potential interest in yoga and even if they haven’t, it might well sow a seed - I just sent a copy together with a yoga mat to my godson Theo for his 6th birthday and it turns out he’s just about to start yoga at school, like I say, divine timing…

Those of you who do order it and like it, please can you leave a review on Amazon so that others might more easily find their way to it - thank you!

Of course, like Reiki, you can’t learn yoga just by reading a book. It’s a spiritual practice and needs to be practised. I am hopeful that it might help more people to carve out a little time on their yoga mat to do exactly that, deepening their connection to self and raising/expanding the vibration of this planet in the process!

Happy practising!

Love Emma xxx

Full moon and the weaving together

I have a strong feeling that this moon is shining more light into each of our lives. I have a sense that spirit is weaving magical connections that are strengthening the web of light and creating greater unity consciousness…those who are awake are joining forces.

I feel hopeful in a way I haven’t for a while. I feel myself coming out, getting out, wanting to connect and re-connect in a way that I haven’t since we plunged into the chaos of government response to Covid. It needed to happen. There needed to be a HUGE shift. We needed to go to the darkness to look honestly at ourselves and how fear plays out and creates havoc in community. We needed all of the squeezing and twisting and turning, all the turmoil and anguish.

But the time is coming for us to learn our lessons and pop through the other side into a brighter world, that we can collectively create, from a place of heart, not fear. Not everyone is awake though and hence the ongoing division and separation. Even amongst those awake there are varying degrees, some come from heart, some still from fear, some are in their nature and some are still finding their way there. We are awash this new moon and onwards with opportunities to support our awakening.

There is a wave upon us, of synchronicity and coincidence, connecting us to those with whom we need to connect to further awaken. We have a task too, of helping to lay seeds for others, supporting their personal and spiritual growth and their healing. It is easy to get lost, it is easy to get confused, it is easy to give energy to the spiritual ego and to bypass and still avoid seeing the truth. But more and more people are SEEING through the illusion, their eyes and ears opened to what it happening around them and they are questioning and realising that there is more to them than they previously realised, that they have a SPIRITUAL body.

So in many aspects nothing needs to be done, but keep resting into our centre and let spirit flow through us, connecting us where necessary, paying attention to the synchronicity and coincidence and directing us to resources and people who will help to awaken us further and build on the light already pervading the world It feels to me that the light is flooding in with this full moon, so embrace all that comes your way, but with discernment, always there must be discernment, not falling for the red herring and not giving personal power away - don’t ignore or overlook coincidence or synchronicity though. Remember personal power comes from being centred in ourselves, a conduit, being in service, allowing the sacred, not from trying to control or manipulate, convert or bully.

If you have found your way here then this is a connection for you too. if not these words then something on this site that can support you, support us all really. Because this is the thing we must remember, that being in service to the self is essential, because it has a knock on effect on everyone around us - think of the butterfly. I found myself talking about this only this morning at a Vedic chant class. How us chanting, or giving Reiki, or practising yoga, has a knock on effect on everyone else around us.

Thus there is nothing self centred to making time for our own healing and personal and spiritual development, it helps to set others free the more we can free our tiny minds from all our unhelpful, restrictive and mental conditioning and beliefs. In fact it’s necessary, if we truly are going to tread the path of light and overcome the obstacles and challenges that are placed in our way, we need to go deep inside and this man making the time and giving ourselves space. Even those of us busy raising children, need to make the effort - the buck stops with us and we have to do this work to help our children - to create a new world that is worth them living, that allows them to live!

The universe is supporting us. Light always overcomes the dark. We have to maintain our trust in that, or cultivate greater trust to recognise that. In many respects half the battle when it comes to our spiritual journey, is learning to trust the universe and trust in ourself. Also, we have to learn to come from a place of love for self and others, cultivating greater compassion and finding the strength to forgive so that we may move on. In this too we will be supported - this is what I mean, we are each being guided to what we need to do the healing and transforming on a deeper level than we have been doing previously.

We will be CONNECTED, magic is at play. We just need to stay in a place of deep gratitude, appreciating all we have and resting into that. What needs to change will change, in that too w can cultivate trust, and faith, and feel hopeful for the future for the first time in two years. But this is not a going back, we must remember that. This is a totally NEW WAY of BEING and LIVING and RELATING in this world. There will always be some dark, to help us navigate our way to the light, but it really is time to recognise the real from the unreal, and the eternal nature of our soul. This is a time for the SOUL to shine brightly and take a more centred place in our life.

It’s a watery Cancerian moon, full of emotion, and thus bringing with it the opportunity for deep healing, releasing old wounds, past life too, I’ve certainty shed a lot of tears in the last few days, as this water quality comes through with the moon, helped by various practices I have been doing (thank you Jo SHEN!). It’s also bringing a dream-like quality to it, the watery element helping us to ‘download’ more easily, through our dreams and visioning. It is a time to dream a new dream after all, and in my own life I’m suddenly much clearer about the dream, but I know it will become clearer still as we approach the spring equinox.

We’re also being encouraged to stand on our own two feet and stand up for what we believe in, finding our voice and giving voice to what needs to be heard, as well as listening to what others try to say and what the universe is delivering. The watery element is playing into the sacral chakra as well, and we are being asked to really look at our relationship to our Self and our self-worth especially. We have to move on and let go now, listening very carefully to our inner narrative and our thoughts and catching those that in anyway harm us and cause our spirit to flag. We have to stop stabbing our own hearts and giving ourselves a hard time. Love! Love for self and for others is increasingly important, compassion and forgiveness too.

We might well be seeing positive changes in our boundaries and personal power, and we should congratulate ourselves for any progress made. We’ve worked hard and deserve some recognition of this, even if its just us acknowledging this. The dream like quality will be bringing through the clarity and the visions, so do pay attention to your dreams and what you see. Hopefully you’re faith is being restored and you feel lighter with the light of the full moon, maybe more playful too, or triggered, it’ll go one way or the other!

I’m looking forward to seeing some of you for the online FREE Reiki share at 7pm this evening, to enquire into what this full moon is bringing up for us individually, and settling into that. Always the moon has a personal message for us and a collective one too - we are the micro of the macro after all.

Happy full moon!

Love Emma x

Being in our CENTRE

It turns out that I am not the only one who thinks that time has sped up since the winter solstice, some of my clients today feel exactly the same way. We are all sharing a slightly overwhelmed feeling with it because there seems to be a lot going on and not enough time to allow for it all. I can barely believe it is the 13th January today, we’re almost half way through the first month of the year!

There’s also a theme in the air at the moment - other than covid albeit it begins with ‘c’ - namely CENTRE. Where are we within ourselves and where are we within time? In theory we should be in our centre right NOW but many are currently all off centre.

Admittedly we’re going through significant change. The energy is HIGH. but it feels important that we stay in OUR centre as much as possible over the next few weeks. We’re currently stuck between ENDINGS and NEW BEGINNINGS. We know that the life we lived has come to an end, I mean that on a societal and personal level, Covid has made it pretty clear we’re not going back now. But the new is not yet clear. And I have a feeling it won’t be clear, not properly, until after the spring equinox in March, albeit Imbolc will move things on a bit.

This is ‘new’ with a capital N though, NEW WAY OF BEING, not like the old way of being, we just cannot do things the same way anymore, which is why it is new with a NEW feel to it, we won’t have lived like it previously, our whole approach to it has to be different. This isn’t a case of simply creating a new vision board with a new dream, this is about approaching our life and experience of it differently, from a new perspective, so no vision board, no ‘old’ approach to manifesting and creating. This new way literally has to be NEW and absolutely different.

Which is the reason it’s going to take a while to bubble through, and we have to sit in this period of ambiguity, because the clarity will come the more we are centred within ourselves. So the key, really, is to CENTRE, so that we can HEAR our own inner wisdom, not someone else’s, or society’s, or our old voice around how we THINK our life should be lived. This is not about pushing, pulling, expanding enormous amounts of energy trying to make things happen, trying to manipulate, mould or in any way control how our external world looks.

We can keep doing that, but we’ll find it unfulfilling in the long run as we realise that it is not going to give us the peace, joy and contentment that we ultimately seek. We should know that by now. Covid has highlighted this to us, allowed us to see through more of the illusion we had brought into around the idea of power, money and success giving us happiness. We have seen how false a notion that is. More of us have had to live with less and found greater happiness within that, of the extra time gifted to us, and of realising that all this external focus, of wanting and accruing and buying just creates more stuff and becomes an endless cycle of never quite having enough. A bit like the vaccine.

We’ve realised the gift of going slow, of just being, of time spent with the family, of being still, of noticing the changing seasons, of getting in the sea. We’ve learned to be more flexible. to plan less, be more in the moment, never knowing if things will get cancelled, if we can attend, work, earn money, get sick. We’ve been gifted the opportunity to be increasingly grateful for the present, for all we have, rather than what we don’t have.

Habits die hard. I know I’ve had a really hard time at times letting go of so much of my conditioning around this, of achieving and accruing and all these other ways that I may have lived previously in an attempt to prove my worth. I’ve had to go deeper into old patterns and face the threads of insecurity and look honestly at my relationship with myself and NOT base it on anything external, not on qualifications, wage, number of students at class, likes on Facebook, people wanting to engage with me etc. I’ve had to strip it bare and deal with the rawness of just being with not feeding my old patterns, of consciously stepping away from them and being in the discomfort of it all instead.

I’ve had to look deeply at the conditioning around education and safety, about qualifications and earning potential, as I considered Elijah’s need NOT to be in formal education. I’ve had to follow the thread that made me anxious about what it might mean if he doesn’t have a ‘formal’ education, about whether it matters if he doesn’t know about compound sentences at 7 years old, or how to do fractions. I’ve had to follow the thread to the root of my anxiety and be honest about the way in which I have spent so much of my life accruing academic qualifications as a way of seeking validation of my worth and as a form of safety - the more qualified the more opportunity for a job and the more financial security.

I’ve had to let that go too, the financial security especially, which has set me into a compete spin at times, because I have a genetic fear of loss of financial security, it is deeply embedded in my DNA and the DNA of my other family members. It is interesting to see what we’ve each done to manage this, some choosing really secure jobs and these of us playing with the edge of it, determined that the buck (no pun intended) stops with us so we don’t pass it on to our children, so they don’t do jobs they hate, just for the money, just to avoid feeling fear.

Each family has a theme that comes with them. It’s up to us if we feed it through to our children or not. If we can heal it in ourselves, we heal it up and down the family line. We have to be honest though notice what our motivation is for what we’re doing, whether it comes from the heart or from fear. I worked in finance for many years, not for the love of it, but because it was safe and stopped me having to feel into the anxiety of the financial instability that I would have otherwise felt. But eventually I couldn't do it anymore. Eventually it was time to go to the root and deal with that, rather than just do a job for the symptomatic relief it provided.

Furthermore, at times, all of us make choices, which are not based on our deepest yearnings, of our inner knowing and voice, but on the basis of what is expected of us, or to avoid feeling our insecurity or anxiety, our fear or our inherent feelings of worthlessness. We make CHOICES because of what others tell us, because of what society and our educational system has groomed us towards. Or simply because we don’t want to have to explain ourselves to anyone else, or stand up for ourselves, or stand out or draw attention to ourselves. So we make ourselves smaller, give away our power, and we try to force ourselves to live in an un-aligned way and all the while we wonder why we feel desperately depressed, anxious, disempowered, empty and unhappy.

We’re living a lie and there is only so long we can kid ourselves. Eventually our body will let us know. It’s aches and pains and tensions highlight where we are kidding ourselves, living out of alignment, feeding old patterns, not standing on our own two feet, not living from our CENTRE, not taking responsibility for our experience and our feelings. Not standing in our POWER. Often we’re living from SOME ONE ELSE’S centre instead, someone else’s dream, and we might BLAME them, without realising that we put ourselves there, that we GAVE away our centre, our POWER, for them and their experience.

There’s this wonderful extract from something Aimee Phlegar wrote on her ‘An Empath’s Guide to Empowerment’, which really resonated with me. She writes:

"Our work together will move you to a deeper level and trust in yourself and your ability to create what I call your "YOUniverse"…Some people are really challenged by this concept and become worried about being considered self-centered. My question is "who ELSE would you want to be centered on?" If you aren't centered on you, you are living someone else's life.

Take a moment to contemplate a situation in your life that is bothering you or that you would like to change. What is the experience you are having? What is the experience you want to be having? What or who do you see as keeping you from that experience? Whatever your answer is to that last question is something that you are potentially blaming. Anytime you feel at the effect of a person or a circumstance, you are blaming. Blame simply means "to hold responsible". However, it is an energetic Achilles heel when it comes to creating the success you desire and are capable of. If you are holding anything outside of you responsible for your success or happiness, you are fooling yourself. You and you alone have the power to change your experience and live your truth.”

Many have been working hard on themselves the last few years. I am really proud of all my students and clients for their bravery, for deciding that the buck stops with them and doing something about it. Today they were all there, navigating their centre. READY. Knowing that CHANGE is coming and eager for it, but letting go of the remaining threads of an old story that now needs to go, of an old way of being that no longer serves them, of an outdated vision that is no longer aligned. Their HEART will guide the next chapter, with greater alignment to love and not to fear.

I’m proud of my boys too, of Elijah for adjusting so stupendously to un-schooling, throwing himself into fire making, feeling his vulnerability but using his fire striker to create fire for the group, and loving whittling wood, making me wands with his new knife, of asking for a hammock and wanting to be with the bigger boys. And Eben, adjusting to school, making new friends, staying for lunch, not easy knowing your big brother is hanging out with mummy, daddy and grandparents, climbing trees and running rife around the reservoir. They each have their soul journey to navigate and I hope I can hold space for that when needed and allow more of myself and my centre for us all in the process.

2021 was a tough year with endless obstacles, deaths, endings, tricky relationship shifts to navigate with loved ones and friends, as we each go through a time of change and have differing opinions about Covid and health, hearts being ripped open, terminal illness and serious diagnoses, Covid, children suffering acute anxiety, a child psychologist offering helpful yet daunting diagnoses, all the many ways that life has been changed by the many balls being thrown in, curved at times.

I’ve learned that going to my CENTRE with COMPASSION helps. Of feeling beyond the fear and anxiety and helplessness. The universe supports us when we take responsibility, stop blaming others and giving our power away, living some else’s experiences and dreams and realising its OK to centre inside ourself, be self-centred, then. It’s a about focusing on the experience we would like to have, of the feeling we’d like to feel and allowing this to create our reality, not the other way around of focusing on results. A total perspective shift.

This is about focusing on contentment and peace, of being able to weather the storm, standing on our own two feet and not losing our balance when things get challenging and tough. This means turning to our spiritual practices and going deeper, not turning away and waiting until things get better. I honestly don’t know how people navigate their life without a spiritual practice, without prayer and being quiet and still inside themselves each day, of giving themselves space to process and let go.

If you’re reading this and struggling to find your centre, then take this as a sign to get on your mat and breathe. To breathe to your centre. To ask yourself each morning “where am I?” and “when am I?” and keep navigating back o your centre, feeling your feet on the ground and opening your heart to the world. We can do this, collectively we need to do this, for our children and the next generations. It is time!

Sending love for the waxing moon energy.

xxx

Covid!

Well that’s the Covid box ticked. We live to tell the tale. It’s possible I was just really lucky and got a really mild version but I’m going to give my immune system credit for this one. After all, it’s the foundation of all I believe to be true about health and wellbeing, it’s what I stand up for, probably not as much as I should.

Ayurveda, for example, is a preventative approach to health and wellness, promoting natural immunity to prevent illness and otherwise creating the conditions for the body to heal itself in the face of illness. Reiki and yoga play a key role in this too, both helping to promote and support our health and wellbeing and also helping us to understand - and come to terms with - the root cause of any loss of wellbeing.

All of these approaches, spiritual in nature, allow us to know more of our own body, mind and soul. This is crucial when it comes to our wellbeing. If we do not know our body is ill, how can we do anything about it? If we do not know what stresses our mind then how can we take steps to rectify it? If we do not pay attention, how can we know if we are living our of balance and creating our own frustrated version of reality?

I knew I had Covid. Not least because Ewan had also tested positive and I was displaying similar symptoms to him, namely a headache and achy bones, but because of the slightly foreign feeling I had in my body. It had been slowly coming on for days, but what surprised me was the fact I only tested positive two days after the headache and achy bones came and went (within a night).

In the midst of those symptoms though, I surrendered to it and took to bed with my Reiki hands keen to explore it. I could feel it was attempting to attack my nervous system so I went into it and tried to befriend it, welcome the lessons it was bringing me. I slept on and off for 12 hours giving myself a whole heap of Reiki in the process, and felt hugely better the next morning, and never really felt any other symptoms other than having a strange metallic taste in my mouth and a loss of interest in dark chocolate, plus the ongoing feeling that something alien was trying to inhabit my body.

I immersed myself in Ayurveda, following some of the tips from the Ayurvedic Clinic, which you can find here, including the warm coriander and ginger water and the ginger, lime and honey, as well as focusing on light foods centred on organic vegetable soups and organic white rice. I bathed in dead sea salts, meditated, practised yoga and gave myself a lot of Reiki. I continued teaching online throughout and re-painted the healing space while listening to Buddhist lectures!

I chose not to vaccinate simply because I trusted the wisdom of my immune system to support me if I contracted Covid and I feel my decision FOR ME has been validated. If I felt that everyone was sharing my experience then I would really question all the fuss being made, but I am aware that others are not faring so well and the virus lasts longer, seeking out a weakness in all body systems and taking hold there. I tested negative at the end of day four, yet it took Ewan seven days.

Interestingly my brother and sister in law in Australia contracted the virus at the same time as Ewan and I and we have been able to share experiences, which are very similar, in that the men have suffered more than us ladies and this seems to be common amongst my brother’s community, with it lasting longer for them too. But who knows. That’s the thing. We’ve just got to go with it and see what lessons it brings to us individually and as a family.

I feel that the biggest problem now is not so much the virus, albeit I appreciate it is a problem for some people, but the rules that are in place, especially around contact tracing. But let’s see where it goes, we have to take comfort in the fact that as a whole the virus has decreased in virulency and that can only be a good thing, albeit becoming increasingly contagious instead to ensure its longevity. This is the thing with viruses, like us, they want to keep living, so they will do all they can to ensure their survival and hence the manner in which they mutate in response to vaccination (external influence).

Nature is nature is nature, I wish we’d remember this and stop thinking that we’re somehow above it or more powerful than it. All this “kill it'“ message seems so counter to the idea of a peaceful world that I really struggle with it. Why are we teaching our children to kill? Why always this separation and division, this us and them approach, creating disharmony and feeding the whole ‘war’ and FEAR. Urgh. We’re told we’re at war with a virus! It’s just nature. Which means that ultimately we’re at war with ourselves as we are just nature too. I despair.

I receive dharma from a Buddhist Sri Lankan monk via the Ayurvedic Institute and I have caught up with a number of these recordings while cottage-bound and I am reminded that what we resist persists. Nature will always find a way to express itself. We can only try to control it so far before it reminds us who is ultimately in control. I’m also reminded that we are the source of our own suffering in the way that we think and relate to the world and the more we are fearful and averse to something, the greater our mental suffering will become.

I’ve seen that played out with certain clients these last few months who have some fear around contracting Covid to the extent that it has stopped them living they lives to the full. I have compassion for them because fear is a horrible thing to buy into, let alone their loss of trust in their bodies and their immune systems, which causes them to unnecessarily fret about being hospitalised from Covid, or dying from it. Obviously it’s a possibility, there is always the possibility of death, we have no idea when that moment will come, but must we stop living while alive because our fear of death is so great?

Sure we take precautions, we might vaccinate and boost, we might eat well, we might practice yoga, we might do all these things, but still there is no certainty. It is this, ultimately, that causes the suffering. The lack of certainty. So do we make friends with it, live for the moment, where all is certain and known, or do we allow our mind to drift off into the future, fretting about something which has not yet happened? As my Buddhist monk would probably say, the problem is not Covid, it is the thinking mind! Live in the now!

Anyway, I thought I’d share my experience with you in the hope that it might comfort you and give you greater faith in your immune system and know that you can strengthen it holistically, allow it its own wisdom. The immune system is amazing, give it the right conditions and it will do all it can to support you - obviously it helps if you can listen to your body and acknowledge its needs and ‘right conditions’. And that my friend, is where yoga can be so helpful, embodied yoga, because it takes you deeper into the wisdom.

Needless to say I was back in the sea as soon as I could, because connection with nature and being in the elements is what really ends up making a difference, breathing fresh air, feeling the sea air on our skin, body immersed in cold water, it’s the stuff that truly makes us feel alive, and the sunrises are just spectacular on those cold January mornings. Of course I visited a sacred site too, they’re healing places, shifting vibrational energy. We’re very lucky here on Guernsey to have all this on our doorstep - even Lihou, just a short walk away.

I’m grateful for the opportunity to experience Covid and for the gift it brought in allowing me to heal myself. Like recovering from surgery or from other illnesses over the years, I find the process empowering because we are encouraged to know more of ourselves and take ownership, befriend our experience, go in, rather than looking outside ourselves and giving our power away. We each have an innate wisdom that knows how to heal, we each can tap into this, we just have to be quiet, attentive and still.

Thank you to all of you who were able to join me online during this time and for all your new year love. I’ve got a positive feeling about this one, we just have to keep surrendering to all the challenges it brings and allow ourselves to be positively changed by them.

Love Emma x